Weak End

Friday night I went out to eat dinner with K and Brunette. After dinner, I made an impromptu stop at Repo's to talk about some stuff. I thought I was pretty mean to him, as I was very short with him, but he told me later that I wasn't mean at all-- I was just telling him how I felt and that I wasn't going to tolerate certain behaviors anymore. I got some stuff off my chest, and left because we weren't getting anywhere and I had a movie to catch.

Brunette, K and I were going to see The Devil Wears Prada, but we missed the shows because I took too long yelling at Repo and there was no parking at the movie theater. Oops. By the way, has anyone else observed the phenomena that is Pirates of the Carribbean? I saw no fewer than 10 people dressed like pirates at the theater. And there were approximately 759,000 people going to see the movie. Crazy.

So we went back to my house to continue drinking as we got ready to go out. Wisely, I decided not to take any Vicodin this time. Once out, I had my very first meeting with another blogger--Matilda Jane. She is super cool, which I had already figured out from her blog. Gotta love meeting cool new people. We had so much fun hanging out. She and K sat there giggling their little butts off the whole time.

Anyway, she brought a guy pal of hers, who also happens to read my blog (this was news to me). So he knew I had been having some...problems lately. But he and I hit it off, and since I could tell things were so rocky with Repo, I went ahead and gave him my number. What can I say? I saw the inevitable on the horizon. It was just a phone number.

Later on, we went to one of my favorite bars, Local's. Matilda Jane didn't want to go there, so we said goodbye to her and her friend. We ran into JD, who told me Repo had just left. Whew! That was a relief. I needed a break from talking about things so much. We ended up having a great night.

Saturday I went shopping with Brunette and K. I got some cute stuff. Maybe I should take some pics and share...anyway, I was feeling pretty blue, knowing what was coming: The Talk. Showtime. Ugh. The word "dread" doesn't even begin to describe it. K left to go out. Brunette invited me to join her and Mrs. Basketball, but I just didn't feel up to it. Finally, Repo called. After talking on the phone for a while, we decided that the conversation would have been better in person. Since he is convinced that K hates him now, he talked me into going to his house.

We sat and talked on his porch for a long, long time. I cried and smoked and cried and smoked. The details don't really matter, and besides, it was pretty personal stuff, but what it came down to was that he has some things he needs to work out before he can really commit to a relationship. The more I think about it, the less I believe it has anything to do with me. These are his issues, not issues with me. He does care about me, but he wanted to take a step back, have some space and have a more casual relationship with me so he could feel free to get the time he needs. He didn't want to break up at all. At the time, it seemed like we could try that. Then I fell asleep.

Four hours later, I woke up, feeling like an idiot. No matter the reason, either you want to be with me or you don't. I know me, and if we tried to date casually, it would have really messed with my head. There is no way I can go from girlfriend status to casually dating status and be okay with it. I knew what I had to do. So at 5am, I got up and drove home, crashing in my bed until 1pm.

I called and left a message, and he called me back a few hours later. I told him that I deserved to have a full time relationship, not a part time one. That we both deserved to be happy, even if it isn't with each other. And if we stayed together, it would make us both miserable. I hoped that he would get the time and help he needed to get over this hump. He was upset, I think, but he understood. I don't think he agreed with my decision, but he didn't really have a say. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Because I knew that it wasn't because he doesn't care for me. I know that now. So all of my anger has dissipated completely, now that I have learned more about what is going through his mind.

I told him he can always call me, as there are no hard feelings. He said he will if he needs to and that I should do the same. I know his problems aren't going to go away overnight. I just hope he does what he needs to do so that he can be happy, whether it leads back to me or not. So maybe soon, we can start talking again. Until then, I need to have little to no contact with him so I can heal. I'm pretty bummed, right now.

After a good cry, I got cleaned up and I took Sammy to go get some ice cream. He got some soft serve ice cream, and ate the whole thing. It was so much ice cream, he started shivering! It cracks me up how he can't take his time and eat ice cream slowly.
Then K and I went to see The Devil Wears Prada. It was pretty good! Definitely a nice distraction.

Speaking of distractions, I am going out with that guy tonight. My heart's not really in it, but maybe it will be good for me. It will get me out of the house and stop me from moping, at least for a few hours. I just wish he was willing to let me wait until the weekend. I was hoping to have a few days to heal.

Whew! That post was hard to write! Not only am I still emotional, but both guys read this blog....eeek! I really hope I haven't said too much or offended either one of them....

Thanks again to all of my friends and readers. Your comments mean a lot to me. They are very much appreciated. I'll try and get back to some normal posts as soon as I can.