Tuesday, February 07, 2006


Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly. --Mae West

Figured I'd give y'all an update on the Repo situation. Unfortunately, this is not a juicy update.
Aside from his lack of being The Man With The Plan, I really have very little beef. Hesitations, yes. Beef, not really. Let me explain. It's going great. It's just....slow.

I've known him now for about two months, but we have only recently started dating. There has been chemistry from the beginning, so things have been simmering for a while. You'd think that knowing each other previously would make it easier for things to...uh, progress into that more-than-friends arena. Well, it's not. To date, there has been absolutely no physical contact. No hand-holding, no kissing, no hugs even. And you know what? It's hot. Who knew??

Very rarely do I meet someone whom I could talk to until the sun comes up. Very rarely do I meet someone who has so much in common with me. And even more rarely am I ok with no smooching. I love smooching. I chomp at the bit while waiting for any potential physical contact. I love it when a guy wants to touch my "squishy parts." I love all that stuff. This is because I'm a total hornball. So why is this ok with me right now? Even in the midst of my almost-record-breaking dry spell?

For one, it's different. It's kind of exciting to actually--gasp--get to know someone before getting physical, rather than during or after. I'm wondering why I have never done this before....oh yeah, the hornball thing. But it's not that I don't know people I hook up with! You know what I mean.

Two, delayed gratification is hot hot hot. I don't know how else to put it. It's hard to pretend you are listening instead of picturing the other person without their clothes on! I'm just kidding. I am listening to him. My imagination just illustrates it differently. And since I can't have what I want, it is that much more desirable. It's making him 30% hotter. But this is how I am with guys in general--I'm such a sucker for the hard-to-get thing. It's just that this is the first time it has been in the physical sense. Usually I just date guys who are emotionally unavailable.

Three, when it does happen, I am hoping the combination of knowing each other well and the pent-up frustration will lead to a very combustible reaction! In fact, I'm starting to wonder if we should keep it like this for a while. Like another month or so. Just so we could max out our steaminess factor. It could be like one of those Harlequin romance novels, bordering on soft porn! (But no longer than a month--hello! Dry spell! Even I have my limits.)

Of course, this wouldn't be a VB post without the other side of the coin--what if this is horrible?? Possible scenarios I have imagined:

1. I wait around all this time, only to find out he can't kiss.

2. I will get an ulcer from nerves. He acts soooo shy around me, which in turn makes me shy, which makes it even harder to make that small leap. (Does anyone else suffer from contagious shyness?)

3. The expectations are so high, all that happens is that we let each other down. Sort of the Delayed Gratification Implosion.

4. He's actually not interested in smooching, hand-holding or feeling my squishy parts because he doesn't like me in that way. Soon I will cross that one-way door: The Friend Zone.

5.Once I get what I want, I will lose interest. His 30% hotter factor will disappear, leaving him with average cuteness. (Maybe all it takes for me to understand the male brain is to be denied physical contact from the opposite gender! I get it now, guys!)

6. If I wait too much longer, I will be so out of practice, I will be terrible. Is it possible to forget how? I'm allowed a couple of practice runs, right?

7. There is some big scary reason for all this waiting around: he's in the V Club, there is some kind of STD thing, his ex is still on the scene, he pulls a FedSucksy on me and has a kid, etc. etc. (And no, I don't think any of these are true. I'm just being paranoid!)

So on one hand, I'm loving it. On the other hand, I'm ready to get it overwith because it's making me crazy. And all this delayed gratification is really building up my expectations! Releasing the floodgates will probably turn me into Queen Hornball and I will be like a greedy little fat kid who is suddenly allowed out of their room for dessert. Once I'm allowed some cake and ice cream, I'll probably just gorge out! I'll be so grateful for anything, I won't even appreciate it because I'll be pigging out on whatever my chubby grubby fingers can grab!

Actually, that sounds kind of nice...I'm looking forward to it!

There's just a couple of hesitations on my part...(remember how I said I have hesitations?)

1. Anyone remember his bizarre behavior on NYE? Don't know how I feel about dating someone who could potentially have a DUI/have a different personality when they consume large quantities of booze. And yes, I have only seen him do that once.
2. And what's up with not walking me to the door on our last date? (Normally he does, but this time he didn't.)

Any advice or opinions on these?

Side note to J-Rich: I know you know who I'm talking about and if you say anything you are dead meat! Librarians are very powerful people. Don't mess.


j-rich said...

Hey, the Dewey Decimal System frightens the hell out of me...you dont have to worry. But seriously...you dont have to stress. Even if I,for some odd reason wanted to I couldn't b/c I have no way of contacting him. I dont think that I even keep his BFF's number in my phone and I've known him since 8th grade...

Stuck said...

Well, my advice here is simple. Decide what you want to do, and do that. Don't ask for advice on this, because it will just confuse you more, and we aren't the ones who have to get naked with him.

Mom of 3 said...

I was thinking that he might be gay. Not to add to the pressure or anything....

I find that when a person is shy, I become more outgoing. I used to be very shy, so I feel more confident when I see that I've conquered that and can now be the outgoing one. Plus, I want the shy person to be comfortable, because lots of time, shy people aren't.

I went out with guys where I had to make the first move. Highly unusual for me and not my tendency, at all. But I got tired of halfhearted attempts or certain longing looks. C'mon already, it's now or never. You only have one life to live and all that blather.

Mom of 3 said...

By the way, love, love, love reading your blog. You are funny and insightful and have some great adventures.

Virginia Belle said...

actually, j-rich, after i posted this, i realized there isn't really anything in here i wouldn't want him to know. that is good--it means i'm comfortable telling him stuff. good sign.

stuck--as usual, you are a man of wise words.

mom of 3--thank you very much! i don't know if i would use the term "adventures" so much as "mishaps"!

and no, i am pretty sure he isn't gay. i think he might just be shy/nervous. big poppa told me that he has a big crush on me and calls him all the time to talk about me *blush* so i think he is just nervous.

i like what you said about how shy people make you more confident--i'll have to see if i can trick my brain! but at least we aren't as shy as before. it's getting easier!

i too hate making the first move. hate it hate it hate it.

Stuck said...

I know I said I wasn't going to give advice...

I had this same situation with a girl. We had been good friends for about a year and both of us noticed that we were getting closer... so I finally just said something. We were at a movie, watching the slide-show before it started and I said, "So, do you feel like the first kiss is going to be awkward when we get there?" She said yes. So I said, "Well, let's get that out of the way now so we can get to the non-awkward ones."

Virginia Belle said...

that's a great story, Stuckey! i bet she got a big smile on her face when you said that!

NML said...

It's good to get to know each other before getting physical as sex confuses the hell out of things and creates expectation and it also gives you reason to makes excuses for the relationship to prolong it and justify his potentially fatal flaws. However, I do think that it's down to the individual pace and his pace appears to be take it slow. There is a point where it will be weird if he doesn't kiss you and if he starts being like a shopping buddy, I would question if it's gonna happen... Sometimes guys are a bit thick and they *think* that we don't want them to make the move. If I was you, I'd make a choice and either wait it out, or just make the first move. He'll either respond or run, but either way you have the answer you want.

TheDailySketch said...

I make it a point to cross the physical barrier the first date. A lot can be told about someone by the way they touch you. With Indian Eyes and myself, she was hooked at the way I caressed her arm while we danced. I was hooked by the soft peck she placed on my lips. Both said "I find you attractive" and both are necessary. Make sure this kid is "physically available". He may be caught up in someone else or too nervous. If he's not crossing the line, I'm afraid things may not progress and 'friendship' is inevitable.