I got home from work early yesterday, and was walking to my front door, when I was approached by my neighbor's son (NS). I love his mom. She is an older lady with a rascally dachshund. Anyway, NS is always over at her house, working on her yard. He wanted to see how I felt about our lawn service, because everyone on my street pays $35/month to have our front yards mowed, edged, etc.
Well, to be honest, the service sucks. So he and I were griping about that. We talked about how much we like the neighborhood otherwise. Then NS told me about his family (he's married with kids) and I told him about my job and my future plans and how I don't know if I'm going to live in Columbia forever, since I don't have much to keep me here. I said that if I ever moved, I'd probably rent out my house rather than sell it.
"No boyfriend?" he asked.
"Nope," I replied. "But if I had a guy who I could see myself staying with, I probably wouldn't be thinking about ever leaving." I explained.
"You know, if you were dating a guy like Hot Neighbor, you'd have a reason to stay," NS winked, gesturing towards HN's house. (HN was not home.)
"Um, he's got a girlfriend." I stated flatly.
"Oh, no he doesn't!" NS said.
"Well, she spends the night," I said, skeptically.
"Trust me, nothing is going on," said NS.
I didn't know if I believed him or not, but I was willing to hear what he had to say. That's when I realized I haven't seen Hoochie McSkankerton around much lately. I'd seen her maybe twice in the past month-- a big change from a few months ago, when she practically lived there. Maybe NS is right....
NS proceeds to give the the scoop on Hot Neighbor (not to be confused with Cute Neighbor, the source of so many Conversations with My Brain). Apparently, NS and Hot Neighbor have known each other for years and are friends. NS told me that Hot Neighbor has been talking about moving, too-- to a bigger house in another part of town. I already knew about, since HN and I had talked about it one day.
Well, according to NS, this is all Hoochie McSkankerton's idea. NS told me that she and Hot Neighbor went to high school together, but she is about 4 years older than Hot Neighbor (which puts her at about 35 or so). They started dating about 6 months ago after bumping into each other at a party. And at first, Hot Neighbor was head-over-heels for Hoochie, but eventually, she exposed herself as possessive, demanding, jealous and pushing for marriage ASAP.
"Whoa," I said.
"Yeah, I know. I didn't want to say anything to him, because it's not my place, but I just didn't think she was the kind of girl he should be dating," said NS. He continued on with the story.
So eventually, a light bulb went off in Hot Neighbor's head, and he realized she's pushy, so he has basically broken up with her. But according to NS, he's too nice and she's too possessive for them to just break it off cleanly. Supposedly, there isn't much going on between them physically, either. (I don't know if I buy that part....NS said Hot Neighbor is not like that and is very Christian, but....I just don't see it....) But they are not boyfriend/girlfriend, according to NS.
Then NS tells me he's going to put in a good word for me and try to get Hot Neighbor to ask me out. He shook my hand, said it was nice to meet me, and went back over to his mother's house, leaving me dumbfounded and standing in the middle of my yard.
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20 comments:
Ahhh! I did it! a fairly short post!
I love this post!! I can't wait to hear/read what happens next!!
A very interesting development. Eager to see if the word is passed on and he asks you out!
Oh How cool is that??? You have someone who has your back on this situation. I knew it wouldn't work out with Wednesday skank. So now I can't wait to read updates!!
Dang, what happened to my comment? It was such an eloquently-written, thought-provoking comment too. It probably would have gone in the Comment Hall of Fame for Sheer Awesomeness in the Field of Commenting. That comment was hot. It was like the Brad Pitt of comments. If comments were rated on a scale of 1 to 10, that one would have rated an 11. The absence of that comment in my life has left a void that nothing could ever fill. Everything tastes like ashes now.
Wtf? This guy comes out of nowhere and tells you he'll ask his friend to ask you out? Whoa.
hehe. A bit more drama in the world of VB.
Maybe you could get CN and HN fighting over you?
That would be too cruel, yet quite amusing.
Well, well...Hot Neighbor wasn't out of the mix after all.
Good luck!
Man, I wish I had a neighbor NB to watch my back!! All my neighbors are old and cranky and hate the world!
Damn that's cool. Interesting about the Hoochie being a big controlling marriage-pressuring older woman...
Hope HN does ask you out.
holy shit dude indeed.
Awesome! I hope there are updates.
smug-- tell me about it! neither can i!
scotty -- yes,i will probably be stationed at my front window, watching to see when they talk to each other. ok, maybe not....
kimmykins -- let's hope there IS an update after this. i don't have the best of luck in these sorts of things. people love to say stuff like that to me, and then they "forget". :(
PH-- as usual, you are responsible for my daily chuckle. i'm sure it was a great comment.
len -- i KNOW. weird, right? and his mom told me a LONG time ago that hot neighbor was talking about me and asking her questions about me. so who knows WHAT has been going on all this time......
kraig -- yes, that would be cruel. but i bet my car would be washed, my backyard mowed, my curtains hung, my table refinished....*sigh* how can i make this happen??? *scratches head and thinks*
rwa-- yeah, so it seems....of course, i had officially given up any hope of anything EVER happening. so of course, this is when something DOES happen. *rolls eyes*
girl in the 206 -- yes, i am feeling lucky today! i'm sorry you live with old people. i hate about 90% of old people. they drive me batty.
fluffycat -- yeah, all this time i thought i could never compete with her. funny how stuff turns out, huh?
meish -- yeah. don't get too excited. nothing's happened yet. but can you cross your fingers for me?
clearlykels -- that makes two of us....
HAH!! I love this! Let the games begin! (shooting faux pistol in the air)
So what do Hootchie and HN do when she comes over? Play Boggle? Mark my words, they're banging. He needs to nip that in the bud, although I'd love to see you and Hootchie have a good catfight on HN's lawn.
"Here, have some of my home-made cookies, bitch!" *smashes fresh-baked cookie all over HMcS's face*
omg you must keep us posted on this! good luck!
VB, you don't need to compete with her as you obviously are much better.
Well that came outta nowhere - unless HN is ready to move on so he sent his friend on MISSION: information. Or do only girls do that?
Eh, my opinion - you're too good for HN.
lol @ Hoochie McStankerton
hm...i just bought a house and there is a single guy neighbor two doors down. i think i have made myself completely undate-able by sweating gallons while doing yard work this week.
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