I left off with the Man Buffet that is Copper River on a Thursday night. W, YB and his buddies were with me. I would like to say that something cool happened, but...
1. We all know how non-existant and pathetic my dating life is. Let's not kid ourselves.
2. YB's buddies were successful in totally cockblocking me for the evening.
It would have been great if YB's buddies were hot or super fun, but they were only average in these areas. Oh well. At least they weren't stupid, annoying or drunk. W and YB invited me to tailgate the next day, and they told me to bring whomever. After about an hour, I was bored with talking to YB's buddies, so I went home. The End.
Yeah, I know. Totally lame. But it gets better.
On Friday evening, I was planning on going over to Cute Neighbor's house to invite him to go tailgating with me the next day. He wasn't home. So, I left a short note, telling him I'd be leaving around 3pm for the game.
Saturday, I ran a couple of errands and baked cheesecake for B's birthday. By 2pm, I had called all my friends to tell them that I was not going tailgating. (I hate driving down there and parking all by myself. It's no fun to do that alone. Since I'd given up on CN, and everyone else was already on their way down there, I gave up.) I continued puttering around my house. All my other friends already had plans, so I was resigned to spending the night on my couch, watching a movie with my dogs. No big deal.
At 3pm sharp, Cute Neighbor knocks on my door. He wants to know if I'm still going tailgating. EEK! Excitement and dread fill me: I am sweaty and disheveled from cleaning my house. My hair is dirty. Great.
"Uh, sure. Can I get ready really quickly, though?" I asked.
"Sure. Just come over when you're ready," he replied.
I took the quickest shower in history, threw my hair into a ponytail and refreshed my makeup. About 20 minutes later, I was ready to go, wearing my USC Gamecocks tshirt. We got in my car, and I gave him music selection duties. "You have really good taste in music," he said as he browsed through my CDs.
"Take THAT, Stuckey!" I thought. (Stuckey loves to tell me I have bad taste in music.)
Luckily, I remembered that I had to hit the ATM and get some cash for parking. Unluckily, I did not know that ATM cards have expiration dates on them, and mine expired two months ago. Shit. So that's why my bank sent me that new card....which I stuck somewhere.....note to self: find new ATM card.
I got back in the car and explained my little problem to him. He said he would pay for parking. I was kind of embarrassed, but he seemed totally ok with it. Whew. We made our way through the stadium traffic. Slowly.
For the next hour and a half, he and I talked and talked and talked. I feel very at ease around him, which is good. I didn't feel shy or very nervous at all. Whew. It was a nice relief. We talked about music, our families, our jobs and how we deal with stress. We even talked about our hobbies and our neighbors. Never at any point did we discuss my telephone number or going on a date. Great.
We finally found a parking spot, approximately 400 miles from where we needed to be. As we talked and walked, I was almost hit by a truck. How close? Let's just say they were honking at me. Oops. Between the ATM and playing in traffic, I was coming off as a total dingbat. I guess you can take away my blonde hair, but you cannot take the blonde out of me!
After 2 hours of travel time, we finally arrived at our destination. W, YB and his buddies from the night before greeted us. We had a pretty good time, talking and laughing and munching on goodies as we watched the game. The weather was great, too. The Gamecocks won, which was a nice end to the day.
Unfortunately, the only fireworks going on were over at the stadium endzones.
He's a super sweet guy, and he's really easy to hang out with, because he's so laid back. And we have quite a few things in common. But that is not enough for me. I have gotten the impression that he's a homebody, which doesn't mesh well with my social butterfly lifestyle. He had 8 hours to ask me out or get my number, and he didn't. There was a noticeable lack of flirtatious banter, which I really need to stay interested in a guy. Throw in the fact that he might be taking a job 2 hours away, and he's almost in that dreaded place that men hate: The Friend Zone.
Showing posts with label TFZ. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TFZ. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
Q & A: Pick-Up Artist
I have been reading some questions from men posted on the discussion board for VH1's The Pickup Artist. Aside from being highly entertaining, they ask some good questions! I am presenting my favorites, along with my answers, here for discussion.
Question #1:What's better??
Party animal
Attends clubs/bars regularly
knows how to spit game/talk to you
big time drinker
super outgoing/almost obnoxious
not too smart
not cultured. Idea of fun is going to a concert or to the club.
Answer: Well, Guy #1, obviously. Who wants to date a stupid, obnoxious alcoholic? But here is the key: Guy #1 won't approach or ask me out. He never will. He might try to half-ass his way through it or enter into TFZ, but this kind of guy will rarely put himself out there and go for it. But Guy #2 will. And since he likes to get out of the house and be social and is probably fun, I'm probably going to go out with him, or at least give him a shot. Then I will date him for a few months, and probably complain about him most of the time before I dump him. Or catch him cheating on me, whichever comes first. (Hey, I'm trying to be honest here, guys!) So if "Nice" guys ever whine about how they finish last, THIS is why. #2 Guys win by default. Women's choices often come down to: date a jerk so you aren't alone OR....be alone. Neither is easy. And charming goes a long way.
Question #2: [And I paraphrase.] This PUA method seems to rely on deception and lies to get women. Why do I have to become a monster to get women to like me? Why do I have to lie? Can't a woman just like me for who I am?
Answer: Well, what do you think women do when they leave the house? Do you think our hair is really that blonde? Our boobs that big? Our lips that shiny? Please. Women do it all the time, and it's probably something we are "lying" about which is making you want to talk to us! Don't you think it works both ways? Successfully approaching a woman has little to do with lying and deceit and much more to do with coming off as non-threatening, confident and un-needy. Yes, you may feel desperate or lack confidence, but this is about faking it until you make it! Do you think that just because I wasn't born a prodigy pianist, that I'm being fake by learning how to play the piano? News Flash: The girl isn't going to think you're a big, fat liar unless you are actually lying about something. If you choose to put on your most confident attitude, much like choosing to wear a certain shirt, then more power to you! I think the PUAs are just showing men how to do that. It is within every guy. They just show you how to bring out that cool, confident version of yourself. It's sort of like getting a personal trainer at the gym. You weren't born that way. But someone showed you how to to be your best. Just because it's not natural doesn't mean you're lying. Once you have started dating her, you can show her your soft, little underbelly of niceness and vulnerability. Until then, you are competing with Alpha Males who are born knowing how to do this naturally. If you can't beat them, join them.
For many of the same reasons, being in The Friend Zone (TFZ) and then trying to "take it to the next level" doesn't work, either. It's not being your most confident self. It broadcasts desperation ("Well, if I can't be her boyfriend, at least I can be her friend...") and shows a lack of belief in yourself. And guess what -- you're still competing with Alpha Males. The only thing being her Hopeful Friend accomplishes is being non-threatening. Only, it's to the point that you've totally eliminated yourself from her idea of a desirable guy. You've gone too far.
Question #3: [This is one which Mystery answers himself on a little video on the site.]: Should you buy a woman a drink as a good opener?
Answer: No! There are women who try for the Sucker Drink. They are out to get drunk for free, and once she's gotten the drink, you're right back at square one--she's done with you, unless you're going to buy her another drink. These girls are called "Gold Diggers". I know girls like this. You don't want to date them, trust me. Mystery brings up a good point in his answer: It may be unnecessary to buy a girl a drink. She may have just been wanting you to talk to her, and so you just wasted $5 on a drink you didn't need to buy in order to impress her. This is true. Many women can buy their own drinks these days, thankyouverymuch. And some women do not want to get wasted. And do you really want to talk to a woman who is one drink closer to being sloppy? Don't answer that. The thing is, you'll never really know if she's talking to you because she feels obligated to (I have felt this way before), or if she's talking to you because she's really interested in you. Do you want to guess at these things? I didn't think so. I would think you're probably tired of guessing and you'd rather know.
But this is where I end my agreement with Mystery. He also states that some women are not "worth" a free drink. WHOA, Nelly. That kind of attitude will NEVER get you far with women. So you can just tank that idea right now. Look, if you don't want to buy a drink, then don't. But don't EVER have that kind of an attitude and expect women to like you. Ok, your target may like you and not pick up on your attitude, but her friends will smell your attitude a mile away. And they hold a lot of influence.
Mystery suggests instead that the target buys the first round, and then the guy buys the 2nd round. "This is what my friends and I do," he states. First of all, down here in the South, I can tell you most Southern girls would either laugh in your face and walk away, or they would be insulted if you presented that idea to them. Unless she's a drunk 21 year old co-ed. In which case, none of this stuff applies, anyway, because they are dumb college girls. No offense. I was once a dumb college girl myself.
But if he's going to suggest we alternate rounds like he and his buddies do, my first thought will be, "Well, I have plenty of friends. I'm looking for a guy to date. Thanks, anyway." And I will probably leave.
In all honesty, unless he inadvertently spills my drink, he NEVER has to buy me anything. He can wait until our first date to do that. Until then, he is under no obligation. Put your wallets away, gentlemen.
And no, you cannot use the money to buy yourself an extra drink, either. Don't re-allocate your bar money. Have you ever heard a woman say, "Yeah, he was nice, but he just wasn't drunk enough. He should have chugged a couple of Heinekins before coming over and talking to me." ? Didn't think so. Put. Down. The. Confidence. Juice. She's going to have to see you semi-sober at some point. You might as well get her used to the idea now.
The Pick-Up Artist is on VH1 tonight at 9pm, EST. Won't you join me?
Question #1:What's better??
Guy #1
Good looking/Very good looking
Shy at first
Not a partier/or club/bar goer
Not a big drinker
Nice guy
Laid Back
Intelligent
Likes sports
Cultured (likes the arts,museums.etc)
Guy #2
Avergae lookingParty animal
Attends clubs/bars regularly
knows how to spit game/talk to you
big time drinker
super outgoing/almost obnoxious
not too smart
not cultured. Idea of fun is going to a concert or to the club.
Answer: Well, Guy #1, obviously. Who wants to date a stupid, obnoxious alcoholic? But here is the key: Guy #1 won't approach or ask me out. He never will. He might try to half-ass his way through it or enter into TFZ, but this kind of guy will rarely put himself out there and go for it. But Guy #2 will. And since he likes to get out of the house and be social and is probably fun, I'm probably going to go out with him, or at least give him a shot. Then I will date him for a few months, and probably complain about him most of the time before I dump him. Or catch him cheating on me, whichever comes first. (Hey, I'm trying to be honest here, guys!) So if "Nice" guys ever whine about how they finish last, THIS is why. #2 Guys win by default. Women's choices often come down to: date a jerk so you aren't alone OR....be alone. Neither is easy. And charming goes a long way.
Question #2: [And I paraphrase.] This PUA method seems to rely on deception and lies to get women. Why do I have to become a monster to get women to like me? Why do I have to lie? Can't a woman just like me for who I am?
Answer: Well, what do you think women do when they leave the house? Do you think our hair is really that blonde? Our boobs that big? Our lips that shiny? Please. Women do it all the time, and it's probably something we are "lying" about which is making you want to talk to us! Don't you think it works both ways? Successfully approaching a woman has little to do with lying and deceit and much more to do with coming off as non-threatening, confident and un-needy. Yes, you may feel desperate or lack confidence, but this is about faking it until you make it! Do you think that just because I wasn't born a prodigy pianist, that I'm being fake by learning how to play the piano? News Flash: The girl isn't going to think you're a big, fat liar unless you are actually lying about something. If you choose to put on your most confident attitude, much like choosing to wear a certain shirt, then more power to you! I think the PUAs are just showing men how to do that. It is within every guy. They just show you how to bring out that cool, confident version of yourself. It's sort of like getting a personal trainer at the gym. You weren't born that way. But someone showed you how to to be your best. Just because it's not natural doesn't mean you're lying. Once you have started dating her, you can show her your soft, little underbelly of niceness and vulnerability. Until then, you are competing with Alpha Males who are born knowing how to do this naturally. If you can't beat them, join them.
For many of the same reasons, being in The Friend Zone (TFZ) and then trying to "take it to the next level" doesn't work, either. It's not being your most confident self. It broadcasts desperation ("Well, if I can't be her boyfriend, at least I can be her friend...") and shows a lack of belief in yourself. And guess what -- you're still competing with Alpha Males. The only thing being her Hopeful Friend accomplishes is being non-threatening. Only, it's to the point that you've totally eliminated yourself from her idea of a desirable guy. You've gone too far.
Question #3: [This is one which Mystery answers himself on a little video on the site.]: Should you buy a woman a drink as a good opener?
Answer: No! There are women who try for the Sucker Drink. They are out to get drunk for free, and once she's gotten the drink, you're right back at square one--she's done with you, unless you're going to buy her another drink. These girls are called "Gold Diggers". I know girls like this. You don't want to date them, trust me. Mystery brings up a good point in his answer: It may be unnecessary to buy a girl a drink. She may have just been wanting you to talk to her, and so you just wasted $5 on a drink you didn't need to buy in order to impress her. This is true. Many women can buy their own drinks these days, thankyouverymuch. And some women do not want to get wasted. And do you really want to talk to a woman who is one drink closer to being sloppy? Don't answer that. The thing is, you'll never really know if she's talking to you because she feels obligated to (I have felt this way before), or if she's talking to you because she's really interested in you. Do you want to guess at these things? I didn't think so. I would think you're probably tired of guessing and you'd rather know.
But this is where I end my agreement with Mystery. He also states that some women are not "worth" a free drink. WHOA, Nelly. That kind of attitude will NEVER get you far with women. So you can just tank that idea right now. Look, if you don't want to buy a drink, then don't. But don't EVER have that kind of an attitude and expect women to like you. Ok, your target may like you and not pick up on your attitude, but her friends will smell your attitude a mile away. And they hold a lot of influence.
Mystery suggests instead that the target buys the first round, and then the guy buys the 2nd round. "This is what my friends and I do," he states. First of all, down here in the South, I can tell you most Southern girls would either laugh in your face and walk away, or they would be insulted if you presented that idea to them. Unless she's a drunk 21 year old co-ed. In which case, none of this stuff applies, anyway, because they are dumb college girls. No offense. I was once a dumb college girl myself.
But if he's going to suggest we alternate rounds like he and his buddies do, my first thought will be, "Well, I have plenty of friends. I'm looking for a guy to date. Thanks, anyway." And I will probably leave.
In all honesty, unless he inadvertently spills my drink, he NEVER has to buy me anything. He can wait until our first date to do that. Until then, he is under no obligation. Put your wallets away, gentlemen.
And no, you cannot use the money to buy yourself an extra drink, either. Don't re-allocate your bar money. Have you ever heard a woman say, "Yeah, he was nice, but he just wasn't drunk enough. He should have chugged a couple of Heinekins before coming over and talking to me." ? Didn't think so. Put. Down. The. Confidence. Juice. She's going to have to see you semi-sober at some point. You might as well get her used to the idea now.
The Pick-Up Artist is on VH1 tonight at 9pm, EST. Won't you join me?
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Almost Girl Strikes Again!
DING-DONG.
I open the door. It's Hot Neighbor.
"Thank effing God you did your hair today," says Single Girl.
"AND you're wearing a top that makes your boobs look good!" says Pervert.
"Good job! Because he's here to ask you out!!!" shouts Stupidly Optimistic.
"Yeah, right. Didn't you see how Hoochie McSkankerton and her little blue convertible were camped out at his house ALL DAY today? Exactly how stupid are you? They probably spent the whole day in bed, which is why they ordered a pizza instead of going out to eat. He probably wants to ask you about something neighborly," retorts Cynical.
"Hi," I say.
"Hey," says Hot Neighbor. He looks hot. Obviously.
Then he sort of mumbles something along the lines of, "I need to ask you something...I was wondering if you'd ever want to go to church or dinner sometime...with me..."
"Church??!" shout all the Voices in chorus, utterly confused.
"Who cares about that. We need to know the Hoochie status," states Practical, flatly.
"Um, wouldn't your girlfriend get kind of upset about that?" I ask.
"Oh, who cares about her? There's no rings on any fingers. Jeez, will you let the man ask you out?" says Inner Mom Voice.
"Oh. Um, well, it's not really like that. She's not my girlfriend. She and I are kind of....pulling apart," he explains. I have caught him off-guard. His face is red now. Too cute.
"Pulling apart? What, like dinner rolls? WTF does that mean? Six months into something, you're either together or you're not," says Good Point.
"Obviously, this means they're not! Now, squish your boobs together!" shouts Single Girl.
"Oh. Ok," I reply.
The Voices are cheering and doing cartwheels. There are rumors of a party being planned in my honor. The phrase "ice sculpture" was mentioned, and then vetoed.
"See?! I knew that stupid Hoochie McSkankerton wouldn't last!" exclaims Stupidly Optimistic.
"Yeah, she looks like a South Beach hooker!" blurts Gossipy.
Hot Neighbor continues: "I mean, if my status with her ever changed or anything, I would definitely let you know...just like if our status ever changed, I would let her know. I mean, can't a guy and a girl just hang out as friends?" Hot Neighbor mumbled.
[Insert that party-interrupting record-scratch sound often heard in awkward movie scenes here.]
"WTF does that mean????" shout all the Voices together.
"I'm sorry, what was that?" says Space Cadet. "I was still thinking about how Hoochie looks like a stripper."
"Aha! Did you hear that? 'Friends.' I knew it. He wants you to give him advice on how to mend his relationship with his girlfriend. He wants a shoulder to cry on. And you're going to do it, because you're a big fat sucker," says Cynical, snidely.
I have no idea what to say. Friends? Status? Huh?
The Voices go into overdrive.
"Is he asking you out? Because you don't have any plans next weekend, " says Single Girl.
"It sounded like it, didn't it?!" shrieks Stupidly Optimistic.
"Or is he lonely?" wonders Overly Analytical.
"Is he looking for a re-bound? Because we might want to go for this idea," says Horny.
"OMG, does he want a threesome or something???!!!" squeals Pervert.
"Dude, SO not happening," states Prisspot.
"That's it! He just said it! You're in The Friend Zone (TFZ). Because really, there's no way he's actually asking you out right now." states Pessimistically Paranoid.
"Does he honestly think you are unaware of Hoochie & her weekend sleepovers? Is he trying to pull a fast one on his girlfriend? Or have his cake and eat it, too? Who the hell does this guy think he is?" huffs Bitch Mode.
"Easy, Bitch Mode," warns Logical.
Obviously, my brain was rapidly approaching system overload. I cannot think of what to say. Did this guy just admit that he is currently with her........or not? And does he want to date me....or not? Is he saying he wants a "trial" date or something? This is all very strange. I have never been asked out by a guy who admits to still having a girlfriend. Usually, it's single guys who ask me out. Go figure. I guess I have to give him points for being honest, right?
Luckily, he keeps talking:
"I mean, I know you aren't from here, and you don't know a ton of people, so I thought that well, we could hang out sometime, I mean, we live right next to each other and we don't know each other that well...." he trails off.
I am still dumbfounded.
"I cook!" Hot Neighbor declares, lighting up. This made me giggle.
"Ok, sounds good," I said as I smiled.
"Alright, well, don't be surprised if I knock on your door sometime to see if you want to grab some dinner," he said.
"Ok, I'd like that," I said.
He says goodbye and walks back to his house. I'm standing there, absorbing all of this, with my door open.
Good Point asks, "Wait, he never actually made a date, did he? Does this mean you're Almost Girl again?"
The Voices all groan together, "Oh no! Not 'Almost Girl'!!!! Not again!!"
And that's when both my dogs flew out the door. Great.
I have no shoes on. Great.
Hot Neighbor has his sprinkler going. My dogs make a beeline for it. They will be wet. Great.
Actually, it ended up being good, because Hot Neighbor and I talked for another 5 minutes while he helped me corral my dogs and get them back inside.
No, not like that. Don't get all Stupidly Optimistic on me. Just small talk. Then I got my dogs and went inside.
Remember, he didn't actually ask me out. He ALMOST did.
This guy is trying to date two girls at the same time. I think. Or else he's stringing along his ex while he decides if he wants to date me instead. Like I'm his backup plan or something. He won't let Hoochie go until he's sure he wants to be with me. And I'm not quite sure how I feel about that.
At least, I think that's what's going on.
For the first time, I actually feel sorry for Hoochie.
So, what do you think? Did he ask me out or not? Why didn't he set a date? Do you really think Hoochie McSkankerton is totally out of the picture? If so, then why has she been over almost every day for the past week--even seemingly spending the night? She must have a key, because she's been inside his house, waiting for him to get home from work a couple of times. I mean, she's obviously still in the picture. Am I in TFZ?
More importantly, why am I not excited about any of this? I have had a crush on him for so long, but now that it has seemingly happened (both MJ & KT think he just asked me out on a date), I don't even have butterflies or feel excited. I think it's because I'm sketched out by the girlfriend. If he's still with her in any way, I just don't know how I feel about that. I am really not up for being part of Hot Neighbor's harem or being The Other Woman or anything like that. I'm not saying that I need to have him all to myself, but he needs to be fair to both of us. Which, I guess he just said he would do....ugh, I am TOTALLY confused!!!
And is it bad that I think less of him for not just making a clean break with her? I mean, if it's not working, be a man and break up with her officially, you know? If he's sleeping with her, I would NOT feel right going out with him. AT ALL. I just don't think that would be right. Besides, if she's as possessive as NS says, she's probably a psycho, too. And I definitely prefer my life to be drama-free.
I need help, people. Ugh, I HATE being Almost Girl!!!
I open the door. It's Hot Neighbor.
"Thank effing God you did your hair today," says Single Girl.
"AND you're wearing a top that makes your boobs look good!" says Pervert.
"Good job! Because he's here to ask you out!!!" shouts Stupidly Optimistic.
"Yeah, right. Didn't you see how Hoochie McSkankerton and her little blue convertible were camped out at his house ALL DAY today? Exactly how stupid are you? They probably spent the whole day in bed, which is why they ordered a pizza instead of going out to eat. He probably wants to ask you about something neighborly," retorts Cynical.
"Hi," I say.
"Hey," says Hot Neighbor. He looks hot. Obviously.
Then he sort of mumbles something along the lines of, "I need to ask you something...I was wondering if you'd ever want to go to church or dinner sometime...with me..."
"Church??!" shout all the Voices in chorus, utterly confused.
"Who cares about that. We need to know the Hoochie status," states Practical, flatly.
"Um, wouldn't your girlfriend get kind of upset about that?" I ask.
"Oh, who cares about her? There's no rings on any fingers. Jeez, will you let the man ask you out?" says Inner Mom Voice.
"Oh. Um, well, it's not really like that. She's not my girlfriend. She and I are kind of....pulling apart," he explains. I have caught him off-guard. His face is red now. Too cute.
"Pulling apart? What, like dinner rolls? WTF does that mean? Six months into something, you're either together or you're not," says Good Point.
"Obviously, this means they're not! Now, squish your boobs together!" shouts Single Girl.
"Oh. Ok," I reply.
The Voices are cheering and doing cartwheels. There are rumors of a party being planned in my honor. The phrase "ice sculpture" was mentioned, and then vetoed.
"See?! I knew that stupid Hoochie McSkankerton wouldn't last!" exclaims Stupidly Optimistic.
"Yeah, she looks like a South Beach hooker!" blurts Gossipy.
Hot Neighbor continues: "I mean, if my status with her ever changed or anything, I would definitely let you know...just like if our status ever changed, I would let her know. I mean, can't a guy and a girl just hang out as friends?" Hot Neighbor mumbled.
[Insert that party-interrupting record-scratch sound often heard in awkward movie scenes here.]
"WTF does that mean????" shout all the Voices together.
"I'm sorry, what was that?" says Space Cadet. "I was still thinking about how Hoochie looks like a stripper."
"Aha! Did you hear that? 'Friends.' I knew it. He wants you to give him advice on how to mend his relationship with his girlfriend. He wants a shoulder to cry on. And you're going to do it, because you're a big fat sucker," says Cynical, snidely.
I have no idea what to say. Friends? Status? Huh?
The Voices go into overdrive.
"Is he asking you out? Because you don't have any plans next weekend, " says Single Girl.
"It sounded like it, didn't it?!" shrieks Stupidly Optimistic.
"Or is he lonely?" wonders Overly Analytical.
"Is he looking for a re-bound? Because we might want to go for this idea," says Horny.
"OMG, does he want a threesome or something???!!!" squeals Pervert.
"Dude, SO not happening," states Prisspot.
"That's it! He just said it! You're in The Friend Zone (TFZ). Because really, there's no way he's actually asking you out right now." states Pessimistically Paranoid.
"Does he honestly think you are unaware of Hoochie & her weekend sleepovers? Is he trying to pull a fast one on his girlfriend? Or have his cake and eat it, too? Who the hell does this guy think he is?" huffs Bitch Mode.
"Easy, Bitch Mode," warns Logical.
Obviously, my brain was rapidly approaching system overload. I cannot think of what to say. Did this guy just admit that he is currently with her........or not? And does he want to date me....or not? Is he saying he wants a "trial" date or something? This is all very strange. I have never been asked out by a guy who admits to still having a girlfriend. Usually, it's single guys who ask me out. Go figure. I guess I have to give him points for being honest, right?
Luckily, he keeps talking:
"I mean, I know you aren't from here, and you don't know a ton of people, so I thought that well, we could hang out sometime, I mean, we live right next to each other and we don't know each other that well...." he trails off.
I am still dumbfounded.
"I cook!" Hot Neighbor declares, lighting up. This made me giggle.
"Ok, sounds good," I said as I smiled.
"Alright, well, don't be surprised if I knock on your door sometime to see if you want to grab some dinner," he said.
"Ok, I'd like that," I said.
He says goodbye and walks back to his house. I'm standing there, absorbing all of this, with my door open.
Good Point asks, "Wait, he never actually made a date, did he? Does this mean you're Almost Girl again?"
The Voices all groan together, "Oh no! Not 'Almost Girl'!!!! Not again!!"
And that's when both my dogs flew out the door. Great.
I have no shoes on. Great.
Hot Neighbor has his sprinkler going. My dogs make a beeline for it. They will be wet. Great.
Actually, it ended up being good, because Hot Neighbor and I talked for another 5 minutes while he helped me corral my dogs and get them back inside.
No, not like that. Don't get all Stupidly Optimistic on me. Just small talk. Then I got my dogs and went inside.
Remember, he didn't actually ask me out. He ALMOST did.
This guy is trying to date two girls at the same time. I think. Or else he's stringing along his ex while he decides if he wants to date me instead. Like I'm his backup plan or something. He won't let Hoochie go until he's sure he wants to be with me. And I'm not quite sure how I feel about that.
At least, I think that's what's going on.
For the first time, I actually feel sorry for Hoochie.
So, what do you think? Did he ask me out or not? Why didn't he set a date? Do you really think Hoochie McSkankerton is totally out of the picture? If so, then why has she been over almost every day for the past week--even seemingly spending the night? She must have a key, because she's been inside his house, waiting for him to get home from work a couple of times. I mean, she's obviously still in the picture. Am I in TFZ?
More importantly, why am I not excited about any of this? I have had a crush on him for so long, but now that it has seemingly happened (both MJ & KT think he just asked me out on a date), I don't even have butterflies or feel excited. I think it's because I'm sketched out by the girlfriend. If he's still with her in any way, I just don't know how I feel about that. I am really not up for being part of Hot Neighbor's harem or being The Other Woman or anything like that. I'm not saying that I need to have him all to myself, but he needs to be fair to both of us. Which, I guess he just said he would do....ugh, I am TOTALLY confused!!!
And is it bad that I think less of him for not just making a clean break with her? I mean, if it's not working, be a man and break up with her officially, you know? If he's sleeping with her, I would NOT feel right going out with him. AT ALL. I just don't think that would be right. Besides, if she's as possessive as NS says, she's probably a psycho, too. And I definitely prefer my life to be drama-free.
I need help, people. Ugh, I HATE being Almost Girl!!!
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Dummy, Chummy and Yummy, Part 2
I would like to start this post with the following information which is not directly related to this story, but begs to be shared with my readers anyway: I saw Hot Neighbor without his shirt on last night. Yeah. It was awesome. I was walking Sammy before bedtime, and he just pops out of his house with no shirt on. He was on the phone and sat down on his stoop to talk. He waved. I almost passed out. He looked good. Very, very yummy. And so today I have fantastic mental images....it's making my day go so much better than a regular Wednesday....*sigh*
Ok, back to the story of my weekend of almost-hookups with guys.
Saturday was St. Patty's Day, which meant spending the day in Five Points, the cultural (ie, bar) hub of town. This year's annual festival did not disappoint. KT, MJ and I enjoyed live music from Villanova and Loch Ness Johnny. I meant to catch The Movement and Corey Smith, but there were scheduling conflicts (ie, I forgot). I'm kind of mad at myself about this...but oh well.
Although windy, it was sunny and warm enough to be outside. I saw no one I knew which was really amazing, actually. Usually I run into umpteen friends there. I think it was because we got there so late--most of my friends had already gone. We enjoyed the music and beer for a while and then left to grab some dinner. By then it was starting to get pretty cold, so I went home and changed into something warmer. I met back up with MJ and KT at Flying Saucer. They were talking to some coworkers of KT's.
"Oh, hey, VB!" KT said. "This is my friend. You can call him Asshole," she said.
I looked to him, expecting him to protest. He didn't. "Hi. I'm an Asshole. I really am," he said.
I laughed and said, "Ok, you want to be called 'Asshole', I can call you Asshole!"
At 23, he classifies as BB, but he was still a cool guy. (BB stands for "baby balls", remember). He has a great sense of humor. Kinda cute, in a geeky way. He is mega-smart. (Who gets a masters degree in statistics????!) Definitely not an asshole, although as MJ adeptly pointed out, he does leave something to be desired in the manners department. I liked him right away. His friend seemed nice, too.
After about 15 minutes, MJ and KT paid their tabs and we were on our way to Art Bar to see Loch Ness Johnny play again. (Gotta love seeing your favorite local band play twice in one day!) I was kind of hoping the two BBs would come with us, but I didn't say anything.
Five minutes later, they showed up. The warm-up band started to play, but BB and I stayed in the main part of the bar, smoking and talking. We joined them later, but spent most of our time talking to each other.
The only bad thing was that for some reason, our conversations kept turning to awkward topics for me: alcoholism, my dad, my baby brother that died, MRSA, etc. He wasn't doing it on purpose, it's just the way the conversations wound up. He kept bringing up topics or asking questions I don't like to discuss around people I just met. "He's not very good at small talk, is he?" I asked KT later. "Nope." she answered.
I stopped mid-sentence at one point and said, "You're really good at making me feel uncomfortable. You have managed to bring up every awkward topic I don't like to talk about."
He apologized and we got back to more comfortable discussions. Despite the uncomfortable questions, I did enjoy his company. And although he has what I like to call "nibbly lips" (Orlando Bloom has "nibbly lips" in case you are wondering what I'm talking about), he's going to have to remain in the Friend Zone because he's just too young. I can't say that in a Xanax-induced fuzziness I won't grab him and make out with him one day, but for now, he's TFZ'd.
Oh yes, you read that correctly. I discovered Xanax this weekend. Not as good as vicodin, but it's a good time. Hey, when people offer me drugs, I take them. I'm not stupid.
But let's not get off track, now, ok? There's still one more guy I have to tell you about.
The rain check with Jack Steel never happened, by the way. I was relieved, as I had mulled it over in my brain and come to the conclusion that it was a bad idea to begin with. He's just too...stupid. Hooking up with stupid people is not fun at all. I'd rather suck face with BB.
Back to the story. This is the Yummy part.
So the other day, I had just gotten home from work when an ambulance, lights flashing, pulled into my neighborhood. I was concerned, since most of my neighbors are elderly.
The EMTs hopped out and ran up to Miss Margie's house. She is my favorite neighbor (well, besides Hot Neighbor, obv.). Very sweet older lady. She has a very naughty dachshund named Daisy.
I swear to God this is going somewhere, guys. Just hang with me.
So the EMTs put Miss Margie on a gurney and throw her in the back of the ambulance and haul her off to the hospital. Since her kids were there, I figured Daisy would be ok. I was worried about Miss Margie, but didn't want to bother them, so I didn't get to ask what had happened. I figured she couldn't have been too sick, because she was talking and awake when she was on the gurney.
She's home from the hospital now, and last night I was out walking Sammy when I saw her. She and Daisy were out, too. So I got the chance to find out what had happened to her. She had a hernia which pressed on her esophagus and makes it hard for her to breathe and eat. She is probably going to have to have surgery, but she's fine. I told her I was glad she was ok and that if she ever needed me to watch Daisy to let me know.
"Oh, you're so nice. You know, that's what Hot Neighbor was saying the other day," she said.
"Oh.....yeah?" I said.
"Yes, he said you were so sweet and such a nice girl. He wanted to know how old you are, so I told him you're 28," she said, looking over at me sideways. I think I saw a hint of a smile on her face.
"Really. That's interesting," I said.
"Uh huh. He's been working a lot lately," Miss Margie said.
"Yeah, I noticed," I replied.
We said goodnight and parted ways. My brain was spinning. I was so flabbergasted that I didn't even think to grill her for more information! But since she's not doing well, I told her I'd bring her some food later. Maybe I can grill her when I bring it over. I wonder what else she knows...
Ok, back to the story of my weekend of almost-hookups with guys.
Saturday was St. Patty's Day, which meant spending the day in Five Points, the cultural (ie, bar) hub of town. This year's annual festival did not disappoint. KT, MJ and I enjoyed live music from Villanova and Loch Ness Johnny. I meant to catch The Movement and Corey Smith, but there were scheduling conflicts (ie, I forgot). I'm kind of mad at myself about this...but oh well.
Although windy, it was sunny and warm enough to be outside. I saw no one I knew which was really amazing, actually. Usually I run into umpteen friends there. I think it was because we got there so late--most of my friends had already gone. We enjoyed the music and beer for a while and then left to grab some dinner. By then it was starting to get pretty cold, so I went home and changed into something warmer. I met back up with MJ and KT at Flying Saucer. They were talking to some coworkers of KT's.
"Oh, hey, VB!" KT said. "This is my friend. You can call him Asshole," she said.
I looked to him, expecting him to protest. He didn't. "Hi. I'm an Asshole. I really am," he said.
I laughed and said, "Ok, you want to be called 'Asshole', I can call you Asshole!"
At 23, he classifies as BB, but he was still a cool guy. (BB stands for "baby balls", remember). He has a great sense of humor. Kinda cute, in a geeky way. He is mega-smart. (Who gets a masters degree in statistics????!) Definitely not an asshole, although as MJ adeptly pointed out, he does leave something to be desired in the manners department. I liked him right away. His friend seemed nice, too.
After about 15 minutes, MJ and KT paid their tabs and we were on our way to Art Bar to see Loch Ness Johnny play again. (Gotta love seeing your favorite local band play twice in one day!) I was kind of hoping the two BBs would come with us, but I didn't say anything.
Five minutes later, they showed up. The warm-up band started to play, but BB and I stayed in the main part of the bar, smoking and talking. We joined them later, but spent most of our time talking to each other.
The only bad thing was that for some reason, our conversations kept turning to awkward topics for me: alcoholism, my dad, my baby brother that died, MRSA, etc. He wasn't doing it on purpose, it's just the way the conversations wound up. He kept bringing up topics or asking questions I don't like to discuss around people I just met. "He's not very good at small talk, is he?" I asked KT later. "Nope." she answered.
I stopped mid-sentence at one point and said, "You're really good at making me feel uncomfortable. You have managed to bring up every awkward topic I don't like to talk about."
He apologized and we got back to more comfortable discussions. Despite the uncomfortable questions, I did enjoy his company. And although he has what I like to call "nibbly lips" (Orlando Bloom has "nibbly lips" in case you are wondering what I'm talking about), he's going to have to remain in the Friend Zone because he's just too young. I can't say that in a Xanax-induced fuzziness I won't grab him and make out with him one day, but for now, he's TFZ'd.
Oh yes, you read that correctly. I discovered Xanax this weekend. Not as good as vicodin, but it's a good time. Hey, when people offer me drugs, I take them. I'm not stupid.
But let's not get off track, now, ok? There's still one more guy I have to tell you about.
The rain check with Jack Steel never happened, by the way. I was relieved, as I had mulled it over in my brain and come to the conclusion that it was a bad idea to begin with. He's just too...stupid. Hooking up with stupid people is not fun at all. I'd rather suck face with BB.
Back to the story. This is the Yummy part.
So the other day, I had just gotten home from work when an ambulance, lights flashing, pulled into my neighborhood. I was concerned, since most of my neighbors are elderly.
The EMTs hopped out and ran up to Miss Margie's house. She is my favorite neighbor (well, besides Hot Neighbor, obv.). Very sweet older lady. She has a very naughty dachshund named Daisy.
I swear to God this is going somewhere, guys. Just hang with me.
So the EMTs put Miss Margie on a gurney and throw her in the back of the ambulance and haul her off to the hospital. Since her kids were there, I figured Daisy would be ok. I was worried about Miss Margie, but didn't want to bother them, so I didn't get to ask what had happened. I figured she couldn't have been too sick, because she was talking and awake when she was on the gurney.
She's home from the hospital now, and last night I was out walking Sammy when I saw her. She and Daisy were out, too. So I got the chance to find out what had happened to her. She had a hernia which pressed on her esophagus and makes it hard for her to breathe and eat. She is probably going to have to have surgery, but she's fine. I told her I was glad she was ok and that if she ever needed me to watch Daisy to let me know.
"Oh, you're so nice. You know, that's what Hot Neighbor was saying the other day," she said.
"Oh.....yeah?" I said.
"Yes, he said you were so sweet and such a nice girl. He wanted to know how old you are, so I told him you're 28," she said, looking over at me sideways. I think I saw a hint of a smile on her face.
"Really. That's interesting," I said.
"Uh huh. He's been working a lot lately," Miss Margie said.
"Yeah, I noticed," I replied.
We said goodnight and parted ways. My brain was spinning. I was so flabbergasted that I didn't even think to grill her for more information! But since she's not doing well, I told her I'd bring her some food later. Maybe I can grill her when I bring it over. I wonder what else she knows...
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