Wednesday, March 14, 2007

I am On Crack Today...

Greetings, Readers. Hope everyone is well. I am getting the urge to post, but nothing is really gelling, so this will probably sound like the rantings of a 12 year-old dealing with Ritalin withdrawl symptoms. My brain is ADD central right now. This post will be kinda goofy and random.

My tummy has been queasy lately. Off and on, not too badly. I think it's all the cake I've been eating lately. Thanks to my diet (13 pounds lost so far! Go me!), I don't eat a lot of sugar anymore. By coincidence, I've had a lot of cake and sugary items in the past week. I'm thinking it's not sitting well with my uber-sensitive tummy.

And I know what you are thinking. No, I have not been having up-against-the-wall, hot, nasty, animal-noise making, sweaty, monkey sex with Hot Neighbor. *pauses to imagine so described sexual encounter*

I am NOT (repeat) NOT pregnant.

No, in fact, I've been very busy not having sexual encounters of any kind. [Insert chorus of "Awwww...." here] Which is getting old, but let's not throw a pity party, ok? Ok.

Hot Neighbor has been out of town and/or working long hours lately. So I have had no opportunities to get my flirt on. HOWEVER, I do have some leftover lemon-almond-sour cream pound cake that must leave my house or else it will just ruin my diet! And who but Hot Neighbor can eat it? Hmmmm..can't think of anyone. Everyone I know is on a diet. Oh well. Guess I'll have to donate it to my hot, lonely, eats-pizza-and-other-non-homemade-food-for-dinner neighbor. Shucks. Hate when that happens. I mean, what guy wants to be seduced by homemade baked items? Maybe I can wear a whip cream bikini....he might need some for the cake. *daydreams again*

And despite all my myspace hunting abilities, I don't think the cute guy I met last Friday has a myspace page. I tell ya, it's hard being a myspace stalker. You have to prepare yourself for disappointment. Fingers crossed he will be there again this week at Happy Hour.

I just realized that my weekend is starting tonight. Not in the "Woo-Hoo, I have a long weekend because I took some days off!" way, but in the "I am a slave to my social life and I still think I'm 21!!" kind of way.

I will be regretting this decision to go out tonight and will all hit me at approximately 6:15am on Friday morning. But right now, I'm excited. Woooooh! Party!!

Tonight is a friend's birthday, tomorrow is stirring up trouble with MJ & KT, Friday is Happy Hour and Saturday is the annual St. Patty's Day Festival. (Which will be about 12 hours in duration and WAY fun.)

Did I mention that I'm still adjusting to daylight savings time? Yeah..."nap" doesn't even begin to explain what I will need.

My stomach, ass and entire upper body are killing me right now from my 2 hour Suicide Mission at the gym last night. Sometimes I get really into working out, so I figure I'll take advantage of it, and then I try to see if I can give myself a heart attack on the elliptical machine. The good news? I did three push-ups on my toes last night. (Read: This is nearly impossible for me to do normally. Shut up. I am a weakling. 3 is a lot for me.) The bad news? I am sooooooooooore. But the good kind. I don't need painkillers or anything like that.


Have I ever told you that I like to make up songs? I do. (See? I told you I am ADD Girl today!) I like to sing (badly) and I like rhyming, hence my goofy songs about my family and friends. Usually I forget them, but I have written a song about my dog, so I want to post it before I forget the lyrics.

It all started when I would come home from the gym and get in the shower. Sammy would always watch me because he's weird and perverted ( mother, like dog...), and so I started singing to him. For some reason, he likes to lick the shower door, too. Very strange. In case you are wondering, no, I do not lick shower doors. (Ew.) However, not unlike my dog, I have been known to chase balls on occassion......

But I digress. (Ok, seriously, what did I eat today??? I think I am on crack...)

Keep in mind this is just the first 3 verses. There will be more, I am sure. Oh-- by the way, this is a country song, so imagine a June Carter-type twang. *ahem*

"Sammy is a Good Dog" -- by VB.


Sammy is a good boy,
He always wags his nub.
And there never is a big fight
When it's time for rub-a-dub.
He likes to run and bark a lot
When he gets all riled up,
But he's the cutest thing on 4 legs,
He's my favorite little pup!

Sammy is a good dog
He's the best dog ever was,
Although he snores to wake the dead
And hocks up chunks of fuzz.**
He can be real stubborn
and always wants his way,
But if there's one thing that I know,
My love will never stray!

Sammy licks the shower,
I do not understand.
But when he snuggles on me,
It really is quite grand.
His favorite food is ice cream,
And he can eat a lot.
But the coolest thing about him
Is the tiny little spot!*

Chorus again

Sammy used to have some balls,
He lost them long ago.
So now his favorite thing to do
Is chase them to and fro.
He will chase them anywhere
But mostly down the halls
Whatta I think is going on?
He's looking for his balls.

Chorus again

*Sammy has a little diamond-shaped spot on the top of his head.
**He also likes to eat the fuzz off of tennis balls. Sometimes he gets tennis ball fuzz hairballs. Yeah. [In Fat Bastard voice] He's dead sexy.

I haven't posted any pics of Julian McMahon lately, so here is a good one I found:

Huminahuminahumina....Oh what the heck. Here's another...sweet mother of Jesus.....!!!!

I am gradually working my way through season 1 of Nip/Tuck. So I get to see this type of stuff a lot. *sigh* Thank you, Netflix!!!!

Did you know he's got a movie coming out this weekend? Oh yes, children. He and Sandra Bullock star in it together. Luckily, I like her, so she will not need to be assassinated. Did I mention that there is a SHOWER SCENE in this movie? As in, Julian enters shower. Julian has no clothes on. Julian gets wet in the shower. As in, VB passes out in movie theater and will need smelling salts in order to be revived before she gets brain damage. Yeah.

Guess where I'll be on Sunday, after all my partying is done!

After proofing this and re-reading this post, I've come to the conclusion that I am too...
A) weird
B) ADD-ish and
C) too much of a dork

to ever get the chance to date...
A) Hot Neighbor
B) the cute guy from Happy Hour or
C) Julian McMahon

Ugh. They would all think I'm a complete psycho if they ever read this. So please, don't tell Julian about my blog. I'd appreciate it. Because I look at him and think: "Monkey Sex!!!!"


BCOL said...

Did someone say "myspace hunting"? I have the best cyber detective skills west of the Carolinas. I can be at your service, since I'm no longer at my own service (I've vowed to no longer cyber stalk my own interests.) I can send my resume...

Matilda Jane said...

Julian is gay. So is hot neighbor. They're dating.

Fluffycat said...

I read somewhere that movie only got 9% on rotten tomatoes, but yeah, Julian McMahon/shower scene, hot hot hot. I might wait until it's on DVD to watch it at home, alone, with the lights low.

I also read that Madonna is going to be on Nip/Tuck and have a 1 night stand with JM's character. Yuck.

Anny said...

humina??? i've heard that, just never seen it written out. TOO FUNNY.

oh and i think u asked awhile back how you rss feed to my site. i think blogger beta has that as an option now? hope u found it.

Stuck said...

If I was gay, and I'm not, I would totally want to enter into a non-recognized marriage with Julian and adopt a million babies with him.

(I crack myself up sometimes.)

teahouse said...

I feel like the only person left in this country who doesn't have a MySpace page...

kittenpower said...

Holy Moses. I LOVE the song a/b your dog. You are too funny!

Anny said...

hey my doggy likes to watch my shower too - but she's a girl ... so that would make her a lesbo.

Anonymous said...

That reminds me of the movie "Best in Show" where the couple sings "God Loves Terriers." Funny stuff.

VB, if you are going to include "huminahuminahumina pics" of Julian McMahon, you can at least post one pic of Sandra Bullock for your guy readers. Cater to the customer. Give us a little something too. Is that so much to ask????

RWA said...

A whipped cream bikini, huh? Well, if Hot Neighbor doesn't get the hint then, he never will.

Sam said...

Monkey SEX!!!

kimmykins13 said...

I've got a little ditty that I sing to my kitty (Zoe). I made it up just for her. It's called "She's the most wonderful Cat in the world" sung to the Tune of the Christmas song "It's the most wonderful time of the year".

Yeah - I'm a total cuuck.

I won't bore you with the lyrics but wanted you to know that your post really cracked me up when I read the Sammy song.

Virginia Belle said...

bcol-- you crack me up! i will make sure to ask you for help next time i need some. maybe you can find hot neighbor....hmmmm.....but he's not on myspace. i checked.

MJ-- i hate you right now. hey, know what? i heard christian bale and trent reznor were madly in love. they are adopting a baby together. take THAT.

fluffy cat-- um, who says i'm watching the movie for its oscar potential??? and where did you learn about the madonna thing? btw, it can't be any grosser than his hookup w/rosie o'donnell from last season.....ewwww.

anny-- ok, thanks! i will check. i am OCD when it comes to my blogroll. i want it to stay current and perfectly organized. you've been a rebel. :) i wish my blogroll would just automatically add people who leave comments. that would make it so much easier.

stuck-- you'd better get out of my way. if anyone's doing that, it's going to be me!

teahouse-- um, you are. even my dog has one.

kittenpower-- thanks! i'm sure i will make more soon. i love making up songs.

anny-- that comment made me LOL

pawley's island-- i haven't seen that movie yet! it's on my netflix, though. and i will see what i can do about the female pics. maybe i should do a Thursday 13: if i were a lezzie....

RWA-- yeah, my patience is starting to wear thin. I'm thinking about enacting Operation Beat Him Over the Head With It (ie, being BLUNT about it!!)

sam-- dude. i love monkey sex.

kimmykins-- LO good to know i'm not the only one. i am picturing you holding your cat and dancing around with it while you sing!

Virginia Belle said...

kimmykins-- that was supposed to say LOL. oops.

Petra said...

Julian McMahon is so hot! That last pic is sizzling!

Anne said...

i love that man. Love That Man.