Tuesday, October 23, 2007

"L" Ready?

Get it? Har har.

I have a cold, and have been vegging out on my couch. That's why I've been MIA. But I feel a little better today, so I'll give you the weekend re-cap.

Friday night was rather uneventful, but Saturday was super fun.

We (me, KT, VW, CN and Stuck) all surprised MJ for her birthday. She had no idea we were all gathered together at her favorite restaurant to surprise her with a night of drunken debauchery. She thought she was just going out to dinner with VW.

We started at The Blue Marlin for dinner (her favorite restaurant) and had a chocolate-raspberry cake from Chocolate Nirvana Bakery for dessert. Mmmmmm!!!

CN felt awful, because as he and I were taking the cake to the restaurant, he had to slam on his brakes to avoid running a red light, causing the cake to fall off the seat of the car and get a little smushed on one side. He claims I was distracting him from his driving, but I deny this. I was merely wearing a low-cut top and patent leather stilettos. I can't help it if touching up my makeup in the vanity mirror almost causes traffic accidents. ;)

In actuality, he seriously almost killed us! At the last second, I shouted, "Sweetie!! That's a RED LIGHT!" He wasn't paying attention, I guess, because by the time we stopped, we were halfway into the intersection! It was pretty funny, because he teases me for being a crazy driver, but now I just say, "Well, at least I've never almost killed us."

Anyway, MJ didn't mind that her cake was a little smushed. She was just enjoying her birthday. She had no idea we were all surprising her or that we got her an ipod for her birthday.

Little did I know, she was about to give me a small surprise. During the course of the dinner conversation, she proceeds to mention that I was messed up on Vicodin on my first date with CN.

"What?" asked CN.
"Gee, thanks, MJ," I retorted sarcastically.
"You didn't tell him? I thought you told him!" she exclaimed.
"Nope. No I didn't tell him about that. But now I have to, I guess!" I said.
"I am so sorry. I thought you told him!" she said.
"It's ok," I said.

And then I proceeded to confess to CN that I was on Vicodin at the time of our first date, but didn't want to tell him out of fear that he would think I have an addiction to painkillers or something. I was worried that he would be upset, but he wasn't. WHEW!

"Why did you go out with me when you knew you were all messed up? Why not just stay home?" he said.
"Because I knew that if I didn't go out with you, you were the kind of guy who would never ask me out again. I had to say yes!" I explained.
"Oh. Well, that's true. I probably wouldn't have," he conceded.
"See?" I said.

Then I told him how difficult it was for me to get ready and focus on dinner conversation when I'm on Vicodin, and he just laughed. I explained to him why I took it that evening and that I don't do it all the time or anything. I also said that it should show him how much I wanted to go out with him -- I spent a good deal of the night feeling nauseous!

MJ apologized to me later and said that she felt awful for letting the cat out of the bag. But it ended up being no big deal, and now he teases me about it.

We went back to our dinner. The chocolate cake was fantastic. After dinner, we proceeded to get MJ good n drunk.

She only remembers bits and pieces of the evening. She doesn't remember how KT and I made fun of her drunken walking. She doesn't remember sulking and pretending to cry whenever someone didn't do what she wanted. She doesn't remember falling down a couple of times. She doesn't remember flashing most of the crowd at Local's as she climbed up onto the bar to receive her free birthday shot. She doesn't remember crashing into a table and breaking several empty glasses, causing us to get kicked out of Bar None.

Needless to say, we all had a really fun time and didn't get home until about 3am.

That's when I got called out again. (What was it? Pick on VB day??) CN and I were driving home when he asked me a very blunt question.

"Hey, when we were at Local's, and you were all touchy-feely on me, were you only doing that because your ex-boyfriend was there? Because if that's the case, it doesn't make me feel good." he said.

Shit. Ummm.....

You see, as soon as MJ said she wanted to go to Local's, I thought, "Uh-oh. That's where Repo goes all the time. He will probably be there." But I didn't want to protest, because it was MJ's birthday. So I said ok, knowing full well what would happen: If Repo was there, I would probably try to rub it in his face that I am in a very happy relationship now.

That's exactly what happened, and that's exactly what I did.* And now, I was being called out on it. Shit. I totally deserved to be called out. I was immature and selfish and behaved totally inappropriately.

So I told him that I was only human and that yes, that was part of it. I told him I pretty much knew what was going to happen once I got there. But since it was very crowded in there, it was that much easier to be physical on the dance floor. My intentions were only halfway bad.

I can't remember exactly what CN said, but it was along the lines of, "Don't do that again. It made me feel like shit." -- a message I heard loud and clear. Commence massive guilt trip. We agreed that maybe we shouldn't go to Local's anymore. Not only because of Repo, but also because CN started to get a panic attack while we were there -- he doesn't do well with crowds.

At this point, not only was I dealing with a massive guilt trip, but now I was worried that I am going to screw up this relationship with my stupid decisions. I am going to ruin everything, because I am a moron. Crap!

So I told him I was going to take a quick shower, get into my pjs and then come over. He said ok.

Twenty minutes later, we were snuggling and talking in his bed. That's when he told me that he's falling in love with me.


Yeah. With me, the immature girl who uses him to try and make an ex jealous, the girl who takes Vicodin recreationally. Is he crazy? I am obviously a shitty girlfriend!

I said, "Um, really?" -- I was so shocked, this was all I could say. I was practically speechless.

"Yeah. I just haven't felt like this about anyone in a really, really long time. I have very strong feelings for you, and I just wanted to tell you because I think it's good to do that," he said.


"But.....Sweetie, we haven't been dating that long. That's kind of...soon. I mean, I am charming, and all...." I joked.

"Yeah, I know. But that's how I feel," he replied.

"I really care about you, too. I mean, I'm not there yet, but I'm definitely on my way....are you mad that I didn't say it back?" I asked, worried. (I don't believe in using the "L" word unless you mean it. And even though I am almost ready to say those three little words, I am not quite there yet.)

"Whoa, I didn't say I was in love with you, just that I feel like I am headed in that direction!" he said.

"Are you back-pedaling???" I giggled.

"No. But I do really really care about you," he said.

Aw. Alright, I'm not sharing the rest of the conversation, because it was entirely too schmoopy and sappy, and it involved me crying, so let's just not go there, ok? Ok. Let's just say that the last bit of it went like this:

CN: Are we just going to sit here complimenting each other all night, or are we going to go to sleep?

Me: Oh. *giggle* Yeah, I guess we should go to bed now. I'm pretty tired, and it's probably like 4am.


So what do you think? Was CN back-pedaling? Do you think he's in The Big L with me? Or is it too soon? Was I out of line at Local's? Wouldn't it have been weirder if I had ignored CN when we were at Local's? Will I ever grow up and stop screwing things up with CN? What should I do to remedy this situation/loss of trust? And finally, am I indeed going to Hell? Or do I just deserve to get smacked?

Your thoughts and comments are appreciated, as always, dear readers.

* I would like to add that Repo looked like shit. He has gained so much weight since we broke up and he looked miserable! He looked like he was really down/depressed. He definitely saw me with my new boyfriend, and I could tell it bothered him. Plus, thanks to the grapevine that is Columbia, I'm pretty sure he and his girlfriend broke up. And I can't say that I didn't get a teeny bit of satisfaction from that.....ugh, I am terrible, I know. I'm going to hell. I am slowly learning to accept this fact.


GrewUpRural said...

I don't think CN was back-pedaling. He's just letting you know that he's really fallen for you. I think you and him are on the same level in regards to your feelings for each other. I don't think it's too soon.

I could understand how CN would feel about being at Local's. I would feel shitty too if I were him. But I must say, we are all human and if the roles were reversed, most people would have done what you did.

Glad you're feeling better.

Coco said...

You're just being 100% human and female. We do crazy stuff like that, but trick is to be one of the cool girls who recognizes that she's a bit nuts sometimes! It's not good or anything, and we can always try to curb it, but both of you will inevitably do stupid stuff throughout the course of the relationship.

I don't think he was back-peddling at all. I think he's one of those rare guys who is completely honest and upfront with how he is feeling. He wants you to know that things could be heading there, so that if it DOES end up in the "L" zone, you don't blind side him with the whole "oooh, no, I thought we were just having some fun" kind of thing. It's nice, and really sweet.

lenfercestlesautres said...

She doesn't remember sulking and pretending to cry whenever someone didn't do what she wanted.

I thought MJ did that all the time when someone doesn't do what she wants.


Oh, and don't you worry about CN. And don't freak out like that! He's cute, that all! ;)

Jen said...

Nope, he's not back-pedaling. At least I don't think he is. I wouldn't be concerned. :) I don't necessarily think it is too quick either. My husband and I got engaged after dating for three weeks, and then were married 4 months later. So you guys are moving at a snail's pace compared to us. haha

This is all so exciting! I just feel bad for you, though, for one reason...you're going to have to suffer through watching the Falcons games. Like CN, my husband is the big fan. I'm just a fan now because I figure I may as well watch it with him, rather than isolate myself from him on Sundays. So, now you feel my pain. Being a Falcons fan is very depressing, indeed. :/

Stuck said...

Funny, I just posted my recap of Saturday as well.

Good lord, woman! Of course he's not back-pedaling. He said he was heading in the direction of love, and when you got all technical in your attempt to clarify, he felt he had to clarify as well.

But I'll say this... you both love each other. Just hanging out with you made that obvious. You must be too hopped up on vicodin to see it. ;)

Hang on to him. He's got Stuckey's Seal of Approval.

Phantom Hater said...

Well, I think he is in love, but sounds somewhat shy from other stuff you've said. I think that was just a way of phrasing things so he didn't put himself out there too much. Plus, if there was alcohol involved, that changes things. I've confessed my undying love to a dirty bar stool after one too many shots myself. Myself, even if I find myself thinking about the l word, I always hold back and think about things a little longer. Every relationship has an initial honeymoon stage when everything seems perfect, but the real test is to see if things are just as honkey-dory six months down the line. It's not like your eggs are going to shrivel up any time soon, so don't feel obligated to say something if you don't feel it 100%.

As for the vicodin, what can you do but laugh about it at this point? I don't think there is a big lack of trust. CN is probably a little insecure about Repo, which is to be expected. Your actions show that you still care about Repo's reaction to things, which you really shouldn't, of course.

You really are an overanalyzer. I can relate, but have Practical-Sensible or whatever her name is slap you whenever you start acting that way.

~jen--3 weeks??? Holy crap.

RWA said...

The issue here is NOT whether or not CN was "back-pedaling."

You go home, shower, put your pajamas on, then go over to CN's - to sleep?

Come on now...


Jen said...

PH - Yep, you read that right. And no, it wasn't a typo on my part. :) Funny thing is that I wasn't one of those girls who was itching to get married. The slight mention of the word marriage used to induce my gag reflex. Furthermore, I never wanted to have kids. And I would've rather been shot than have an animal living in my house. Now I'm married, with a beautiful daughter, and a fat, lazy bulldog that snores so loud, he keeps me awake at night. Oh, how times have changed. :)

mysterygirl! said...

"It's not like your eggs are going to shrivel up any time soon, so don't feel obligated to say something if you don't feel it 100%." That's awesome. Because if your eggs were drying up, then you should totally say it even if you don't mean it. :)

This is a good sign. He's just getting serious about you and is checking to make sure you're on the same page. Enjoy!

Anonymous said...

whoo! what a weekend!

I love that MJ doesn't remember all of her birthfest night :)

and I totally think CN was backpedaling. I feel like if you would have followed his first comment with an "I'm falling for you too" or "I feel the same way" he totally would have started in with the Big L Word...

but honestly, what the heck do I know? this is basically the blind leading the blind here :)

Matilda Jane said...

wait, you were there for my birthfest?
har har just kidding.

I'm going to have to agree with OG. I think if you said you felt the same, he may have popped out the big L word, then taken the ring out of his pocket and proposed right there! Then he would fly you both out to Vegas to be married by fat Elvis. *sigh* how romantic.

Kraig said...

I don't think he's backpedaling. I do the same thing. If I'm falling in love with a girl, theres a chance I might let it slip when curled up in bed cuddling.

That doesn't mean I'm IN love, or that I Love her. just that I'm on my way towards that significantly enough.

I'd say you're both close, and probably around the same level. but it doesn't really matter if you are at the same level, as long as you're both headed in the same direction right?

Sounds like it was a good night regardless.

Oh, and try not to do the making the ex jealous again. Using CN to do that is bad, and it shows on some level that you still care enough about the ex for him to matter.

Scotty said...

I don't think he was backpedaling. I mean, he did say he is falling in love rather than he is in love. The way I think of it is this, would you rather someone break the news to you outright (by saying they love you), or would you rather have a bit of a buffer beforehand by them telling you they are on their way there? I'd like a buffer please. If anything, its lets you know what he is thinking. He's being open with you.

No more using CN to make another boy jealous! They don't matter anymore. Besides, maybe he was on the receiving end of it once.

Matilda Jane said...

Is it just me? or females in general???

I wouldn't mind if my guy was being more cuddly around an ex... in fact, I might help him put on a show. As long as he treats me well all the time and not just in front of his ex... who cares?

JP said...

You are who you are, and that's who CN's falling for. You won't be able to put up a front for the rest of your life, so just keep it real :) Especially if you might be close to saying those three little words.

But the thing I really came here to say: It's it fantastically amazing when your ex gains weight and looks like crap and might not have a job??? Especially when you're are the complete opposite, including having lost 50 pounds? Yeah...

Phantom Hater said...

Your new myspace song makes the topic of this post funnier to me. More than Words? Dork.

KT said...

OMG...lisa found her old blog... and mine is still out there too.. lol.... oh jeez..me and my specialness is all out now :) :)

Burg said...

How could he not love you?? :)

I'm not the least bit ashamed to sound immature as I say that I'm totally glad that Repo is doing shitty!

Virginia Belle said...

grewuprural & coco -- aw, thanks. your comments are always so helpful! :)

len-- LOL wow, for someone who's never met MJ, you sure do know her! ;)

jen-- holy cow! hello, whirlwind! i guess when you know it, you know it! that's how my dad was. when he met my mom, he wanted to get married yesterday! as far as falcons games are concerned, i try not to intervene. i want him to still have his "guy time". but i'm sure that eventually, i will get sucked in on sundays! LOL

stuck-- WOW! the stuck seal of approval! i've never had that before. cool. sorry we were so schmoopy in front of you. we are obnoctious, no? you can feel free to tell us to knock it off if we are too much!

PH-- you bring up good points. he is shy. there was alcohol involved (although he claims he was sober when we had that conversation). i'm not in a rush! i am waiting to say it when it feels right. and yes, the vicodin thing is a big joke now. i am being teased incessantly. i'll make sure that sensible slaps me when i start acting up again. i was out of line and over-analyzing. BAD VB! BAD! *smacks own hand*

rwa-- um, believe it or not, by that point, it was like 3 am, and we stayed up talking, and then we were too tired to um, have a pj party. ;)

mystery girl -- aw, i know! isn't he adorable?? luckily, my eggs are not. shriveling, that is.

one girl -- oh, honey! i hear ya! i'm blind as a bat in this department!

MJ-- if the four of us keep it up, we may find ourselves eloping to vegas for a double wedding. we are disgustingly crazy about our guys!

kraig & scotty -- i know, i know! you are right. about everything.

MJ-- am i the only person who kind of agrees with you? *crickets chirp*

jp-- well, i'm sure he has a job. and i haven't lost 50 pounds. am i misunderstanding you? or did this happen to you? because if so, that is pretty sweet! what is that saying? living well is the best revenge!

PH-- dude, don't knock my song. i LOVE that song. it's my favorite ultra-schmoopy sappy love ballad. of all time.

burg-- aw, you are sweet! thank you! that made my day! :) and can i just say how much i LOVE that you are willing to be immature on my behalf????!!! :)

Phantom Hater said...

I can't rag on the song too much. It was one of the first ones I learned to play on guitar, and I'm guilty of putting sappy songs on my page from time to time.

What would you doooooo if my heart was torn in twoooooo

If lovvvin you is hellll
My Virginia Bellle

then stick a pitchfork in me,
cuz I'm done.