Heavy Petting on a Wednesday Night

Heavy Petting consists of four people: XX, XY, Stuckey and me. Now, before you get all excited that I'm going to describe some kind of a risque hobby of mine, let me just say it's only the fruit of perverted minds. It's our team name when we get together on Wednesdays for trivia competitions held at Jillian's.

Team Heavy Petting met up again last night for our weekly outing. Before heading over to our usual hang-out, we stopped by the monthly happy hour held by a social club to which three of us belong. Team Richardson (XX and XY) and yours truly all belong to YPS (Young Professionals Society) of Columbia. It's usually a good time because you can meet lots of other "yuppies", grab free food and even conduct some career networking. Often I see friends or acquaintances of mine there. Plus, there's always lots of yummy eye candy. Ok,ok, I confess. That's the main reason I go. This month's gathering was especially good in the eye candy department. But after my bad luck lately, I just wasn't in the mood to fool with the effort required to flirt with cute boys. My mojo is on hiatus.

We brought Stuckey with us, who was not happy about wearing a tie after 5pm and who dubbed all people in the room "yuppies", which I guess they are....anyway, the venue wasn't very good for mingling (too much room to spread out) so we were about to leave when The Lawyer came over to say hi to me. I met him at the last YPS party just before the holidays and we hadn't really talked since. We had both been busy: I was unreachable for about two weeks in December, he had gone to DC for the first half of January for work and then he just realized his cell phone had been deleting all of his voice mail messages. (This has happened to people I know before, so I believe him.) We chatted for a minute and he said he wanted to hang out, but I informed him I already had plans for the evening. He said he wanted to take me out sometime and I said that would be nice. I told him to call me.

Heavy Petting proceeded over to Jillian's. Our booth was right next to a large party of mostly men. Best seat in the house! I thought. Then XY said to me under his breath, "Hey, isn't that Philly?" I looked over, and who was at the helm of the large party of mostly-cute guys? Philly!

Philly is really wierd. Team Richardson met her about a year ago and even though none of us knew her well, we invited her to party with us for New Year's 2005 since she was new in town. We all had fun, so we started to incorporate Philly into our gatherings. Gradually, we decided she was very...odd. She has one of those personalities that comes on really strong and seems kind of fake-ish and cheesy. She's one of those people who is always grinning from ear to ear and is constantly excited about something. I can deal, but I don't particularly care for this personality trait. She's one of those people you need in small doses. Anyway, somehow, despite the fact that she isn't pretty (I'd describe her as cute) and has this semi-annoying personality, she is never without a hot guy on her arm. I can't figure it out! She will date the hottest guy (who will be all about her) get bored with him and dump him! She has been engaged three times because of this pattern! (Team Richardson thinks it has something to do with the fact that she plays the role of Sugar Mama in her relationships--she does have a decent income.)

I was trying to study her like an animal in the wild--you know, take notes as I watched her interact in her natural environment in a Jane Goodall kind of way. So since we were both single, we started to go to the bars together. All was fine and good, until one time when we were at my favorite bar in town where lots of my friends also hang out and where there are usually lots of very attractive men. Philly and I sat down at a booth and just sipped our drinks. Little did I know she had different ideas about how the evening should proceed. Within fifteen minutes, she was sucking face with a complete stranger. No joke. I don't think she even got his name. And I'm not talking a little bit of tongue. It was full-on "Ok, seriously, guys, go get a room!" style making out. She proceeded to leave me sitting there, alone, watching her suck face. Unfortunately, no one I knew was there that night to rescue me and I was so mortified that I just ended up going to the bathroom for a looooong time to hide. When I came back, I tapped her on the shoulder and said I had to get up early the next day so we had to leave.

She dislodged herself from his tongue and his lap and we left. When we got outside, she informed me that she wasn't interested in him. "Then why are you making out with him?" I asked. "He's a good kisser! Let's go to Club Ra!" And since I didn't really have to get up the next day, I said OK. Big mistake. Make-out Boy followed us over there and proceeded to stalk us for the rest of the evening--she had given him her number and he called about seven times! From inside the building! And did I mention that he looked like Johnny Depp in drag? Yeah, she couldn't pick a hottie the night that I am hitting the bars with her! She picked this freak of a specimen!

We stopped hanging out with her after that. So imagine our surprise to run into her last night! She has decided to stay here in Columbia, rather than moving back to Philadelphia as she had originally planned. So now we will probably see her all the time! We asked her who all the guys were and she informed us that she is their boss and it was a work thing. Must be nice to actually work with men, I thought. We also met her new boyfriend--you guessed it--a hottie.

Team Heavy Petting ordered some food and played trivia. I normally would have talked to the cute guy sitting at Philly's table, but like I said, no mojo. But it was still a good time. Now if only Heavy Petting could do better than our usual 4th place! Oh well, there is always next week. I think I will go brush up on some trivia in preparation...