Smurf Goes to Prom

In case you are wondering where I've been lately, I can give you a quick explanation:

I have had a terrible cold, which is still lingering. *cough* *sniff*
I have been in interviews for the PT Clinique job (I start tomorrow).
We had inventory at work. Thousands of books needed to be scanned. :\
I have been doing a bunch of regular, un-blog-worthy things (Sadly, my life is not always as titillating as I wish!).

So in short, you haven't been missing anything.

However, my little sister, Smurf, is having a very eventful spring! Not only did she get her driver's license (if you live in Virginia, watch out, because the girl cannot drive AT ALL!!!) but she went to prom with a senior -- which really impressed me, since I was so socially awkward in high school, I was grateful to be invited at all, by anyone. She is only a sophomore, which proves that my little sister is WAY cooler than I ever was at her age. Apparently, the senior has a crush on her, but she only likes him "as a friend". Which is probably a good thing, because the last time she filled me in on her love life, she had 3 guys (!!!) calling her.

I don't think I've ever had three guys calling me in my LIFE.

So I am relieved that high school isn't nearly as painful for her as it was for me. And I'm pretty proud, not only of her social abilities, but also her excellent grades (AP classes!) and her athletic talents (she currently plays softball, basketball AND volleyball -- WOW). She even plays the flute in her school's marching band. I don't know when she sleeps!

Thanks for letting me brag. Now, here's some prom pics of my little sister Smurf.

The obligatory hair-do, complete with 18 gallons of hairspray, I'm sure. And I would like to add that she was lucky enough to inherit The Czarina's extremely thick and shiny hair, whereas I got WLF's thin and fine hair. And did I mention that this girl NEVER gets zits?? Yeah. And can you tell how long her legs are? She is 5' 9". I am 5' 5". She's got legs for days. It's just not fair!!!

Is it just me, or is that corsage gigantic?? And I think her prom date is the same height she is!

I love her dress. And check out her adorable dimples!!

Ok, maybe she should pull her dress up a little bit....(oops, that's the overprotective Big Sis coming out!)

Having fun at prom with her date!


She said the after-prom stuff was held in the gym at her school, which is where this pic was taken. Apparently, it was super fun, because she didn't come home until 4am!!! The girl on the right is her best friend. I don't know who the girl on the left is. With a social butterfly for a little sis, sometimes it's hard to keep up!

Just to illustrate how vastly different my prom experiences were, let's do a quick reflection of VB's proms:

Junior year (1996): Considering my senior boyfriend dumped me right before everyone started finding dates (Gee, thanks, Scott. Great timing.), I was kind of S.O. L. and so had to pray to the prom gods to be asked at all. I ended up being asked by some guy in my math class. Until he asked me, I literally did not know he existed. (Isn't that terrible?? I don't even remember his name. Chris, maybe?? In my defense, my high school was HUGE and I was extremely shy. So it's not like I was too cool to know who anyone was. I was just clueless.) We went with his friends to dinner. I didn't know them, either. I don't remember having too good of a time, although I was glad he didn't try to kiss me, because that would have been awkward at best. I do remember liking my dress (it was short and bubblegum pink) and my hair -- The Czarina was a hairdresser in a past life, I swear. The woman has got some wicked hot roller skillz. Anyway, I had this whole 1960s girl group vibe going on. Very Dreamgirl-ish.

Senior year (1997): Again, there was no convenient boyfriend to be my automatic prom date (see a pattern??). So I was stuck crossing my fingers and again praying to the prom gods again. My best friend was in the same boat I was in. So was our guy pal, Josh. So the three of us went together! We ended up having a blast. My girlfriend wore a champagne satin dress; I wore a long, fitted, black dress trimmed with rhinestones. He got us matching red rose corsages. We got him two boutonnieres -- one for each lapel. And arm-in-arm-in-arm, we went to prom! Josh took turns dancing with us, and we ended up having so much fun. Josh told me later that he felt like a pimp all night, walking around with TWO prom dates. I can't remember where we ate or what we did that was so fun, but I do remember having a really good time and laughing a lot.

Now, Josh is engaged. And my girlfriend just got married last fall. I am now praying to the marriage gods. LOL some things never change....

Anyway, what was your prom like? Did you have fun? What do you remember? If you are a female reader, I want you to describe your dress to me!

Barf Queen on a Date

"I took 5 of them," she slurred.

Oh boy. When I got home from work on Friday, I opened my front door to find E in the midst of a Vicodin-induced stupor. She had surgery recently, and was in some pain.

"Well, I don't have any plans tonight. You wanna stay in and have a Roomie Bonding Night? We can watch movies and eat popcorn. I could pop a Vicodin and join you!" I said, excitedly.

E nodded enthusiastically. "Yeahyeahyeah."

15 minutes later, we were in our jammies, watching Dirty Love, eating jelly beans and I had downed a Vicodin. A few minutes later, I decided it wasn't working, so I took another one.

[Note: This directly violates Rule #1 of VB's Vicodin Enjoyment: Never take more than one Vicodin. I would soon rue this rule violation.]

So I'm just starting to enjoy myself when there's a knock on the door. It's Cute Neighbor. And I'm buzzed on painkillers. Uh-Oh. Act natural.

He had some friends (a married couple) coming into town for the night and wanted to know if I would care to join them for dinner and pool.

"Sure, I'd love to!" I replied, trying to sound sober, secretly wondering how in the hell I'm going to pull this off.

He said ok, and told me to be ready by 8. Cool. That gave me an hour and a half to get ready. In other words, I would be totally juiced by the time the date started. I shut the door.

"Shitshitshitshitshit!!!" I whispered.

"What? Wassss that CN?" asked E, stumbling over to the front door.

"Dude, I have a date with CN and I'm fucked up. I can't do this," I said, walking past her, to my room.

Have you ever tried to get ready when you're drunk? Because that's what it was like. I don't think it would be an exaggeration to say that this was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Hot rollers? Seemed to require a PhD. Coordinating shoes with my outfit? Required an extremely serious debate between myself and E, lasting about 15 minutes. Zipping up and tying my top, without getting the dreaded white deodorant marks all over the front? Took every ounce of concentration and focus I had in my body. I dropped everything twice. I almost poked my eye out with the eyeliner. And I thought the SATs were hard. I think I asked E about 6 times if my outfit looked ok. Which was stupid, because she was more wacked out than I was.

Oh boy. This was going to be an interesting night.

"E!" I shouted. "I don't know if this is a good idea.....it's still kicking in!"

"No, you should totally go. You have to," she slurred, leaning against the door frame of my room.

"Well, the good thing is, I'm not nervous at all. I feel gooooooooood," I replied.

"See? So you shhhhhould go...." E mumbled before collapsing on the couch. I think she passed out at this point. I don't really know. I was more concerned with remembering how to walk in a straight line.

After double and triple-checking myself in the mirror, I headed over to CN's house across the street. "Don't tell him you're on Vicodin. Don't tell him you're on Vicodin," I mentally repeated to myself.

[Note: When we went tailgating together last weekend, I mentioned how much I loved Vicodin, but emphasized that I do not do it all the time by any wild stretch of the imagination. So I did not want to give the impression that I am addicted to pain killers or something. Because less than a week later, here I am, weaving all over the street, teetering in high heels. Yeesh.]

We drove downtown to meet up with the couple. I think I acted pretty normally. I think....I hope...

By the time we walked to the restaurant, sat down and opened our menus, I was blitzed. I could feel my eyes crossing and my mind wandering.

I ordered a ginger ale in the hopes that it would settle my stomach. No such luck. Before I took a sip of it, I excused myself from the table. Luckily, our table was not too far from the bathroom.

By some miracle, the bathroom was empty. I hurriedly locked the stall door behind me and proceeded to barf. "Shit! I am never taking Vicodin again! I am a total idiot! I can't believe I did this!!! Stupid, stupid, stupid!" I thought as I doubled over, hurling.

Double checking myself, my hair and my clothes in the mirror, I swished my mouth out and popped some gum. I have no idea how long this took, because at this point, I was in Lala Land.

Luckily, no one seemed to notice when I got back to the table. We ordered our food, and I drank my ginger ale and began to feel a little better. Whew, I am in the clear. I attempted to join in on the conversation, and managed to hold my own. I have no earthly clue what we talked about. I don't remember a word of it. I do remember CN flirting with me, and smiling at him, and thinking he was definitely out of TFZ. But that's about it. Most of my thoughts were focused on not falling out of my chair. As if reminding myself to keep my eyelids from shutting halfway wasn't hard enough, the stress and paranoia of being discovered was making me sweat profusely. Oh man. This was not fun. Not fun at all.

Then, the food was served. CN and his buddy had ordered sushi. Which wasn't the best thing for me to see/smell at that point. Feeling woozy, I took a deep breath and focused on eating my own meal. I swallowed the first bite when..........uh oh. Guess what. The ginger ale didn't work. Back to the bathroom I go.

This time, I didn't say anything, but got up and made a beeline to the ladies' room. I almost had to run. Which would have been funny to see, because at this point, my stomach was controlling the rest of my body. I had lost control over my brain, not to mention my appendages. I almost fell on the way. As I barged into the bathroom, throwing the door wide open and staggering around to see if anyone else was in there, I was overjoyed to find that I again had the bathroom all to myself. Yesssss! But I didn't have a lot of time to enjoy this moment: Must. Barf. Now. Unluckily, I didn't make it all the way to the toilet, and managed to barf all over the stall. At least this time, it was just ginger ale and one piece of pasta, so it wasn't very messy. I cleaned it up as best I could and felt a LOT better. I washed up and swished again.

"I am the biggest effing idiot on Earth and possibly throughout all of history. I can't believe I am doing this," I thought. "Oh, gawd, what if I keep barfing every 15 minutes???" I looked in the mirror: no harm done to clothes, makeup or hair. "SCORE! This is the best barf luck I've ever had!" I thought, as I popped another piece of gum.

I rejoined the group, but knew better than to drink or eat anything. Feeling the buzz start to wear off, I began to relax. That is, until I realized: they were on to me. "Um, are you ok? Does your food taste ok? You're not eating," the wife asked me.

I told everyone that I hadn't felt well since lunch, when I had ordered a salad from a local restaurant. I apologized for not feeling so well or eating. "But I'm starting to feel a little better. I just can't eat or drink anything right now," I explained. I received much sympathy. Whew. Big sigh of relief.

After dinner, we crossed the street to go play pool. Who do we run into? Why, MJ and her new guy, VW! I ran up to her.

"Oh thank God you're here! Help me! I'm on a date with CN and I'm fucked up on Vicodin and I can't stop barfing! Do I look ok? Can you tell I'm fucked up? Do I smell like barf? Omg, I barfed at the restaurant -- twice!" I shouted frantically.

"Please tell me you didn't barf at the table," she said, hesitantly.

"Oh, thank goodness, no. I even got the bathroom all to myself!" I replied with glee.

She laughed and reassured me I looked fine and that I appeared normal. Never in my life have I been so happy to run into someone I knew.

The rest of the evening went really, really well. MJ and VW joined our group, and we all had fun playing pool. Towards the end of the night, we all grabbed a table outside and talked. That's when CN and VW began to hit it off -- they were inseparable! "Dude, your date hijacked my date!" I told MJ.

"I know! They are like BFFs!" she answered. We laughed and began to tease the guys about it.

Soon after, CN's friends went back to their hotel and MJ and VW left. This left me and CN alone to talk. And boy, did we talk. We went for at least an hour, solid. Talked for a while at the bar, all the way back to the car (with much teasing from CN about how I am Barf Queen) and all the way home. Then, we sat in his driveway and talked some more. We exchanged phone numbers and myspace URLs. There was mucho chemistry and CN is most definitely out of TFZ. Yay!

And no, nothing happened, Noseypants.

We made plans to hang out the next day and watch a movie. But by the time I was done with everything I had to do on Saturday, it was almost time for the USC game to start, so we watched the first half of that instead.

Nothing happened on Saturday, either. But it was his fault -- he sat on the easy chair, while I sat on the couch all by myself. So much for couch snuggling.

He was probably afraid I would barf on him...

Tag! I'm It!

I've been tagged by Evel. (If you don't read her blog, you should. She's hysterical. Ever wonder what those tech support people are really thinking when you call about your messed up computer? She will tell you! And you know what? You sound like a total idiot.)

My job here today is to tell you 8 tidbits of info about me. I bet I have already done this tag....and surprisingly, I haven't told you everything about me. SHOCKER! This tag came at a good time, since I have lots going on, yet nothing which would entitle an entire post. Here goes.

Oh, heads up. If you have a weak stomach, you might want to skip #1.

1. I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. For a legitimate reason, this time. I have been informed by my gyno that there is too much protein in my urine, and so I have to go back to the office and let them insert who-knows-what into you-know-where so they can make sure my kidneys are working properly. Fuckfuckfuckityfuckfuck. They think I am not peeing into the cup correctly and I am contaminating my own urine samples with excess protein from who knows what. It wouldn't be a surprise if this is true, as they have a 12-step process for peeing into the cups there. You need a PhD to follow their procedure. Anyway, using a catheter is a fail-proof way of seeing if the problem is my idiocy or my kidneys. The only reason I am volunteering to cooperate with this whole catheter idea is because I know it might be preventing a future kidney stone. Now that you have read this, I know you are thinking one of the following:
A) Ouch!
B) Ew!
C) This sounds like a job for Vicodin! or
D) *raises hand, as if to ask a question in class* Um, but why does the gyno care about that hole?

To which I reply: Exactly!!!!

2. Further proof that I did indeed make a 4.0 in library school (aka "The Place Where You Learn How to Be a Stalker and Get Paid for It"): I found Cute Neighbor's myspace page yesterday. I found it because I found out his last name through public records. Along with the full names of all my neighbors. And some details about Hot Neighbor's divorce. And his driving record. And where he used to live. But whatever. That's basic stuff. *raises hand in swearing manner* I promise never to use my powers for evil purposes. But if you want me to do some stalking for you, I charge $25/hour for my services (see #3, below).

3. I am trying to sell Toby. Because I get these things called "bills" in my "mailbox". And it's either sell the dog or sell my body at this point. And please, no sympathy for the dog. He should have thought about this before he chewed off my windowsill. And pooped all over my house.

4. Sometimes I geek out WAAAAAY too much. Examples:

A)I was just on Netflix, reviewing my queue. I had forgotten that once I discovered the "documentaries" section on Netflix, I had gone totally crazy: history, science, pop culture, animals, foreign cities, diseases, religions, art, you name it. For some reason, though, the following must have sounded interesting to me: The Natural History of the Chicken. Whaaaaaaaa???
B) And now that I'm going to NYC, I am entirely too excited about it, and have checked out 3 travel guides from the library. I'm going to look over those before I even get on the plane. I just put an 8 volume "History of NYC" documentary at the top of my Netflix queue. And read up on all the well-known NYC neighborhoods in Wikipedia. (You can quiz me, even!) And I'm working on my "First Trip to NYC" Soundtrack. Today I'm going to see if I really can get tickets to Spamalot. (Ok, you know and I know that is impossible, but I am curious to see just how much it would cost.) It is probably the ONLY musical I would ever get excited to see....ok, I just looked it up. Some tickets are as low as $36. Who knew???? I am seriously out of control, people!!!
C) I think I might spend this afternoon going back through all my posts and editing my post labels. (Just having typed that, I'm not too surprised about this dry spell I'm having....jeez. *sighs and rolls eyes*)

5. I'm really good about taking other people's advice and learning from others' mistakes. Example: MJ says Times Square is a royal pain in the neck and sucks. I believe her. So I will not be visiting this famous landmark. Unless it's because I am going to Spamalot. (Besides, um, what the hell do tourists do there, anyway? Look at the big lit-up signs??? Big deal. Send me a postcard, you know?) Some people call it "blind trust", I call it "never having to hear 'I told you so'."

6. When I go to Vermont on this upcoming trip, it will be the farthest north I've ever been. There'd better not be any snow. And I want to see a Ben & Jerry's on every corner!

7. When I was home at The Czarina's recently, I was helping her clean the house. The wall by the stairs has a bunch of old framed family documents and pictures (diplomas, paintings, etc.) hanging on it. I was looking at them while I dusted. One of the framed items is a promotional brochure from my great-great-grandfather's dentistry practice, dating back to about the 1880s. (If you knew my family, it would not surprise you in the least that we not only saved that, but also framed it.) Now, I knew that side of my family was from upstate New York, so I figured he was a dentist somewhere in northern New York. But according to this brochure, his office was located on W. 151st St., NYC! Cool, huh? All this time, I thought I had no NYC connections. I asked MJ if we would have time to maybe go see the building, but she pointed out that 151st street is in Harlem, and it might not be a good idea. Also, it's hella out there, almost in the Bronx.

8. I just found out this week that I type 65 words per minute.

Ok, I am supposed to tag 8 people.....but it's lunchtime, and I gotta go. If you want to do it, knock yourself out!

Ten

Ok, so Burg tagged me. WOOT! I am excited because I like to tell myself you are all dying to know me better. Right? Because the 200 things in the side-bar over there just aren't enough.

My task? Tell you 10 "interesting" things about me. I say "interesting" with the little quotation marks because at this point, I am starting to run out of things to share (surprised?) and therefore, the quality of this post is questionable.

1. What does VB smell like? Well...it used to be Calvin Klein's "Truth". It is still my all-time favorite smell. I never got sick of it. Then they discontinued it. Now I usually wear Dolce & Gabbana's "Light Blue". I also just got a perfume from M.A.C. I don't think it has a name, but it's in a black plastic/glass bottle. It's really sexy and I love it. For work, I wear either Victoria's Secret "Pink" or Ralph Lauren's "Blue". I tend to like green scents, ironically.

2. What does my closet look like? I love to wear bright colors. It looks like a rainbow in there. Sure, I have my fair share of black and pastels, but give me a coral or teal colored shirt any day. I personally think that people who wear boring colors are usually boring people. Then again, I guess I'm biased.

3. I think there was some confusion in a recent post about my new running hobby. I can NOT run 4 miles, people. Good grief. That's more than a 5k, I think. I am hard-pressed to make it to two. And I am running like, 15-minute miles, anyway. I mean, some people walk that fast. It's really nothing to be impressed by, trust me. Four miles is my GOAL. As in, "Maybe sometime before my 30th birthday I will be able to run 4 miles once."

4. I think I am in the vicinity of 50 pairs of shoes at this point. The majority of them are 3" heels. I really need to take some pics of my shoes and share....note to self. I really can't go out at night unless I have heels on. It feels weird to me. The Czarina thinks it's ridiculous how many shoes I have.

5. I pride myself on having had no car accidents in 7 years, knock on wood. Unless you count the time a lady side-swiped me. It wasn't my fault, and I was in the far left lane in rush hour traffic, so there was no escape route for me, unless I wanted to head straight into oncoming traffic. She just basically decided to change lanes without looking and plowed into me. Her insurance company paid for all my repairs. Now that I have typed this, watch me wreck my car tomorrow!

6. I have a secret, hidden talent: I can draw. Actually, come to think of it, most of the people in my family have hidden artistic skills. WLF, Czarina, my older sister and my older brother can all draw, too. My older sister is also an excellent actress and a decent singer, although she's only done it for fun. Fat Dog can play any instrument he picks up. He and I are pretty decent violinists. What's funny is, none of us ever took these abilities seriously. We are not in these fields professionally. Never have been. Maybe we weren't willing to be starving artists.

7. I was kicked/trampled by a horse when I was five or six years old. I grew up on a farm, and although my dad was not a farmer, we did rent the land out to other local farmers who needed more space. We mostly had cattle, but for a while, when I was in kindergarten, we had some horses. At the time, I was Queen My Little Pony, so this just totally kicked ass. (Oh, that was a bad pun!!!) Before school one day, my friend and neighbor, Neal came over. I think Czarina was going to drive us both to school or something. Anyway, for some reason, Neal and I had time to kill, so we went over to pet the horses. Well, the horses had escaped and were roaming around everywhere, and Neal and I tried to get the horses back behind the fences--because 5 year-olds can persuade horses-- and were kicked/trampled in the process. We were fine. Just some bumps and bruises. Pretty scary, though. I bet this is why I'm such a wuss now. (I did do some horseback riding a few years later, and I really enjoyed it. So I'm not equinophobic or anything.)

8. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people (ie, roommates and family members) don't clean out the lint filter in the dryer after they are done using it. Since I am paranoid, I have to empty it out in order to prevent burning the house down. This irritates me so much that sometimes, if I'm in a really foul mood, they will go to bed at night and find their lint laid out on their pillow. Other peoples' lint is totally disgusting. I know I sound crazy, but that stuff just grosses me out for some reason. I think it's because it looks like dust to me, and dust is made up of skin cells that have flaked off our bodies. *shudders*

9. I have a semi-gross confession to make. I need to know if anyone else in the world does this, because I really wonder. If I boil pasta, I don't always wash the pot or the colander into which I drain the pasta. It's just not dirty enough for me to go to the hassle of cleaning it. Besides, I will probably just re-use the pot the next day for more pasta (I eat a lot of pasta). Since it dries out in-between uses (I will leave it sitting out on the stovetop), I figure there can't be any bacteria in it, right? I swear on all things holy I do not do this with any other food/cooking situation, and I would never do this if I had guests over. Guests get clean pots and colanders, promise. Am I weird? Ok, dumb question. Is this particular habit weird?

10. I have the following scars:

left elbow (bike accident on gravel driveway as a kid -- yeah, ouch is right),
back left shoulder blade (removed a mole as a kid--see "Six Weird Things" in sidebar for full story),
left shin (I was 7, trying to get away from a scary barking dog and I ran into a corner. There's a big chunk missing. Ew is right. I also have another one on my left shin from a verrrry bad shaving experience when I was in middle school.),
bottom lip (I was a baby, holding a bottle in my mouth, and I fell down. The bottle dug into my lip--the scar is shaped like a U),
my left eyebrow (WLF was babysitting me, but, being the oh-so-attentive-and-smart father that he was, he left me on the bed when he went to answer the phone, and I fell off the bed, hitting a table on the way down--Czarina never let him babysit me again. But the good news is, it ended up being right along the line where I now pluck my eyebrows, so I have a built-in guide!),
stomach (chicken pox)
left jaw, kinda under my ear (from playing violin all those years)

Ok, I just realized that the right side of my body has virtually no scarring. Weird.

Man, this was hard to do. By this point, I have revealed so much about myself. I will be surprised if anyone actually reads this.....aren't you sick of reading about me? I'm sick of talking about me. My next post will have to have some malicious gossip. Or something more philosophical. Oh wait, don't place your bets on that one. Better hold out for the gossip.

Now I have to tag 10 people, in keeping with this meme's theme.

Becky, Jennster, Behind the Curve, Phantom Hater because he never posts anything, Meghan because she and I were separated at birth apparently, Petra, Sam because I know it will be hysterically funny, TGOV, Joie and Teahouse.

Reasons #19 and #24

Filed under why my job is cool sometimes:

#19 -- You can settle bets with friends. MJ and I were debating on whether or not grits were made from the entire cob or just the kernels. She said cob, I said kernels. Found out this morning: kernels only. The cobs are good for nothing other than making them into corncob pipes. I win. Woot!

#24 -- You can really stalk people. Today, in about 5 seconds, I learned Hot Neighbor's last name, his ex-wife's name, the date of their marriage and their former address. I learned that he moved in only 6 months before I did AND he paid about $7k less for his house than I did, although our homes are identical. I also learned how old he is -- 32. If I wanted to take the time to do so, I know how to go downtown and look up their divorce record, wedding announcement and maybe some other stuff. But that is much more effort than I'm willing to invest. Especially since he's probably interested in me for the sole reason that I can babysit for him. (Thanks to my straight hairdresser for being oh-so-certain that's what HN wanted that one time.)

Speaking of HN, let me tell you about Wednesday Skank (WS). She showed up at his house on Saturday evening, wearing a black dress with a hem so short she probably could not bend over in the dress. Seriously, y'all, she looked like a hooker. I mean, I like short skirts on occasion, but this one made me blush on her behalf. Paired with red stilettos, she looked trashy. I'm thinking now that she could be a stripper.

Then again, maybe the fact that I wear jeans all the time is why he's out with her and not me...

But you know what? She's just some stupid bimbo. He's probably using her to rub it in his ex's face or something. Maybe he's having an early mid-life crisis. Who knows. But I can say that if she keeps coming over to his house every day, he's going to get sick of her pretty quick. I don't care how lonely you are, everyone needs space.

Guess I will just sit back and wait for their relationship to implode. Then I can swoop in and make him fall madly in love with me.

Although, do I want to date someone who's into girls like that to begin with? Hmmm. Dunno.

Friday night I hung out with MJ and we made quite the pub crawl -- I think we hit 5 bars, plus late-night pizza before heading home. The good news was, we discovered a cool new bar. Gotta love that. While we were there, I did talk to one guy, and although cute, he wasn't funny or smart. He gave me his number, but I will never call him. Funny is a must-have.

I chopped my hair off on Saturday. Not completely, just shoulder-length. With some long bangs and layers that like to fall in my face. I am loving the new 'do. It's very freeing. It moves a lot. And based on my experiences Saturday night when I went out, it's also a hit with guys. I don't know why, but I had about 3 different guys approach me. Maybe it was the low-cut satin tank top....Not much to write home about, but it's good for the ol' ego. Woot!

Wait, I take that back. One of them was cute, but he had some serious cock-blockage issues. He was out at the bars with a man who was about 60-65. Now, some wing-women can deal with talking to a senior citizen while her girl chats with a guy. But not many. Most girls I know would struggle, feel awkward, escape to the bathroom and give me a hard time about it later. Besides, I don't really want to be that friend who pawns off old men on her friends so she can give a guy her number in a few minutes. I had no choice but to politely blow him off. (Any opinions on this decision? I have never really been in that situation before. I mean, talking to another wingman is one thing, but a grandpa? Just seems creepy and awkward. I felt bad putting my friend in that position. Keep in mind this old guy didn't seem to have much personality. He just kinda stood there.)

Sunday I went to dinner with MJ and got to meet her parents, who are in town this week. I managed to make a total ass out of myself by going off on the Post Office, when everyone started laughing at me. It turns out that Mr. Jane is....a mailman. Yeah. Great first impression. Luckily, he has the same wonderful sense of humor as his daughter, and it was all taken in stride. WHEW.

After dinner, we all got in our respective cars and met up at an ice cream parlor. The best parking spot just happened to be right in front of a picnic table full of hottie firemen. They were all eating ice cream. Their fire truck was parked across the street. [Insert single girl, Backdraft-style fireman/ice cream fantasy here.]

I know you are expecting me to have some kind of cool, exciting story here, but true to form, I completely chickened out. I think I made a half-assed attempt at smiling at them, but basically choked and just crossed the street to the ice cream parlor. What can I say?? I can handle maybe 2 hottie firemen at a table. But 5? Unh-unh. No way. That is ultra-intimidating. I totally freaked and bolted. Mmmm...that's hot.

Ugh, I should be ashamed of myself. Especially since I caught them smiling at me. They definitely wanted me to talk to them. WHY do I chicken out at the MOST opportune times??? Aaaargh. I do this with HN, too. I am a doofus. No wonder I am alone.

Excuse me, I have to go bang my head against the wall now.

Fun Friday

Ok, this will be more fun for me than for you. I stole 2 memes from Anne.


Things that scare me.

1. Crickets
2. heights (but funny enough, I am cool with flying!)
3. cooking large hunks of meat. If you screw it up, there goes dinner. If you don't cook it long enough, it's still raw in the middle. And don't even get me started on all the different cuts of meat. So freaking confusing.

People who make me laugh.

1. Sam over at Sam's Stories
2. Lady Starfish
3. Mrs. Boston


Things I hate most.

1. People who read over my shoulder
2. Inefficiency. Drives me bananas.
3. When someone says, "Whatever!" to me. Totally rude and disrespectful.

Things I don't understand.

1. How people get started on highly addictive, illegal substances. I mean, at some point, they have said, "Yeah! Put the needle in my arm! That's a great idea!"
2. Why some people are terrified of libraries
3. How some people I've met never seem to eat. Not in an anorexic kind of way, but they just seem to forget to eat. Everyone at the beach was like that last weekend. K and I kept looking at each other, saying, "When do these people eat? Why are we the only hungry people?"

Things I'm doing right now.
1. Worrying about my dog
2. Keeping a major secret and trying to decide what to do about it
3. Mentally making my weekend plans: game watching, cooking, going to the gym...

Things I want to do before I die.

1. Do more traveling
2. Go platinum blonde
3. Have lots of kids, even if it means owning 10 dogs

Things I can do.

1. Line my eyes with liquid eyeliner (it's harder than you think)
2. Drive stick shift
3. Stick up for myself when I've had enough

Ways to describe my personality.

1. Sarcastic
2. Friendly
3. Outgoing
4. Efficient (Anne did 4 here, so I guess that is legal..)

Things I can't do.

1. Make someone feel the same way about me as I do about them
2. Balance my checkbook--Why am I off by $4.12???? There is no logical reason.
3. Look good in brown


Things I think you should listen to.

1. Your gut instinct
2. Your mother
3. Your doctor

Things you should never listen to.

1. Your ex
2. A liar
3. Anyone saying something that sounds too good to be true.


Things I'd like to learn.

1. Several foreign languages
2. How to read people's minds
3. How to fix my car all by myself, or at least know when I'm being overcharged.


Favorite foods.

1.ice cream
2. cheese
3. fried chicken

Beverages I drink regularly.

1. coffee
2. diet coke
3. cranberry juice


Shows I watched as a kid.

1. G.I. Joe
2. Mission Impossible
3. He-Man
4. Transformers


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

8 Facts/Things/Habits about me.


1. I have animals in my dreams a LOT. I recently dreamt that I was being chased by a bear. And Hilary Swank drove up in a car and rescued me. Weird. The celebrity-in-your-dream thing is new for me. I have been having them a lot, lately.

2. I secretly have no desire to ever quit smoking. I love cigarettes. But I still try to quit because it's good for me.

3. There are certain things I'm willing to pay someone to do so I don't have to fool with it myself: cut/color my hair, squeeze my dog's butt, alter my clothes, steam clean my carpets, do my taxes.

4. I hate it when people (anyone) see me without makeup. Even my mother.

5. I hold very, very few grudges. If I do, it is because the person betrayed me in some way. Disloyalty is the ultimate sin in my book.

6. If money were no object, I would get acrylic nails and keep them on for the rest of my life. Yes, I know they are kinda tacky, but I like them anyway.

7. No matter how out-of-style they become, I will always wear the following: big earrings, frosty pink lipstick, high heels and fitted turtlenecks. Not necessarily all the time or all at once, though.

8. Lately, when something bad happens to me, I am convinced it is God's way of punishing me for not going to church anymore. So I apologize to Him a lot and make promises I may or may not keep.

Another 100 Things

Ok, since I unintentionally lied to you yesterday, I will post twice today. I wrote this a while ago and never posted it. Here goes.

Look, it's my blog. If you don't want to read it, you can skip this post. I will get over it. Someday. *sniff*

101. I love to make lists and make them all the time.
102. I actually derive a lot of pleasure from organizing things. If there is no set organization system, I will create one. I did this with my crayons as a kid. And I do it with my closet, CDs, pantry and makeup now.
103. Except that I hate picking up my clothes. They are always all over my bedroom floor.
104. Big Brother is the only show I've ever been hooked on. I would like to be on Big Brother, actually. I think I'd be good at it.
105. Sure, I watch a ton of Comedy Central and CourtTV, but I am not picky about what is on those channels--I'll watch whatever is on them.
106. Shoot, I forgot I was also hooked on Average Joe. I have a tendency to root for the underdog.
107. I'd like to see a reality TV show about truckers. That whole lifestyle just fascinates me. How do they pay their bills? Do their laundry? Stay occupied? Not get sick of driving? Boggles my mind.
108. I had braces in 6th grade. And glasses. That was my "ugly duckling" phase.
109. I do my best thinking in the shower.
110. I taught myself how to type. I'm a fast typer.
111. I am the absolute worst liar in the history of mankind. So now I don't even try. But I am a huge exaggerator. Feel free to call me out.
112. I am blind as a bat. We're talking approaching 20/200 people.
113. But I wear contacts because I'm too vain not to.
114. My parents wouldn't let me get my ears pierced until I was 13. I have loved big earrings ever since.
115. I will wear huge hoop earrings no matter how old I get or how out-of-style they are.
116. But I wouldn't be caught dead in overalls. Ever.
117. Capri pants and gauchos are so cute, but look awful on my figure. This is because my hips are roughly equivalent to the circumference of the earth. And my legs are on the short n stocky side. I'm more of a skirt girl. Luckily, I don't have kankles.
118. I always joke that I was born in heels, because I'm like Barbie--my feet are just naturally adapted to walking in them. Easy for me. Note: This does not mean I'm not a klutz. I'm a huge klutz.
119. Size 14 is my limit. Once I hit that, I go into panic mode, get super healthy, and go back to a size 10. Then I repeat the cycle all over again.
120. I am a 36C. And grateful every day.
121. Milky Way is my favorite candy bar. I am weird because I don't really care for Snickers. I also love the sour mix from Jelly Belly.
122. I hate cottage cheese. Eww Eww Eww.
123. I prefer my marshmallows and Twizzlers stale. As in, crunchy or tough-as-leather stale. I leave the packages open intentionally to achieve this.
124. This makes them very tough to chew, which relieves stress. This habit got started in college when I had to pull all-nighters.
125. I am now a major morning person. I wake up in a great mood. Usually.
126. I am a cranky bitch when I'm tired. I will cry, just like little kids do when they are tired. I have to take a nap if I want to stay up late.
127. My favorite video game is Tetris. Can play it until my eyeballs fall out.
128. My favorite board games are Taboo and Scattergories. They are really fun when the other people are drunk. I also like Trivial Pursuit. But I suck at Scrabble. Unless dirty words are allowed.
129. I was born on a Tuesday around lunchtime.
130. I was born in Charlottesville, VA. Go Wahoos! (UVA in case you are wondering).
131. I have never flashed or mooned a stranger.
132. But I am a huge pervert.
133. Old people usually get on my nerves.
134. I love kids of all ages. Ironically, I am not all that keen on babysitting. Unless I really like the kids.
135. I take really good care of my things. Always have. My CDs are rarely scratched. My Barbies never had tangled hair. My clothes....well...like I said, they are on my floor. So I do a lot of last-minute ironing.
136. Traveling stresses me out a lot. But I believe that anything worth doing is worth some risk and/or stress. So I keep doing it and love it every time. Despite pitting out my shirts while I travel. (Seriously, you don't want to sit next to me. I sweat buckets when I'm stressed.)
137. I am one of those people who can't get started on anything until I clean or make a list. Or check my email.
138. The zoo is awesome. I could go every day.
139. My favorite animals there are the penguins.
140. One time I stumbled on the Galapagos tortoises getting it on.
141. I am 5'5". This makes me the runt of my family. Height-wise, anyway.
142. I have no tattoos or body piercings. I don't want any.
143. There are six kids in my family now.
144. I have a nephew whom I have never met. He is about 8 and lives in Minnesota. My older brother doesn't have custody, so he can't take him out of the state. This sucks. Because I would be a cool aunt.
145. I really love big trees. So pretty and nice to have around. I think this is because I spent a lot of time exploring the forest of gigantic oak trees in my backyard as a kid.
146. I have mixed feelings about big thunderstorms. If I'm with someone, I think they are cool and I will watch them. But if I'm alone, I get kinda scared.
147. I am absolutely terrified of these. You might say I am even phobic. I call them Ninja Crickets because they will jump on me and attack me. Do not confuse this bug with the black version. Those don't bother me for some reason.
148. Spiders don't bother me all that much either, unless they are huge. And roaches are just awful creatures sent to torture me. But still not as bad as #147.
149. I think I have a pretty high threshold for pain.
150. I broke my foot once. I didn't take any painkillers for it.
151. But since I was on crutches, I took them for my wrists. They swelled up from holding my weight all day long. I have tiny wrists. And a lot of body weight. Bad combo.
152. I have never seen the Pacific Ocean or the Gulf of Mexico.
153. I'm a good speller. Not perfect, but good.
154. Good grammar is also one of my fortes. Czarina would disagree with that.
155. I hate Carrot Top. My own personal hell would be having to sit next to him on a Greyhound bus for a cross-country trip. With Kathy Griffin on the other side. No, I don't have anything against redheads. Just a coincidence. But I want him to die. And she's just annoying.
156. I'm really good at Greek and Roman mythology trivia. However, I know very few Bible stories. Some people are amazed at how little I know about the Bible.
157. If I could be on any gameshow, I'd pick Jeopardy. I love that show. Sometimes I grab a calculator and play along. Sometimes I win. I can't believe I just admitted that.
158. My favorite book is The Good Earth or anything by Jane Austen.
159. When it comes to fiction, I like classics the most. I'm on a mission to read everything covered by Cliff's Notes. It is a life-long guilt trip from never reading anything I was supposed to in English class. Being told what to read really annoyed me. It was how I rebelled.
160. But now I'm old enough to understand and love books like that.
161. I like doing crossword puzzles, even though I'm not very good at them. I'm better at Jumble.
162. When I was a teenager, I always got in trouble for talking in class and disobeying my curfew. I was grounded a lot. I snuck out anyway.
163. I am the tattle tale in my family. I'm not especially proud of this. But that's not enough to stop me.
164. I sleep like a rock. Unless I'm stressed out. Then I get insomnia.
165. Because MTV and VH1 were verboten in the Belle Household growing up (because of their sexual and profane language), I am now obsessed with watching music videos. And I instantly love any song with dirty lyrics. I learn them quickly so I can sing along.
166. My dad's side of the family came over on The Mayflower.
167. Although I like scary ghost stuff and crime stories, I dislike gore and excessive violence on TV or in movies.
168. When I was a kid, I would draw the same thing over and over and over, trying to perfect it. Early evidence of my OCD tendencies. And my natural hesitation to try new things. (Btw, it was a red house on a hill with flowers and a tree. Over and over...)
169. I listen to techno and metal when I work out. I truly believe it helps me burn more calories. I cannot exercise without music.
170. My ideal pizza has pepperoni, mushrooms, bacon and green peppers. The green peppers are only on it so I can say I eat veggies on my pizza. I don't really like them all that much.
171. When I go to Starbuck's, I get a tall Vanilla Latte. They always misspell my name. This irritates me to no end.
172. My favorite ice cream flavors are lemon custard and cookies n cream.
173. I love to buy office supplies. I dream of having this fabulous, well-organized and spacious home office. It would look like the one in the Pottery Barn catalog. If I ever have the money, I will buy it. And sit at it day and night, starting projects. I'm not much of a finsher...
174. It bothers me when my jewelry doesn't match. I have to have sets. Or I'll just wear one piece at a time.
175. I usually get ketchup, mustard and pickles on my burgers. But sometimes I get mayo, A-1 sauce and pickles. And fries must have ketchup. Anything else is criminal.
176. I read tarot cards for my friends. Just for fun, not because I believe in that stuff.
177. I secretly wish that hoop skirts and corsets were still worn. That's because they would conceal my huge butt while emphasizing my waist. I think I have watched Gone With the Wind one too many times.
178. I love hardwood floors, big sinks, huge porches and crown moulding. If I ever buy a house, I hope to have these features.
179. One day I want to take up gardening and tennis.
180. I cannot sew or knit. I don't ever care to learn. This is a major sticking point between me and The Czarina.
181. If no one would find out and I didn't have to go anywhere, I would stay in my pjs all day. I would not shower, brush my hair or teeth and would lay on the couch reading, eating candy, napping and watching tv. I am a closet grungy girl.
182. I have never had the same dream twice. But Ihave lots of dreams about snakes.
183. I dream in color, but I rarely see people's faces. I see their bodies, but there is a black cloud where their face would be. Somehow, I still know who they are.
184. My biggest pet peeve in the whole world is this situation: I introduce myself. The other person says, "Your name is VB? How funny! My dog's name is VB!" It makes me want to say, "You know, this is crazy. Because your name is Mary, and that's what I named my -----! How weird!" Why people want to tell me I have the same name as their pet, I will never understand. It's really annoying and insulting.
185. Because of this, I think it should be illegal to name pets human names. Yes, I realize my dog's name is Sammy. But he was already named when I got him.
186. I'm a really good test-taker. I usually ace them. Especially if it is essay. This is because I'm good at B.S.
187. I want a pig pickin at my wedding reception.
188. I love playing hostess and dream of throwing Martha Stewart-quality parties.
189. I usually keep my word. If I don't, I feel terrible.
190. I hate wearing rings. This doesn't mesh well with my desire to get married one day. I also hate wearing nail polish on my fingers because it chips within three hours of me putting it on.
191. I have extremely oily skin, even on my body. I will break out all over if I'm not careful. The only parts of my body that get dry are my hands and feet.
192. I cannot do the butterfly stroke. And I am paranoid of diving into pools. So I didn't do so hot in swimteam competitions.
193. If Icould meet anyone from history, I'd probably meet Cleopatra.
194. I love Camel Lights. I am constantly trying to quit.
195. Running a marathon would be on my list of things I want to do before I die, but my body rejects this idea every time I try to get started on it. I get major leg, knee and foot pain. People that can run races are awesome. I am jealous.
196. My feelings get hurt very very easily. To the point that people have said, "Really? That hurt your feelings?" Yeah, I'm ridiculous.
197. I smoked pot a few times in college. It made me paranoid and stupid. And I couldn't stop eating. Not my idea of a fun time.
198. I have a really hard time staying angry at people I love. But if I get a grudge, usually it is loyalty-related and I hold the grudge forever.
199. I could eat breakfast at every meal.
200. I have been told I have a fantastic walk.

Me Memes, Part 1

When I can't change the subject, memes come in handy!

I got this one from Vixen and she's cool, so she lets me steal!

1. If you had to set your own work schedule; 8 hours per day; 5 days per week. Which days and hours would you choose? I am definitely a morning person. I would keep teacher hours: 7 am - 2 or 3pm

2. What Reality Show would you be on and why? Duh! Big Brother, which I didn't get to watch last night! (Can anyone update me?) I would pick this one because I don't think that the love life ones really work-- they are too artificial. I don't have a juicy enough personal life to warrant any kind of watch-me-live-my-crazy-life-type reality show. And I don't eat disgusting things. And I don't want my weight on national television. But I'm good with people and I think I would do a decent job at strategizing. Hence, BB. I have considered actually applying, but I don't have a job where that would be cool. Plus, I don't know if I could bring Sammy. Big negative.

3. What is the last book you read? Well, I have been meaning to finish up Po Bronson's What Should I Do With My Life? but I am behind. It's really good. I am really embarrassed to say that as a librarian, I don't read very many books per year. I used to read on my lunch break, but now I go home to walk Sammy. He's not too spoiled, is he?

4. There are many songs that bring us back to a certain memory. What song(s) do you HATE to hear for that very reason? Ugh, anything by D'Angelo. I used to date a guy who was really into him, and he cheated on me, so I can't stand D'Angelo now. I even gave away all my albums. I don't want any of that Brown Sugar.

5. If you could go back in time to be any place in world history, what time would you choose and what country/place? I was an ancient history major, so anything in Ancient Rome or Greece or Egypt would be right up my alley. I also like the American Civil War period. So that also would be cool. I don't know how much I would like living without hand sanitizer, though. And they didn't have toilet paper in ancient times, either...ugh, it was so germy back then!

6. Do you know more than one language? Um, languages come very easily for me. Unfortunately, this skill didn't help me in algebra class, where I crashed and burned. I wouldn't say I'm fluent in anything other than English, but I can hold my own in German. I can read French (don't ask me to pronounce it, because I butcher it). I can have small talk in Spanish. You might say I am fluent in Latin, although I am very rusty. Ancient history major, you know. Took it for years.

7. What is your favorite blog? Please link it. One only. Shoot. This is hard. I don't really have one favorite. Ha ha, I'm copping out on this one. I have about 10 that I absolutely adore. They know I love them. How about a substitute question? Here goes: If you could take a trip anywhere, right now, where would you go? Well, not Lebanon. How about Ireland? I'm mostly Irish. I'd love to visit the town where my family is from.

8. What is your favorite web site? Duh, my email inbox! Just kidding. My blog. Again, kidding. Um, well, if I want info, I love Wikipedia. IMDB comes in handy, too. So do Snopes and Bloglines. Gosh, this wasn't a very original answer. Anything funny or info-packed is good in my book. Oh, and cooking sites. Recipes are so easy to find. I love that.

9. Your house is on fire, the people and pets you love are safe and you can grab one other "thing", what are you taking? Besides my wallet and checkbook? OMG, I don't know. Either my favorite ring or my violin. The ring has been passed down to the oldest daughter upon her college graduation for four generations. And it's gorgeous to boot. Otherwise, I'd grab my violin. Which I don't even play anymore. But it belonged to my great-grandfather, so it's really old and sentimental. I'd probably grab that. Or photos. So I guess that is more than one thing....

10. You have $100 to spend in the next hour. How are you spending it? (Saving it or giving it away not permitted.) Oh, mama. Wow. I would probably get a digital camera. Or some new clothes--I need pants/skirts. Who am I kidding. I'd spend it all on makeup and candy. Gah, what is wrong with me???

Ok, another meme coming up later....today is a double post day since I'm leaving early.

The Bad Listener?

Repo thinks I don't listen to him. I beg to differ. It all started last weekend when he got me a glass of ice water. After handing it to me, he kept chuckling to himself. He wouldn't tell me what was so funny, so I let it go.

Then this week, we were on the phone when he said, "I don't think you listen to me. In fact, I'm going to quiz you." I was aghast. I had always assumed I was a good listener--supportive, asking questions, nodding when appropriate. But I'm a great test taker and always up for a challenge, so I told him to let 'er rip.

He asked me four questions: what's his middle name, what's his sister's name, when's his birthday and his college major. I nailed them all, cold. "Take that! I am the Quiz Mastah!" I exclaimed with glee. "By the way, why do you think I don't listen?" And then he tells me that apparently, whenever I'm getting him something to drink, I say, "Would you like ice?" and he always says no, and I always put ice in it anyway. That's why he was laughing when he got me a glass of ice water.

I felt so stupid. Because I think he might be right....even though I could swear that when I ask if he wants ice, he says, "It doesn't matter."

This statement would be interpreted by me as, "I would love ice, Virginia, but I don't want to trouble you for ice." So I was probably thinking, Oh, it's no bother, I will gladly get you ice, Repo! as I fill the glass with ice. So we have been debating this. I swear he says he doesn't care about the ice. He is really enjoying sticking it to me about this and I'm being teased incessantly about it. And so now I pay extra close attention to what he says. Or so I thought.

Last night he came over to hang out while I packed. I had some dinner for him (leftovers) and made pumpkin bread for him since he's been really stressed at work this week. So we are watching basketball and eating pumpkin bread. I was rubbing his back (yes, I realize I am totally spoiling him!) and we were discussing the oddities of college basketball--upsets, ironies, that sort of thing. We were watching ESPN and saw how UVA beat Boston College. I exclaimed how this was such a crazy upset and he says, "I just said that about 20 minutes ago." I had absolutely no recollection of him saying that. I must have selective ears! I felt terrible and apologized. But I really had no excuse for myself. I'm an idiot! Why can't I listen better? I am really ashamed of myself. I wonder if other people think I'm like this...

He did say something to make me feel better: "That's ok. I talk about sports too much anyway." I remember that part. I was listening.

Three Things

A little about me for those who don't know me personally....

Three Things
Three things that scare me:
1:	Brown (not black) crickets
2:	Heights
3:	E-bola virus
Three people who make me laugh:
1:	Dave Chapelle
2:	Mike Myers
3:	My Best Friend
Three Things I love:
1:	Office supplies
2:	Makeup
3:	Candy
Three Things I hate:
1:	Squash
2:	Olives
3:	Carrot Top
Three things I don't understand:
1:	How other people know what kind of job they want
2:	Fishing--it is so freakin' boring.
3:	How people can live in really really cold places.
Three things on my desk:
1:	Picture of the fam
2:	Highlighters in every color
3:	Lots and lots of colored post-its
Three things I'm doing right now:
1:	Not working
2:	Thinking about lunch
3:	Having a bad hair day
Three things I want to do before I die:
1:	Become fluent in 5 languages
2:	Travel
3:	Have kids
Three things I can do:
1:	Navigate (I never get lost!)
2:	Play the violin
3:	Cook
Three ways to describe my personality:
1:	Sarcastic
2:	Friendly
3:	Understanding
Three things I can't do:
1:	Math! I can't even balance my checkbook!
2:	Park my car evenly--I'm always crooked
3:	Lie
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