Thursday, September 04, 2008

Fun Fall Stuff!

Fall is such a fun and exciting season. You have cooler weather, beautiful leaves, Halloween, yummy apples, football, school starts...and this year, we have the election to boot.

Although we are still wearing flip-flops and dealing with 90 degree temperatures here in SC as we watch the weather report closely (Hurricane Ike is a Category 4 -- EEK!), I can tell that fall is coming. I can't wait to put on boots and turtlenecks.

I'm rambling. What I wanted to share with you today are some fun things I have found on the Internet, and they all happen to be fall-related. Here goes.

Back to School: Ever wonder what your hair would have looked like if you were in an old yearbook? Go to Yearbook Yourself and see what you would have looked like back in the day. I was crying laughing at this site, y'all. It is hysterical. Even funnier when I used CN's photo and saw what he would have looked like in the male photos. Don't forget to save the pics and email them to your friends. This is my favorite site, I swear.

Election: Is anyone else thinking that Sarah Palin is a dead ringer for Tina Fey? Cuz I am! Check out this photo:
I hope SNL jumps on this ASAP. Is Tina guest hosting any time soon? I'm sure the writers could come up with something. If not Palin, Tina could also do a fantastic Winona. Check this one out:
They could all be sisters!

Football: First of all, I would like to say how freakin' awesome it was that Alabama beat Clemson this past weekend. Not only do I not like Clemson, but I am a huge Alabama fan. Roll Tide!!!! I am hoping that Nick Saban can lead the Tide to a winning season this year. After so many heartbreaks in the last few years, it's nice to see this happen. :) My whole family is full of Tide fans. Not only did my dad attend Bama and play for Bear, but he also used to teach there. He remembered seeing Joe Namath throwing a football around in the school cafeteria!

And now, The Czarina is starting to become a South Carolina fan, although this is more to do with her 40-year-long crush on Steve Spurrier than anything else. Every time I bring up his name, I have to listen to her say, "Oh, I have had the hots for him since he was a quarterback for Florida!" -- she's such a dork.

Oh, but what I was going to say.......The Czarina sent me this funny email, describing the differences between college football down south vs. college football up north. It was too good not to share. (I have added a little bit myself!):

Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different than up North. For those who are planning a football trip South, here are some helpful hints.

Women's Accessories:
NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket. Wear jeans & sweatshirt.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for. Wear cocktail dress in team colors, complete with coordinating heels and sterling silver jewelry with team mascot charms.

Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people. College football stadiums can hold the entire population of certain small countries.

NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.

NORTH: Rudy Giuliani
SOUTH: Herschel Walker & Peyton Manning

Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus, make a large financial contribution, and put name on a waiting list for tickets.

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.

NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never Broadcast from their campus.

NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance from the Dave Matthews Band... who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon. A 16-hour day of eating and drinking takes place, followed by a giant bonfire at midnight.

Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it is the state's third largest city. Game days are responsible for approximately 25% of the college town's economy.

NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.

When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

The Smell in the Air After the First Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.

Commentary (Male):
NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumb**ch - tackle him and break his legs."

Commentary (Female):
NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumb***h - tackle him and break his legs."

NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team. He is the 3rd generation announcer for the team. But you probably knew that already, because there's a bronze statue of his grandfather by the press box.

After the Game:
NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next week's game.

NORTH: Sleep in or go to church. Don't think about football until next week. Slowly gain anticipation for basketball or hockey season instead.
SOUTH: If you get up in time for church, you smell like bourbon and listen to a football-related sermon, then run home to watch all the press conferences, team football shows and coach interviews that you recorded while you were at church. Eat, sleep and breathe college football until January.

[Y'all, I wish I was kidding, but these are all pretty much true!! As for the lightbulb jokes below, we have all got to learn to laugh at ourselves, right?]

Nothing else in the universe comes even halfway close to the glories of Southern football! And for SEC Fans:

At VANDERBILT: It takes two, one to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as good as the bulbs changed at Harvard.

At GEORGIA: It takes two, one to change the bulb and one to stabilize the rolling beer cooler the bulb changer is using for a ladder.

At FLORIDA: It takes four, one to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get stoned off the old one.

At ALABAMA: It takes five, one to change it, three to reminisce about how The Bear would have done it, and one to throw the old bulb at an NCAA investigator.

At OLE MISS: It takes six, one to change it, two to mix the drinks and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.

At LSU: It takes seven, and each one gets credit for five Semester hours.

At KENTUCKY: It takes eight, one to screw it in and seven to discuss how much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season.

At TENNESSEE: It takes ten, two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about how much they hate Alabama.

At MISSISSIPPI STATE: It takes fifteen, one to screw in the bulb, two to buy the Skoal, and twelve to yell, “GO TO HELL, OLE MISS".

At AUBURN: It takes one hundred, one to change it, forty-nine to talk about how they did it better than at Bama and Georgia, and fifty to get drunk and roll Toomer's Corner when finished.

At SOUTH CAROLINA: It takes 80,000, one to screw it in and 79,999 to discuss how this finally will be the year that they have a decent football team.

At ARKANSAS: None. There is no electricity in Arkansas.

CN is recording the South Carolina/Vandy game for me right now. I can't wait to run home after work and go watch it!!! Go Cocks!!

Unfortunately, I don't know if the Alabama game will be televised on Saturday...but it's ok. I'm sure I will read all about it in the paper! You'd have to live under a rock to get away from SEC football down here. :)


sassafras said...

As a northener I found this very entertaining!

Have a good weekend!

Alison said...

I love football players! (How immature, huh?) :)

teahouse said... head is spinning with all of this! As a transplanted southerner who's in New York now, I alternately laughed and cried while I read it.

Sam said...

I've seen Southern football in action, but I still don't get it. I guess my California breeding ruined me for it.

Jonathan Zero said...

yep, brings back memories of high school football. I have actually been to high school games where there are more people there than a college game. Granted the college game was at Duke, not funny, hehe.

cmk said...

I don't do football in any form--hockey all the way!--but how bad can the sport be if one can yell, "Go Cocks" and get away with it? ;)

Stella said...

That "how many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb" is spot on.

Becky said...

yay for football being back! and no kidding...we don't get fall til like november. still 95 degrees out here lol

Debbie said...

SNL has made note of it! I posted a video on my blog a few days ago... it is hilarious!!

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