Monday, September 29, 2008


I need to do a better job at remembering to share the funny conversations CN and I have. He seriously cracks me up. Other times, I'm stupid and/or deaf, which makes an otherwise mundane conversation hilarious.

A few weeks ago, I stopped by his house when I got home from work. I was sitting on a barstool, talking to him while he was in the kitchen, re-heating some leftovers for me. I hadn't had dinner, and I was starved.

"So, babe, did you have a good day? What happened, anything interesting?" I asked.

What he said: "Yeah. Not much. How 'bout you?"

What I heard: "Yeah. Not much. I love you."

"AWWWWWWWWW!!!! That was so sweet! I love you, too!" I exclaimed.

A look of total confusion spread across his face.

"Um, ok. But I didn't say that," he replied.

We had a good laugh about it. And now, when we are feeling goofy, instead of saying "I love you" we say "How 'bout you?". He loves to say that I hear what I want to hear and that I don't listen, citing this conversation as evidence.


Every once in a while, CN will be driving around town somewhere for work and he will call me for help. Since he conducts background checks on people, he has to interview a lot of people all over town all day: former employers, former teachers, ex-spouses, etc. Sometimes, his GPS system won't find an address he needs, so he calls me at work so I can look it up for him on Mapquest and give him directions.

Today was one of those days.

"Hi, babe! I was wondering if you could look up an address for me," he said.

"Sure! Let me pull up Mapquest here..." I said, typing. "Ok, what's the address?"

"200 Hardwood," he said.


"Wait...did you just say 'hard wood'?" I asked, stifling a giggle.

"Yeah, baby! As in hard wood!" he answered, using a silly voice. I could practically see him doing some pervy hip thrust, complete with the white man's overbite and emphatic arm thrusts.

I laughed.

Then, he gave the obligatory joking reference to his own "member", which I will not share here, much to the relief of my audience, I am sure. (I swear, it is a law of manhood that at every opportunity, a guy is supposed to reference his...member. Men are obsessed with their own penises. Obsessed. It's ridiculous.)

"Good grief," I replied, rolling my eyes. "What pervert named that street?" I said.

"I know, right?" he replied.

I searched for the address in Mapquest. No results.

"I can't find hard wood," I replied, grinning.

[Insert CN's 2nd perverted reference to his member here. Yes, I walked into it, I know. Ah, the joys of dating a fellow pervert...]

"That's ok, babe. I'll just call the guy back and ask him to give me directions," CN said.

We said good-bye and got off the phone. I wonder how CN phrased it...maybe he had to stop and ask someone on the way over there....

Yes, hi, I can't seem to find Hardwood...

I'm sorry, but I've looked everywhere, and I just can't seem to figure out where Hardwood is...

My GPS is telling me there's no Hardwood anywhere around here...

Sorry to bother you, but do you know how to get to Hardwood?

Tee hee. I hope no one yells at him for being a pervert!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

What's in a Name??!

If you know me in real life, you know that I always have a project. Almost like a temporary hobby. It will stick around for a few weeks, and then I move on to something else. Every time, I either become bored with it or I find something new. It's like I'm OCD, but also ADD at the same time. Now, I don't know if that means there's something wrong with me, but it's definitely not out of the question.

Some of my former projects include: cake decorating, scrapbooking, learning anything and everything about NYC, home decorating, learning about the trucking industry, foreign languages...I could go on and on, but I won't bore you. I will be the first to admit that many of my projects are on the boring/geeky side. And my friends enjoy some projects more than others -- the cake decorating one was especially popular.

My current project? Genealogy. My training as a librarian comes in very handy for this. And I have learned that you can never really finish genealogy, because there's always another relative to look up. Which is probably why this is the 2nd or 3rd time I have tackled this project. This time around, I am even helping coworkers and friends look for their families online. It is super fun!!! (And yes, if you want me to see what I can dig up for you, just email me!)

It is also a genetically inherited interest, I believe. My dad, WLF, was also bitten by the "genie" bug. He actually researched both sides of his family, all the way back to our first immigrant ancestors to America. Which is pretty amazing, considering my first ancestor came over on the Mayflower. That's a lot of work! I remember when I was a kid, WLF and his sister went up to New York state to do research. Even as a kid, I thought it was so cool and wanted to go with them.

Eventually, WLF had the family trees written out and framed. They now hang in the basement at The Czarina's house. Every time I go to visit her, I stare at them. I wonder what these long-dead ancestors were like. Do I have their nose? Their sense of humor? If I could ever talk to them, what would I want to ask them? What amazing events had they witnessed? What would they think about the world today? (I guess even as an adult, I still have a kid's imagination and inquisitiveness!)

The Czarina, on the other hand, doesn't have much interest in all of this genealogy stuff. Maybe that's because her family just arrived in the United States in the mid-to-late 1800s. Her family tree is just so short and so simple -- 3 generations on each side, mostly Irish, with a generous glob of German thrown in. She pretty much already knows everything. Her father's side -- the Irish side-- is the part of my family I'm most interested in. We are pretty sure they fled the Potato Famine of the 1850s, but we've never been positive. Most of my time working on this "genie" stuff has been spent looking up info on Irish-American immigrants, or, as I like to call them, "my people". LOL. I'm even now trying to learn more about the history of Ireland so I can understand "my people" a little better. After all, I am genetically more Irish than anything else. (My dad was a total mutt!)

Although I do know a lot about both sides of my family, it's still fun for me to look things up. I like to see if I can find any undiscovered bits of information lurking out there in the old census records and other resources. What I have found is that it must be really easy to avoid the census takers, because there are entire branches of my family that are not even listed. I can't even find one of my grandfathers! This makes researching even more challenging and fun for me. I am determined to find stuff! So that's what I've been into lately.

What I want to share with you are some of the really weird, out-of-style, old-fashioned names in my family. Here is a list, drawn from both sides of my family:

Prudence (can you tell I have some Puritanical roots? LOL)
Euphemia (my whole family agrees this sounds more like a disease than a name!)
Gertrude (this name is VERY popular on my dad's side, for some reason)
Sylvester (UGH! horrible name!)

No offense to anyone with those names. I just think they are...unusual. I actually like some of them -- Arabella and Cordelia and Elijah are all fine by me. It's just interesting to see how names fall in/out of fashion. Sometimes WAY out. LOL

Of course, in my family we have a lot of perfectly normal, common names, too. Lots of Thomases, Josephs, Benjamins, Sarahs, Catherines, Marys, Pauls, Henrys, Jessies, Jameses and Marthas.

But it's no fun to talk about normal names! Let's talk about the weird ones! Do you have any unusual or old-fashioned names in your family? Share with me! I love learning about this stuff.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


1. CN's dad is home from the hospital. YAY! Although it's a lot easier on his mom now, she is still really stressed out. When CN and I went down to visit them this past weekend, I told her that she can call me if she needs someone to sit at the house while she runs errands or takes a nap or whatever. She will probably never take me up on the offer, but I wish she would. She's a bundle of nerves. As for CN's dad, he's in better shape emotionally. He's really happy to be home after staying in a hospital for 3 weeks. But physically, he's worse than ever. He can't even get out of bed or use his hands now. The radiation has basically fried his nerve endings and really weakened his muscles. And the radiation treatments (15 of them!) made his hair fall out. :( Luckily, a nurse comes by twice a day to help out. So things are better, but not good.

2. Did you hear about the plane crash?? The doctors are saying that Travis Barker and DJ AM should make a full recovery, so that's good. But it's so sad about the rest of the people on the plane. They think a blown tire caused the crash.

3. My roommate, E, is still hanging out with the Random Guy, despite how she told me she doesn't really like him. Ugh. I just do not like him. Have you ever met someone and instantly knew you should not trust them? That's how I feel about this guy. And I don't mean like I'm worried he's going to steal stuff. Not that kind of distrust. More along the lines of he's a player and just out to use women. That kind of distrust. The sketchy, lying kind. Anyway, I just sleep over at CN's house when he's over. That way, I don't have to worry about their beer-induced midnight romping. Ugh. (The upside? I think E feels a little guilty, because she's been taking out the trash and washing all the dishes. I am not complaining. I like this arrangement.)

4. MJ got free tix to the South Carolina football game this weekend, and she is taking ME!!! YAY!!!! We get free food and drinks at her company's tailgating area, too. WOO HOO!!! I have the bestest best friend ever. Not only is she WAY cooler than I am, she is also generous. OMG you have no idea how totally excited I am. There is nothing better than seeing the Gamecocks play live, in the stadium. Unless you've been to an SEC football game, you have no idea what I'm talking about. It's a total blast. It's so hard to get tickets, let alone FREE ones. This is SWEET.

5. I finally broke down and bought some new (ie, bigger) pants this weekend. While bummed that I now have to wear a size (ok, two sizes) larger than usual, I really did need some new work clothes. "I feel like I'm rewarding myself for getting fat," I said to CN. He made me feel better by reminding me that it's ok, because I'm doing what I can so I won't have to wear them for too long. I have been doing pretty well at cutting sugar from my diet and eliminating all snacks and fried foods. Next week, I will start to exercise a lot more, too. With any luck, I should be able to lose some weight here pretty soon. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

6. You might be saying to yourself right now, "Shopping? Football games? Gee, VB, it seems like you have a lot of free time lately." To which I reply, "Why, how observant of you, my dear reader!" I have decided to quit my part time job at Dildo's. I put in my 2 weeks notice a couple of weeks ago. I decided that I deserve a break. And I need to be able to support CN right now. I might get another part time job after the holidays are over, but for now, I am really looking forward to being able to clean my house, see my friends, sleep in, go to the gym, etc. My last day is tomorrow. I cannot even tell you how freaking excited I am to finally have a life again. I even bought a new cookbook in anticipation of all the cooking I will be able to do soon!

And I have paid off about $2500 in credit card debt! While not super amazing, it is a nice dent in my debt, and nothing to be ashamed of. I can still (hopefully) continue to pay it down, albeit more slowly than before.

7. My stalker hasn't bothered me, aside from a bunch of staring, which is creepy enough. But I never walk to my car alone, and my boss gave me permission to call security at any time if he says anything inappropriate to me. Unfortunately, the creepy staring isn't enough to have him removed. But at least my boss is backing me on this and taking it seriously. She was really concerned when I told her about it. So far, so good......

Ok, you're all caught up now. :) Thanks for reading. I'm off to go leave comments on other blogs...ta ta for now!

Friday, September 19, 2008

Do You Use T-Mobile?

Hey there, readers! I recently found out that my lovely cell company, SunCom, was bought out by T-Mobile. I am sad, because I was really enjoying my plan, but I am powerless to do anything about it.

So, if you have T-Mobile, do you like it? What kind of a plan is a good one? Do they have good phones? (I am a Nokia fan -- does anyone else out there HATE Motorola phones??) Does T-Mobile have good customer service? What have you heard?

I can't really ask anyone here in town, because T-Mobile just arrived. They are a new company in the Carolinas.

If you know anything about T-Mobile, please share! Or, if you LOVE your cell phone company, please tell me why. I might switch, if T-Mobile sucks. Thanks! Have a great weekend, everyone!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

I Now Pronounce You...Diet Queen


Have I told you that my friend (and MJ's old roommate) KT is getting married next June?


Did I mention that KT asked me to be a bridesmaid?

She did. I accepted.

Today, I was informed that the bridesmaid dresses have been selected. They will be light green and are described by KT as "sexy". Here is a photo of the dress:

Pretty, right? Except for that one part where KT describes the dress as "sexy". This is an ominous word to anyone who is currently 30 pounds overweight, such as yours truly. Especially when that person has hips as wide as the Mississippi. And the dress is clingy in the hip area. For me to wear dresses like this AND still have the ability to sit down, it is necessary that I lose a LOT of inches in the hip/ass area of my body.

"Ok, I might need to think about getting serious in the diet and exercise arena in preparation for this wedding," I thought to myself.

"This will be good. You were looking for some motivation to get going on losing some weight," I thought.

"And even if you don't lose a ton of weight, like you should, at least everyone will be looking at the bride, not you," I comforted myself.

"And at least you love the light green color she picked out," I thought.

Then MJ pointed out that the other bridesmaids are probably all aerobics instructors, like KT.

[Insert panic here.]

Now, if you will excuse me, I have 14 miles to run, followed by a dinner of water and 3 grapes.

Update on Tuesday morning: I only had ONE twizzler yesterday. Everything else I ate was relatively nutritional. :) It's a start, right??? Hopefully, I will be going to the gym tonight. No time like the present!

Thursday, September 11, 2008


Please, let's all take a moment today to think about and remember.....and if you want, please pray with me for the victims and the families and friends of everyone who died that day.

It's been 7 years, but it still brings tears to my eyes, just thinking about it.

I was a teacher in NC when it happened. I had to look into the eyes of children, not knowing what to say as they cried and looked to adults around them for reassurance. It was hard to hide from them how scared I was. I probably didn't do a very good job. How do you explain something like that to innocent kids? It was a day full of shock, hopelessness and horror. I can only imagine what it must have been like for those who experienced the chaos, terror and sadness more closely to home. God bless them.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Stalker

I have mentioned my stalker before. See here and here.

If you look at the dates on those posts, you will see that he's been bothering me since at least March 2007. Thankfully, it has not been continuous because he doesn't attend school every semester. I had kind of forgotten about him, because he wasn't here for the spring semester or the summer. But now, he's back. Every Monday and Wednesday, when he's got classes, he camps out in the library pretty much all day long. (We have learned that his mom drops him off in the mornings and then picks him up when she gets off of work. So he doesn't have a car, which is GOOD.) When he's here, I have to strategically avoid him and hope that he won't follow me to my car. This is not a good working environment!!!

He came up to the desk the other night and asked if he could talk to me. (Unfortunately, I stupidly told him my first name a long time ago, before I knew he would give me the creeps.) My coworker informed him that I had left for the day. But he creeped her out so much that she emailed me about it. He gives everyone the creeps around here, but for some unknown reason, he has become fixated on me, especially. In addition to dealing with his creepiness (staring, lurking, hanging out for no apparent reason, smacking his lips incessantly), I have also had to endure personal questions about my boyfriend and love life. It's pretty evident that this guy has some screws loose, so in a way, I have some sympathy for him. Which is why I have, in the past, sugar-coated my responses to his nosy and inappropriate questions.

As you can probably guess, this only encouraged him. Despite my heavy hints to leave me alone, he still wants to talk to me. It culminated with him finding my myspace page last April and emailing me a bizarre email. Since he was not here at school at the time, I didn't worry about it too much. But I kept the email he sent me, just in case. (When he is not at school, I do not have to really worry about him, as he does not have a car and lives on the other side of town. So the good thing is, he cannot follow me home or anything like that.)

Fast forward to last week, when he asked my coworker if he could talk to me. After hearing that he's now bothering everyone, and not just me, I have decided that I have had enough. In addition to his creepiness, he has been confrontational with some of my coworkers in the past. He's got a mouth and isn't afraid to get mouthy whenever one of us asks him to be quiet or obey the library rules. My coworker and I were talking about his attitude and ultra-creepiness the next day when she reminded me that some criminal records are considered public information here in SC, and were therefore, online. So we looked him up.

Here's what we found: disorderly conduct, domestic violence (multiple offenses against his own mother), resisting arrest, driving on a suspended license and assaulting an officer. And he's spent some time in jail. His rap sheet goes back to 1998, when he was still in high school.

After reading that, I was officially freaked out. If it had been one minor offense, I would not have really worried about it. But to see multiple offenses, some of which are violent, really worried me. He has the ability to turn violent. Against anyone. This guy has a temper, and I know that stalkers do not deal well with rejection. Grrrrrrrrrreat.

I knew I had to do something. But what??? Going to the police and getting a restraining order would only make me a target for revenge. He would know I am the one who filed it. And he could come into the library and totally wig out and/or shoot me or something. Or ramp up his efforts to talk to me. (Stalkers often see restraining orders as challenges to overcome. Yes, I did some research. I'm a librarian -- what did you expect?)

CN wanted to come to campus and follow him into the men's room with a crowbar. I told him that would not be necessary. But I appreciated the thought. He offered a less-violent, more legal idea -- how about he just come to campus and talk to the stalker? I turned down this idea. The last thing I need is for CN to be a target, too.

I decided to go to the office here on campus that deals with problem students. That way, it would be the school that is making the complaint, and my name would not be involved. I was pretty sure that he'd been causing problems around campus, so I was thinking maybe my statement would be the straw that could break the camel's back. If enough people complained, they'd have to do something, right???

I met with one of the student services peeps and told him everything. I even brought a print-out of the strange email he had sent me. When I informed him of my stalker's rap sheet, he looked at me in amazement. "How did you know about all that?" he asked. I told him it was public information. He made some scribbles in his notes, I assume listing all his criminal offenses. He said his office is very familiar with this student and they are "keeping an eye on him", whatever that means. He told me that if all he's doing is being creepy, they can't really do anything. He had sympathy for me, but he's right -- it's not a crime to be a wierdo. I knew the student services office had their hands tied until I could prove my stalker refused to leave me alone or did something violent. Unfortunately, this is the world we live in. And I understand that. But I at least wanted it on record that I had made a complaint.

But he did tell me that this student does have some mental problems, and that as long as I am firm but respectful, I should have some success in getting him to leave me alone. The student services guy said that other people on campus have had success with this strategy. He told me to always keep my phone with me, no matter where I am on campus. He also told me to never walk to my car alone. He also advised me to write down every encounter I have with him, including the date and time and place and what was said, so that we can start keeping track of everything. Yes, I realize now that I should have been doing this all along, but I stupidly didn't take this guy seriously. Luckily, I have mentioned him in this blog, which will help me at least report how long it's been going on.

According to their records, he's never been violent on campus, just mouthy. "There's a first time for everything," I thought. So I informed him that the only reason I was talking to his office instead of the cops was because I didn't want my name on a restraining order. I didn't want to make myself a target. I also said that if he didn't have a violent criminal history, we wouldn't even be having this conversation. I had really wanted to go straight to police, to be honest.

Anyway, I am waiting to hear back from his office about what we can do. I told him I would like it if he was banned from the library entirely, if possible. And without my name specifically involved. Ideally, he would be kicked out of school! Until then, I have to just watch my back, be really firm with him and make myself more unavailable online. I am going to remove even more personally identifiying information on my myspace and facebook accounts. It can't hurt.

What makes me angry is that the whole office didnt' even know about his criminal record!!! You would think that after the Virginia Tech shootings, we would not have to deal with crap like this anymore! I mean, I know the school needs to make money via tuition, and I believe in privacy laws and giving people 2nd chances to turn their lives around, but at what cost? I'm not getting the impression this guy is interested in behaving himself or trying to overcome his bad past decisions. I think he's a potentially violent stalker who could flip at any moment and should not be allowed on campus. And I'm a little angry at how vulnerable my place of employment is leaving me. Who knows what other wack jobs are roaming around out here?! If I'm at risk, so are all of my coworkers. I hate that they basically wont' do anything until it's too late. That is a crappy policy. Have we learned nothing after Virginia Tech????

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Fun Fall Stuff!

Fall is such a fun and exciting season. You have cooler weather, beautiful leaves, Halloween, yummy apples, football, school starts...and this year, we have the election to boot.

Although we are still wearing flip-flops and dealing with 90 degree temperatures here in SC as we watch the weather report closely (Hurricane Ike is a Category 4 -- EEK!), I can tell that fall is coming. I can't wait to put on boots and turtlenecks.

I'm rambling. What I wanted to share with you today are some fun things I have found on the Internet, and they all happen to be fall-related. Here goes.

Back to School: Ever wonder what your hair would have looked like if you were in an old yearbook? Go to Yearbook Yourself and see what you would have looked like back in the day. I was crying laughing at this site, y'all. It is hysterical. Even funnier when I used CN's photo and saw what he would have looked like in the male photos. Don't forget to save the pics and email them to your friends. This is my favorite site, I swear.

Election: Is anyone else thinking that Sarah Palin is a dead ringer for Tina Fey? Cuz I am! Check out this photo:
I hope SNL jumps on this ASAP. Is Tina guest hosting any time soon? I'm sure the writers could come up with something. If not Palin, Tina could also do a fantastic Winona. Check this one out:
They could all be sisters!

Football: First of all, I would like to say how freakin' awesome it was that Alabama beat Clemson this past weekend. Not only do I not like Clemson, but I am a huge Alabama fan. Roll Tide!!!! I am hoping that Nick Saban can lead the Tide to a winning season this year. After so many heartbreaks in the last few years, it's nice to see this happen. :) My whole family is full of Tide fans. Not only did my dad attend Bama and play for Bear, but he also used to teach there. He remembered seeing Joe Namath throwing a football around in the school cafeteria!

And now, The Czarina is starting to become a South Carolina fan, although this is more to do with her 40-year-long crush on Steve Spurrier than anything else. Every time I bring up his name, I have to listen to her say, "Oh, I have had the hots for him since he was a quarterback for Florida!" -- she's such a dork.

Oh, but what I was going to say.......The Czarina sent me this funny email, describing the differences between college football down south vs. college football up north. It was too good not to share. (I have added a little bit myself!):

Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different than up North. For those who are planning a football trip South, here are some helpful hints.

Women's Accessories:
NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket. Wear jeans & sweatshirt.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for. Wear cocktail dress in team colors, complete with coordinating heels and sterling silver jewelry with team mascot charms.

Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people. College football stadiums can hold the entire population of certain small countries.

NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.

NORTH: Rudy Giuliani
SOUTH: Herschel Walker & Peyton Manning

Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus, make a large financial contribution, and put name on a waiting list for tickets.

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.

NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never Broadcast from their campus.

NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance from the Dave Matthews Band... who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon. A 16-hour day of eating and drinking takes place, followed by a giant bonfire at midnight.

Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it is the state's third largest city. Game days are responsible for approximately 25% of the college town's economy.

NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.

When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

The Smell in the Air After the First Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.

Commentary (Male):
NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumb**ch - tackle him and break his legs."

Commentary (Female):
NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumb***h - tackle him and break his legs."

NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team. He is the 3rd generation announcer for the team. But you probably knew that already, because there's a bronze statue of his grandfather by the press box.

After the Game:
NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next week's game.

NORTH: Sleep in or go to church. Don't think about football until next week. Slowly gain anticipation for basketball or hockey season instead.
SOUTH: If you get up in time for church, you smell like bourbon and listen to a football-related sermon, then run home to watch all the press conferences, team football shows and coach interviews that you recorded while you were at church. Eat, sleep and breathe college football until January.

[Y'all, I wish I was kidding, but these are all pretty much true!! As for the lightbulb jokes below, we have all got to learn to laugh at ourselves, right?]

Nothing else in the universe comes even halfway close to the glories of Southern football! And for SEC Fans:

At VANDERBILT: It takes two, one to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as good as the bulbs changed at Harvard.

At GEORGIA: It takes two, one to change the bulb and one to stabilize the rolling beer cooler the bulb changer is using for a ladder.

At FLORIDA: It takes four, one to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get stoned off the old one.

At ALABAMA: It takes five, one to change it, three to reminisce about how The Bear would have done it, and one to throw the old bulb at an NCAA investigator.

At OLE MISS: It takes six, one to change it, two to mix the drinks and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.

At LSU: It takes seven, and each one gets credit for five Semester hours.

At KENTUCKY: It takes eight, one to screw it in and seven to discuss how much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season.

At TENNESSEE: It takes ten, two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about how much they hate Alabama.

At MISSISSIPPI STATE: It takes fifteen, one to screw in the bulb, two to buy the Skoal, and twelve to yell, “GO TO HELL, OLE MISS".

At AUBURN: It takes one hundred, one to change it, forty-nine to talk about how they did it better than at Bama and Georgia, and fifty to get drunk and roll Toomer's Corner when finished.

At SOUTH CAROLINA: It takes 80,000, one to screw it in and 79,999 to discuss how this finally will be the year that they have a decent football team.

At ARKANSAS: None. There is no electricity in Arkansas.

CN is recording the South Carolina/Vandy game for me right now. I can't wait to run home after work and go watch it!!! Go Cocks!!

Unfortunately, I don't know if the Alabama game will be televised on Saturday...but it's ok. I'm sure I will read all about it in the paper! You'd have to live under a rock to get away from SEC football down here. :)

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Wednesday Randomness

Thanks, everyone, for your supportive comments on the last post. I am in much better spirits than I was when I posted that last week. CN's dad is still in the hospital, but it's just so he can get some strength back before he goes home on Friday. Hopefully, the radiation went well. We will see. CN and I are hopefully going to visit him this weekend.

I haven't posted in a week! Let me see, what has been going on....CN's air conditioner broke, costing him $1,400. YIKES. I don't know if he was under warranty or not, and CN was too annoyed to care -- he just wanted it fixed. The unit is only 3 years old. It needed a new coil and it was leaking antifreeze (or whatever that liquid is they put in AC units). No one we know had any good recommendations for HVAC companies, so he just called someone out of the phone book. He's worried he got screwed, as am I, but it's sort of like mechanics -- unless you get a good recommendation, you're a target for getting screwed. :(

They say bad things come in 3s......keep your fingers crossed for CN! He might have another doozy left!

My roommate E isn't interested in the Random Guy anymore. So that's good......for me, anyway! He was a jerk, from what she's told me, and CN met him and told me afterwards that he had "loser" written all over him! LOL I had to agree -- what 33 year old guy still lives with his parents? And lets his mom still do his laundry? Red flag!

Sammy turned 6 this past weekend. He got lots of treats and a walk in the park. Aw. Let me see if I can find a pic of him really quickly....

There he is! My little puppy

Ok, this is an exciting time of year, because it is both football season and back-to-school season. Oh! And election time, too. I have fun stuff to share!

But right now, I gotta run. I have to work at Dildo's tonight, but I promise I will post the fun stuff tomorrow!!