OMG where to begin.
Friday night I went to my usual Happy Hour at Wild Wings with E and the rest of the Happy Hour Girls. (Sounds like a band, doesn't it?) This time, I brought along K, MJ and KT. As I was leaving, Hot Neighbor came home and got to see me looking good--finally!!! We made some small talk as K and I got into the car. I knew that was a good sign. Once we got there, I introduced the Happy Hour Girls to everyone else.
Later on, Mack Daddy and J-Rich stopped by Wild Wings to say hi. (They are part of the Wild Youngins crowd. Guy pals of mine who are somewhat younger than I.) By this point, I felt like I knew everyone in the building. It was kind of challenging to circulate between the groups, because we were all spread out.
I caught up with friends, flirted with boys (there were quite a few cuties in there), played matchmaker (unsuccessfully, I might add!) and generally laughed my butt off the whole night. My friends are hysterically funny and I love them. We even created some inside jokes that night. The Happy Hour Girls even bought me a virgin shot since it was my birthday weekend. They ordered a round of Shaved Beavers for everyone, and so my "Virgin Beaver" ended up just being Red Bull, but it was still fun. (OMG I can't wait to see what the Statcounter brings up on that one....)
Despite the fact that I love him like a brother and he is the funniest mo fo around, MJ didn't go for Mack Daddy simply because he's younger than her. By a year. And I guess the fact that maturity-wise, he's at about the level of an 18 year old didn't help....*sigh*. Oh well. I tried. I wish my little sister was older, because I am just nuts about this kid. If he tried hard enough, he could probably get me to wet my pants from laughing.
I was exhausted by the time I got home. The next day, I got up and went to lunch with KT. We grabbed Mexican at my favorite Mexican place, and then hit the mall. I will have to take pics of what I bought so I can share. After that, I raced home and got ready really fast.
I threw on my new cobalt blue satin tank with tie-sleeves, black pencil skirt, black jacket, fishnets and black stiletto pumps. I wore cobalt blue eyeshadow and black liquid liner. (Sounds funky, but it worked.) Somehow, I managed to get my hair to look great, too, in one of those Gwen-Stefani-inspired ponytails. I was quite the little glamour queen, and MJ and KT didn't disappoint, either--we looked smashing, dahling. Yippee!! Time for birthday fun.
MJ and KT had planned on surprising me and taking me somewhere, but apparently KT and I spent too much time shopping (oops), so by the time we went out, it was almost 10pm, so we had few options. We decided to go to my fave restaurant, Yesterday's. (Gee, how awful!) After dinner, I celebrated with a little white friend I will call "Mr. Vicodin". He's fun. (I should probably stop with this before I end up like Matthew Perry. Although, I can totally understand how he got addicted, because these little guys are f-u-n. But the way I see it, other people get drunk, so how is this different? We all have our vices. I've only got like, 10 of them left anyway. What else am I going to do with them?)
Why am I justifying this to my readers on my own blog?? Look, I like vicodin and I take it recreationally. And I will continue to do so until I run out. There. I said it.
After that, we decided to go to Liberty's ("We are dressed for it," we agreed.), where we proceeded to catch a terrible case of the giggles, leading us to take silly photos and have even more inside jokes. Next was The Flying Saucer, with more giggles and finally The Wild Hare, where we proceeded to almost fall off our bar stools from laughing so hard. According to MJ and KT, I am very "entertaining" when on vicodin. They like Vicodin VB. And I have to confess, I enjoy being her, despite the fact that I slur my words and totally forget what I'm saying halfway through the sentence.
We closed down the bars and they took me home. I was totally exhausted and didn't get up the next day until 3pm! That is the latest I've slept in in probably a decade. I finally dragged my butt outta bed and took a shower. I was going to run some errands when I remembered I needed to change my air filter. I don't have a ladder, so I needed to borrow one.
Hmmm...who should I ask??
Why, Hot Neighbor, of course. It went like this:
*knocks on door*
*Hot Neighbor and 2/3 of his children answer the door. He looks fantastic and the sunlight catches his golden-brown eyes. The tshirt, which is tight against his pecs and arms doesn't hurt, either.*
VB: Hi, sorry to bother you, but do you have a ladder I could borrow?
HN: Did you say a lighter? You want to borrow a lighter?
VB [to herself: Shit, did I say lighter?]: No, I need a ladder. I have to change my air filter.
HN [shouting to his mom]: Mom, can you watch the kids for a second? [to me] I don't have a ladder, but I can see if I can still change it for you.
VB: Oh, thank you so much! [Oh crap! Is my house a total wreck? What is out that could embarrass me to no end? Crap. I can't think of anything. That means something embarrassing is inevitably out in the middle of the living room. Gah, I hope he doesn't see my bedroom. It is a total disaster zone.]
*We go to my house. Sammy likes him. This is a good sign. Then again, Sammy likes everyone.*
*Nothing embarrassing is out. Whew.*
HN: I just need to stand on this chair. I promise I won't break it.
VB: Oh that's ok. I don't really like that chair anyway. [That is not true, but whatever.]
*HN reaches up to open vent and replaces it for me. I try not to look up his shirt while he's standing on the chair. Must. Not. Look. Or. All. Will. Be. Lost.*
VB: Thank you so much. That is really nice of you.
HN: Hey, it's nice to know I'm good for something around here.
VB: Well, if you need more to do, I can think of a few things.
HN: Oh yeah? Like what? [He is inching towards me as I back up against a wall. Eeeek!]
VB: Oh, you know....things....
*He lays a big one right on me!!! Holy schnikes!!!!*
Ok, that's not really what happened. If it was, that would have been the first thing I would have blogged about today. Duh! You are so gullible.
Ok, here's what actually happened in reality, as opposed to inside my head.
HN: Well, it's nice to know I'm good for something around here.
VB: It's a 3 month filter, so you don't have to worry. I won't be bothering you for a while.
HN: Oh, that's ok. It's just me over there, I'm by myself most of the time.
VB: Well, that can be remedied.
HN: Yeah? You got any ideas?
VB: [a slow smile creeps across my face] A few.
HN: Care to share?
VB: Uh-huh. [I grab him, pull him to me and give him a big smooch!]
Ok, that didn't happen either. After he said he was alone most of the time (awwww!), I thanked him again and he left. Yeah. It was a lot more interesting in my head. Sorry, guys. But K thinks he was hinting around with the "I'm lonely over there in my house, all by myself most of the time" comment. I don't put as much stock into it. She seems to think he's really into me, but I don't see it. Not in reality, anyway. Inside my head, we spent the rest of the afternoon in my bedroom. My brain has already worked out all the details, you see.
I did find out that he's got his kids every other weekend. Useful information.
*sigh* I guess I will just have to pine away for him. And check him out by peeking through my kitchen window. (Is that weird that I do that? Ugh, I am stalking my neighbor.)
The good thing is, I now know the following things about him:
1. He might know how to fix stuff.
2. He probably doesn't have a girlfriend.
3. He might be lonely.
4. He is nice enough to help me with stuff. Even when his kids are over.
5. He wears those tshirts a lot.
Whew. Ok, subject change before I need a cigarette. (I'm quitting soon! I swear!!!)
The Oscars. Did anyone else notice the conspicuous absence of the following people?
1. Renee Zellweger
2. Jennifer Aniston
3. Vince Vaughn
4. Michael Douglas & Catherine Zeta-Jones
5. Charlize Theron
6. Halle Berry
7. Courtney Cox-Arquette and her hubby
8. Jake Gyllenhaal
9. Selma Hayek
10. Heath Ledger and Michelle What's-Her-Name
11. Uma Thurman
12. Sandra Bullock and her hubby
13. Keira Knightley
14. Sienna Miller
15. Hilary Swank
16. Lisa Kudrow
17. Ben Stiller & wife
18. Luke and Owen Wilson
19. Jennifer Garner (I saw Ben Affleck, so maybe she was there somewhere...)
20. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
21. Katie Holmes (again, I saw Tom, but not her)
22. Natalie Portman
23. Claire Danes
24. Drew Barrymore
There are more I'm sure I haven't thought of, but doesn't this list seem kind of strange? I mean, I know there are only so many tickets available, but some of these are big names! I guess a lot of them didn't have movies this year, or they were in comedies....or television...I don't know how it works as far as who gets invited. But it seems there were a lot of conspicuous absences.
Time to play Fashion Police for a second. My favorites were Rachel Weisz, Cate Blanchett and Reese Witherspoon. The Worst Dressed goes to Faye Dunaway, Kirsten Dunst and Jennifer Hudson (she should have left that jacket at home!). Wanna see what I'm talking about? See the pics here.
Play Fashion Police with me! Who did you like/hate?