Now Accepting Applications

WANTED: 100% single women, between 25-35 years of age, who live in Savannah, GA and are interested in participating in PG-13 level shenanigans with woman of similar mindset. Shenanigans may include, but are not limited to: laughing, dancing, happy hours, flirting with cute boys, making out with cute boys, shopping, brunch/coffee dates, talking on the phone, watching reruns of Sex and the City, getting pedicures. Hipsters and goody-two shoes need not apply. Preference given to former sorority girls who have experience in the aforementioned shenanigans.

Here it is, another Saturday night, and I am alone. Is it just me, or is making friends way more difficult after college? I think I have blogged about this before...I'll try and keep this brief.

St. Patty's Day is in full swing, and the city is crawling with fun, young people, and I am dying to be one of them. I want to laugh and flirt and dance...but instead, my only choices are to watch tv with my dog or be the weird girl who is out at a bar by herself. Stone cold sober, I might add, which makes fitting into the debauchery that much more difficult. (If anyone has mastered the art of going out alone, please teach me your ways!)

I believe there are 2 main contributing factors to my problem.

1. I keep moving around too much. It takes time to make good friends, and my favorite party buds are all in Columbia, SC right now. (They couldn't make it down here for St. Patty's Day)

2. I have not been making as much of an effort to make friends here in Savannah as I probably should. Don't get me wrong -- I love my coworkers and I love my Bible Study friends. But neither group is into doing what I'm into doing at the moment. I am not a hipster (like all my coworkers) and I definitely do not want a family-friendly, G-rated evening (like my Bible Study friends). I am envisioning a slightly tamer version of the frat parties I attended while in college. Where do sorority girls go when they grow up??? Oh yeah, they get married. Right. I sorta skipped that part. Note to self: get married so you don't care about frat parties any more.

I cannot be the last single, 30 year old (ok, ok, 32 year old) non-hipster in this town (seriously, y'all, Savannah is Hipster Central) who wants to snog with cute boys in dark corners and dance to hip hop songs with her girlfriends.

I'm too fratty for the hipsters and too bad girl for the BS crowd. Sometimes I feel like I live a double life. I can't really be myself around any of my friends.

*sigh*

I know there are girls out there like me. I just can't find them! Argh. So frustrating. To make matters worse, my own mother has a booming social life -- AND a boyfriend. Something about that doesn't seem quite right. She's always been super duper social butterfly, and I have always considered myself one to a lesser extent. Put me in a room full of talking people and I can hold my own -- even inter-generationally. For me, the hard part is finding the room. I know what to do when I get there!

Guys have it so much easier when it comes to this problem. "So, how do you like them Yankees?" is all they seem to need to become instant buds with someone. Girls aren't as open. I wish we would stop acting like that. Would it kill women to be a little bit friendlier? In this day and age, we need girlfriends more than ever. Why not invite the girl who complimented your shoes to sit with your friends at the bar? Why not introduce your group to the group next to you? Isn't it a "the more, the merrier" situation? What's with all the snarkiness and competition? That's got to be my least favorite thing about my gender. Why can't we just be cool and friendly? I should wear a shirt that says, "Trust me, I don't want your man. I just want to have brunch with you so we can recount the previous night's girly debauchery."

I'm kind of worried that I may have a touch of my dad's personality when it comes to friends. We used to tease him, because if you were to stick all of his friends into a room, it would be a random assortment of people -- very few of them would have anything in common. Luckily for him, he was much more comfortable being a loner than I am. Plus, it's hard to feel lonely when you have a wife and 7 kids. My dad would have a deep connection with each one of his friends, but only in one way. That's kind of how I am -- I have one friend for X, another friend for Y, a third friend for Z. I wish I could find a friend that covers the whole alphabet! Where are the Samantha, Charlotte and Mirandas to my Carrie? (Not that I'm a Carrie...I'm probably closer to Charlotte, actually.) My mom's friends are all whole-alphabet friends and they've known each other for like, 40 years-- ever since high school/college. This is incredible to me. I don't even talk to my college friends anymore, let alone high school. Then again, they are all in Chicago and married with babies, so really, what do we have in common? I feel I'm a completely different person now than I was then.

Anyway, no point in moping around about this. I need a plan of action. Time to join some clubs or start new activities. Or at least go to restaurants/bars I don't normally go to. And I have to force myself to talk to people with out fear -- otherwise, I will go into shy, silent mode. No one wants to hang out with Silent Girl. (This is one of the reasons why I always feel so comfortable around funny people -- they totally break the ice for me.)

Oh well. At least I won't get barfed on or have to deal with annoying drunk people tonight. And I won't wake up smelling like cigarettes. That makes me feel better.

Man, what I wouldn't give for one last frat party right now....and a wholly single (no hubby, no fiance, not even a boyfriend) non-hipster, non-Bible Study gal pal to go with!

Until then, I'll be singing along to this...which makes me giggle, so that helps!


Thanks for listening to my whining, as usual. I'll try not to be Pity Party Girl next time.

Randomness

What can I say, folks? It's a slow news day. Since there is not much of consequence going on in VB Land, I will give you a little peek into some random thoughts in my brain lately...

1. If reincarnation exists, I want to come back as someone in the music industry. Maybe a songwriter. Because there are so many life situations for which no song has been written. When you are upset about something, there should be a song that is perfect for it. If I can't come back as a songwriter, I'd like to be a professional playlist maker. Ever look at playlists available on mp3 sites, like Napster? They are so lame: Dinner Party, 80s Girl Bands, An Evening of Jazz, etc. No offense to jazz fans or throwers of dinner parties. And I love me some Bananarama as much as the next girl, but where are the playlists people actually need? Ones like

I Am Going to Kill Your Ex-Wife if She Calls You One More Time
What if He Really is the Father?
Don't You Know He's Lying?
I Hate my Job
When Do I Get to Say 'I Told You So'?
Mom, You are Really Pissing Me Off Today
I Am So Onto Your Bullshit
Burning Up Calories and Anger On the Treadmill
etc.

2. I recently read on Wikipedia that Mormons are known for having an affinity for Jell-O. Green Jell-O in particular. This is the kind of thing that keeps me up at night, so if anyone knows more about this, please tell me. Any Mormons reading this? Because this little factoid really begs for explanation. Then again, I got it from Wikipedia, which isn't the most reliable of sources...

3. My new obsession? Statcounter. I heart it. Right now, as you are reading this, I can see where you are. So stop picking your nose. That's disgusting. Get a kleenex. Just kidding. No, I can see what town you are in and how long you're on here. Which is kinda cool. It would be cooler if I could get your street address from it so I can really stalk you. Unfortunately, there are these things called "Privacy Laws." They are to protect "Haters". Who doesn't want me ringing their front doorbell? If you knew me, you'd be all about it. But what's really fun are the phrases people use to find this blog. (Yes, Virginia, there really is a phrase lister!) Some of my favorites so far:

life in diapers (um, what?)
OCD mid-30s (ok, I can kind of understand that one...)
ten reasons to date frat brothers (also understandable, considering my college exploits...)
Virginia Bell big boobs (If you don't know who that is, click here. And no, I am not 75.)
hard to meet people after college (tell me about it!)
best avatar ever (why, thank you!)
I want a fling (and I want a million dollars, but hey, you never get everything you want! Actually, this one makes no sense to me, as I am not much for "flings". Except that one time.)
optimistic cliches (talk about bad search engine results...Little Miss Sunshine I am not.)
what do women think of jock straps (funny, I was just talking about that...)
jackson pollock myspace layout (WTF??)

Then, of course, there were the perverted ones:

virtual lap dances (why, oh why, does my blog come up as a hit for that??)
crotch pics blogspot (ok, now this one is a little more believable. I have posted pics of my crotch before. Not!)

But my all-time favorite so far has been:

peel a banana with your toes

Because I always joke around about being able to do that! I don't know if I could, but I bet I'd get farther than a lot of people. I should try sometime...

4. I lost my favorite work-out CD. This is bothering me entirely more than it should be. I think I left it at the gym. Apparently other people also like Rob Zombie. Who knew?

5. If you met me in real life, you'd be really, really surprised that I listen to that kind of music. Yeah, I'm preppy and WASPy, but I have a dark side.

6. Ok, who am I kidding. No I don't. I just like to think I do.

7. Why You Might Hate Me, Reason #45: It's mid-60s here today. I am wearing a short-sleeved shirt. It's sunny, too. Ha ha! Bite me. Go ahead. You have nothing else to do, anyway. You're buried under 4 feet of snow.

8. Have I told you how obsessed I am with British slang? And how I am on a campaign to have it popularized in the US? Seriously, I love America, but their slang is far superior to ours, guys. Snogging, how's your father, bollocks, dog's bollocks, arse, shag, bloody, dodgy, beastly, fancy, cheerio, Bob's your uncle, brassed off, goolies, bugger off, knickers, honking, cheeky, chin wag, cock up, cracking, crusty dragon, daft, gallivanting, gormy, jammy, jolly good, knackered, take the piss, wanker, wonker...I could go on and on. I luuuuurve it.

9. This is my new favorite website.

Ok, that's it for now. I'm off to the gym and then to help MJ shop for a new outfit for a date with a new hottie! You go, MJ!!!

Blogs & Snogs

Yes! I've finally incorporated (stolen?) British slang into a post title!

Sorry I've been away so long, readers. I have been one busy girl! I had an action-packed weekend, work has been super busy and I'm moving this weekend, so I just have not had time to post. Egads, I got a life! Can you believe it? I'm going to give you the highlights of everything.

But first, I'd like to make an announcement: I have a new blog! There is a link on the sidebar for Virginia Cooks. I really like to share recipes and cook, so I thought this would be a great way to share and stay organized. Plus, it will encourage me to cook more often. It won't be my main blog, because let's face it, this one is much more interesting! [VB hears crickets chirping] But feel free to email the recipes to your friends and email me recipes or links and I will post them for you (giving you credit, of course!). You can ask me questions about my recipes or give me suggestions. If you are really brave, email me cooking questions! I have put up two recipes today to get you started. I hope you like them.

Ok, on to the good stuff. After work on Friday, I bought my new washer and dryer for $400! And I also bought the couch for $100. They (a couple who are getting married and trying to condense their stuff) threw in a cute slipcover and some patio furniture for free. I am quite the bargain hunter if I do say so myself!

Friday night I went to Local's (as usual) with Brunette. We were sort of half-way planning on meeting up with the Wild Young'ns there. We hadn't seen them in a while, so it was good to hang out with J-Rich, Mack Daddy and JD. I figured Big Poppa and Repo would show up. Man, did they make an entrance. Repo's former frat brothers had made a surprise visit earlier in the evening and they had all been drinking Ciclon, which is this rum spiked with tequila. I guess it really messes with Repo, because he says there is a connection between this drink and him being really drunk. They were not so much drunk as they were completely wasted. Like frat party wasted. Soon Repo started to irk me. Here's what he did:

Argued with me about his ability to walk in a straight line--he couldn't.
Groped me incessantly to the point where I was truly irritated with him.
Tried to make out with me on a dancefloor in the sleaziest of bars.
Had to be told 4 times in a row that I wanted a glass of water.
Tried to pick a fight with a complete stranger.
Ordered food at IHOP and didn't eat any of it.
Whined loudly and incessantly about wanting to go home.
Dawdled when it was time to go home. [grrrr...]
Misplaced his credit card, so I had to pay for everyone.
Didn't remember anything from the entire night.

I forgot how much I hate babysitting drunk people. Brunette and I dropped him off at home and took Big Poppa to his car (BP was ok to drive by this point). Needless to say, I was pretty ticked off. I don't mind being around drunk people, but being around totally wasted people is a different matter. I'm done with college! I don't want to date a frat boy! And trust me, I won't be seen in public with him again if he's ever like that. I will just go home.

The next day he called and apologized. Even though he couldn't remember anything, he remembered enough to know he had been obnoctious. I don't like having serious conversations on the phone, so I just settled our plans for that night and got off the phone. He was definitely in the doghouse.

We were going to a really really nice restaurant for dinner, so I figured I'd put in a little extra effort and wear my new red dress. I'm a little squeezed for time, so I'm slightly chicken-headed as I get ready. I'm in the shower, shaving my legs. Somehow I managed to cut the s--t out of my foot and it won't stop bleeding. This ate up about 20 extra minutes. Dang. I needed a big band-aid right across my foot, so wearing the pumps I wanted to wear was out of the question. I had to wear boots, which didn't look right. I was looking at the boots with the dress when I realized that my bra hangs out of the back of the dress. Dang! I could have devised a way to hide the strap or go commando, but I didn't have time to fool with it and I didn't like the boots with it anyway. So I scrapped the outfit and wore my new blue top and a black skirt, which Repo really liked. Plus, I was warmer. Bonus. Whew!

We had dinner at a restaurant called Motor Supply because it used to be a store for auto parts back in the day. The menu changes every day, which I think is really cool. I got a salad with creamy feta dressing, a big porterhouse-sized grilled porkchop with honey-dijon-bourbon sauce, sweet mashed potatoes and snow peas. This was the best meal I've had in months! Good conversations and good ambience, and this was a great dinner date so far. It was cold and rainy, so after dinner we decided to go to his house and look at his baby pictures. I got to see old pictures of his family and friends and listen to stories of his childhood, which was really nice. Then we got to talking about last night...

He apologized about a million times when I told him how he had acted. He felt terrible and was mortified. Which was the reaction I was hoping for, I have to say. I told him I'm not an "ultimatum" kind of girl and I am not someone who tries to "change" people, but I am not interested in dating someone who acts like this--whether I'm present or not. I have enough people in my life that I worry about, I don't need to worry about the guys I date. Then I told him he can do whatever he wants because he is a grown man, but I might not be around to see him do it. He was informed that I don't tolerate anyone raising their voice to me--any words yelled at me will be the last words he speaks to me. No exceptions. (Brunette and I think he might have a temper when he drinks.) I said this was just an FYI conversation so he will know what the deal is. I accepted his apology and joked that he used up all of his brownie points. (Plus, I've been calling him Drunky Monkey, which he hates.) Then he said the words every woman truly wants to hear:

"You're right. I'm an idiot. I'm really sorry. I'm not going to do that again. It's just not worth it. It's time for me to grow up."

I thought, Good. Glad we can come to an agreement on this. Hopefully he means what he says. Hopefully I'm not dating an alcoholic or an eternal frat boy. I don't want to be The Drunk Guy's girlfriend. We changed the subject and watched a movie. And yes, I got some good smoochin' in. Man, I'm glad to get that out of the way. I told him I thought I had cooties or something. He said I just make him nervous. Awww...

Sunday I went to a hockey game and out to dinner with Brunette. We had a good time. It was nice to end my weekend with a sober woman instead of a drunk man!

I have to go home now. I'm going to bake some pumpkin bread while I pack. Then I'm taking it to Repo. He's having a really rough week, so I'm going to cheer him up. Besides, he is helping me move, so I'm pretty grateful! He wants to get me a birthday present. What should I ask for?