1. Like most of my questions, this one is directed mainly at men. (I already know how women work!) Here is a hypothetical situation. You go over to your new girlfriend's house. Things are....progressing, shall we say. Then, suddenly, you see them: granny panties. What is your gut/true reaction? Ok, well, how about if you see cellulite? What if she hasn't shaved her legs in a week and she's prickly? What if she opens the door to let you in and she has no makeup on? How harsh are you about all of these "caught unaware" moments? Are women expected to look awesome all the time?
All of these have happened to me recently. (Well, except the granny panties. I don't wear those.) Repo swears he doesn't mind and that I always look good to him, but I'd really like to get the truth from unbiased guys. Seriously, there is no way I look as good without makeup. I just don't buy it!
2. Why do men cheat? Why do women cheat?
I think men cheat because they can. If they are put in a position of power, where they have opportunities, there is a higher likelihood that they will take advantage. (But I'm not saying all men are cheaters. I think only a handful are.) Something changes in a guy when he gets a hold of power. It's almost like he feels he is more entitled to multiple partners or something. Some men cheat because they are living off of the thrill. It is the same feeling as bungee jumping, I think. I read an article once, sort of a "Confessions of a Cheater" kind of thing, where the man said that life with his wife was ho-hum and his mistress made his life exciting. She was younger, thinner and more up for passionate rendevous in sleazy hotel rooms. Unlike his wife, she was always up for anything, never nagged him and asked nothing of him besides the obvious. She made him forget his responsibilities, if only for a little while. She was not tied down by kids, cooking, cleaning, soccer schedules, etc. This strangely makes sense to me....spontaneity can go a long way, sometimes...as can keeping yourself looking good. Too bad it didn't work for Clara Harris. Too little, too late, methinks...
Women cheat, sometimes, for the same reason--the thrill becomes addictive. But I think this is in the minority of cases. Most women, IMHO, cheat because their man has somehow made them feel alienated, devalued or insignificant. If you are not appreciating your woman, you aren't trying to form an emotional bond with her or you are making her feel unimportant, you are practically encouraging her to cheat. There is always another man out there waiting to replace you, trust me!
3. Do you think love should be easy? Or are fighting and arguments just a sign of growth? Is it possible to have a rock-solid relationship without disagreements? Or are there gray areas?
I think love should be easy. I think it can be easy. Lady Starfish has been dating J for about four months. When I talk to her, I ask about "J news". There is never any news. It is always smooth sailing--he is wonderful to her. Always. Has been from the get-go. They simply never argue. It is, quite simply, "on like Donkey Kong", as I like to say. No disagreements on anything. She would like to say that it's because "it's all about me and he gets that," but I really think it goes both ways. There are certainly times where she has put his needs before her own.
The same was true for my parents. Sure, they argued about money, because The Czarina is the biggest penny-pincher around (She buys clothes once a decade. No joke.) and WLF spent money like it was going out of style. On a bunch of useless crap. But their "arguments" were extremely entertaining to all of their children. They did nothing but take turns hurling insults at each other--funny ones. That was their way of dealing with the problem. One of them would always end up cracking a smile and laughing, and the battle would be over and WLF would get to keep his crap. Then The Czarina would remind him that when he is dead, she is having a huge yard sale and selling all of it anyway. That was the closest they ever came to disagreeing on anything, really. (Keep in mind they were arguing about sums of money amounting to less than $300. Not anything major.)
And there are a lot of people who confuse arguments with full-blown fighting, which can be a sign of different priorities. Arguments are about little things. Fighting gets ugly and personal and involves big issues: respect, trust, goals, etc. You know it's an argument rather than a disagreement when you say something and then the next day wish you could take it back. This is a sign you are with the wrong person, IMHO. You are fighting about really big issues, and that is not good.
Like I've said before, as long as your partner's happiness is #1 with you and your happiness is priority #1 with them, it's all good. It's on like Donkey Kong. Everything else is just details.