They look so good but fit so strange.
--No Doubt, "Sunday Morning"
This is a tale of role reversal. Normally, I can say I behave in a manner which befits a lady. This weekend was not that time. I ate too much, I smoked too much. I had questionable morals. And it was everything I hoped it could be. Yes, dear readers, it was Bad Girl Weekend. I have decided to allow myself to have such a weekend every so often. Repression is never a good thing.
I picked an action-packed weekend to get re-acquainted with my inner college student: three dates, some football watching and plans for going out with friends to our favorite hangouts. Just in time, all my nails broke and my face broke out like a 12 year-old. Perrrrrfect.
Let me begin with Friday...
Second date with a really funny and talkative guy. His name rhymes, so I'll call him Dr. Seuss. Little did he know he was really taking out Bad Girl. (insert sinister laugh and vigorous rubbing of hands here). He took me to The Rhino Room, which is a pretty swanky bar. Not your typical go-there-every-weekend bar. We had a drink and then headed over to Hennessey's for dinner. It was also a nice place. Great food. I had plenty of time to eat it because Dr. Seuss completely dominated the conversation. It is impossible to get a word in edgewise. Now, I believe you can learn more with your mouth shut, but come on. This guy just likes to hear himself talk. Conversations are supposed to involve two people. This was like having dinner with a verbal fire hose. Suddenly, a crazy thought crossed my mind: Oh my gosh. This is how men must feel when women won't shut up.
Oh, this was only the beginnings of the role reversal. After dinner, we were both tired and decided to make it a Blockbuster night. We both like horror movies. The irony of it strikes me only now, but we rented The Grudge. Later on, I would form one. Against him. But I digress. We went back to his apt where I got to see his decorating style up close and personal. It was very in-your-face and hard to take in all at once, sort of like him. There were lots of big, hard, sharp and breakable objects. No softness, really. It was all very nice-looking, but uninviting and lots of things seemed to be placed at wrong angles and awkward positions. I noticed a large (I'm talking 15 lb. jar) of creatine on top of his fridge, expensive skincare in his bathroom and a Kama Sutra book on his bedside table. At this point I'm thinking This must be how guys feel when they see pink lightbulbs and leopard print everything in a girl's apartment. What kind of message are they trying to send? This feeling overshadowed the remainder of the evening. I may form a new theory about male interior decorating. But that is for a different post. So I attempt to get comfortable on his bright red brick of a couch. Some snuggling. Decent movie. The end credits roll...and I began Bad Girl Weekend. (I'm not going to kiss and tell, so give up that pipe dream right now!) I will say it was PG...ish. ;) At that time, something about him was still bugging me, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I just wanted to get out of there. After making out with him, of course.
As we were leaving, I noticed a book, The Truth About the Irish. I told him I almost bought that book the other day (It turns out we are both of Irish descent). He let me borrow it. Again, the irony was apparent only later.
He dropped me off. On his way home, he lost his mind.
Meanwhile, I got a last-minute call from a friend's brother (we'll call him Kermit). His date to the football game (South Carolina vs. Florida) had to cancel, so he was calling to see if I was free. Actually, he was on his way to my house. ETA: 10 minutes. Well...what could I say? I hopped in the shower. Then we went to the game. This was the first time I had really hung out w/Kermit one-on-one. It was also my first USC game. We had a blast! He is very funny and made me feel really welcome and comfortable. He was not at all a jerk like I had originally thought. I told him that and then immediately regretted it, because he ribbed me about it the rest of the day. I replied by informing him that this was not a date.
We partied at a Cockaboose with some of Kermit's coworkers. Although technically I was his date by default, we are just friends. He even went so far as to tell people he felt "no chemistry" when we met. Gee, thanks. But I guess we are even now for my jerk comment of earlier. Aside from fielding "So, how long have you two been dating?" questions, we had a blast! I met a whole new crew: Funny Party Guy, FPG's girlfriend, Blonde #1, Blonde #2, and my friend's ex (MFX), who is dating Blonde #2. I was not expecting to run into MFX, but that's how this town is--after three years, you pretty much know someone everywhere you go. I proceeded to begin smoking and eating junk food upon arrival. Ah, Bad Girl Weekend. Then it was time for the game, so Kermit and I went up to our seats. That's when things got awkward for him. Because we were sitting directly behind his ex. And her husband. (I'm telling you, this town is small!) I told him later I would have played along if he had introduced me as his girlfriend. But we still had a good time. Kermit is one of those guys who doesn't mind answering all the dumb girl questions about sports, and I appreciate that. But I can follow football decently enough. And this was a great game. It's a good time to be a Gamecock fan.
After the game, we went back to the Cockaboose. Everyone congregated there to decide the next step in the victory partying. It was not looking like the group would be heading to the part of town (the Vista) where my friends, The Nurses, were going to be. So I was in the middle of deciding what to do and who to call back when Dr. (now Crazy) Seuss called. I told him it was kind of a bad time, and could I call him back tomorrow? He got off in a huff. This must be how guys feel when girlfriends get mad at them for going out with the guys. But I didn't really have time to think about it much, though, because we were leaving to go to Cock's Corner (really just a parking lot with a band) and I didn't want to leave the Nurses hanging. So I was telling Kermit about all this, and he said he would talk to the Nurses and tell them he had kidnapped me. Or at least that is what he told me he said. Off we went. We went to Rockaway's for a while--again, my first time going there. Another cool place. Known for great burgers.
The Football Crew is awesomely fun. It was one of those great nights where everyone is having a great time and laughing so hard you feel you might get a hernia if they don't stop saying hilarious things. We all said we have to do it again this weekend. I can't wait. So this is why guys go to games all the time. Although this week, there is no way I will get tix because it is USC vs. Clemson. That's ok, the Cockaboose has closed-circuit TV. Yesss!
I was really tired, and Kermit had to drive back to Greenville, so I was home around 10pm. I had just washed my face and put on my pjs. I was getting ready to do one of my favorite things ever: fall asleep in front of the tv. That is, until Dr.Crazy Seuss called. This must be how guys feel when their girlfriends are really clingy and call them when they are exhausted. He told me how "my" man had won an arm-wrestling contest that evening and how he wanted to come by and "give me a goodnight kiss". The following thoughts instantly hit my brain:
- Why did I answer my phone?
- You are not my man. We have been on two dates.
- You really did lose your mind on the way home, didn't you?
- I have no makeup on. (I try to keep up the I-really-look-like-this illusion for as long as possible with new datees.)
- That is evidence of clinginess, which is a big turn-off.
Dr. Seuss: I'm feeling blown off.
Me: I'm not blowing you off. I'm tired, I smell like bar and I'm really about to go to bed.
Dr. Seuss: I just want a kiss.
Me: I just spent all of last night with you. That was your time. I set the whole evening aside for you.
Dr. Seuss: I'm getting the feeling you are dating other people.
Me: That's true. I am talking to some other people.
Dr. Seuss: Well, I don't compete for women. And I don't like feeling like I'm an appointment you have penciled in on your calendar.
Me: Well, that's too bad. I'm a busy girl. I thought we had a pretty good time, but if that's how it is...
Dr. Seuss: Yeah, that's how I work. If I'm going to be with someone, I expect them to be with only me. That's how you focus on the relationship and get to know someone.
Me: Yes, eventually. Not after two dates. This must be how guys feel when women give them ultimatums.
And the conversation was all downhill from there. He hung up on me. Oh no you di-dant! I called him back and said I did nothing to deserve that. He denied having hung up on me! I didn't buy it for a second. Ah, so this is how it feels when women play "No, nothing's wrong!" I said if he was as interested in me as it seemed, he never would have hung up on me and he certainly wouldn't have pressured me into doing something I was not ready for. He backpeddled. His possessiveness and need for total control became really evident. That's what was bugging me! He always had to be in control and force himself upon me whether I liked it or not. That's why he was always Mr. TMI, that's why his furniture was so loud...it all made sense. He suffers from personality rape syndrome. And the ultimatum he gave me did not win him any points. All it did was irritate me. Two dates? You want me to put all my eggs in one basket after two mediocre dates where you talked my friggin ear off? Puh-leez. Relationships should not be that difficult to get off the ground.
He has called me twice today. I did not answer my phone, but I listened to my voice mail. I was under the impression that we were over, but according to his message, that entire conversation never took place. How's that backpeddling for you? I'm keeping his book. Boy did I learn the truth about the Irish!
Prediction: He will randomly call me three weeks from now using the book as an excuse to get his foot in the door with me.
The next day, I did not go to church. Bad Girl doesn't do church. She doesn't go to the gym either. She eats donuts for breakfast and sits in her pjs until 2pm. Then it is time for the third date with Small World Guy. He is called SWG because he and I have lived in all the same towns, went to the same school, know some of the same people and go to the same gym. (Hearing that Twilight Zone theme song yet?) Somehow, we had never met. SWG and I went to Liberty's, one of my favorite hangouts--great food. SWG is an attractive, nice guy and needless to say, we had a lot to talk about. Well, he did. I basically interviewed him. I know about his family, his dad's love of history, some crazy partying he has done, what life was like in each town... I stopped listening after about 10 minutes. I am chalking it up to nerves. He is a nice guy, so he will get a second chance. But I was not feeling much of a spark on either side of the table. Hopefully, because he is cute, next time there will be some flirting and question asking from his side of the booth. Or else this isn't going to work either.
Prediction: his flirtier, question-asking side will remain MIA and he will become a friend who will watch IU basketball games with me. And will hopefully introduce me to his cute friends.
Of course, I was not done being bad just because it was Sunday afternoon. Of course, I had to stick it to someone about the Florida loss to USC. I only knew one Florida fan. The Big Ex. Carrie had her Big, I have my Big Ex. What better way to be bad than to call an ex? It's so unhealthy and self-indulgent. (Those are Bad Girl's favorite words). We talked a couple months ago, but it did not go that well. He said I had called at a bad time. This time, it was a great conversation. It was great because of what was left unsaid. The things we would say to each other if we didn't care about getting hurt. The implied compliments. The vaguely supportive comments. The off-handed way we asked about each other. The seemingly laid-back tone of voice. And the telling silences. It was a great conversation. We might see each other next month at a mutual friend's house.
After that, I went to dinner with the Nurses. It was great to catch up with them and share all of our busy weekend adventures with one another. Blonde Nurse told me about the new guy she's talking to and the one she has on the side. She played it off like they were just friends, but we called her out! Brunette Nurse whipped out not one but two packs of cigarettes out of her purse after dinner! Brunette does not smoke. I did a double take. It turns out I was eating dinner with Bad Girls!