South Africa Loves Me

One of my lurkers recently emailed me to ask for an invite to read this blog, and she mentioned that she heard about my blog through the South African version of Cosmopolitan magazine.

What?!

I was not aware of this, so I asked for more details. She told me the issue it appeared in, and so I sent an email to its editor asking for a copy of the article. I was so glad to open my email today and find that the editor sent me a PDF of the article! I guess they have a "Hot Stuff" section in each issue, and for the month of August, my blog was the "Hot Blog". WOOT!!

I have been wondering why my statcounter shows so many hits from South Africa. And now I know. I'm famous there!

I tried to figure out how to post a copy of the article here for you, but it's in PDF, which Blogger does not support. I also looked into putting it on Google Docs, and then linking to it from here. Again, no such luck--the little blurb about my blog disappeared when I converted it into txt format. So you are going to have to take my word for it. But here's what it said:

"We love it because she gives us insight into the naive yet neurotic world of a 20-something American country girl. She’s a complete pink-packaged anomaly, confessing that her
musical taste goes from hip-hop to rock and country music –and her musings range from the arb to the occasionally substantial. But a weird thing happens to you when you’re reading – you start to see patterns in her life that also exist in yours, almost 14, 000 km away."

Hmmm. It sounds like they haven't read too much of my blog. I rarely talk about music on here. And I'm not quite sure why they think of me as a "country" girl. I also do not know what they mean by "pink-packaged anomaly", but I like that they describe me as a naive yet neurotic girl! LOL , that's pretty accurate. Not a glowing review, but a good one, at least.

Maybe I need to get one of those tshirts that say: "I'm kind of a big deal."

Ha Ha!

Talking about South Africa reminds me of a story about my dad, actually. My parents met at work in Washington, DC. But right before they met, WLF had to take a business trip to South Africa, which as you know is home to many diamond mines.

Since they were so cheap, WLF decided to buy some while he was there. Although he was divorced at the time, he hoped he'd get married again one day and could give a diamond to a new wife in an engagement ring. The back-up plan was that he'd just end up giving them to his sister or his oldest daughter (my older half-sister, Banana). So he bought two or three of them.

Due to customs regulations, he was not allowed to bring back the biggest one with him on the plane. It had to be shipped to him. He said that would be fine, and so he left his address with the diamond salesman.

He arrived back in the States and meets the new mail girl, who also happened to be my mother. It's love at first sight, and he begins to pursue her relentlessly (remember, he asked her out to lunch every day for a YEAR before she said yes!). Meanwhile, the diamond is getting shipped to him.

One day, he goes to get his mail out of the mailbox. Inside is a plain white envelope, with a hand-written address. The return address read: Capetown, South Africa. He opened it easily, because it was just licked like any regular envelope would be. Inside was the diamond. No wrapping, no insurance, no letter, nada. Just a plain envelope with a 3 carat diamond inside. It had been mailed halfway across the world without being lost or stolen. It was pretty incredible, actually, if you think about how many hands must have handled that envelope.

About 2 years later, it was put into The Czarina's engagement ring.

Cool story, huh?

Fun Friday!!

I haven't run into much lately, so it's taken me a while to have enough for a good Fun Friday post.

1. Is this lady for real???? I thought I was a dork with no life, but she's got me beat. She gave up her Tea Towel Club for Lent, people. I think I gave up sex for Lent....

2. Some recent search terms from my statcounter (ie, terms people entered into Google that led them to my blog):

A lot of them make sense:
"stories of smooching boobs for fun"
"washcloth germs" -- my phobias are shared! I'm not alone!
"long toes"
"reason for a long toe"
"morphed male balls"
"men with 3 balls"--I do talk about balls a lot...
"wide hips/saddlebags"--something I've been known to bitch about on occassion
"how to tell if you're a bad listener" -- something I've wondered about on here
"smokin hot neighbor photo" -- oh wait. I googled that.....
"my hot neighbor" -- i googled that one too, probably...
"big boobs"
"mormons and jello"--others share my curiosity!
"julian mcmahon"
"treadmill playlists"
"virginia belle stripper"
"virginia belle sex machine" --wow. what an ironic reputation....
"what do women think of jockstraps?"-- I also like to wonder about jockstraps...
"one ton man" -- I posted once about a show on TLC called "I Eat 33,000 Calories a Day"
"give yourself diabetes" -- I'm curious to know how that one turned out...
"anna nicole smith" -- from my "I love vicodin" posts...
"snogs" -- I do love my British slang.
"eating the same thing everyday"-- Yup. Do that, too.
"single dads dating"-- Hot Neighbor!
"dating hn"-- stupid skanks are trying to google my Hot Neighbor!!
"cute sex movie"-- three of my favorite words.
"jessica simpson short legs kankles"-- I have mentioned JS on here before. And perhaps kankles.

Some do not make sense...:
"tuna drainer" -- have never discussed tuna or drainers on this blog.
"i like bukkake" --WTF is bukkake?? Note to self: google bukkake
"are anchovies poisonous to dogs?" -- have never discussed anchovies on here....
"what happens when you boil spandex?" --why would you EVER need to know this??

And some beg for clarification or a story:
"lonely married guy, columbia, SC"
"met him at sky tower, doesn't like blondes anyway"
"send my misses [sic] a dirty text"
"pink puncher" -- is this some sick sexual act I'm not familiar with? I've gotten this one like 3 times
"perfect dating bobby knock" -- I'd like to meet this Bobby Knock character...
"weirdest things put in assholes" -- WOW.
"anorexic eat bath sponges"-- now there's an urban legend I've never heard.
"my son's dating a skank"
"do not date a skank"--skanks are apparently causing trouble for others, not just me. Good to know.
"marriage to someone with OCD"
"MRSA and lapdances"
"embarrassing give him acrylic nails"--WTF??

Lately, I've been getting some more perverted ones:
"virgin beavers"
"pictures of man kiss woman virgina [sic]" -- Hmmm...I wonder what a virgina is??

3. My coworker found these videos about information literacy (ie, learning how to use a library, cite sources and find good information). They crack me up! The last one is especially funny -- I love how the game show contestant talks! "hello!" "okay!" etc. I believe they come from Rutgers, and based on these videos, I can say there are some hard-working and smart librarians up there. The videos do a good job at making it easy to understand. In case you were curious, the stuff in these videos is what I teach people all day.

That's all I've got today in the way of Fun Friday. Not the best, I know. I have a good excuse, though. I was sick all day yesterday. [Insert "Awww!" here.] I think I had food poisoning or something, because I had a fever, I was achy and I had....gastro-intestinal issues. Ugh, I felt terrible all day. I'm mostly better now, but I still have zero interest in eating anything (which, I guess is good, right?). I'm kinda dizzy, still slightly icky and weak-feeling. All I want is diet Sprite. I love that when I'm sick.

I need to ask my readers a question. I need some advice, I guess. I am seriously considering getting Sammy a sibling. For those of you with two pets, do you have any tips or warnings for me? How did you go about it? I am thinking that since Sammy is fairly dominant, I should probably get a dog that will stick up for itself. Otherwise, he will just intimidate it to death. I'm also thinking of getting a female dog this time....so if you can advise me on this, I'd love to know. Thanks!

Hot Neighbor has been gone for a week, people. I am having major withdrawls. I don't know where he is, I assume a work-related trip. He wouldn't be on some Caribbean vacation with a Skank, now would he??? Right? Of course not. He's away on business, planning on how he can seduce me.

Oh well. Hopefully tonight I will see the cute guy from last week's Happy Hour. There are plenty of fish in the sea, right? And then tomorrow is the annual St. Patty's Day festival -- SO much fun. I will get to see one of my favorite local bands play twice! Yesssss!!!

Ok, well, my weekend is starting early-- we are so dead in here, my boss just told us we can all go home! Woot! Gotta love Spring Break!!!

Randomness

What can I say, folks? It's a slow news day. Since there is not much of consequence going on in VB Land, I will give you a little peek into some random thoughts in my brain lately...

1. If reincarnation exists, I want to come back as someone in the music industry. Maybe a songwriter. Because there are so many life situations for which no song has been written. When you are upset about something, there should be a song that is perfect for it. If I can't come back as a songwriter, I'd like to be a professional playlist maker. Ever look at playlists available on mp3 sites, like Napster? They are so lame: Dinner Party, 80s Girl Bands, An Evening of Jazz, etc. No offense to jazz fans or throwers of dinner parties. And I love me some Bananarama as much as the next girl, but where are the playlists people actually need? Ones like

I Am Going to Kill Your Ex-Wife if She Calls You One More Time
What if He Really is the Father?
Don't You Know He's Lying?
I Hate my Job
When Do I Get to Say 'I Told You So'?
Mom, You are Really Pissing Me Off Today
I Am So Onto Your Bullshit
Burning Up Calories and Anger On the Treadmill
etc.

2. I recently read on Wikipedia that Mormons are known for having an affinity for Jell-O. Green Jell-O in particular. This is the kind of thing that keeps me up at night, so if anyone knows more about this, please tell me. Any Mormons reading this? Because this little factoid really begs for explanation. Then again, I got it from Wikipedia, which isn't the most reliable of sources...

3. My new obsession? Statcounter. I heart it. Right now, as you are reading this, I can see where you are. So stop picking your nose. That's disgusting. Get a kleenex. Just kidding. No, I can see what town you are in and how long you're on here. Which is kinda cool. It would be cooler if I could get your street address from it so I can really stalk you. Unfortunately, there are these things called "Privacy Laws." They are to protect "Haters". Who doesn't want me ringing their front doorbell? If you knew me, you'd be all about it. But what's really fun are the phrases people use to find this blog. (Yes, Virginia, there really is a phrase lister!) Some of my favorites so far:

life in diapers (um, what?)
OCD mid-30s (ok, I can kind of understand that one...)
ten reasons to date frat brothers (also understandable, considering my college exploits...)
Virginia Bell big boobs (If you don't know who that is, click here. And no, I am not 75.)
hard to meet people after college (tell me about it!)
best avatar ever (why, thank you!)
I want a fling (and I want a million dollars, but hey, you never get everything you want! Actually, this one makes no sense to me, as I am not much for "flings". Except that one time.)
optimistic cliches (talk about bad search engine results...Little Miss Sunshine I am not.)
what do women think of jock straps (funny, I was just talking about that...)
jackson pollock myspace layout (WTF??)

Then, of course, there were the perverted ones:

virtual lap dances (why, oh why, does my blog come up as a hit for that??)
crotch pics blogspot (ok, now this one is a little more believable. I have posted pics of my crotch before. Not!)

But my all-time favorite so far has been:

peel a banana with your toes

Because I always joke around about being able to do that! I don't know if I could, but I bet I'd get farther than a lot of people. I should try sometime...

4. I lost my favorite work-out CD. This is bothering me entirely more than it should be. I think I left it at the gym. Apparently other people also like Rob Zombie. Who knew?

5. If you met me in real life, you'd be really, really surprised that I listen to that kind of music. Yeah, I'm preppy and WASPy, but I have a dark side.

6. Ok, who am I kidding. No I don't. I just like to think I do.

7. Why You Might Hate Me, Reason #45: It's mid-60s here today. I am wearing a short-sleeved shirt. It's sunny, too. Ha ha! Bite me. Go ahead. You have nothing else to do, anyway. You're buried under 4 feet of snow.

8. Have I told you how obsessed I am with British slang? And how I am on a campaign to have it popularized in the US? Seriously, I love America, but their slang is far superior to ours, guys. Snogging, how's your father, bollocks, dog's bollocks, arse, shag, bloody, dodgy, beastly, fancy, cheerio, Bob's your uncle, brassed off, goolies, bugger off, knickers, honking, cheeky, chin wag, cock up, cracking, crusty dragon, daft, gallivanting, gormy, jammy, jolly good, knackered, take the piss, wanker, wonker...I could go on and on. I luuuuurve it.

9. This is my new favorite website.

Ok, that's it for now. I'm off to the gym and then to help MJ shop for a new outfit for a date with a new hottie! You go, MJ!!!