I've been thinking about my dating history a lot this week. I started dating through match.com a couple of months ago. So far, I'm really tempted to refer to it as "mis-match.com". But I need to be more positive, I think. I can't control how bad the dates are, only how I react to them. I just have to keep getting back on the saddle. If anything, it is making for good blog stories. So henceforth, I will strive to be more optimistic and nauseatingly sunshiny. It's a tough pill for a cynic like me to swallow, but I'll just do it. Negative attitudes abound in this land, and it will only come across to potential datees if I continue on this path. Besides, I firmly believe that if you force yourself to be positive, you will eventually become a positive person. It's a self-fulfilling mind trick.
How did I get to this point of relying on a computer to collect "eligible" bachelors for me? Well, I looked at it like this: I had not been on a date in a really....long.....time. Between December 2003 and January 2005 the total number of dates I went on totaled: zero. That is a year. (Aside from The Cop, a brief relationship which ended 6 months ago, I have had no dates other than match.com dates even to this day.) Unfortunately, regardless of how much I pleaded and begged, time refused to be on my side. I was tired of letting fate control my dating life, so I took my shriveling ovaries and sat down at my Dell to admit to myself (and the ovaries, since this was all their idea) that this was my only chance at getting a date in this town, even if it was with a 58 year old. Any date was better than no date at this point. Man, this was depressing.
The problem is, I don't know how I got to this point. I'm pretty good at relationships, (although I'm sure some of my exes would beg to differ!). Once they get off the ground, I know what I'm doing. Lately, the problem has been getting them started. I think of myself as happy, smart, fun and reasonably attractive. I don't have any major relationship hang-ups, I am not a psycho and I don't have unrealistic expectations (I hope.). I'm not in a rush to get married and I love to smooch. I even like to bake cookies! What more can they want? I'm a catch, according to my mom, although everyone's mom says that. So why aren't they knocking down my door? Some theories:
- The sluts are getting all the men.
- The good ones are, as we have all feared, taken. Just like early Microsoft investors, those girls in college knew a good thing when they saw it and invested it all right at the start, only to become multi-gazillionares in three years.
- They have evacuated Columbia for the greener patures of NYC after watching one too many SATC episodes.
- They are intimidated by my incredible charm and good looks.
- I'm unapproachable because I'm shy, maybe?
- Men have all become metrosexuals and cannot squeeze me in between their manicure and facial appointments.
- Men don't approach women anymore and have grown lazy and spoiled thanks to the aggressive, ball-busting, power-suit-wearing women who ask them out.
- Actually, they meant to approach me, but the game came on and they had one too many beers and passed out on the couch.
- They are all in hiding, driven to underground caverns to escape the crazy psycho women that are pestering them.
- I'm actually invisible to all men in my target audience.
But enough whining and self-pity. I am trying to be positive and grateful. It could always be worse. I like to say to myself, "There's always next weekend!"