I figured I'd use Roman numerals in honor of Super Bowl Sunday...
Quick shout-out to The Bostons, a couple I know who are avid readers/promoters of my blog, yet do not leave comments--which is fine. I know you're out there, lurking! Great talking to you last night! :) I wonder how many other lurkers I have...
I can't believe I just said "shout out"....
Here we go...
1. Can men and women truly be friends? Without someone's heart getting trampled? Or will we all end up in one of those When Harry Met Sally sort of things where we pine away for years after someone? Do you need that "warm-up" period before taking the relationship plunge? I am tempted to agree with Chris Rock, who said (and I paraphrase) "Men don't have female friends. They're just women they ain't f---ed yet!" I'm trying to think of an opposite-gender friendship where one of us has not tried to cross the line, if even in a joking manner....nope, can't think of one! And yes, guys, it goes both ways--I've confessed crushes on friends before. I think the only way it can work is if at least one person is in a happy LTR. That will eliminate line-crossing. Usually. (By friends, I mean more than acquaintances--hanging out alone, talking on the phone alone, that sort of thing.)
2. How much training are you willing to do in a relationship? What if they are bad kissers? Bad in bed? Bad at communicating? What if you're crazy about someone and they announce they are virgins? Do you stay or do you go?
I don't think you can train a bad kisser. I think that is something innate--you can do it or you can't. Your styles mesh or they don't. There's no way to teach that. Bad kissers won't make it to the next question, usually,because you think, "If they can't kiss, I bet they can't do anything else, either!" And you dump them. If they are good kissers, but bad in bed, I think there is hope. Everyone has different bedroom needs. As long as there is a willingness to please your partner, you will be fine. It might just need some practice. Same thing for bad communicating. But the virgin thing....whooo.....maybe it's because I'm a girl and there is a double standard, but that would freak me out. I'd have to think about it. There would be so much performance anxiety! I have to say, The Forty Year Old Virgin probably would be SOL with me! But if I truly cared, I could do it.
3. (Thank you, Stuckey, for the inspiration on this one--) Would you want an "exit interview" at the end of a relationship? It could be very educational/eye opening, but it could also be totally ego-shattering. It could make you a better person for the next SO but it could also make you depressed. Would you be willing to be honest with someone about what they did wrong? Have you ever asked someone for an exit interview? The Bad Kisser wanted to know why I wasn't interested in him. I didn't tell him he was a bad kisser! I couldn't bring myself to do it! So I just told him he was too clingy. Which he was. But the kissing was the main thing. I don't train for that. I myself never ask for exit interviews--70% of the time, I know why, 20% of the time it's something I can't control anyway, and the other 10%....well, I don't think my ego could handle it. I don't want to know!
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7 comments:
1) Can they be friends? Yes. Can they be friends after one has suggested taking it further and been shot down? Yes. Is it wrong for one person to suggest this? Absolutely not. My wife, when I find her, is going to be my best friend before everything else. Why would I exlude my friend from consideration when they already have some potential for this?
2) I'm a big advocate of making someone better if they're bad at a physical aspect of the relationship. Bad kissing is usually due to nerves, not lack of talent. I've said before that I don't test, but I think the first kiss is the closest I have to a test. It's the first time that you get a feel for their actual confidence level. If they aren't into the kiss, then they're into the kiss, then they're into the relationship.
3) Well, you already know the answer to this. One warning, though. An "exit interview" is exactly that. It's a civil discussion that takes place after the wounds have healed. It is NOT a drunken phone call three days after the break-up to ask "What did I do wrong?"
I shudder at the thought of doing an exit interview with my ex. Thank God I never had to do that. Too much trouble, honestly!
I'm a guy and i have to say that if a guy behaves like a girl's girlfriend, eg. nice, understanding, supportive, then he'll end up in the forever "friends" and nothing more section. The girl will call her girlfriends and say "oh yeah, Dave, you know, he's so "nice" (the death word) but, oh, you know, I don't know, i just don't feel "that way" about him, you know? I just don't "feel it".
As in most of nature, the females choose the males, and women don't choose nice, submissive, weak acting men. We can be friends, but only after the man establishes himself as a strong, confident person. That's what attracts women sexually.
I don't do training. I'm 28, and if I have to train someone to kiss or shag, too much energy.
Depends on the definition of 'friends'. If it means no possibility of ever being in some kind of sexual encounter, ever, then I'd say no. Also, if they start out as friends and one somehow gets attracted to the other, something's gotta give. It seems I'm in the minority on this one though, and I'm the only one who can't be friends with a gal.
i totally agree w/teahouse and NML!
and while i think it can be hard for opposite genders to be friends, i do think it can happen if the circumstances are right and if they are both mature enough to handle any awkward situations. i have to say that i adore all my guy pals! they are the best and such a refreshing change of pace from my girls!
not that my girls aren't awesome. they know they are.
I generally don't think guys and girls can be friends unless there was some pre-existing boundary that kept them firmly in their own camp, whether that means they're already in a relationship, or it's just not allowed (like at work), or if they're just not attracted. Otherwise, it's an open field.
As for training someone, I'd be willing to go with a little bit, but I like to get into a situation where it's already there. I guess it all depends on the age. The older they are, the less willing I am, since they'd be more set in their ways.
As for exit interviews, it's a great idea, but VERY tough on the ego. Worth it, but easier said than done.
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