The Sick Day & The Eccentric Aunt

Ug. I don't feel so hot. I just want to lay on my couch and veg. But I have so much to share--the blog must go on!

Last night MIA started texting me at 11:15pm. I am a firm believer that anyone who only texts after a certain time of day wants one thing only. He wanted to know if I was mad at him. I texted that I'm tired of late night drunk texting and I didn't think it was too much to ask to be called on the phone and asked out for a real date. Basically, cut the crap and put your money where your mouth is. Then I went to bed. This morning I got up to find 3 new texts and 4 new phone calls. They were all from him. Oh. My. God. I could tell from the messages that he felt really bad, so I called him to explain myself a little better since I was pretty sure this was just a miscommunication. So I explained to him that if he is really interested in me, he would call me, not text me, and ask me out rather than drunk dial me. He apologized and said that was not what he was trying to do. Then he offered to bring me some soup since I was sick. I said ok. That's what I'm waiting for right now. Otherwise I'd be asleep. I think he is actually making it from scratch, which is earning him mad crazy brownie points....I'll keep you posted.

In other news, I would like to introduce my best friend to this blog. She finally has Internet access after a long hiatus and so she will undoubtedly be leaving comments. She probably the funniest person I know. That's why I keep her around. Even though she calls me Madam Scrotum Snatch. She does this because it annoys me as there is NO REASON to call me this. In my defense, I call her Lady Starfish. So that is her nickname on this blog.

Also, I need to tell you about my aunt. Everyone has an eccentric aunt. Mine went abroad her junior year of college and has yet to return. She is in her fifties. She lives in Europe. She has a rather glamorous lifestyle when compared to her sister (my mom). Both of them are total control freaks. (But I still love them! My mom is awesome!) I don't know my aunt all that well, so I was surprised when she randomly emailed me the other day. Here is the important info from the email:

1. She was at a wedding where she met a young guy and his mother.
2. The son is a real estate mogul and the mother was some big power-suit wearing CEO of Palmolive. (Yeah, the dishwashing liquid). Now she is retired. But she has a book. One of them lives in Charleston--an hour or so from me.
3. My aunt made sure to tell them that I am dating someone so the son would not think I'm meeting him for dating purposes. (are you seeing where this is going?)
4. Auntie is getting the mother to send me a copy of her CEO businesswoman's guide book so that I may read it. (I have absolutely no desire to be a CEO businesswoman. Nor have I ever expressed any desire to do so.)
5. Apparently, I will be meeting the mother and/or son sometime soon because Auntie wants the son to talk to me about getting into the real estate business. (Again, I have never expressed any interest in this career path.)
6. Auntie is even sending me money to buy a new outfit to wear when I meet them.

Are you scratching your head yet? Because I am. Is it a romantic fix-up? Is it a career guidance session? Do I get any say in my own adult life? Because last time I checked, I thought I was capable of making my own decisions. Or at least having a say in the ones she makes concerning my life! I'm not unhappy, so I don't see this as help, really, just interference. Do all eccentric aunts do this or just mine? Do I have a right to find this rude? What do I say when they ask about my boyfriend? I'm tempted to make up one who is incredibly handsome and totally in love with me. How do I fake interest in career fields which hold no appeal to me? Keep in mind I do not know how old the guy is or even if he is single. If this goes badly, she might get mad at me. Great. Anyone taking bets yet as to how awkward this is going to be for me?? Any advice or opinions would be much appreciated. But in any case, it sounds like good news for my hands, whether it's a lifetime supply of Palmolive or a shiny diamond ring! (Just kidding. I just noticed the irony in this situation.)