Monday, April 16, 2007

Hormones & Nyquil

That's right, another ADD post from VB. Enjoy, readers.

So, I am having MAJOR cabin fever today. I called in sick and have been at home all. day. long. And I really am sick (bad cold), so I would feel guilty going anywhere, even though now, at dinnertime, I am feeling a little better. I would really like to go to Target and Petsmart, actually.....but alas, the guilt is stopping me. That and the fact that putting my contacts in and makeup on at this point in the day sounds like entirely too much work.

I haven't talked to anyone today, either, other than a brief conversation with The Czarina, so I am starved for human contact. Hence, post #2 for today. If I can't talk to anyone in real life, I might as well talk to myself in the virtual world.

My hormones are raging. And not in the 13 year-old boy way. I am poster child for PMS. Don't worry, male readers, I'm not going into gory detail. Sheesh. But I am giving examples of my hormone-induced behavior:

1. Yelling at my dogs for wanting me to throw their squeaky toy AGAIN. (Right, because they are doing it to annoy me....In reality, we all know they are just being dogs.) Seriously, my dogs have no idea that they are risking their lives by whining and nudging me right now. Their toy is under the desk, they can't reach it and I do NOT feel like getting it for the 813th time. There needs to be a Canine Homicide Prevention Hotline. Like 1-800-SAV-FIDO or something. I would call it right now.

2. It is taking every ounce of my willpower right now to NOT get up, turn on the oven, and bake a chocolate cake, frost it with chocolate icing and eat the whole goddamn thing before I go to bed. It is terrifying to me how delicious that sounds. I want chocolate cake more than anything in the whole world right now. Every cell in my body is crying out for it.

3. When my alarm went off this morning, I felt like I had been drugged. Seriously, my body was like, "Whaaaa??? Awake??? You must be kidding. We just got hit by a mack truck and then someone put roofies in the diet coke last night. Anything in a vertical position is totally out of the question at this time. Try again at, say, noon."

Then again, it could have been the Nyquil. Nyquil effs me up pretty bad.

Excuse me while I bludgeon my pets with my shoe.....ok, back.

No, I didn't hit my dogs. I got the stupid blue ball for them. Jaysus their lives revolve around having access to the "right" toy. The red squeaky is apparently "so" early afternoon. At 8pm, they want the blue ball. Nothing else will do. Aaaaaargh.

Where was I? Oh yes, Nyquil.

So I don't think I'm going to take it tonight. I will just toss and turn and cough. Because I really don't like that drugged feeling in the morning, and the dreams are getting very VERY strange. Not bad, just weird.

Nyquil Dream #1: I dreamt I sold my cute, little new house and bought a BIG, old, beat up '70s Tudor-style ranch. How very Brady Bunch of me. Anyway, the house needed a LOT of work done to it, but this decision made total sense to me for some reason, despite the fact that the vast majority of the interior was dark wood paneling. The majority of the dream involved my explaining the decision to several people -- friends, family, coworkers -- and them all agreeing with me. Apparently, Dream VB has some fantastic persuasive skills. I was attempting to throw a housewarming party in this P.O.S. house as I was convincing everyone this was a great idea.

Nyquil Dream #2: I was with a group of people (I can't remember exactly who, but I think my little sister and MJ were there) and we were in this sort of mall/theme park place. Imagine an indoor theme park. Which looks like a mall. I told you it was weird. So we are in an ice cream parlor, enjoying some frozen treats, when I excuse myself from the rest of the group to use the bathroom. I walk into the bathroom.....to find not a regular American public restroom, but a large room which serves as someone's home theater. Only this person must be a kid, because it's decorated with bean bag chairs and bright colors--very kiddie sort of decorating style. There are at least a dozen tiers of seating levels, each level having 3-4 purple couches and a couple of bean bag chairs on it. So this room seats like 200 people. And the seating goes from floor to ceiling, so the room is very tall. I'd say the height would be about 50 feet or so. So, I have totally forgotten that I have to pee because I'm just staring in awe of this room. I turn around, expecting to see some kind of gigantic movie screen for the movies. I was disappointed to find only a 33" television set, embedded into the wall. Woe to the people who are sitting at the back of the room! "Well, that's a crappy tv for a room like this," I thought. Then I went to find the bathroom. It was just a half bath. How ironic, considering the number of people the room can hold.

Oh, I have a Hot Neighbor update. Well, not so much as an update as more depressing evidence that things are never going to happen between us and I will wither away into an old lady, living alone with her dogs and lusting after her even older wheelchair-bound neighbor. In 30 years, he and I will probably still be having awkward conversations in the driveways, the only difference is that we will be sharing stories of our arthritis or the latest AARP news, rather than our weekend plans. *sigh*

Ok, I have a point, I promise. So I decided to make some salmon this past weekend (I promise I will post the recipe on Virginia Cooks). I was craving it and I really felt like cooking. I invited MJ and KT over to eat with me. KT couldn't go, so I had an extra piece of salmon. I began to cook it anyway, and since it was nice outside, I had my front windows open. I heard HN come home. Then I heard lots of commotion and the voices of little children. I went out to my front porch (see? I'm trying!) to find him playing with a puppy and talking to his two little girls. Too cute. The puppy looked like a fluffy black cotton ball and was about the size of my hand. Awwww. Even cuter. I asked him about the puppy. It turns out his ex-wife had bought it and he was dog-sitting for her. So he had kids and a puppy for the weekend. He wasn't too happy about it. He made a comment about how the puppy was tearing up his house. I offered to let him borrow some carpet spray, and he gladly took me up on the offer.

I came back out with the spray, handed it to him and told him that I had some extra salmon if he was interested (see? I'm trying!). He said that sounded great, but he wished I had told him earlier. I said I could make up a plate and bring it over. Just then, a pizza delivery guy pulled up to his house. "Yeah, I just ordered a pizza. But thanks anyway! I'll bring the spray back over later."

Can you believe he would rather eat crappy Domino's rather than baked salmon with a homemade, spicy citrus sauce??? WTF??? I mean, pizza can be eaten later. It keeps for days. It's great for breakfast. What guy would rather eat pizza than a homecooked meal served up by a cute (if I do say so myself) next-door neighbor??? Total bullshit, if you ask me.

I don't even think he knows my name. Yesterday, he was leaving to go somewhere and he said, "Hey, Neighbor!" Aaargh. Why do I waste my time even thinking about him? It's time to accept the fact that it's never going to happen.

I am doomed to live and die alone. It's just not going to happen for me. Soon, I will be at that age where all my relatives start asking me, "So, Virginia, why aren't you married?" and I can reply with, "Because no one has ever asked me." Waaaaaaaah! Woe is me!!!!!!

I have been having thoughts like this since Saturday. More evidence (Example #4, actually) of how freaking hormonal I am right now. I always have absurdly negative thoughts when I'm PMSing.

Maybe when K moves out at the end of the month, I can just start walking around my house totally naked and "accidentally" leave the blinds up. You think he'd remember my name then? LOL

In other boy news....the Rat Pack has invited me, MJ and KT to visit them. Woot!! I guess they take an annual trip up to Vermont and hang out at a lakehouse every summer. Usually, it's guys only, but I guess we are so cool, we made the cut this year. So we are going up sometime later this summer--June or July. And no, I don't know if The Magician is going or not. That's not why I'm going. Besides, he's also on the list of Men Who are Obviously Not Interested in Me.

Dammit, that list is getting long. Luckily, I don't have to put Julian McMahon on there, because he doesn't know me. So technically speaking, he could be extremely interested in me and not even know it. Sweet.

Oh crap. Haven't told you about my weekend yet. Let's see. Not super eventful. Friday night I was at this very nasty, beat up old bar, full of old people who were shagging. Seriously, it smelled like an ashtray in there and we were the only people in the bar not receiving social security checks in the mail. It was on the way to the next place we had to go, and E wanted a drink ASAP, so we went there first. E got into an argument with an old guy, which was pretty funny. She was getting belligerent almost. I didn't feel well for most of the night, and ended up going home pretty early.

Saturday night I went bowling with MJ, my friend Mr. Bill and a bunch of other people. The bowling balls were greased up with something, which of course, led to several jokes and much giggling. I suck at bowling. I think I bowled like a 39 on the first game. (I think this was the first time I've gone bowling in at least 5 years, so cut me some slack!) I did get 2 strikes on the next game, though. Just had to warm up, you know.

The rest of the weekend was spent watching tv on my couch, because I felt like crap most of the time. I saw the CUTEST movie ever. And if you have kids, they can watch it with you, because it's rated PG. It's called Little Manhattan and it's about a 5th grade boy who falls in love with this little girl in his karate class. Seriously, this movie is too cute. Plus, it has the actress who plays Miranda on "Sex and the City" in it. Love her.

I wish I wasn't sick right now so I could go to the gym. I am ready to lose more weight. I have been stuck at 15 pounds for like a month now. But I didn't feel well all last week, either--my cold actually started last week. I can feel the fat creeping back on....which I guess means it wouldn't be THAT big of a deal if I went out and got one little piece of chocolate cake real quick...this place called Rush's (a local fast food chain) has this thing called a Hot Fudge Cake. There is ice cream involved. It's pretty damn good. And I really need to get outside of these four walls.....

16 comments:

Coco said...

VB, I swear you are describing me right now! I have already yelled at my doggie twice for pushing his blue bone under the sofa for me to fetch . . .and I did make a chocolate cake with icing (except I wisely made cupcakes so I could monitor my portion control at least SLIGHTLY better).

Carolyn said...

don't even tell me about crazy dreams and Nyquill.
I have crazy insane dreams (about playing frisbee with Linden (an NHL player), about my friend fishing (while swimming in teh water) us catching a huge tuna and it biting my toes after I fall in the water trying to lug it into our boat and more) all between the 5am-wake up period. They're seriously weird and I start to forget them as soon as I wake up.
Give me Nyquill on the other hand and I start to sleep-walk (mostly to tell people about these crazy dreams... I used to walk into my parents bedroom) now luckily I live with my boyfriend so I just roll over and wake him up instead of sleep-walking anywhere.

Burg said...

I've had no luck with Nyquil lately either..

M said...

Oh man, don't even waste your cooking on this guy!

RWA said...

I love (LOVE) NyQuil - when I don't have to set an alarm. Take one good swig of that, and I am out for a long, long time. But, I do know the feeling when you wake up to that early alarm. That's no fun.

That's not good about the salmon/pizza thing. I agree - pizza can wait (and it is great for breakfast). I don't think you should let that convince you it's a dead issue though.

Megan said...

damn you. ever since reading your post this morning i cant stop thinking about fresh baked chocolate cake and icing. Mmmmmmm!

lenfercestlesautres said...

whoa. I thought I was feeling bad, but having a bad cold PLUS PMSing is worse I guess...
And hey, that idea with the chocolate cake is awesome. I think I'm gonna try that out right now.
Get well soon you too!

My Side Of The Bed said...

I can never remember my dreams, and if I had been doped up on NyQuil I really would have been at a lose. I don't know how you remembered every detail like that. When my wife wakes up in the morning she can recount every part of her dreams, which makes me jealous because I'm sure I dreamed about something. I just couldn't tell you.

Blake

Fluffycat said...

If I want chocolate cake, I would go and just get a slice. Eating a whole cake could make you massively sick, but having a slice is a good way to go.

Feel better.

Jonathan said...

No nyquil involved but still a strange dream. I dreamed I was the tour manager for Bo Bice for his latest college tour. I rode with him to shows, kept him excited about being on the road, kept him out of trouble and so on. One stop, the announcer called him the next Jim Morrison and of course he sounds nothing like him and thats all we talk bout back in the van, which he is driving himself, as we ride to the next show. Nyquil gives me such a bad hangover I cannot use it anymore.
Hope you are feeling better.

Phantom Hater said...

I rarely recall the details of my dreams.

Well, at least you made an offer to HN for food. I have to say, as a guy, given a choice between piping hot pizza and leftover salmon, ehhhh...it's a toss-up... Just kidding!

Read my latest blog entry. It's got the cure for feeling sorry for yourself!

Hope you feel better.

alison said...

Maybe he doesn't like fish? But he could have accepted it anyway...well, order up a Domino's pizza and invite him over. :)

The cake sounds really good. I might have to go bake one too. Thanks for the inspiration. :)

Feel better!

Virginia Belle said...

coco-- cupcakes! genius! i need to go buy some of those little paper cup things. doesn't it bug you when the dog puts the toy under the couch INTENTIONALLY?

carolyn-- WOW. now that's some freaky stuff. holy cow. i've never sleep walked (slept walked? what's the past tense of that??) but my brother, Fungus, does. man, it freaks us out.

burg-- what, like it doesn't make you feel drugged? or you haven't had weird dreams with it?

m-- that's what i'm saying! he is not lasagna-worthy! i officially give up!

rwa-- at this point, though...i mean, come on. it's dead in the water. i'm not even underdog anymore. just totally out of the running. this must be what The Friend Zone feels like.

megan-- uh...sorry?

lenfer -- no, your symptoms sound WAY worse! i'm on the mend, so i'm ok. i need to stop being such a whiner.

blake-- i don't know what to tell ya. i guess i pay attention when i dream! LOL. i mean, it's not like i remember every single dream i have, though. usually just the ones i have just before waking up.

fluffycat -- yeah, one slice is the way to go. it's all you need to stave off the craving. luckily, i held out and just had some low-fat ice cream instead. not as good, but it did satisfy my sweet tooth.

jonathan-- what a funny dream! i very rarely have celebrities in my dreams. i love that bo bice, to your subconscious, is equivalent to morrisson. LOL

PH-- thanks for the support! i appreciate it. glad to know most guys would have picked the salmon.

alison -- yeah, i guess i know he likes pizza....nah. i offically give up. he can bite me. and not in the good way.

Becky said...

i never feel guilty calling in even if i'm not sick! i'll galavant around town in a heartbeat! everyone needs a day here and there!

i love cold med dreams lol

Petra said...

I don't take Nyquil anymore unless it's the weekend and I don't have to be up early. Twice I've taken it and not woken up until 11am the next day...a work day...so not good.

I didn't realize other people had that list too [Men Who are Obviously Not Interested in Me].

Virginia Belle said...

becky -- ok, that's the attitude i need to adopt!

petra-- yes, i agree. that is probably the only time i will ever take it again -- weekends. oh yeah, and my list of non-interested guys could fill a room!