Family Jewels

I forgot to say....

Czarina found her engagement ring and emerald earrings. She had hidden them under the mattress and forgotten about it. Her best friend, My Aunt S, told her to calm down and think about where she might put something for safekeeping. "Well, I used to keep stuff under my mattress, but I haven't done that in years." D'oh!

I swear, her memory is starting to worry me. I knew she had just stuck them somewhere and forgot.

If only I could get her to forget things that she nags me about...

Time for a funny library story. When you go to buy books for a library, it's not always easy to know what you are going to get. Sometimes all you have to go on in the catalogs are the title and author. In this case, my coworker, V, made a rather funny mistake.

We needed more books on Alexander the Great. She saw a book entitled Alexander the Great Fabulous: The Man Who Brought the World to its Knees and must have thought it looked good, because she ordered two copies. Note the subtitle. Yes, it is that perverted.

Well....let's just say we are all having a field day with this book. Excerpts:

When Alexander was 18, his parents began to worry about his "sexual interests." It wasn't that they feared he might become an activist and land on the cover of The Advocate under the headline "We're here, we're queer, we're taking over Kashmir!"

[Alexander] goes online with sassy screen name ("Fuknhotblond") and provocative profile ("strong stick, velvet throat")...

[Alexander was] Crowned Pharaoh in Egypt, Evita in Argentina and Barbra in Los Angeles.

Persia officially becomes Alexander's bitch.

Yeah, V ordered two copies of a tongue-in-cheek biography of Alexander the Great. This book is hilarious. Seriously, if you are a history nerd like me, you will love this. What is killing all of her coworkers is, V blushes at the word "penis"--seriously, she is very, very old-school. And she has no idea she ordered a humorous book that basically focuses on the fact that Alexander was bisexual. If she knew, she would just die. Of course, this doesn't stop us from telling her...