Dirty Words

No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have, and I think he's a dirty little beast.--W. S. Gilbert

I don't know who W.S. Gilbert is (well, now I do because I just looked him up), but he's apparently been to Repo's house. I'm dating a slob. Who has slobby roommates. Which takes a lot to say, coming from me, The Queen Slob. (I'd rather go to the dentist than clean my room!)

The first time I went over to his house, I thought it was just smelly by coincidence. You know, like they just needed to take the garbage out or something. And I thought that all the dog hair would be gone the next time I came over. Not so much. The next time, it was stinkier and hairier. There was even more clutter and it was even dustier than before. "Look, there are three single working guys living here and two big dogs. This is what happens." And I thought No, this is what happens when frat boys grow up.

The third time I was there, I noticed that the bathroom was covered in a layer of hair. And the formerly white tub is brown all on the bottom. Ew. Repo informed me that his roommate, Tiny, shaves his head twice a week so there is incidentally a lot of hair. "I'm sure that's true. But does it mean that he is incapable of cleaning up after himself?" I asked.

Repo's room isn't too bad. But he really needs to vacuum. It looks like someone threw a parade in there because there are itty-bitty bits of paper all over the floor. Not to mention dirty clothes, trash, mail, shoes, etc. His laundry basket holds about 10 loads of dirty clothes, piled up to the ceiling. He has more clothes than four women combined. There is dust everywhere. There is a coffee cup that has been on his bedside table for about three weeks. Actually, come to think of it, his room is not clean. It's just the only one that doesn't smell.

The other day I came over and he announced when he opened the door that he had cleaned the kitchen. Oh boy, I can't wait to see what you think 'clean' means I thought. I didn't want him to feel like I was testing him or something, so I casually glanced around. It was....okay. He didn't wipe off the food-encrusted stovetop, but that was the biggest gap I saw. Not the best, but much improved. At least there weren't any dirty dishes in the sink.

His other roommate, Golf Guy, is apparently a "neat freak". (Repo's words, not mine.) While GG is the neatest of all by far--it was organized, I could spend at least 45 minutes in his room, cleaning. I'm really amazed that someone who keeps their room so nice would tolerate a living/dining area that is so disgusting.

I'm considering cleaning it myself. Or convincing them to hire a maid. Or at least just donating some candles to them. But I don't want to mother them. Even though sitting on their couch and walking barefoot on their floor and using their bathroom make me cringe.

Don't get me wrong. I know that men's eyes do not see dirt as easily as women. It's a genetic thing. I get it. (I read it somewhere....but can't find it now...) I would never expect a house full of single guys to be as clean as my house. I just expect it to be decent. That's why I have told Repo that I'm not coming over to his place until it is clean. Trust me, you would too.