I am so enjoying all the discussion from my last B.S.-Free Post (see below). My readers always bring up such interesting points. I love it. I will try to think up more questions for #8, but until then, I will reply to your comments here.
Question #1 (about how most women now live without a husband, and do men now feel they have nothing to offer?) -- I think most of you feel more women are just choosing to remain unmarried. This sounds about right and could simply be the end of it. Stuckey and mysmileisfake bring up a good point, which I missed, and that is this: guys don't think about what they are offering a woman until later in the game. This makes sense, since we all know that until they are successful, the only thing men are pondering is how to get you to remove all your clothing with them in a dark room. It's only after that they begin to wonder if they can offer a woman something.
Seems kind of backwards, doesn't it?
I'm just kidding. Har har. (Did anyone get that?? Maybe it's just funny in my head.)
And I do agree with my female readers that guys who feel threatened by independent women are not really the kind of men we're interested in, anyway. They can jump off a cliff for all I care. While they're at it, they can take all the submissive wives with them. Independent women are doing themselves a great service by holding out.
Like mysmileisfake said, our priorities have shifted somewhat. Our careers are important to both men and women nowadays, so we all like to get on firm ground with those before tackling the search for a life partner. We do college and careers for a while, then start thinking about having a family. Back in the day, I think it may have been the other way around. Hence the smaller number of unmarried women a couple decades ago. I am not saying one version is better or worse, I am just noting a trend. And TGOV, as usual, brings up a very good point about how there are good things and bad things about being an Independent Woman these days. I always appreciate her intelligent point of view. Smart lady.
I have a married friend who says that it's not about settling. It's about finding someone whose faults you can live with. Marry the one you can tolerate, basically. At first, it sounds depressing, or even like settling, but if you stop and think about it, it makes sense. WLF (my dad) was a total slob, smoked cigars like a chimney and spent money like it grew on trees. Did this bug The Czarina? Yup. Was it so irritating that it wasn't worth marrying him? Nope. That's why it's important, IMO, to really stop and think about the things you can live with and those you can't. Think about your values and which ones must be present in a potential spouse, which ones should be present, and which ones are just a bonus.
Then again, what the hell do I know? I'm single. This is just my plan. I haven't figured anything out. But I do believe that I'll know it when I see it.
Question #2-- About jock straps and cups. I am only slightly more clear about this whole thing. Men sure are secretive about it. Jeez. And yes, I grew up with 3 brothers, and I have seen jockstraps. But for crying out loud, it's not like it was a popular topic at the family dinner table.
"Mom, can you pass the salt and pepper? Thanks. So, Fat Dog, tell me about jock straps."
"Well, VB, what do you want to know?"
"Do they prevent saggy balls? Because they should."
See what I mean? Not. Appropriate. Sibling. Topic. Just weird and awkward, even in theory. What gives, guys? I mean, I can sit here all day long and answer your questions about bras and tampons. Assuming you want to know. I am just curious. Do guys have to wear jock straps when they go running? Are they uncomfortable to the point that your wiener could fall asleep? Because jock straps look a lot like girdles. Do they have underwires in them if you are...uh, blessed in that department? Because they should. Let me tell ya, it makes all the difference in the world if you're talking about support.
I am entirely too curious about jock straps, I think.
Question #3--Approachability. Stuckey has brought up something I've always believed: Guys will view you as more approachable if you seem to be having a good time already. There are several reasons for this: he doesn't have to work as hard to get you in a good mood, you seem happy and friendlier, you know how to have a good time...etc. I have always thought this made girls more approachable. It can be said for guys, too. Who wants Mr. Morose to talk to you? Any takers? Didn't think so.
I see there is somewhat of a disagreement here about whether or not to approach a girl who is part of a group (larger than 3). Let me explain. Because I can speak for all women around the globe, don't you know. (right...) The general rule of thumb is what Stuckey said: Three or less, knock yourself out. But if it's Girls' Night Out (often this would mean a flock of lovely women in a group of 4 or more), you should probably forget it. However, if there is a gorgeous specimen of a woman to whom you must speak, all is not lost. Your options include:
1. Figuring out a way to be introduced to one of the girls in the group (this is, obviously, easier in a smaller city) so that you may make a seamless transition into the group. If you are successful at this, keep in mind you are still interrupting Girls' Night Out, so you should move along after a few minutes. Meet, greet, get the digits and be gone. Please don't ruin GNO by not taking no for an answer. Just go. Away.
2. Catching the object of your desire as she is separated from the herd. This method is similar to the lions picking off the weak, sickly and young stragglers of a herd as they are fleeing. This does NOT imply she is weak or young. Or sickly. To act accordingly would probably get you ignored at best, and slapped at worst. Where was I? Oh yeah. So tap her on the shoulder as she's headed out of the bathroom. Notice I said "out of". Please don't make her choose between her bursting bladder and your adorable face. It's such a tough call. Or see if she heads to the bar to get drinks--this is a very good time to approach a girl, as she might need help carrying the drinks back to her friends. Thus, you are both cute AND handy to have around. Also, if the bar is busy, she will have about 10 minutes to talk to you as she waits. If she wants to continue talking to you, she will invite you to join the group (see #1). If she is really loving GNO, she'll say thank you, give you her number and go about her merry way.
3. Doing what Justin suggested: Grab your enormous cojones, walk up to the whole group and mack on her in front of her friends. This is, of course, the absolute most risky of all behaviors and should be attempted only by men who possess either incredible flirting skills or little to no pride. I highly recommend thinking of something immensely witty to say ahead of time. It should be blunt and funny. That is the only way to do it. If you are not the witty type, do as Justin did and just say something really incredibly sweet. Don't worry, if you are sincere, her girlfriends will be instantly on your side, egging her on to give you her number. So decide which method you will employ. With this one, you have about a 50/50 shot at making a total idiot out of yourself. DO NOT under any circumstances, attempt this after your third beer. You will just be "The Drunk Guy Who Hit on Amanda". Don't be that guy. Because that's what all of them will call you for the rest of your life. Not good. However, feel free to use your drunk friend as a prop in this method. For example, burst into their circle with your drunk buddy and say something like, "Excuse me, but I just found him on the bathroom floor. Does he belong to you?" At the very least, you'll be known as Random Funny Guy. This is good.
Hmmm...I don't know if there is a #4....those are all the methods I can think of at the moment.
But back to Stuckey's list of How to Be An Approachable Female. He says he needs an indicator. Good point. I have to say, this is probably something I don't use to the best of my abilities. Sometimes, I will encourage my group of girlfriends to shift our position closer to the cute guy. I figure, the closer I'm standing to him, the higher my chances. But some days, I just don't have the confidence. I will have to remember this and utilize it more fully. It's good advice.
I'm glad to read that men sometimes have low-esteem days, too, and just aren't up to hitting on anyone. This is a big relief. Sometimes I feel like women are the only gender with self-esteem issues. Guys are always so confident. Guys must just be better at hiding it.
And Stuckey pointed out that my list has more to do with the post-approach rather than what makes a guy approachable. To which I reply: duh. I don't hit on guys. I am Southern and old-fashioned. Maybe other girls feel comfy hitting on guys. I am not one of them. So no, I can't really tell much until they approach me. But I'm not interested in guys who don't have cojones anyway. It's a good screening method. If they don't like what they see enough to walk across the room and talk to me, they must not be that interested. I prefer to date guys who are interested.
Does this make me high-maintenance? You know what. Don't answer that. I'll discuss it in #8.
If you are not familiar with these and want to read the first 6, see my sidebar. Scroll all the way down. See 'em? Ok. Come back here when you're done.
Holy cow, I haven't done one of these in.....forever. But I've wanted to do one, it's just taken me a while to come up with some good questions. Are they any good? I guess I'll find out soon. Here goes.
1. Men: Now that it's been determined that more women than ever are living without a husband*, do you think it's true that men feel they have nothing to offer the modern woman? Are you thinking, "What can I offer her? She has it all already."?
I think that this is probably another manipulation of statistics put forth by the media. A lot of women (especially those from the Baby Boomer generation) are living longer than their husbands, and so they are now widows. Thanks to modern medicine, they are living as widows even longer than before.We all know men kick the bucket before women do. So these widows are being counted into this 51%. Remember that these statistics are also including divorcees, so it does not mean 51% of women are single/have never been married. But I am betting that the single/never-been-married women numbers are on the rise, too.
What I want to know is this: are men feeling threatened by independent, self-sufficient women? Are we not getting dates because men feel they would only be a burden to us? Are women shooting themselves in the foot by having and doing it all? (Don't get me wrong, I think it's cool. Just playing devil's advocate here.)
2. Strictly a curiosity question: When do men wear jock straps? Only when they are putting themselves at risk for injuries to their balls? Wait, I guess that would be a cup. Wait, are cups the same thing as a jock strap? Are they sold as a set? And the cup is an insert, much like a pad in a push-up bra? How about when they run--does the jock strap serve as a sports bra would for women? I would think it would be important to wear one. Men worry about saggy balls, right? And if they don't, let me tell ya, they should be. Because, ew. Do they come in sizes like bras do? Are they shaped like briefs or thongs? Although it sounds crazy, I bet the thong-style jock strap would be more supportive. So I am curious about male undergarments. Someone please explain this to me.
3. What makes a man/woman unapproachable? Can you smell desperation? Do high-maintenance women have a certain aura? What about bitches? What about men who live with their parents still? Is your decision to approach based on timing? Like if you've had a bad day, you don't talk to her? Do you have any rules for when/how/deciding whether to approach someone?
Or, if you are an old-fashioned gal like me, what determines your decision to let a guy hit on you vs. telling him to go...well, you know. (Not that I say that. I'm a lady. Usually. And not that I get a lot of practice with guys hitting on me. I don't. In fact, I'm having quite the little dry spell right now. Let's not talk about it, ok? Just answer my question.)
Let me think about my answer. *VB utilizes her over-active imagination* I'm at a bar, with my girlfriends. (Or, if I'm daydreaming, I'm at the bookstore, alone--I've always wanted to meet a guy in a bookstore. We have a laugh over some weird funny book, he buys me coffee, we discover a mutual love of jellybeans...but I'm rambling now, so...) Two guys approach me and begin to flirt madly with me. (See? I told you it was over-active.) The guy who gets to approach me and avoid getting a knee in his crotch and get my number has the following characteristics:
*he's funny (this is a deal-breaker if he can't make me laugh--there's a reason why this is #1 on my list)--bonus points if he can make fun of himself
*he's smart and well-educated
*I feel safe around him
*he has a job at which he works hard and exhibits some ambition (those guys who are going to have the same job, forever? bor-ing!)
*he seems mature, polite and kind (all kind of the same thing, really)
*he seems happy, confident and interesting (I think these things go hand-in-hand)
*I'm reasonably attracted to him
*he is not drunk or high (I've got such high standards, right?)
*he is not blowing smoke up my ass (this can cover any number of things...)
*he is apparently single and straight
Everything else is just gravy, really. If he has all these traits and the cojones to approach me, he'll probably get my number if he asks for it. Jeez, what am I saying. If I see a guy who seems to exhibit most of these qualities from across the room, I might just "accidentally" bump into him. Hard. And cop a cheap feel. Right on his hot ass. Yeah, baby.
At the very least, he'll probably catch me checking him out. Twice. And smiling and waving.
And he won't get shooed away or blown off if he's funny, interesting and smells good. I might not give him my number, but I sure will talk to him all night. Which definitely increases his chances of growing on me.
Things which would cause me to flee to the ladies' room (and if necessary, climb out the ladies' room window) in order to escape include:
*guys who cannot keep their hands to themselves (major pet peeve of mine)
*drunk guys
*guys who seem bitter or angry, especially at women
*guys who need to carry their egos in a suitcase or seem to have lost their self-confidence entirely in a baggage mishap at the airport (moderation is key in this department!)
*guys who make it seem pretty obvious they only want to know me in one way, and that way would be horizontally.
*guys who are going nowhere with their lives and don't really seem to care
*guys who aren't "into" anything. Hobbies are good, people. Yes, even hockey. I can live with it.
*guys who can't accept the fact that I. Do. Not. Drink. Alcohol. Ever. No. Not. Even. On. New. Year's.
*guys who are obviously with a woman (I'm not interested in applying for the "Other Woman" position! Go find a drunk slut to do that!)
*guys who have the maturity of a 12 year old
*clingy, desperate types, especially if they are trying to put me on a pedestal! I am not perfect. I cuss like a truck driver. I can be over-dramatic, sometimes to the point that I annoy myself. I'm a total bitch when I'm tired. I like cigarettes. I am overweight. I take eons to get ready. I have judgemental tendencies. I hate the outdoors. These are all things that I feel are fairly obvious, especially in a bar. I don't know why people don't see these things.
Then again, maybe they can, and that's my problem lately!
Re-reading this is making me wonder if I am high-maintenance. If my standards are impossibly high. Am I asking too much? (I guess that is question #4?)
Ah, nothing like your own blog posting to help you figure yourself out. It's sort of like self-therapy, isn't it? And yet so much cheaper.....
What do you think? *in Cawfee Tawlk voice* Discuss amongst yourselves!
*If you want the whole article, go visit your local public library. They can get it for you for free. Don't pay for it online. Your tax dollars already do that.
1. Like most of my questions, this one is directed mainly at men. (I already know how women work!) Here is a hypothetical situation. You go over to your new girlfriend's house. Things are....progressing, shall we say. Then, suddenly, you see them: granny panties. What is your gut/true reaction? Ok, well, how about if you see cellulite? What if she hasn't shaved her legs in a week and she's prickly? What if she opens the door to let you in and she has no makeup on? How harsh are you about all of these "caught unaware" moments? Are women expected to look awesome all the time?
All of these have happened to me recently. (Well, except the granny panties. I don't wear those.) Repo swears he doesn't mind and that I always look good to him, but I'd really like to get the truth from unbiased guys. Seriously, there is no way I look as good without makeup. I just don't buy it!
2. Why do men cheat? Why do women cheat?
I think men cheat because they can. If they are put in a position of power, where they have opportunities, there is a higher likelihood that they will take advantage. (But I'm not saying all men are cheaters. I think only a handful are.) Something changes in a guy when he gets a hold of power. It's almost like he feels he is more entitled to multiple partners or something. Some men cheat because they are living off of the thrill. It is the same feeling as bungee jumping, I think. I read an article once, sort of a "Confessions of a Cheater" kind of thing, where the man said that life with his wife was ho-hum and his mistress made his life exciting. She was younger, thinner and more up for passionate rendevous in sleazy hotel rooms. Unlike his wife, she was always up for anything, never nagged him and asked nothing of him besides the obvious. She made him forget his responsibilities, if only for a little while. She was not tied down by kids, cooking, cleaning, soccer schedules, etc. This strangely makes sense to me....spontaneity can go a long way, sometimes...as can keeping yourself looking good. Too bad it didn't work for Clara Harris. Too little, too late, methinks...
Women cheat, sometimes, for the same reason--the thrill becomes addictive. But I think this is in the minority of cases. Most women, IMHO, cheat because their man has somehow made them feel alienated, devalued or insignificant. If you are not appreciating your woman, you aren't trying to form an emotional bond with her or you are making her feel unimportant, you are practically encouraging her to cheat. There is always another man out there waiting to replace you, trust me!
3. Do you think love should be easy? Or are fighting and arguments just a sign of growth? Is it possible to have a rock-solid relationship without disagreements? Or are there gray areas?
I think love should be easy. I think it can be easy. Lady Starfish has been dating J for about four months. When I talk to her, I ask about "J news". There is never any news. It is always smooth sailing--he is wonderful to her. Always. Has been from the get-go. They simply never argue. It is, quite simply, "on like Donkey Kong", as I like to say. No disagreements on anything. She would like to say that it's because "it's all about me and he gets that," but I really think it goes both ways. There are certainly times where she has put his needs before her own.
The same was true for my parents. Sure, they argued about money, because The Czarina is the biggest penny-pincher around (She buys clothes once a decade. No joke.) and WLF spent money like it was going out of style. On a bunch of useless crap. But their "arguments" were extremely entertaining to all of their children. They did nothing but take turns hurling insults at each other--funny ones. That was their way of dealing with the problem. One of them would always end up cracking a smile and laughing, and the battle would be over and WLF would get to keep his crap. Then The Czarina would remind him that when he is dead, she is having a huge yard sale and selling all of it anyway. That was the closest they ever came to disagreeing on anything, really. (Keep in mind they were arguing about sums of money amounting to less than $300. Not anything major.)
And there are a lot of people who confuse arguments with full-blown fighting, which can be a sign of different priorities. Arguments are about little things. Fighting gets ugly and personal and involves big issues: respect, trust, goals, etc. You know it's an argument rather than a disagreement when you say something and then the next day wish you could take it back. This is a sign you are with the wrong person, IMHO. You are fighting about really big issues, and that is not good.
Like I've said before, as long as your partner's happiness is #1 with you and your happiness is priority #1 with them, it's all good. It's on like Donkey Kong. Everything else is just details.
1. When do you refer to someone as your boyfriend/girlfriend? Do you have a talk about it or is it implied? Do you have a standard waiting period? Do you tell your friends or let them figure it out? I myself like to make it official with a quick conversation, just to be sure we are both on the same page. I have made mistakes about relationship status before, so now I want to know. I will usually be ready to have that conversation after about 3 months of dating someone, but that is a general rule of thumb for me.
2. Do you ask someone you are dating what their "number" is? Are you honest about your number? Do you even share it? I myself never disclose my number. Not only is it none of his business, but any number I say will either be too big or too small. Regardless, his image of me will change for worse--I'll either be a slut or inexperienced. As long as he knows I'm not a virgin or a whore, that's all he needs to know. But anyone who knows me at all can probably discern that already! There is no good answer to that question, "So....how many people have you been with?" Or is there?
3. Regarding some bizarre male behavior: what is the deal with the cat-calling? You know, honking your horn as you drive by, sticking your head out the window and yelling "Woo-hoo, honey! You sure do have junk in your trunk!" or whatever. Do men think this will work? Like we'll hear it and shout back, "Oh, you are such a gentleman! You're so romantic! Please get in my pants! Please!" Men of all ages do this, and in various ways. They will mumble under their breath as they walk by, whistle, whatever. You know what I'm getting at--the whole construction worker mentality. Do men even know how embarrassing it is? Or what a turn-off it is? Let me tell you, this is not the way to get play. Making us feel like pieces of meat will get you nowhere. Save it for the hookers. Do they think we will take it as a compliment? I'm wondering if men just enjoy humiliating us. It could be just some kind of bizarre male-bonding ritual to see how much they can get away with before they get slapped or something...I have noticed it only happens when there is more than one man present. Guys get nice when they are alone. Maybe women should blame themselves and start putting some clothes on when they are out walking around? Although, you don't have to be in skimpy clothing for it to happen, now that I think about it. Any explanations from the gentleman readers I have?
I figured I'd use Roman numerals in honor of Super Bowl Sunday...
Quick shout-out to The Bostons, a couple I know who are avid readers/promoters of my blog, yet do not leave comments--which is fine. I know you're out there, lurking! Great talking to you last night! :) I wonder how many other lurkers I have...
I can't believe I just said "shout out"....
Here we go...
1. Can men and women truly be friends? Without someone's heart getting trampled? Or will we all end up in one of those When Harry Met Sally sort of things where we pine away for years after someone? Do you need that "warm-up" period before taking the relationship plunge? I am tempted to agree with Chris Rock, who said (and I paraphrase) "Men don't have female friends. They're just women they ain't f---ed yet!" I'm trying to think of an opposite-gender friendship where one of us has not tried to cross the line, if even in a joking manner....nope, can't think of one! And yes, guys, it goes both ways--I've confessed crushes on friends before. I think the only way it can work is if at least one person is in a happy LTR. That will eliminate line-crossing. Usually. (By friends, I mean more than acquaintances--hanging out alone, talking on the phone alone, that sort of thing.)
2. How much training are you willing to do in a relationship? What if they are bad kissers? Bad in bed? Bad at communicating? What if you're crazy about someone and they announce they are virgins? Do you stay or do you go?
I don't think you can train a bad kisser. I think that is something innate--you can do it or you can't. Your styles mesh or they don't. There's no way to teach that. Bad kissers won't make it to the next question, usually,because you think, "If they can't kiss, I bet they can't do anything else, either!" And you dump them. If they are good kissers, but bad in bed, I think there is hope. Everyone has different bedroom needs. As long as there is a willingness to please your partner, you will be fine. It might just need some practice. Same thing for bad communicating. But the virgin thing....whooo.....maybe it's because I'm a girl and there is a double standard, but that would freak me out. I'd have to think about it. There would be so much performance anxiety! I have to say, The Forty Year Old Virgin probably would be SOL with me! But if I truly cared, I could do it.
3. (Thank you, Stuckey, for the inspiration on this one--) Would you want an "exit interview" at the end of a relationship? It could be very educational/eye opening, but it could also be totally ego-shattering. It could make you a better person for the next SO but it could also make you depressed. Would you be willing to be honest with someone about what they did wrong? Have you ever asked someone for an exit interview? The Bad Kisser wanted to know why I wasn't interested in him. I didn't tell him he was a bad kisser! I couldn't bring myself to do it! So I just told him he was too clingy. Which he was. But the kissing was the main thing. I don't train for that. I myself never ask for exit interviews--70% of the time, I know why, 20% of the time it's something I can't control anyway, and the other 10%....well, I don't think my ego could handle it. I don't want to know!
This first question is for men:
1. What is the big deal about women having long hair? Every time I think about cutting my hair, all my guy friends or boyfriends are totally opposed to the idea, even though I'd probably look better with shorter hair, according to women who know me. I know other women who feel they cannot cut their hair, for fear of disappointing their men. What gives? Doesn't it get in the way? Don't you get sick of waiting for us to dry and style it? Does it really matter if we have long hair or short?
2. Do men have biological clocks, or only women?
3. What if you just started dating someone great, and then they told you they have never been in a committed relationship before. Is that a red flag? Does their age play a role? (By "committed" I mean a relationship that has lasted at least a year, and they were exclusively dating each other. They are not necessarily engaged or anything.) I recently talked to a guy pal of mine who said his last girlfriend was 31 and had never been in such a relationship. We agreed it was a red flag--she had no real relationship experience. She was totally unwilling to be flexible. It was her way or the highway about everything. We were thinking that it was not surprising she had never been in a semi-serious relationship. That's why we said it's a red flag. But what if she was only, say, 25? 18? 28? 42?
4. I recently read this very interesting article, from this month's National Geographic. Like most of their articles, this one did not disappoint! Scientists have noted a very interesting coincidence. When they held up a picture of the subject's loved one (lover, not a family member or friend), certain parts of their subject's brain were activated. These parts of the brain are the same parts that get "excited" when someone has obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). So when we are in love, we are literally obsessed with that other person. I might be remembering the article incorrectly, but I think they also said people who are newly in love typically spend 4 hours thinking about their new lover. Four hours! (This was no surprise to me, as I go completely wacky at the first hint of a crush!) Any thoughts?
This one will be shorter, since the answers/comments to these questions tend to be on the longer side. Opine away, my lovelies! (I decided to go ahead and give my own answers in this one, since I'm uber-bored at work today. Will this day NEVER end?)
1. Can you (or do you) plan your love life the way you would plan for your job? Is it something you make happen through planning and hard work, or are you more of the passive type who waits around? How much time do you spend on developing/sustaining your relationships/lack of relationships?
Answer: I used to be passive. But now, thanks to my biological clock and hatred of sleeping alone and possibly dying alone, I'm super active. I'm even considering moving to a town where there are more single men. Am I sad? Probably. But I'm having a pretty good time, I must say!
2. How would your Significant Other know that they did a good job in bed? (You don't have to give a personal answer. Any gender-encompassing stereotype will do.)
Answer: Men, I'm really sorry, but I can't really give an answer to this. Any guy who is thinking, "Was that it?...Wait, was that it?" -- I feel for you. Not only is the female uh, reaction notoriously & mysteriously hard to recognize/hard to come by (oooh, that was a bad pun!), but it's been a while for me, so I can't really answer clearly as it is all a faded and distant memory for me! Hmmmm.... If you can get all her clothes off, you're pretty much in like Flynn. But as far as knowing if your skills are up to par....It is a good sign if you don't need any Astroglide! It's a good sign if she can hardly walk afterwards. It is a good sign if she wants to go again right away. (Unfortunately, this could also mean you beat her to the finish line.) Or if she totally passes out afterwards because she's exhausted--that's a good sign. Nine times out of ten, the longer you take, the better love you make! Ha! My new saying...
And to all the women reading this who are faking it--are you high? Why are you promoting bad behavior???? Stop it! Right now!
3. Do you give tests when you are dating?
Answer: Oh, yes! My girlfriends are familiar with my Bathroom Test. I started giving this test when the whole Metrosexual Movement started. I am 150% opposed to this movement. I want hairy, stinky, sweaty, manly, rough, dirty bodies!!! (Ok, I can do without the stinky and dirty, but you get my point.) So, the first time I'm at a new guy's house, I go into the bathroom to look for signs of Metrosexuality. The following items will cause the guy to flunk instantly (this is only a partial listing): a hairdryer, clear nailpolish, expensive shampoo/conditioner, several hair products, several skincare products, specially scented lotion, body scrub, Nair (hair removal cream) or any type of mud mask. I do allow one semi-OK item, including but not limited to: unscented cheap body lotion, spongy poof thingie for shower gel (I prefer just bars of soap, but I now let the poofs slide) and one hair care product. Bonus points are given if I like their cologne, if they use just a bar of soap when in the shower and if they trim (not completely remove!) their body hair. Yes, I'm wierd. But I just can't stand girlymen or vain men! No one who has flunked the bathroom test has ever made it to Boyfriend Status. I don't base everything on this test, but it's a pretty good indicator of a lot of important qualities I look for: masculinity, simplicity, easygoing attitude, practicality and unpretentiousness (is that a word?).
I read about a woman once who gives men the R.E.M. test. If they don't like R.E.M. (the rock band) there is probably something wrong with them. Being a big R.E.M. fan, I have to agree. Good test.
Truth is rarely pure and never simple. --Oscar Wilde
The other day, Kermit was telling me about a female friend of his with whom he sometimes holds "B.S.-free Zone" conversations. They are allowed to ask anything they want about each other or the opposite sex and receive an honest reply--no B.S. The truth hurts, but the truth is the goal in these conversations. I think most of us have had these conversations, so it is nice to finally have a name for them. I thought, what better place to hold such a discussion than my blog?
Some of my friends who read this (they will remain unnamed, but they know who they are!) will attack this post with gusto!
So, here goes--my list of BS-free Zone Questions. This is just the first installment, I assure you. I'm seeing a multi-part post in the future....Please respond with any thoughts on the following:
1. Is there a sex schedule? By that, I mean, do we have expectations for dates 1,2,3, etc.? For example, if a girl sleeps with you on date two, do you think she is a slut and stop calling her because the challenge is gone or it is moving too fast? What if she makes you wait until the 4th month of dating--would you wait around that long? To put the shoe on the other foot, what if you were on date #5 with a guy and he still hadn't kissed you yet? What if a girl is ready and willing to go to third base right off the bat, but makes you wait a couple months for sex? Is there something to be said for waiting, or is it best to just go for it when it feels right? Ladies, do you only do certain things after a certain point? For example, I do not ever kiss on first dates. (The Big Ex is the only exception to this rule, and that's a whole other long story.) Does anyone else out there have these little schedules?
2. What, if any, are the reasons under which a man would turn down a girl calling them strictly for a booty call?
3. Is it called a break-up because it's broken? Or can two people successfully reunite?
4.What is the difference between getting comfortable in a relationship and taking someone for granted?
5. How do you know when you are in love/serious like? Is there something you catch yourself doing or saying or thinking?
6. You know those dramatic scenes in movies, where the guy is running all over town in the rain looking for the girl so he can tell her he made a mistake/has always loved her? And just before she leaves on the plane/train/bus he finds her and confesses everything? Has anyone ever known this to happen in real life? Do guys ever get the urge to do stuff like this, or is it really a fairytale cooked up by Hollywood?
That's it for now folks....what do you think?
