This first question is for men:
1. What is the big deal about women having long hair? Every time I think about cutting my hair, all my guy friends or boyfriends are totally opposed to the idea, even though I'd probably look better with shorter hair, according to women who know me. I know other women who feel they cannot cut their hair, for fear of disappointing their men. What gives? Doesn't it get in the way? Don't you get sick of waiting for us to dry and style it? Does it really matter if we have long hair or short?
2. Do men have biological clocks, or only women?
3. What if you just started dating someone great, and then they told you they have never been in a committed relationship before. Is that a red flag? Does their age play a role? (By "committed" I mean a relationship that has lasted at least a year, and they were exclusively dating each other. They are not necessarily engaged or anything.) I recently talked to a guy pal of mine who said his last girlfriend was 31 and had never been in such a relationship. We agreed it was a red flag--she had no real relationship experience. She was totally unwilling to be flexible. It was her way or the highway about everything. We were thinking that it was not surprising she had never been in a semi-serious relationship. That's why we said it's a red flag. But what if she was only, say, 25? 18? 28? 42?
4. I recently read this very interesting article, from this month's National Geographic. Like most of their articles, this one did not disappoint! Scientists have noted a very interesting coincidence. When they held up a picture of the subject's loved one (lover, not a family member or friend), certain parts of their subject's brain were activated. These parts of the brain are the same parts that get "excited" when someone has obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). So when we are in love, we are literally obsessed with that other person. I might be remembering the article incorrectly, but I think they also said people who are newly in love typically spend 4 hours thinking about their new lover. Four hours! (This was no surprise to me, as I go completely wacky at the first hint of a crush!) Any thoughts?
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Hello Virginia Belle! This is "Lady Star Fish"! I am finally in the 21st century and am reading my first blog. I love it!!! I want a blog of my own! Okay, so now I will comment on your daily life synopsis....very good questions. Regarding the hair, I feel that men see it as feminine trait that shows softness. Something they normally don't possess. Regarding the commitmet phobic people.....HUGE red flag!!! I am talking like 100 red flags waving rapidly. These people are phobic of relationship reality. I know, I married one. Regarding the National Geographic (why are you reading that?), I agree that we could have O.C.D. traits when thinking of our lovers. My thoughts would be that we are yearning internally for him or her to reciprocate our feelings...which makes us feel a loss of control. I could also see it as we are secretly wanting to change him or her to make them in "our image"....you know, what we think is best. I could see how that could make us O.C.D.
Talk to you soon!!
1) I'm going to say that if men think long hairt looks good and women think short hair looks good, you need to make the decision on who you wear your hair for. (Ideally, you're going to say that you wear it for yourself, and that means you get to do whatever the hell you want to with it.) My personal opinion is that short hair on women makes them look older. More importantly, in my observations, short hair is a pretty common indicator that a woman is married or comfortable enough in her long-term relationship that she feels no need to grow it out anymore. And just to very brief caveman moment (no, I'm not banging on any computer equipment at the moment), I enjoy grabbing hair, not in a rough way, or a mean way... just enjoy feeling a handful of hair.
2) Well, I think Strom Thurmond could've answered this question better. While we can produce viable sperm well into our golden years, I don't think that's exactly what you're asking. Speaking only for myself, yes, I want children and I feel like I need to get on that rather quickly before I'm too old to enjoy them (or keep up with them!).
3) I think this question can't have a blanket answer. I would certainly be wary, but not closed-minded. Just because they haven't been in a successful long-term relationship doesn't necessarily mean it's their fault. They might've just chosen poor partners. But I think I'd be more likely to kick them to the curb at the first sign of inflexibility.
4) My brain jumps through too many random-ass thoughts in a minute for me to recollect how much time I actually spend thinking about a girl I'm into. I think it's a good amount, just can't qualify it with any data. I'm too laid-back to be OCD about a girl, though. (Just don't you dare make anything on my desk crooked!)
I agree with LSF, long hair is feminine and I like it. That's it really.
Re long term relationships; we're all different. Someone may go without a long term relationship and then be ready for one. People can and do change as they move through life. Take each person as an individual. Many folk stay in relationships for all the wrong reasons - fear of being single for example. Just because someone has been in a LTR doesn't really mean anything, athough it may. People often go from relationship to relationship making the same old mistakes, now there's a red-flag also.
Virginia, I'm interested in your "guy friends" as you put it. What kind of relationships are those? I'm wary of them as in my experence, the guy or girl is hoping for something more. Your thoughts Southern Gal?
P.S. Re Male biological clocks. Contact Hugh Heffner and the makers of Viagra for further information.
I'm a man, but I'll respond to all 4 questions.
1. Women with short hair are VERY sexy. I don't know what it is exactly, but it does the trick for me.
2. Men don't have biological clocks. We are very simple creatures.
3. That would be me. The only 'relationship' I've ever had lasted 2 months. Not that I'm a player. I wish I was that exciting. I have a serious case of commitment phobia. It's better to be upfront about such things, so that everyone can know where they stand, and what they want.
4. I still don't know what love is.
Men do have biological clocks that normally kick in around mid thirties and they start buying dogs.
Not being in a committed relationship is a red flag if he is of a certain age, but remember that guys have different versions of committed to us. Sometimes people don't do serious relationships until they feel ready and there's nothing wrong with that. I often think that we're too quick to 'commit' and people who haven't been will probably make a far better go of things. Which is better, someone who has been in a multitude of committed relationships, or someone who has had none?
I think men like long hair because they can play with it, and it's sexy when you're making out with someone to have their hair brushing up on your bare skin.
Or so my Boy tells me.
Yay! hello to you too, LSF!!!! much love from "south cackalackie"!
Wow. my readers give me so much food for thought. i am thinking that men like long hair for the same reason men like boobs--it's something they don't have. it is something that makes men & women different. maybe they like it for the same reason girls like muscles. it's just such a wonderful trait of the opposite gender.
i agree w/stuck--most often, shorter hair makes a woman look older (i prefer "more sophisticated") and it is commonly a sign of being a married/taken woman. but at the same time, i'm almost 27. i'm not in college anymore. isn't it time to grow up? (this is where my readers reply with "oh, but you can pass for 21, VB!")
i have to confess, a big reason (but not the only one) i have long hair is because i know men like it. i can't believe i just admitted that. oh well. but i really think it's true. my exes always ask me if i have cut my hair and are always relieved to hear that i haven't. to an extent, i guess i'm trying to lure men with my long lovely locks. but if i were a guy, i'd also see the appeal of short hair--it wouldn't get in the way during certain....uh, activities.
i try to read national geographic from time to time. it's one of the few magazines that never disappoints. there is always something cool to read/look at in every issue, even old ones from your grandma's basement!
as far as question #3 goes, i think i would also be open yet wary. i'd be curious to know why, by (let's say...)age 30, a guy has not met ANYONE they mutually felt a connection with. either they have serious personality problems or they have very little dating experience. i'm not saying there aren't exceptions, though. i'd just be dying of curiosity! i'd probably want to talk about it to make sure i knew what i was getting into! good call, leelion, about going from relationship to relationship making the same mistakes over and over. that is just as bad!
and samborera, these questions are not necessarily meant for women--i enjoy answers from anyone. don't beat yourself up too much about only having a two-monther under your belt. maybe you are young? maybe you don't ask very many girls out? maybe you are living in a remote Siberian town? like i said, it's not a death sentence. maybe you are just really picky, which is good. i think we are all commitment phobes! no one likes getting hurt or making bad love decisions! but great relationships (even if they end sadly some day) are always worth it, trust me! even for a little while, they are wonderful and you can learn a lot! so venture forth....put yourself out there! it's super that you don't seem to be angry about it and feel the need to be a resentful player. the right girl will see this and appreciate it.
NML--i do think that a guy w/a dog is an outward sign that he's ready to care for someone, whether it's a baby or a wife! My little brother, Fat Dog, is getting a dog, which is really freaking me out. he is a player. maybe he's reforming....
i guess i would feel like i'd have a lot of training to do if i got with a guy who has no LTR experience. you can learn so much from past LTR's!
leelion--i'll tackle the friends question at the next installment of BS Free zone...
I wish I was living in a remote Siberian town. That would be a better excuse. ;-)
First, I'm a coward. I don't like hurting people [in case we break up]. I'm sure this is some psychological condition. I turned 26 at the end of last year, so I'm learning not to bash myself too much, and accepting my choices. It is a choice after all. I don't know about 'nice' girls noticing. Nice guys finish last.
The "Nice guys finish last" line gets no sympathy from VB. Trust me. ;)
As for the dog-ownership comment, I feel the need to respond. I'm an avid lover of dogs. I want me a big ol' dog that I can wrestle and play with. But I still haven't bought one, because a dog is a responsibility that I can't take on right now.
"But, Stuck, a girlfriend is also a responsibility!"
Girlfriends and dogs are too very different responsibilities. A dog can not be left alone for a weekend without asking someone else to take care of their needs. Should you take the dog with you on vacation, you don't have to call the place you're going to make sure it's ok. A dog will not get angry with you if you bring another dog over to have the three of you play together. *cough*
A dog is low-maintenance emotionally, but high-maintenance in practicality. A girlfriend is the opposite.
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