Crushed Potpourri?

No theme to this post. Just random tidbits I've been meaning to share. A mish-mashed potpourri, so to speak. Ok, maybe there is a theme, which will be evident later...but first.....

Forgot to post a Fun Friday entry. As punishment, I found an extra site for you. Thanks to my coworker L and Lady Starfish for showing/reminding me of these funny sites.

Peeps Research (in honor of Easter)

You've heard of Pimp My Ride. Well, check out Pimp My Snack.

Has anyone else been getting a lot of junk email lately, out of nowhere? I never used to get it, and suddenly I am. I don't think it's spyware, because the junk emails have nothing to do with sites I visit. I mean, really, I am not interested in buying stock or Viagra. Those words are not even used in my vocabulary, let alone my web surfing. I haven't changed my security settings on my email...it's weird. Not to mention annoying and ego-deflating. "Wow! I have 43 new messages....oh. Not really. Dang!"

Question for Blogger: For blogs that require word verification before you can leave a comment, why not use real, actual words, instead of "xxghiuz" or "rhqil"? It's so much easier to type "zebra" or something. Help us out, Blogger. Sheesh.

I'm wondering if I'm a commitment-phobe since it took me 5 years to commit to getting a dog. At this rate, I'll get married when I'm 73 and buy a house when I'm 49. And just forget kids! My ovaries will be shriveled beyond recognition by the time I am ready to commit the time and energy.

So there's something I haven't shared yet and have been meaning to: I have some secret crushes. One is my hot neighbor. K and I both think he's adorable. Other than some friendly "hey!"s we haven't talked. He does kinda make me wish I was single....is that bad? I've noticed there is no girl around at his place, but he tends to go out of town on the weekends. Hmmm... Shut up! I'm not going to do anything! I'm not like that. It's just that usually when I have a boyfriend, other men become invisible to me. This little harmless crush probably means I'm not in love with Repo. Not that it couldn't happen. It just hasn't happened yet. I think I'm holding back on my emotions because he doesn't seem to be in love with me. I mean, he likes me, but that's a long ways away from being in love with someone. I am not going to invest my emotions when he's not doing it either. Although, he has been really sweet lately...and he kept staring at me last night....but I could have had something stuck in my teeth for all I know!

Crap! I'm not supposed to blog about that kind of stuff. Moving on...

My other secret crush is at home (at The Czarina's house). Are you sitting down? She's trying to fix me up with this really cool and super-cute guy. I know. I think this is groundbreaking history in the making. Who can say that their mom is actually fixing them up with a hottie? It definitely makes up for the weirdo she fixed me up with in high school. That guy was basically my opposite--he loved Jethro Tull. Eww, eww eww. (No offense to any Tull fans, but I really hate that music.) I am a huge rap fan. Do the math. That was just the beginning of how badly we meshed.

So this fix-up guy, I'll call him Mr. Cool. Why? Because he has a great dog. And it goes with him everywhere. No exceptions. It goes with him to work, to the store, everywhere. The friggin' dog will wait outside of church while he attends it with his mother! It just sits there. Waiting. Know what he does in his spare time? He rides bulls. Yeah, as in he's a sexy cowboy who rides wild animals, risking life and limb just for some fun. How hot is that?? Yee-ha! Saddle me up. Did I mention that he's really really good to his mother, who is trying to fix me up with him, too? (I'm already in with the Moms! Yess!) Did I mention that he is a structural engineer whose job it is to oversee multi-million dollar building projects? Again, how cool is that? He even lives in Richmond, Va. I love Richmond. It's only an hour from The Czarina's house. Even my brothers like him. Oh, are you ready for the bonus? He has a great ass. Just great.

So...the problem? He has no idea I'm breathing right now. Oh, I've met him. He acted like he was being introduced to a distant relative. Polite, nice, but that's it. Not an ounce of interest in me, as I was standing there, falling all over myself, drool pooling on my collar. "Please please please let me have your babies," I thought as I stared maniacally at him. He's the coolest guy I've ever met and it's never going to happen. Dang! I'll just have to pine away for him, I guess. It's better to have someone like Repo, who appreciates me and wants to be with me. I really should stop with the Mr. Cool crush. It would help if I never saw him again, but I know that won't happen. Every time I go home...

Speaking of crushes...so I'm minding my own business at work the other day. Just sitting at the desk...when someone calls my name. I look up to see an attractive guy who looks vaguely familiar. He sits down and we begin to catch up, while I'm racking my brain trying to remember who the heck he is. Bits and pieces surface from my memory: His name is M, I met him through L....I think we dated...or something. Meanwhile, I'm trying to have a conversation with him. He remembers everything about me, despite the fact that it had been about 3 years since we had hung out. It was kind of unnerving. I get freaked out when people seem to know more about me than vice versa. We had a nice conversation, and I was left wondering why he had never made it to Boyfriend Status with me. Then I started to get this nagging feeling in the back of my brain: He pissed me off about something. He deceived me, I think. There was some guilt on my part.... But I couldn't remember! I figured it was just my imagination, so I went back to doing what I was doing.

Later on in the day, it hit my brain like a train wreck. The memories flooded back: It was a fix-up. But I was sorta-kinda seeing The Big Ex, who was in Afghanistan at the time. (It was rocky between us at the time.) M and I hit it off, and were starting to head down the dating path, despite my feelings of guilt about it. (I don't do well with open-ended relationships. Even though things were rocky between me and Big Ex.) There was a lot of chemistry. And you know where that leads....then M confessed. He wasn't exactly divorced yet. Just separated. Yeah, he was telling me this after I was naked. (Luckily, it was before...) The rest is foggy, but I think I threw him out of my apartment and vowed to hate his guts ever after....or something like that.

My coworkers had seen him talking to me, and wanted the scoop. I told them generally what had happened, and one of them said M had been wearing a wedding band. Oh boy. I would like to just avoid him altogether, because all I can think now is "He's seen me naked. He was still married. He IS still married." and I'm totally mortified. So now I have to hide in my office when he comes in to the library. I am not cool with being The Other Woman! This is not a goal to which I aspire! Now he comes in all the time. And he always tries to talk to me. He always asks about Repo--you know, keeping track of my relationship status just in case. Good grief! My past is haunting me!

Speaking of Repo (wow, this post just has all kinds of circles in it! Round and round we go!), his eye is better, but now the doctor says he has this abscess. (Warning: if you have a sensitive stomach, you probably don't want to click on that.) I think it's related somehow to his original eye injury, because it is near his eye. Doc said Repo could have gotten infected when he was in the emergency room or during the fight--there's no telling. Doc had to send a sample to the lab to see what kind of bacteria it is so he'll know what kind of antibiotics to give Repo. I'm not getting into details, but it's pretty much the grossest thing ever. One half of his whole face is really swollen. And he's in a lot of pain. He just called me to say it looks a lot better today--the swelling is down and it's not as painful, thanks to his treatment yesterday and his very strong medicine. So he went to work, even though he's probably a week away from it being healed up.

While at work, the (*ahem*) gauze came out. (Yes, I said "out", not "off". Use your imagination.) That's not supposed to happen. So he's got to go to the doctor now. Do you know what his boss (whom I will now refer to as The Pig) said? "Well, you can go to the doctor on your lunch break." Can you believe that s--t?? I mean, if one of your employees comes to you with a swollen, bleeding, gaping sore on the side of their head, I really don't think it's too much to ask that they be allowed to go to the doctor. So now, Repo doesn't get a lunch break today. He doesn't eat breakfast and he doesn't get off work until 9 pm, so he doesn't get to eat today--12 hour shifts apparently do not warrant more than one break. *VB does the angry dance of rage.*

The Pig should be glad I wasn't there to hear this go down, because I would have pummeled him on the skull with a stapler or something until he pleaded with me for mercy on his soul. Then I would have stomped him in the crotch--with my cute high heeled sandals-- as he lay before my feet, begging. *VB leaves to daydream this scene for a moment.*

When I get off work, I'm going to take Repo some food. Poor disgusting thing. (I must like someone to see them when they look like he does! Trust me! It's nasty!) He says he feels hideous and won't appear in public.

"I look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame!" he keeps saying, emphatically. What a drama queen.

"No, sweetie, you look worse than that," I reply.

Then he gets mad.

Then I call him Pus Head.

Then he tells me to shut up or he'll infect me. (It is contagious if I were to touch the wound. Um, ew. Like I would get near that thing. As if.)

Then I tell him that he'd better go to the doctor or else his entire head will get infected-- his eyes, his nose, or--worse yet--his ears. (Gah! There is something about ear problems that just grosses me out beyond belief!!!) "Then your head will have to be amputated," I explain, "But actually, now that I think about it, that would be an improvement."

"I hate you," he replies.

We've had this conversation about four times now. Poor baby.

Sammy

Here he is! He looks kinda funny because his ears are back. But I just love how he grins when he's panting!

That's me, petting him. My wrist looks bizarrely huge at this angle. I promise I don't have manly arms. I have dainty wrists!

He's so awesome. *VB's heart swells with love.*
I'll post more pictures, but not soon. Don't want to be one of those dog owners.

It's a Dog's World

What dogs want most in life is for no one to go away.-- Jose Saramago

This weekend was GREAT. I am completely and totally in love with my Sammy. He is so funny and adorable. I picked him up after work on Friday. The lady who sold him to me was almost in tears when I came there to get him. She said if I ever need a dogsitter, she would love to do it because she's going to miss him so much. She also told me that he is trained not to get on furniture or beg or bark, so he's a very well-behaved little dog. (The Czarina will love this.) She also told me Sammy has a microchip, which I was glad to hear. She gave me all the paperwork and told me he is due for shots. Then I paid her and we left.

He was a little hesitant to get in my car, but he just napped as we drove home. He worried me a little because he didn't eat for the first 24 hours, but from everything I've read, that is pretty normal. I took him over to Repo's house, where he got to meet the two black labs over there. Tank loved Sammy and began to play with him immediately, but Giz was annoyed by Sammy, so he just growled. (I've learned that some big dogs don't like smaller dogs.) Sammy adores Repo and does whatever he asks. This of course, makes me insanely jealous! And of course, Repo loves to rub it in.

Then I took Sammy to my house, where he had to sniff and investigate everything. I was hot, so I took a shower, and Sammy watched me shave my legs. He kept trying to eat the shaving cream. I checked my mail and discovered an unexpected check (hmmm, could Sammy be my lucky dog?) which was really nice. After a walk and some water, Repo came over to hang out with us. We ordered a pizza (Sammy doesn't bark when someone comes to the door!). We played fetch for 2 1/2 hours while we watched tv. Sooooo relaxing. Nothing like a dog to make you feel like you are home. And Sammy is so funny! His little face and googly eyes just kill me! He was so intent on catching the ball, he would forget to watch where he was going, so he ran into the wall, the couch and the table a couple of times. But he's fine.

Lady Starfish called to see how I was doing and to congratulate me on being a pet owner. She's known how badly I've wanted a dog, and she is a huge animal lover, so I was glad she called. She began to laugh at me because she said I have "New Pet Owner Paranoia", which is true. I worry about every sneeze and what he will get into when I'm not looking or bad things he will eat because I've been careless. I told her I keep envisioning emergency room trips to the vet. She told me that as long as the dog is eating and seems happy, everything is ok. Dogs are easy for the most part. Whew!

He whined when I was going to bed, so I let him sleep in the bed with me. Just this once. (He likes the bed I got him, so he's been sleeping in that ever since.)

On Saturday, we went to Petsmart, along with K. He was a very good boy and I learned that you should always take another peson with you to Petsmart, because you will spend all of your time keeping your pet under control and away from big dogs that are trying to eat your little dog. Sammy just loves everyone, so he got a lot of petting from strangers. K played with him when we got back, so he has bonded with her as well. Brunette brought her huge and totally out-of-control golden retreiver, Jackson, over for a walk on Saturday. We learned quickly that Jackson was just too crazy and too big for he and Sammy to hang out together. It was just too much. Jackson is sweet, but it's just not something Sammy is ready for. So she took Jackson to the groomer's instead. (Jackson's main problem, I think, is that he needs to be neutered!)

I went out to dinner with K and her family Saturday night, so we left Sammy alone for the first time. I put up the baby gate so he would be confined to the kitchen. I think he would probably be ok if he was left loose in the house, but I wanted to be sure. Two hours later, when we got back, I opened the door and announced that Mommy was home. There was dead silence.

Oh my God. I killed the dog. He choked on something or died of loneliness. I am a bad Mommy, I thought. I was freaking out.

So I walked around the corner, and there he was, my little Sammy. He had the most pathetic-looking face that just seemed to say: Why did you leave me? What did I do wrong? Why do you hate me and leave me in the kitchen? Which of course, broke my heart into a thousand pieces. Then I took down the baby gate and he was all over us, licking us, jumping up, etc. So I think he is ok and not too traumatized. I'm crossing my fingers because he's alone for 3 hours today until I can go home at lunch to walk him.

The rest of the weekend was spent mainly playing fetch, taking walks and napping with Sammy. He's learning that it's ok to snuggle on the couch with me. Otherwise, he stays off the furniture. He did lots of sniffing and peeing. (Is it normal to take 2,458 walks in one weekend?) I think he is pretty happy so far, especially since he started eating yesterday. We have to work on some training (he doesn't beg for food, yet cannot grasp the concept of "sit"). He will sometimes stop dead in his tracks in the middle of a walk and refuse to move, which baffles and annoys me. But so far, so good. He is just wonderful! And I will try to have some pictures soon. Trust me, he's adorable.

I'll try not to be too dog-obsessed. But for now, I'm pretty immersed in all things Sammy-related.

Tiny updates: Repo's eye is basically healed, but he has an infection near his eye which we think is related to the main injury. (No details--let me just say it's really gross and swollen.) He's going to the doctor today. I'm getting tired of my boyfriend being sick/injured all the time! If he had a warranty, I'd be asking for my money back!

K found out this week that her boyfriend, Navy Guy, won't be around for long. He was hoping to get into a program here in Columbia, but it fell through and now he will be leaving for San Diego in May. For three years. This is quite a crossroads for their relationship and it makes me sad because I really think they are good together. We will have to see what happens.

The Dog

This week has been crazy busy. Two coworkers are on vacation and we have had a ton of people in here. This means I have to help most of the people with their research and questions. Which is fine, because usually I'm bored. It's just taking up most of my blogging time.

David Sedaris was great. W and I hadn't hung out in a while, so we had a lot to catch up on. She had gone through a breakup and had gotten a raise since I'd seen her last. She didn't know anything about Repo, so I had to fill her in on that and my dog hunting. We must have talked a million miles an hour as we drove to Charleston! I really needed some girl-time and this hit the spot. Right before we got there, W informed me that we had third-row seats. Sweet. We got there just in time to sit before he came on. He told some really funny stories and answered questions from the audience. My only complaint was that he didn't talk as long as we all had wished! I can't wait for his next book, whenever that is.

Repo is healing up slowly but surely. He doesn't do well during daylight hours, since his eye is really sensitive to light. But he can drive around a little and he can use a computer for about an hour before it gives him a headache. He went to the doctor on Wednesday who said things are progressing, just slowly. His vision will be fine. Repo has been taking this time off work to do some thinking about his career, so he is job hunting and evaluating his financial situation in the hopes that he can quit his awful job. He is very grateful for all the help I've given him and has been very sweet. He wants to take me out to dinner this weekend, but I'm worried about his financial situation, so maybe we can just order a pizza. I'm exhuasted and really just want to stay in this weekend anyway. These past two weeks have been go go go, so I'd like to just chill out. Do some laundry, watch some movies, that kind of thing.

All week I've been hard-core dog hunting. Watching the ads, browsing the shelters. Still getting pangs of sadness over my broken heart. Sure, there might be another dog out there. Some day. Eventually. But I cannot get over Sampson! He's just perfect for me!

So I called the lady who is selling Sampson yesterday. You know, just to tell her I was still interested in the dog. I ended up talking her down to $450. So I'm going to go buy him tomorrow afternoon after work! *VB jumps up and down excitedly.* And yes, I am extremely excited and could just pee in my pants about this! I have had a grin on my face since I said I'd do it. I can't wait. You should have seen me in Wal-Mart. I was almost skipping down the dog aisle. I bought a bunch of toys and dog treats. I had tears in my eyes when I placed the little dog food bowl and water bowl in my cart. Sammy will be all mine for ever and ever!

I have been waiting to buy a dog for five years, and although it's a little more than I want to spend, I need to go ahead and just do it. The dog is exactly what I'm looking for and I would be heartbroken if someone else bought him. I've wanted and waited for this for too long to let the opportunity pass me by. So I'm doing it. Although, if she were to call me to say that someone offered her the full $600 for it, I would probably tell her to give the dog to them. I'm still pretty broke right now!

I'm hoping that the $250 required by my apartment complex as a pet fee can wait until the end of the month. Not that I'm deceiving them. I'm going to pay it. I just want to pay it.....later.

I still have a couple of small bills to pay this month, but I should be ok. I haven't been eating out much and I have not been shopping. Ok, I bought a pair of shoes. But that's it! (And they were only $17!) I really could use some extra money. I don't have anything I can sell, unfortunately. So I've been thinking about getting Repo's roommates to pay me to cook and clean for them. Sounds crazy, but I'm serious! I just need a little bit of money as a cushion, and they keep joking about how they wish I would just cook and clean for them, so I'm going to see if they are truly serious. I don't think they will do it, though, because I'm a friend to them now, and they might feel weird about it. Maybe I can convince someone else. Stuckey?

Luckily, my car issue is resolved--for now. I took it into the dealership yesterday and they explained it to me like this: Basically, the part of my ignition that reads the key is getting run down. The key reader has these gears inside it. One of them is sticking, so it is having a hard time reading my key, which is pretty worn down. That's why the key sometimes won't turn. They said for me to try using my spare key since it's never been used and is still new. They said the key reader will have an easier time reading it and I may not need to replace anything for a year. Woo-hoo! So far, this has worked. And it didn't cost me a thing! Don't you love it when stuff works out like that? So if you ever have this problem, try using your spare.

Speaking of cars, I was walking out to my car yesterday morning to go to work when I saw a neighbor. He was jumping his car with the help of a friend. I asked him if he needed any help and he said no. I noticed he had a sticker on his car that indicated we worked at the same place. I told him it looks like we work together and had just never met. He's an older man who is in a different department. After some small talk, I told him I'd wait to make sure his car started in case he needed a ride to work. I called work to tell them what was going on and that I'd probably be a little late. The jump didn't work. So he hops in and we are going to work (I'm already 5 minutes late at this point) when he asks me to pull into an auto parts store to see if they are open and sell batteries. Oh....kay. He buys the battery and asks them if they will install it in his car. While they are loading the battery into their repair truck, he asks me to drive by this other place so he can drop off a bill payment. Oh....um, sure. Then he asks me if I will take him back home so the repair guys can come and put the new battery into his car. At this point, I just wanted him out of my car and I was already 15 minutes late, so I did it. Can you believe his nerve? I mean, I offered a ride to work, not to be your personal taxi. Worry about that on your own time, buddy. I ended up being a half-hour late to work. I guess no good deed goes unpunished. Thank goodness my boss wasn't there. I figure it is good karma and I could check off "Completed good deed of the day" on my to-do list. Oh well.

Last night was trivia night with our hostess, D. We are flabbergasted at the fact that each time she asks questions about American Presidents, Seinfeld, professional sports, the Oscars and South America. It's funny. Anyway, Team Heavy Petting did very well--first place--and we won a $35 gift certificate to the restaurant and a free apptizer. Yessss!

So tomorrow is Dog Day. I'm going to veg out on my couch and watch movies while I play with my little Sammy. K and Repo are invited to veg out with me, but I am not leaving my apartment this weekend! Oooh, maybe I can finally get around to hanging up some pictures, doing some laundry and cleaning my bathroom...who am I kidding. I will be taking walks every two hours with my new dog! I can't wait! I will wake up next to my little furball in two days! Yay!!!

Ok, I have to go read my dog books now. Note to self: Buy Dogs for Dummies. Perhaps after trip to Petsmart on Saturday.

Mondays

Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays! --Female Temp, Office Space

I am not normally one of those people who hate Mondays. I'm usually ok with Mondays, despite the fact that they really interrupt my weekends. But I'm really just not happy to be out of bed today.

First, let me recount my weekend. I went to Charleston on Friday morning. Repo's mom was getting married, and so I made the hour-or-so trip down there to meet his family and attend the wedding. His family is really nice and we all got along splendidly. Whew! *VB wipes brow* One irony: His super-cool aunt is really into organic foods. And she smokes like a chimney. Doesn't that defeat the purpose...? Repo made a lot of jokes about how she wants to take over the world and force everyone to eat organic. He calls her the Organic Nazi.

Anyway, when I got there I greeted Repo, who had been in bed for an entire week and was bored to tears. "Entertain me!" he kept joking. "Shut up! That's not my problem!" I would say, with a big grin on my face. (He was still in some pain and couldn't see, but his eye looked much better, so my sympathy for him has waned.) I talked to him for a minute, put my stuff down, and then hopped in his mom's car along with his sister. We went to get manicures and pedicures. We had a good time. There was only one little problem. I hadn't had a manicure in about...uh, ten years. I had forgotten what they do during manicures. (I have been doing my own manicures for years because I'm cheap! Stop making fun of me!) So I didn't know he was sanding down my nails to prep them for fake acrylic nails until he had already filed away half my nails! I felt so stupid. D'oh! *VB smacks forehead* I thought he was just going to give them a really thorough buffing. Not! So now my nails are really thin and fragile. I guess they will grow out. Eventually....in three months. Dang! Being dumb sucks.

On Saturday, at the last minute, the weatherman called for heavy rain, so Repo's fam had to buy tents since it was an outdoor wedding. It was beautiful and sunny for the ceremony, but by the reception there were very dark clouds looming. It's a good thing they bought the tents, because it was a really bad storm--it hailed the size of mothballs! So we were all drenched as we were eating. (Repo and his aunt made a joke that Repo's dad sent the hail because he was probably rolling over in his grave about the fact that his widow was re-marrying!)

The running joke after the wedding was that the pastor who conducted the ceremony reminded us all of Mrs. Doubtfire. We were snickering a little at the wedding, because really, it was uncanny. She was a big girl and even had the accent and hairdo. Good thing I was sitting in the back. Later on, Repo's uncle said that she used to be a he--Uncle was pretty sure it was the legendary local pastor who had had a sex change. Well, that explains the Mrs. Doubtfire resemblance, I guess...and no, we don't think the lovely couple realized that was who they had hired to conduct the ceremony.

It was a really relaxing weekend overall. The food was good--Repo's mom has an endless supply of Jelly Belly jellybeans, which scored a lot of points with me. We had a big lasagna dinner Friday night, a pig-pickin' at the wedding reception, breakfast at his aunt's house and dinner at his grandma's house on Sunday. So I definitely ate well! (And I scored a container of leftover pulled pork from the reception so I'll be eating yummy BBQ sandwiches all week!)

Other than hanging out at family functions, I mostly napped along with Repo, who slept 90% of the time. I nursed him some, too, since he has been getting headaches from his eye injury. His stitches are dissolving into his eyeball, which isn't very comfy, either. I watched some movies with his super-cool aunt while he napped. (Bewitched was so cute and very funny! And Practical Magic was...interesting. Strange that both movies involved witchcraft...) It was pretty nice to relax and catch up on some Z's. On the way home, Repo took my by the house where he grew up. Awww...I think he was a little sentimental about it, especially after looking at old pictures with me at his grandma's house.

I dropped him off at his house when we got back to Columbia and then went home to unpack while waiting for K's flight to arrive. She went to DC for the weekend and her flight didn't come in until 11:30. So I'm pretty tired today!

Then, on top of being tired and cranky that my weekend is over, I woke up too late to make lunch this morning. The final icing on the cake was when I got in my car this morning (ten minutes late to work already) only to discover that it wouldn't f'ing start. The key goes in, but it won't turn. It's almost like I'm trying to use someone else's key. (I'm not. I'm not that stupid.) After pleading and begging the car to start, I gave up, got angry and shouted some expletives as I slammed the door shut. (If you remember, I hate my car. It has been causing problems ever since I got it.) So I had to wake up K so she could drive me to work. I have the coolest roomie ever. She got up and drove me, no questions asked. I just love her.

On the way, we had to stop because there were cows in the road. Yes, I said cows. As in moo-moo. Only in South Carolina. We honked and they moved. Weird. Especially since we live in an urban-ish area. Are there friggin' farms in Columbia?

Work has been crazy today. Everyone decided to go on vacation, leaving me and one other coworker to deal with all the frantic, crazed library patrons that come in. We are getting a lot of Office Max questions: Do you have any glue? Can I borrow your scissors? etc. It has been one weird thing after another today. Example: This morning, I helped a stripper find articles on the literature criticism of Langston Hughes' poetry. Her paper discusses the role of racism and prejudice in his poetry. Very surreal.

Ok, I don't know if she was a stripper, per se. But she sure did give a good impression. Is it too much to ask that you cover your midriff before coming to the library? I mean, how are people supposed to take you seriously, Bambi?

After K picks me up, I'm going to get her to drop me off at Repo's. Another irony: He can't drive, but his car works. I can drive, but my car doesn't work. So he said I can borrow his car until mine gets fixed. His eye is still messed up, so he's not going into work until at least Wednesday. K's friend is going to look at my car tonight. He's a mechanic, so I'm hoping I can save a bundle and just pay him for labor.

I'm sure tomorrow will be better since I'm going back to Charleston to see David Sedaris!!!

Dave!

So I got a call from my friend, W today. She was calling to see if I was free on Tuesday night. I am. She wanted to know if I could go with her to Charleston to see David Sedaris. She has tickets.

"AM I FREE?" I shouted. "Are you kidding?" David Sedaris is probably my favorite author ever. He is hilarious. I've read or listened to all of his books about three times each. (BTW, if you have never read any of his stuff, drop what you are doing and run to your local public library. You will laugh your ass off! His family is crazy!)

If you don't know anything about him, he is this guy who grew up near Raleigh, NC. His Greek-American family is totally bonkers and he tells the funniest stories about them and his various life experiences. His sister is Amy Sedaris, who starred in the Comedy Central show (now cancelled) called Strangers with Candy. She, too, is hilarious and fairly well-known. (She appeared as Carrie Bradshaw's book publisher in Sex and the City. She and Molly Shannon proposed that awful book cover where Carrie is naked and trying to catch a cab, remember?) Anyway, I think David now lives in Paris with his boyfriend, but luckily he still makes appearances here in the States. I have two words of advice for novice David Sedaris fans:

1. You don't have to read his stuff in order, but it can be helpful.
2. He is fun to read aloud with someone so you can take turns reading it out loud, but he is best enjoyed when you listen to his books on tape or CD. He reads all of his own books and does a great job with the characters' voices. (I usually grab one when I have a road trip to take.)

So I have the coolest plans ever for next Tuesday. Yessssss!!!

[Insert VB's readers' envious glares here.]

If you want to learn more about David Sedaris, you can check out these websites:
Wikipedia Entry
David Sedaris items @ Amazon
David Sedaris Article on NPR

True Love

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. --Roger Caras

Men are often referred to as "dogs"--usually in the bad sense. But there are men who are good boys, too. They are so sweet and loveable that they become our whole worlds. They make our lives whole. And I'm totally in love with one. No, I'm not in love with Repo. In fact, on the phone last night I told him he was on probation with me. He's still in the doghouse, big time. I even lectured him again. He falls under the heading "Bad Dog" with me. I have been making him too much of a part of my life. He needs to be placed in the backseat for now. There are other men out there--ones that can make my life whole.

No, no, I'm in love with another man. His name is Sampson, Sam for short. I just met him this week and it was love at first sight. He is very handsome and is crazy about me. In fact, he would spend every minute with me if he could. He loves to snuggle and make me laugh. And he would let me do whatever I want! He's not too old or too young and he was very excited to meet me. He's well-behaved and was already well-trained by the last woman in his life (unlike Repo). He's very friendly with everyone, has no temper issues and is willing to give me all the love I need. I feel like I've known him my whole life, because I've been looking for him my whole life. My mom would adore him, as would all my girlfriends, because he's totally charming, smart and sweet. I am absolutely nuts about him. His kisses just make my day. I cried when I left him. This kind of emotion doesn't come around every day. I have never been so ready to commit so soon in my life. Not only do I want to wake up next to him in my bed, I want him to move in with me! Sometimes, you just know it when you see it. He's just perfect and makes me feel safe, loved and happy. But don't tell Repo. Shhh!!! I'm cheating on him!

Oh, yes, I know this comes as a surprise. And it's soon, I know. But since Repo left town to stay with his mother in Charleston while his eye heals, I've had time to check out some other options. I told Repo I was suffering from a wandering eye, but I don't think he believed me when I told him I was seriously looking for a replacement ASAP. Repo hasn't been that great of a boyfriend lately, so I have taken the opportunity to look at some other men--he can't be my whole life, you know. I mean, he's been pretty selfish lately, to be honest. And unfortunately for Repo, I cannot love him as much as I love Sam. There's no contest, really. It would be impossible to even compare my feelings for Sam and my feelings for Repo. It's crazy, I know. But love is like that sometimes. My heart belongs to Sam now. Somehow I will have to tell Repo: I'm in love with Sam.

Sam weighs 18 pounds and is covered in fur. He is a Boston Terrier. He is also the coolest dog ever to have existed. I met him yesterday and it was the only time I've ever experienced love at first sight. He is playful and happy and immediately came up to me (without barking) and jumped up on my leg, grinning from ear to ear with this look on his face that said, "Pet me. Love me." And I obliged willingly. He is healthy, purebred, well housetrained, obedient, friendly and just a bundle of love. I wanted to take him with me immediately. I started daydreaming about rides in the car, trips to Petsmart on Saturdays, walks in the park, snuggles on the couch...*sigh*

So why is he not My New Man?????

The dumb ol' lady wants $600 for him. Grrrrr......

I cried. I pleaded. I almost backed down. But I just can't afford to pay $600 for a dog. I have to pay my apartment complex $250 just to have a dog, so we're looking at $850 before even buying all the dog supplies and getting his booster shots at the vet (he's due for shots). I just can't afford Sam. It figures. I finally find the perfect man and I cannot have him.

I told her I'd give her $300, tops, although she could talk me into $450. She wouldn't back down on the price, but said she'd let me know if she changed her mind. I hope she does. Because I love him. I'm hoping she will back down a little--I've seen ads for Boston Terrier puppies for only $450, so her price is pretty steep, especially since Sam is almost three years old. Most people want puppies, so I'm hoping she won't get too many offers. K was with me and she helped me stay sane. Before we got out of the car, she reminded me not to go crazy and fall in love. If it wasn't for her, I'd have dropped an insane amount of money on a great dog. But alas, we drove back home empty-handed and dogless. *VB cries softly into her hands, shoulders trembling.*

Unfortunately for me, all other dogs I've been looking at now pale in comparison to little Sampson. They are just...other dogs. They're cute, and cheaper ($175), but they just aren't Sam. I guess I will just have to lick my wounds and keep trying to find that perfect little guy in my life. He'll be the center of my world if he's anything like Sam. Then Repo will really have to step it up!

The Cup

I already blogged about how The Cup was this past weekend. Basically, about 70,000 people come to this tiny town in South Carolina called Camden for the day. Camden's main street, which you can see at the top of this page, looks eerily like my hometown. Anyway, all these people come out every year on the first Saturday in April. There are horse races (steeplechase) all day long. But no one really watches the races, as this is more of an excuse to party in a big field than a racing event. Everyone brings coolers and beer and lots of food. Sunglasses, sunblock and beer koozies are a must. It's always quite the fashion show. Women wear strapless sundresses and big straw hats. Men wear anything seersucker, pastel, madras or embroidered with little critters. Sometimes they even wear bowties, as corny as that sounds. In a nutshell, it looks like a giant, drunken, tailgating J.Crew-styled frat party. And I love every minute of it. It's how I hope heaven works. Any event that combines being outside with partying, eating and dressing up is my kind of shin-dig. I always meet cool people and eat yummy food. This year was no different.

Until...

Oh yes. There is an "until" in this post. But let me back up a little. The night before was spent shopping for a cooler, chairs, beer, sunblock, etc. Then K and I baked cookies and made fruit salad-- our contributions to the food table. We were going with the Church Group. I'm a friend of one of the families attending and they allowed us (me, K and our boyfriends) to tag along. After making the food and doing some general packing up, I helped K curl her hair with sponge rollers. Then we went to bed.

We were hoping to leave Columbia around 9:30 or 10am that morning. So I called Repo at 8am to wake him up. He was still sleepy, so I called him back at 8:45 to wake him up again. He didn't answer. So I went about my business getting ready. We had a small crisis. K had slept in the sponge rollers overnight. When she removed the curlers in the morning, she was left with a white girl 'fro. It looked like a wig. She looked just like this guy. It took us about a half hour to stop laughing and try to figure out what to do with her hair. Then we got pretty and packed up with the help of K's boyfriend. We brought a cooler full of beer, red champagne and diet coke in addition to the fruit and cream cheese cookies (recipe to follow soon). We were ready to hit the road and party. By this point, it was 10am. Wait, where is Repo?

Oh that's right. He fell back asleep and is just now waking up. We could have killed him. He didn't have any clothes ready, couldn't find his shoes, and had no sunglasses or beer. So we had to wait for him. Grrr....

Finally we hit the road and we were having a great time. Since we left a little on the late side, we didn't have that much traffic. The weather could not have been better: mid-70s, sunny and a light breeze. We arrived and began to eat and drink and socialize. And that's what we did until the "until" part of the day.

Then, around 4:30...Are you ready? Here is what happened. I was hanging out with Repo, my roommate K and her boyfriend, Navy Guy. We were standing in a big crowd of people, waiting for one of the horse races to end so we could cross the track to get back to the other side. (After visiting some friends, we were leaving the college side and going to the quieter adult side for a much needed snack break at our home base.) During the wait, people were getting crowded. When you have a large crowd of fairly drunk men, tempers will flare over trivial things. The two men in front of us began to sing the Clemson University fight song. This apparently was unacceptable behavior in the eyes of Repo and Navy Guy, because they are South Carolina fans, so our dumb boyfriends began to talk smack.

That's right. Repo and Navy Guy picked a fight. With guys who towered over them.

Now, I'm not very experienced with fist-fighting, but I think it's pretty obvious that picking a fight with people who A) don't know you, B) haven't done anything to you and C) outweigh you by 70 lbs. is a pretty dumb idea. So K and I are trying to calm our stupid drunk boyfriends. It didn't work. Apparently someone said something about someone's mother, and I guess in GuyWorld, this is a call to arms. So the fists started flying. It happened so fast K and I couldn't do anything but watch. I was mortified at first, then angry and finally worried as I saw Repo duck and swing before finally crumpling to the ground. The two victors ran off and K, Navy Guy and I rushed over to Repo to see if he was ok. I didn't get a good look at his face since he was doubled over, but it looked like he had broken his nose--there was a lot of blood. One of the victors had dropped his cell phone, which Navy Guy quickly snatched. And proceeded to snap into two. Navy Guy told us it was Repo's eye that was injured, not his nose. This made me worry.

The next thing I know, this crowd of Good Samaritans (bless them!) swarmed around him and carried him off into the crowd to get some medical attention. We tried to follow, but lost them in the crowd of people. The three of us spent the next hour and a half walking all over the place (in shoes that give you lots of blisters, I discovered later) looking for Repo. We couldn't find him, and to make matters worse, the cell phone network was clogged, so Navy Guy couldn't use his cell phone. Out of frustration and worry, I started to cry. We were totally helpless.

By now it was about 5:30 or 6pm and The Cup was basically over. We realized that the Church Group had no idea where we were and couldn't call us since they only had my number and my cell was with them. They were probably going to leave soon--with our car keys, cell phones and purses. One of the medics told us that a man with an eye injury was taken to the emergency room. So we decided to just go get our stuff and leave. We walked back (again) to the other side of the field, feet throbbing as we hobbled in our wedge sandals and strappy heels, and explained everything to the Church Group. They offered to take our cooler so we could hurry off to the hospital. Then we were stuck in traffic for a while as we went over to the hospital. Luckily, the cell network cleared up while we were driving.

On the way over, The Czarina called me to see how The Cup went. She knows I really look forward to it. I told her how this year's was not as fun as it usually was. I explained what had happened and she said, "Leave his ass! He needs to learn a lesson!" (Hey, I call her The Czarina for a reason.) As angry as I was with him, I wasn't quite that unsympathetic. We were an hour away from home and there simply wasn't anyone else to pick him up. So we went over to the hospital, with me bitching the entire time. I was FURIOUS with their immaturity and short-sightedness. So many people were inconvenienced with their thoughtless actions. K and I could have been hurt. His mother is getting married this week. He could have been arrested. Or hurt even worse. My mind was spinning--I had every desire to chew Repo (and Navy Guy) a new one. Until I saw him.

Poor Repo had a laceration to his eyelid. Basically, it was split, starting at his eyelashes and going halfway up his lid. When I arrived, the surgeon was just finishing the stitches. He had to have inner and outer stitches. Can you imagine having stitches on the inside of your eyelid?? Ouch! Repo was miserable and totally embarrassed. Not to mention he was in excrutiating pain. He had to get a novicane shot to the eye area in addition to a tetanus shot. Poor baby!

I took care of him all night and all day yesterday. Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep. The first night was the worst, because we hadn't gotten him his painkillers yet. Since he had been drinking, the doctor said he couldn't take anything stronger than Advil. Yeesh. After he got the medicine, he felt a lot better. I changed his bandages, got him food, held his hand, etc. I have been super sweet and caring--I went into Nurse VB-mode. Big time. But I did give him a HUGE lecture yesterday. "I am sorry! I hate myself! I just want to die!" he moaned. "Shut up! You can't die yet. I'm not done lecturing you!!!" I replied.

His mom decided to come up from Charleston and take him to the doctor. His eye is fine--he just scratched the cornea, so he didn't lose any vision or anything. The eye doctor said he will feel much better in about 2 days. And he had an eyelash stuck in his eye all that time, which was a source of much of his pain. So now he's feeling a little better and he's in Charleston with his mom. She is getting married this weekend, which you'd think would make her pissed off to the extreme, but she's not too upset. She's disappointed in him and told me she will lecture him later. But mostly, she is just worried. (And she loves me now!)

I am trying hard to be upset with him, because I am very angry and disappointed, but for the most part it's all out of my system. I think he has learned his lesson and realizes he needs to keep his temper under wraps when he drinks. (Actually, he hadn't been drinking all that much at The Cup...I don't know if that is more or less troubling...) Here's to knocking on wood. Unfortunately, if this becomes a pattern or gets worse, I will have no choice but to stop seeing him.

I'm taking Friday off so I can go see him and attend the wedding. We'll have to just see how it goes. Hopefully he'll be up and feeling better soon. He seems like he's gradually returning to his old self--he wants to wear a pirate patch to the wedding.

The Monkeys

Can you tell this week has been pretty ho-hum? I haven't posted much at all....but I thought of a good Fun Friday story to tell you.

I think animals are hysterically funny. I was talking to Sam about this on her blog and she wants me to share this story with my readers here. It's better told in person, since I can do the hand gestures, facial expressions, etc. But that's not really an option in the blogosphere! I hope you enjoy it anyway. Here goes.

So I'm watching TV with WLF (Dad) late one night. He always liked to watch
those nature shows, you know, the ones narrated by some old white guy with a British accent. This time it was about monkeys and baboons in Africa.
They did the whole schpiel about monkeys and their habitats and what they
eat, etc. Then at the end of the show, they did their little political blurb
about how mankind is encroaching upon the monkey territory/habitat and it is
causing problems, blah blah blah.

So as they are talking about the monkey/man conflict, they are showing this
little African elementary school playground. All the little African kids are
playing like normal, enjoying their recess, when suddenly they all evacuate the playground.

The monkeys were invading.

There were monkeys everywhere and they were all playing on the playground.
They took over within seconds. They were on the swings and the
teeter-totters and the little merry-go-round. The children made a large ring
around the playground to watch the monkeys on their playground. It was like
the monkey mafia or something. The children appeared confused and frustrated, while at the same time, amazed at their simian abilities to enjoy devices meant for human entertainment.

Anyway, these two monkeys climb waaaaaay up high on the tallest slide,
overlooking the whole playground. They are just standing there, staring at the children, and the children are staring at them. Everyone stops for a second. There is total silence.

The next thing you know, the two monkeys are at it doggy-style. And
the male monkey has this look on his face as he's staring at the kids like,
"What? What are you looking at?" Meanwhile the narrator was going on and on
about the monkey/man conflict like it was nothing.

My dad and I were rolling!!! I had tears streaming down my face! To this
day, that image cracks me up. I love nature.

Coping Skills

This past weekend I learned that two of my friends are having a very hard time of things. My natural reaction is concern and worry. Unfortunately, there is little I can do to help either of them. One is too far away for me to help with anything other than a kind word of support, which they probably wouldn't have the time or energy to read. I'm basically powerless as they cry. At least their problem is tangible and understandable.

The other is going through some kind of personal identity crisis I don't fully understand. There's this feeling of immense pressure to do and have it all. They're bummed out because they aren't where they think they should be at this stage in life. There are some family issues, too. They're stressed out and exhausted and "just going through some stuff." They'll "be fine" because it's "not like a serious depression." And that "it" runs in the family. They were unable to fully explain how it differs from just normal stress or sum it up in one sentence or one feeling. I don't fully understand what is wrong. I don't understand this "it." Are there varying levels of depression? Because it sounds an awful lot like the big D to me.

The hard part is, these friends of mine are trying to do everything themselves instead of reaching out, talking to someone or trying to keep things in perspective. They are (or have been in the past) on medication for anxiety and depression. They are crying and drinking. Apparently it's been going on for a while and they are just now telling their close friends. I'm worried that both of them are downplaying their problems so I won't worry about them. (Um, that doesn't work. It just makes me worry even more.) So other than telling them I am here for them, and encouraging them to get some help, I don't know what else to do. This kind of behavior is totally foreign to me. I honestly cannot relate.

I have no history of depression, anxiety or any other mental disease in my family. None of us take medication or go to therapy. Trust me, I am grateful for this. And I'm not saying that we don't need it in my family! I just have zero experience with this kind of stuff. The closest we come in my family is what we like to call "The Irish Blues."

My genetic make-up is 2/3 Irish, and my mother is a drama queen, so according to her, we all have this special disorder: In a nutshell, we get bummed out in my family if we aren't productive little monkeys all the time. Sounds weird, I know. When I start having negative thoughts or feeling bummed, I realize that it's because I haven't done anything remotely productive or even looked at my To-Do List in weeks and now I'm feeling like a worthless human. Either that or I'm hormonal. (Why do we think so negatively when we are PMSing?) All it takes is for me to jump up and run a few errands. Voila! Back to normal. It is just that simple.

Don't get me wrong. We suffer from grief in my family, like when my little brother died. And when WLF (my dad) died eight months later. But after a couple of months of being kind of melancholy, it's back to normal. Not that we behave like it never even happened, but it's pretty close. The Czarina (mom) lost both of her parents when she was 21. To this day, she does not talk about it. I know very little about them because she won't discuss them. It makes me sad, but I understand. She is an extremely strong woman and this is her coping strategy. She wouldn't be able to do it otherwise. Some people see this as unhealthy, but it's just the way my family deals with stuff. I'm not as bad as her, but I'm close. Maybe sometimes it's good to repress, because I'm doing pretty well considering the past two years have been total hell on my family.

I have friends who have lost parents, siblings, grandparents, good friends, etc. Some of them talk about it all the time and are having a hard time moving on with their lives. I can understand this completely. I know parents who have kept the lost child's room exactly as it appeared when the child was alive. Again, I can understand this. It's just not how I cope. I look at their behavior and think, "Woah, that's not healthy." But I'm sure they look at my coping strategy and think the same thing.

Why is it so (relatively) easy for me? I feel guilty that after a couple of months, I was ok. One friend of mine still cries about losing her brother two years ago. It's not that it doesn't even cross my mind. I miss WLF and my brother all the time. And I'm sure The Czarina misses them too. But we've been there, done that. We've moved on. We rarely cry about it and we haven't needed therapy or medication. We don't talk about it, really. They are not forgotten, but we're not dwelling either. Why is my family so different? Are we callous, unfeeling people? Are we in denial to the point of absurdity? Or are we just extremely strong and really good at coping? Are we normal? Or are the other people normal?

Overall, I am a really happy person. Very little gets me down. (Notice I said "down" not "pissed off".) There are a few things I want to change about my life, but no life is perfect. I'm employed, healthy, loved, safe, etc. I'm grateful that I don't have to worry about much and I have very little stress in my life. I try to keep it this way, too, and make decisions accordingly. I try to keep stuff in perspective and stay grounded. (Maybe I just have low standards for myself!) So how do I deal when people I love don't see things this way? How do you tell someone to keep stuff in perspective when they obviously can't? How can I help them when I don't understand them?

Random Stuff

Ok, this post has no theme. Just some random stuff I want to cover before moving on to my two next themed posts....

I have been dog shopping. So far, no luck. Apparently no one ever gives up adorable Boston Terriers or French Bulldogs. Can't really say that I blame them. So after checking out some pounds (mutts are also an option) and non-profit no-kill dog shelters, it's back to the drawing board. I don't want to make any rash decisions. I'm looking for the perfect dog for me. Czarina is pushing for a poodle or a Westie. I'm feeling ok about those breeds. They sound like a lot of grooming. But they're on my list. Along with Italian greyhounds. And although they are ugly, I'm looking at chihuahuas, too. Really, I don't care what it is as long as it isn't too large, high-energy or stupid. This is why I'm not looking at labs, Jack Russells or beagles.

Repo has a coworker who is trying to get rid of her 10 month old puppy. I have seen a picture and it looks like....well, I don't know. Maybe half poodle, half terrier? It's a mystery meat dog. Anyway, it's free to a good home, so I need to meet up with her to check it out.

Speaking of Repo, he now has his own toothbrush at my house. Although, I'm not supposed to tell anyone, especially his roommates, who apparently will give him hell for it. So shhhhh...it's a secret. I have decided to call him Sweetie-Poo (and other sickening pet names) in front of his friends because it annoys him. This is very entertaining for me. And his roommates. But he has a good sense of humor about it and retaliates by calling me names, too. We end up laughing our butts off about this.

I wish he would quit his job. Today. He hates it, I hate it. He works about 55 hours a week for this total schmuck of a boss. He works all day on Saturdays and until 9pm during the week. They are stingy when it comes to time off, health insurance and giving them their hard-earned bonuses. People greet him with guns in their hands (literally!) sometimes when he goes to re-possess their stuff. There's more, but you get the idea. As a result of this job, he is tired all the time, stressed out, hates being there, etc. This job is making him miserable. He is only working there to pay off some debt and save money until he can get into real estate and finish grad school. While I am proud of him for being ambitious and sticking to it, there comes a point when the extra money just isn't worth it. I wish he would reach that point. This job plays a role in the fact that I have a tendency to spoil the bejeezus out of him.

In a couple of weeks, I'm going with him to Charleston, where his mom is getting re-married. I will be meeting his whole family and I'm starting to get nervous. The last time I met a guy's family, they were all rednecks/white trash. As in, missing teeth and possible past felony convictions. So based on past experiences, I'm not super peachy-keen on this idea. Especially when the only phrase he uses to describe his grandma is "extremely conservative". I'm convinced she will instantly hate me. Because I cuss. A lot. And I have a tendency to wear low-cut shirts and too-tight pants. Oh dear...*VB wrings hands nervously*

So, I'm having a hard time deciding if I want to get Internet at home. Dial-up is too slow. DSL requires that I first buy landline phone service, which I don't want to do because I would never use it. Cable won't work because the room in which I want my computer doesn't have a cable jack. Oh, sure, I could split the cable line. But according to the cable guy, it might not work since it's already been split twice. My only other option is to go wi-fi. This involves buying a wireless modem, a wireless card, subscribing somehow...blah blah blah. All of these options sound like a pain in the ass. (And no, I don't have a laptop. If I did, I would just turn into a Starbuck's junkie since they are wireless.) For now, I surf and blog at work. (Shhhh....) And since I have ample time to do this, I'm wondering if I should even fool with it.

Someone crashed into our downtown library this weekend. People are morons, I swear. Just to re-iterate, in case you didn't already know: The library is not a parking garage.

My coworker L (the one with the funny kid) teaches a class about library stuff. One of her students is a total idiot. This is why: his assignment was to write a paper discussing copyright. When he turned it in, L noticed that it didn't sound like something he would (let alone could) write. So she googled phrases from the paper. It turns out that he plagiarized a paper about copyright. She asked him about it and he says that he "didn't really understand the assignment" and "was up really late and was tired." What a lame excuse of a college student. Did he really expect her to buy this? The irony of this situation just kills me.

Wanna see the most disturbing thing I've ever seen? If you are squeamish at all, don't click. Seriously, you will have nightmares. But it is not real, thank God, as you can discover by reading this.

This weekend is The Carolina Cup, an annual event here in SC. I'll post more about it later on in the week. Tonight I'm helping K shop for a dress to wear to it. Being the 100% girly girl that I am, I already have a dress. Or three.

Library Rant

FYI: I posted my lasagna recipe on Virginia Cooks if anyone wants it.

Normally I do not complain about my job, but sometimes dealing with the public gets on my last nerve. Today I give you a list:

Seventeen Things A Librarian is Not

1. Bank Teller--No, I can't break your $50 bill. This is a library, not the Federal Reserve. If you knew you wanted to make copies, you should have grabbed a handful out of your couch cushions or off the floor of your car before coming in here. That's called "planning ahead". And no, I will not break your $5 bill so that you can buy a soda out of the machine. Now go away before I throw Volume 4 at your head.

2. Mindreader--If you don't bring your ID or--shock!--library card, how do you expect me to know who you are? Would you go to the grocery store without any money and expect to leave with groceries, just because you're "in here all the time" and I "know" you? Likewise, I cannot look at you and magically see which books you have checked out and when they are due. I cannot telepathically understand what you want or what you are looking for. Try opening your big fat mouth. It's located under your big schnoz.

3. Tutor--I'm done with school. I got my diploma. Now it's your turn. My job is to show you where the books are. Not to make sure you understand the big words in them. That's where the dictionaries come in. Do you want me to show you where those are? Didn't think so. Now go sit down, lazy ass.

4. Proofreader--No, I will not check your resume or research paper for typos. Do you really want to put your job interview or midterm grade in the hands of someone who knows you owe $15.00 in late fines? File that paper under "Not My Job".

5. Office Supply Store--What's up with people asking to borrow the stapler, hole puncher, highlighters, pens, telephone, headphones, phone book, pencils, calculators, paper, Post-It notes, floppy disks, money, tape, rubberbands, fax machine, scissors, ruler, paperclips, batteries, chair, staple remover, whiteout, etc.? (And yes, I've had people ask for all of these things!) Don't these people ever go to Staples?

6. Public Notary--No, I do not have the authority to sign your official document. I cannot marry you. I cannot help you apply for citizenship. You do not register to vote here. My signature does not prove to your probation officer that you were here between 10 am and 4 pm today. A note from me doesn't excuse you from school or work. I. Just. Work. Here.

7. Lawyer--If you are going through a divorce, I'm sorry to hear the news. But please do not ask me to interpret South Carolina Divorce Law to you. I don't know who gets the third car or if she has the right to half of your inheritance. I don't know if your neighbor has the right to put up that hideous fence. I don't know diddly squat about law. If I did, I would be what they call "a lawyer". And I would be working in "a law firm" and probably get paid a lot more money to listen to your idiotic, petty questions.

8. Doctor--First off, I don't need to hear the details about your gastro-intestinal problems. And last time I checked, I don't wear a white coat to work. I don't own a stethoscope. I don't know what you have or what medicine you should take because I didn't go to med school. I can show you where some books are about medicine, but if you want a diagnosis, you might want to go to a real, actual doctor. Shocking concept, I know.

9. Babysitter--Just because you are too cheap to cough up some money for afterschool care doesn't mean that I have to make sure your kid stays out of trouble between 2:30 and whenever-you-come-to-pick-them-up. It's not my job to make sure they did their homework, either. In fact, if your kid comes here and acts up, I will just simply call the cops. They will report you to social services and you will get in trouble for being a BAD parent. Oh yes, honey. That's just what you are. Because libraries are free and open to the public. So if Mr. Pedophile wants to come in and molest little Timmy, I cannot and will not stop him. (Although, that's mostly because molesters don't exactly have signs around their necks. Not because I favor that sort of criminal behavior.) Next time you want to tell Timmy to "just hang out at the library" until you get off work, ask yourself, Would I feel comfortable leaving him in a mall by himself? My guess is, no. Same goes for the library.

10. Bookseller--This is not Barnes & Noble. We don't serve coffee or cookies. That means you cannot eat or drink in here. And if you like a book, that does not mean you can buy it from us after you are done reading it. We apologize for not having everything you see at the bookstore, but we are working on it. In order to do that, we will have to ask you to pay more taxes. What? You don't want to pay more taxes? Ok, then shut up and go grab an old crappy book.

11. Waitress--Do not raise your hand, call me over to you or snap your fingers at me. I do not work for tips. I do not work for you. I am not a dog. I will not go and get something for you or bring it to you. Be grateful I've allowed your stinky ass in here to start with, because you're stupid, lazy and you SMELL.

12. Computer Geek--I'm sorry the computer isn't doing what you want it to do. It's probably messing up because all the porn sites you've been looking at gave the computer viruses. Maybe you should do that at home, you sick bastard. That way, you can get your jollies without worrying about scarring the little children who see you wacking off in public. And I don't know why it isn't printing the way you want or if the computer is enabled to do X, Y and Z. If whatever you're working on is so vitally important to your life that this problem is making you suicidal, I recommend you use your friend's or purchase a computer of your own. But that implies you have a job and friends to start with. Nevermind.

13. Miracle Worker--If you have a 14 page research paper due tomorrow and you haven't even picked out a topic, I cannot help you. Sorry buddy, you're S.O.L. If your teacher gave you a really complicated assignment requiring that you "look at some books or something", I cannot help you. Next time, maybe bring a copy of the assignment with you because you are apparently too stupid to pay attention in class. Also see #2. If you saw a book here, and you want to look at it again, but the only thing you remember about it is that it had a green cover, I cannot help you. If you have 10 overdue books and left them all at home, but "meant to bring them" and you want me to not charge you "just this once", I cannot help you. If you owe $1500 in late fines, and we have sent your information to the collection agency and it is to the point that your credit score is being affected, I cannot help you. You, sir, are a complete moron. Because if you had just brought them back on time, you would owe us nada. There's no point in getting mad at me. You're really just mad at yourself, now, aren't you?

14. Maid--Go ahead! Leave your candy wrappers, papers, water bottles, cell phones, keys, musical instruments, personal books, DVD collection, drugs, used kleenex, lighters, wallets, porn mags, purses, library cards, photocopies, drivers' licenses, unsigned paychecks, Social Security cards, computer print-outs, checkbooks, credit cards, cash, lunch, children, bottles, toys and stuffed animals here. That's my job. To clean up after you. It's what I get paid for, isn't it? Just don't be upset if you come back and it's not here. I'll keep your kids and hold them for ransom.

15. Personal Researcher--Do not call the library to ask me the following: "If there were no continents, and the world was just one big ocean, which direction would the current go?" And then ask me to call you back when I find the answer. Teachers--do not call and ask me to pull 35 books on Zebras for you so that you can come and pick them up after school is out. Do not come into the library 5 minutes before closing and ask the following question: "Why do roosters crow? And why can't mountain goats be domesticated?" You need to get a life. Oh, wait. We are fresh out of Get the Life You've Always Wanted! books. That's because most people who have lives aren't in libraries at 9pm on a Friday night. Do not call the library to ask that I look up 10 articles for you, print them out for you and fax them to you. Do not call the library and ask me to read a chapter of a book to you over the phone or find a recipe for you so that I can read it to you over the phone. I am not your personal assistant. If you want me to be your personal researcher, I'll be glad to do it. I charge $100 per hour for personal research. Wait, where are you going?

16. Censor--Yes, I realize the model on the magazine cover has very little clothing on. Yes, I realize that some parents have a problem with Heather Has Two Mommies. But the thing is, there's this law we have. It's called The First Amendment. And it allows this concept called "freedom". Maybe you've heard of it. If you have a problem with what we are buying, here is the library director's phone number. Here's your local government official's number. Call them. They care about your vote. I don't. But don't get me wrong. I get where you're coming from. When I'm a mom one day, there will be stuff I don't want my kids looking at either. That's why I will accompany them to the library, the bookstore, the movies, the mall and other places where I will struggle to control what they see and do. This is called "parenting". You can find books on parenting under the call number 649.1. Have a nice day.

17. Idiot-- I went to school for this. I know how it works, how to do it quickly and how to do it right. You don't. So sit down, shut up, and listen to me. You might be able to squeeze some knowledge into that cinder block you call a "brain" sitting on your shoulders.

Whew! Man, do I feel better. And just for the record, every situation discussed here is true. People really have left their kids and paychecks at the library. Those questions and phone calls all happened. Most have happened to me, some have happened to colleagues. The library is a mecca for freaks. But that's another post.

Sick Puppy

Did anyone else have problems with Blogger yesterday? Because I wanted to post this yesterday, but couldn't get in. Anyway, as you can see I'm flexing my teeny tiny blogging muscles. I've learned soooo much, it's hard to know what to try out first. I'm looking into doing new stuff here at VB in addition to learning about WordPress. We started a blog here at work so I've been playing around on that. Let me tell ya, WordPress has its advantages...and disadvantages (when compared to Blogger).

On to more interesting stuff...

Friday night, Repo had some friends coming into town, so he had his Guy's Night. I was supposed to go out with K and meet up with them later on, but she and I ended up napping on the couch after watching my all-time favorite show, Most Haunted. Then Repo called to see where I was. Oops. K went to bed and I met up with the guys. They were all feeling pretty good by then! We had a good time teasing Repo's friend Motormouth until 3 am. We stayed out kind of late, considering Repo had to work at 7 am the next morning. Oops.

Saturday was the annual St. Patty's Day Festival here in Columbia. It's a fun festival with bands, booze and Blarney. This year's was much bigger than last year's. I had a good time with my roommate (K) and a bunch of my friends. Repo joined us after he got off work and I got to meet even more of his friends. K got drunk and spilled beer all over me. We all ate lots of junk food (pizza, gyros, funnel cake). Luckily, the weather was great. And I didn't have to use a Port-A-Potty thanks to strategic beverage consumption (read: I was really thirsty all day). It was worth it. I don't use those things under any circumstances. Icky.

By dinnertime we were all pretty pooped and/or drunk. Repo's wrist problems were acting up again. So he and I left to grab some food. By the time we got back to his house, he didn't feel well at all. He was achy and had nausea and a fever. The wrist pain migrated up his arm, which was now really swollen and red. His whole lower arm looked awful and felt hot to the touch. Brunette told him what to do (she is a nurse, after all) and said he should go to the doctor soon. He decided to forego hanging out with his buddies to get some rest. I was tired too, so we didn't go out. He took lots of pain reliever, borrowed a heating pad from his roommate and came to my house. He was in bad shape! I became Nurse Virginia for the rest of the weekend. I brought him food and medicine. I put a cool towel on his head. I rubbed his back and talked to him quietly. He told me I'd be a good mommy one day. Awww...

He was sick all day on Sunday, too, and I tried to get him to go to the doctor, but he said his insurance wasn't worked out yet. (His jerk of a boss hadn't filed the paperwork for it yet.) Anyway, he feels mostly better now and he got his insurance squared away, so he's getting his arm checked out on Thursday. It's still somewhat swollen.

Sunday afternoon, I was craving lasagna. Since Repo's guests were still in town, I decided to make some for him and his friends. I made them chip in on the ingredients. Then I left Repo on his couch and went home to cook it. I made some brownies, too. Then I brought it all back, where his roommates had made a big salad for us to eat with it. We all chowed down! (recipe to be posted soon...) Golf Guy liked my lasagna so much, he asked me if I would marry him. I said "Sure." Repo was too sick and full of lasagna to protest. And Motormouth asked me if he could hire me to cook for him and take care of him (I guess my nursing abilities impressed him). I told him he couldn't afford me.

Then we all watched Big Love, that new show on HBO. Let me tell ya, this is going to be one drama-packed show! I will definitely try to watch it again. Besides, I love Jeanne Tripplehorn. The good thing is, next time I watch it, Motormouth won't be around. He talks more than any human alive. It is just a constant stream of blabbering. I had to throw stuff at him to get him to shut up so I could watch! He likes to hear himself talk. If he weren't such a good friend of Repo's, I think I would hate him. Almost.

After spending half the weekend babying Repo (happily), I am pretty behind in getting some stuff done. I moved almost a month ago and still haven't put up any pictures! The gym is a distant memory, I have some organizing and shopping still to do for my new place and I have some other errands to finish. I've come to the conclusion that being a girlfriend should not take up so much of my free time. So I'm not seeing Repo all week. He doesn't like it, since he's used to seeing me every day, but if I get all my stuff done this week, I will be able to really enjoy seeing him this weekend. I won't feel torn between being practical and having fun. I won't feel cheated when I spend all of Sunday hanging out watching basketball with him instead of doing laundry.

So last night I finally organized my closet and picked up all the clothes on my bedroom floor. I have never derived so much satisfaction from cleaning my room! It had been bugging me. And so tonight, I'm gymming and organizing....and missing him. Withdrawls suck.

In other news...my brother Fat Dog called me last night. He beat me to the puppy punch! I am so jealous! He got a Jack Russell puppy named Newton. As in, Sir Isaac Newton. What a nerd. That's engineers for ya. Newton looks kinda like this. Fat Dog hasn't sent me any pictures yet, so that's the best I can do.

My other brother, Fungus, went skiing for the first time last weekend. He ran into a tree and almost broke his leg. Typical. This is why Southerners have no business skiing. Actually, this is why Fungus has no business skiing.

I learned something funny about K recently. Until last week, she had never run a dishwasher before. She said she almost called me while I was at work to ask me how to start it! This completely cracked me up. I would tease her about it more, but she is dealing with a bully situation here at work, so I'm feeling more protective of her than anything else. I'll post more about it later. For now, that's it. Whew!

Look! I Did It!

Man, I don't know why that was so hard to figure out! I guess I'm just....well, blonde. But now I think I've got it...

:)

And I figured out why it was blurry and how to fix that. Yay for me! (Anyone who checked this yesterday would have seen a very grainy picture.)

So how do I know if I'm stealing bandwidth???

Worries

VB does not stand for Virginia Belle. It stands for Very Broke. Oh well. You can't take it with you, right? At least I'm not as broke as I was when I was a teacher.

Between moving, buying a new cell phone, throwing a party, paying my taxes (oh yes, another year with no refund!) and doctors' bills, I'm broke. I mean, I'm fine. I just don't have that nice little cushion/safety net I had a couple months ago. Which is enough to freak me out. I've been really good about paying off my Visa balance by tripling my minimum payment each month (I've paid off about $1,000 this year! Yesss!), but I think this month, I might just pay the minimum. And I think I will call to see if my car insurance rates can be lowered. And I'll try to cancel my Match.com subscription. Kinda cool that I don't need it anymore. Actually, I'd be quitting it anyway. I'm done with online dating! Hmmm...I'll have to brainstorm on how to pinch some pennies....tuna for dinner?

You know I went to Dr. Nazi, the dermatologist. And everything is fine. Since I hadn't met my insurance deductible, paying her $300 between the office visit and lab work didn't seem all that unreasonable. But yesterday I went to the gynocologist. (Looking back on it now, I wish I had spread out my appointments a little more for financial reasons.) Can I just say that male gynocologists are the smartest men around? Think about it. Do you know any other men who actually get paid to feel up women??? I paid mine about $200 yesterday. And left feeling violated. Not to mention some slight discomfort. (Ladies, you know what I mean. Men, trust me, it hurts.) I paid a man to violate me. What is wrong with our society, anyway???

I wrote out my $200 check to him. That is when I realized that my new insurance SUCKS. Last year, Dr. Gyno got $15. Total. And I hadn't met my deductable then, either. You'd think that being a state employee would ensure better insurance....

I owe the IRS $200. (It's actually closer to $300 but I'm getting a small refund from the state, so it's a net payment.) I bought a $100 cell phone. I moved. You know how it goes. As much as I try, I'll have very little play money after paying the bills here soon. I'm just glad I didn't go hog wild at Christmas! And at least I don't have to dip into my savings.

Of course, I just had to buy a new cell phone and had to go to the doctor. But other than that, I haven't been too bad with money this month. I haven't gone shopping. (Although, of course, now that I'm broke, it's all I want to do.) I haven't been going out to eat very much--just about once a week, which is good for me. I even managed to not pay some of the time. Almost everything I've bought for my new apartment came from a gift card. So maybe it just feels like I've been spending money.

Ok, well, I'm off to look at plane tickets for Germany....

I'm using credit card points!!!! Get off my tip!!!!

Happy Fun Friday!

Today's Theme: An Ode to Hair. Enjoy!

Monobrows

Mullets

Hair Trivia/Facts

Can You Guess?

Repo and I text each other while we are at work. This is today's texted conversation:

Me: I have a present for you. Can you guess?

Him: Nah, what is it?

Me: Hint: It has velcro.

Him: Another clue?

Me: It will make you feel better.

Him: Another hint?

Me: It's black.

Him: That doesn't help!

Me: Ok, that was a bad clue. Hint: It's something you wear. But it's not fashionable. Not that that would matter to you. LOL!

Him: What are you trying to say? I'm not fashionable? Just tell me!

Me: Oh, you are no fun. Duh! I got you a strap-on!

Him: Is this K? Wait, is it weight gloves?

Me: No, silly! But you are close.

Him: Are you trying to tell me something with that strap-on comment?

Me: No, I'm just being a perv. I realized that the descriptions would be similar and thought it was funny. Did I scare you?

Him: No. (I could not see--obviously--but I know he was pouting! Can't you picture him with his arms across his chest?)

So, can you guess what it is? A free strap-on to the reader that guesses correctly! :)

Knew Knowledge

Well, this technologically-challenged blogger just had to take a course for work about RSS feeds, wikis, blogs, podcasts, etc. I completely geeked out these past couple of days. So now I have all this new knowledge which I can apply not only in a work-based fashion, but also here on VB. I know you already knew much of what I learned today, but now I feel so excited about my new powers!

You know what they say about knowledge. And power.

Stay tuned.

P.S. Has anyone else used Bloglines? I can't believe I had never heard of this before! I am joining ASAP. It is genius! Now I can take my favorites everywhere I go....

The Pervasive Presence of Porn

Does every guy look at porn? If a woman is looking to date a guy who hates porn, is she living in a dreamworld? So far, the only member of the male species I know who does not and has not looked at porn is my dad, WLF. He hated it. When my grandpa died, WLF finally got the chance to burn all his copies of Playboy. (Is there anything creepier than knowing that your grandpa was into that???) Every other male I know, from friends and brothers to coworkers and boyfriends, looks at porn and visits (or has visited) the occassional strip club. Is it too much to ask for a guy to not do these things? He'd probably just start hiding it, right?

Sassafras got me thinking about this subject today after reading her post. She recently discovered that her man has been looking at porn and she got upset. I can relate. When a woman finds this out about her man, she feels like she is not physically attractive or sexy enough for her man and he needs to go elsewhere to get his fix. It makes the woman wonder if she is bad in bed or if her man could potentially cheat on her. Hey, he's already looking at other women naked. It's just a hop, skip and a jump away for him to be touching them, too. And if your man looks at it, what does that mean about how he looks at you? Does it mean you aren't enough woman for him? Or maybe he's interested in one thing only and keeps you around just for one purpose--you are his own personal porn star.

I think it can be very degrading (see, I do have a teeny bit of feminist in me!) and it can be addictive. I can see how it would harm relationships and marriages when done too much or secretly. I half-way believe that it promotes violence against women and there are a lot of bad things involved with the porn industry--drugs, prostitution, diseases. I think it encourages men to view women as objects rather than human beings who are mothers and daughters and sisters. And it's definitely not the best tool for a guy to learn how to please a woman! (To any guy thinking that those women are enjoying it, just stop right now! Trust me, she's acting!)

Unfortunately, I cannot say anything to anyone about this without being a hypocrite. I have been to strip clubs and I have watched porn before. (It was just on! I swear! I don't rent it or buy it or anything!) And yes, in some ways I can see why it's so popular. It accomplishes what it sets out to do. I kinda sorta like it. But that doesn't mean I approve of it or feel good about looking at it. And it doesn't mean I will never again visit a strip club or view porn. (Actually, the stripper lifestyle fascinates me...it would make a good reality TV show, I think. Plenty of drama, I bet! But that's another post.) I can even see how it would be useful for married and committed couples to watch it together. But like many things, I think it should be done in moderation. Much moderation. It should stop before it skews your views. (ha! that rhymes!) And maybe it would be good to limit it to soft-core only? (If that's possible!)

You can say the same things about smoking cigarettes. It's nothing to be proud of, lots of people do it and it has a tendency to be addictive. It is a hobby that is not necessary for a society to prosper. Or is this a bad analogy?

We live in a society that is fairly over-sexed, in my opinion. They make thongs for little girls now, for Pete's sake! While it's great that we are more open than the uber-repressed Victorians, we are a little too lenient about this porn stuff, I think. I know that I have a tendency to look at it as "Oh, boys will be boys!" and laugh it off as yet another obnoctious male behavior. I assume that every guy I meet has looked at Jenna Jameson in action or visited a strip club--if not last weekend, then at least for their best friend's bachelor party. I wish this was not the case. Ideally, for me anyway, porn would be looked at with disgust. I wish it didn't exist. I wish it was a "don't ask, don't tell" policy when I'm dating someone, but eventually I always find the new boyfriend's stash. No, I haven't found Repo's yet. But I know it exists because he told me he has some. And while I appreciate his honesty about it, I was kind of disappointed. To me, it is a character flaw, no matter how omnipresent it is among men. I guess this is just the way of the world. I'm sure men are wishing that women were virgins until marriage, too! Maybe this is a two-way street.

The Pattern

Life is like an ever-shifting kaleidoscope--a slight change, and all patterns alter. --Sharon Salzberg

There is a pattern to each and every one of my romantic relationships. It goes like this:

I meet a guy.

I like him right away.

I am slightly hard to get at first, until I know he's pretty interested.

I'll start dating him.

He will do something nice for me.

Then I start to really like him.

So I start to do stuff for him.

And I like him even more.

So I do even more stuff for him.

Then one day, I realize I'm doing all the giving and he's doing all the taking.

In fact, he hasn't done much for me since date #3.

I have spoiled him.

Then I begin to resent him.

And I hint around at feeling taken-for-granted.

Passive-aggressively.

Which leads to a fight and/or my crying myself to sleep.

And then I hate him.

And I stop doing everything and begin to have an attitude.

I turn into an Ice Queen.

And he feels confused, guilty and caught unawares.

Then we break up.

Hey, I never said it was the healthiest, most mature way of handling things. But it is what I do. Does anyone else out there do this? Anyone know how to break this vicious cycle? I have tried and tried and tried to not do things for guys I like, but I can't help it. I derive a lot of pleasure from doing things for guys I date. It makes me feel good to do something for them. I'm a very affectionate person by nature. I have an easier time doing something for them than telling them how I feel. I'm a show-er, not a tell-er. (Had to do the hyphens. Otherwise it would have said, "I'm a shower" which makes no sense.)

I used to think I suffered from this pattern because I was dating selfish jerks, but now I realize that the holding pattern here is me. Every time, the only thing these relationships have in common is me.

I'm dating a nice guy. Who I really really like. Who really likes me. He loves that I do stuff for him all the time. He appreciates me. We even joke about how I've spoiled him. I'm not saying I regret doing these things for him, because I'm crazy about him and I want to make him happy. But I'm getting a little twinge in the back of my brain. That feeling that I'm gradually doing all the giving and none of the taking. Maybe I'm a score-keeper. I hate that thought. I guess I just don't want to be taken advantage of. I don't want to be made a fool. It must be a self-protective thing. Maybe I'm high-maintenance. Or insecure. Or needy. Or just bad at asking for some attention. I know what you are going to say: Love like you won't get hurt. Love makes fools out of all of us. [Insert cheesy adage here.] Well, buddy, easier said than done! I do have some pride, you know!

Maybe we are just getting comfortable. Is that possible after less than 2 months of dating?

I have hinted to him lately about my feelings of doing all the giving. So it's not like I'm keeping him in the dark--he knows what I'm saying. But I am hesitant to say outright, "Hey! I need you to do something for me for a change! Stop taking so much!" Like most women, I don't want him to do stuff because he feels obligated. I want him to do stuff for me for the same reason I do stuff for him: because he wants to. If he feels like he has to do stuff to stay out of the doghouse, I won't enjoy it and it will make him miserable. Then he will resent me. That's why I'm hesitant to be really blunt about this. I don't expect him to read my mind, but I do expect him to pick up on what I'm implying.

I wish I knew what my problem is. At the end of every relationship, I feel empty and emotionally exhausted from giving all the time. And I end up resenting all of my exes. Even the nice ones. And I vow to be self-centered in my next relationship. (It never works, obviously.) I don't want to feel like this with Repo. (I don't want him to be an ex, either!) This is hands down the best relationship I've ever had. So I'm really hoping I will break this pattern. I'm trying to just chill and not worry about it, I can assure you.

Please don't read this and think that Repo and I are having problems. We are good. He just called to see how I'm doing as I was writing this. So don't get the idea that he's not doing anything for me. He is doing little things here and there. And I'm grateful and appreciative. I'm just afraid this old problem I have will rear its ugly head again and the same things will happen with us. This is a pre-emptive post. I want to be prepared in case I start to really feel that resentment creeping up on me. Because it's a slippery slope. A gradual process. I'd like to have a gameplan. Or at least a better understanding of my behavior.

But it sure would help if he took me out to dinner soon! (And no, I still haven't gotten my birthday present yet.) See? There I go, The Scorekeeper! I can't stop! Is this a woman thing, or do guys feel like this sometimes, too?

So much for not talking about my relationship on my blog...

It's All in My Head

Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties. --Jules Renard

This weekend was pretty normal. I didn't get much accomplished, which is giving me a huge guilt trip right now, but I did hang out with some friends, so that was nice. Friday I went out with Nurse P, Brunette and K. We grabbed dinner and then went to see a movie. It was surprisingly good. I don't think Sarah Jessica Parker is much of an actress and Matthew McConoughey doesn't really do it for me, but I will keep my eyes peeled for Zooey Deschanel in the future. She was hysterical. And guys, while this is a chick flick, it is pretty funny. So don't stress too much if your girl drags you.

After the movie, K went her way to meet up with some girlfriends. So I went out to the bars with Brunette and P. We had some girl bonding time and for some reason ended up staying out really late, despite the fact that there was not that much drinking going on and we didn't see many people we knew. Weird how time gets away from you.

I had jokingly mentioned to Repo that I would bootycall him that night, just to say goodnight and say something silly--we wouldn't see each other until Saturday afternoon. I changed my mind later because I didn't want to wake him up. His wrist was still bothering him and he had to work early Saturday morning. So instead, I stayed up late and made him lunch. I went to bed around 4 am. Then I dropped it off at his house very early Saturday morning as a surprise. I even included dessert and a note. He ended up eating it for breakfast on his way to work. Typical.

I got up around 10:00 am. (Yes, six hours of sleep. This will play a role later.) He and I spent much of the weekend watching basketball. He got to my house just in time to catch the end of the USC game (they won, only to lose to Florida yesterday) and then we watched the IU game (they lost, but still got a bid to the NCAA tournament! Yessss!). After the games, we were talking and he said something stupid. Looking back on it now, he was had good intentions with what he was saying, but it sounded really bad. Really bad, in a chauvinistic kind of way. "Oops....that didn't come out the way that I meant it to...." he said. "Nope. It sure didn't," I said, cooly.

Then he got a big, fat dose of me being a Pain in the Neck. When I get tired, I have a tendency to overreact and be overly-sensitive. That's when I sulk and snap and cry. Often I throw in a guilt trip just for good measure. Let me tell you, I'm a peach to be around when I'm tired. And oh-so-drama-free to boot. Luckily, he is an extremely patient and understanding guy. He said, "Let's go get something to eat and we can drive and talk." This is the best strategy ever when I'm upset: feed me and distract me. He is so smart. He even knew to ask, "Virginia, are you tired? Because you told me you get irritable when you are tired." This instantly diffused me, because as usual, he was right. (I hate that.) Then he used the most brilliant strategy of all: He made me laugh. Among other jokes, he decreed that his car was a Drama-free Zone and therefore, I was not allowed to cry in it. Dang! I was now giggling too much to cry. Then I apologized for being a butthead and he apologized (again) and reassured me that he is crazy about me and didn't mean anything by it. He said that next time, he's just going to say, "Alright! That's it! Naptime for you, missy!" This is probably a good idea.

So this week, we both learned how to deal with each other when we are in bad moods. Whew! It was rough, but we made it. We definitely flexed our communication muscles!

He took me home so I could nap and he spent some much-needed bonding time with his roommate, Golf Guy. (GG is having girl problems and so they needed to have a drink together. Awww...guy bonding is so cute.) We called a bunch of our friends to go out with us that night, but in the end, everyone bailed except Big Poppa. (I dubbed it "Ditch Night".) The three of us had a good time anyway! But since we were all tired, we were asleep before 2:00am.

Sunday morning, I somehow managed to get up for church. I realize that lightning will indeed strike me one day for the lifestyle I lead, but it feels good to go sometimes. It helps me stay grounded and it keeps my life in perspective. Seeing as how I was yet again going on 6 hours of sleep, I was now exhausted to the point that I didn't feel good. Watching basketball and eating pizza at Repo's stinky house didn't help. But after a nap I felt better. Then I left to eat dinner with K, hit the grocery store, clean up around the apartment and bake a cake for a coworker's birthday. I hit the pillow just before midnight. Yeesh.

I have been dreading today at work for a while now. I had to create a presentation (which I totally procrastinated on), knowing that no one would show up to see it because no one ever shows up to these presentations we have to make periodically. (Would you go to a library presentation? Didn't think so.) I have been worried that my boss will want to know how many people attended, which is stupid because it's not like she's expecting droves of people to show up in the first place. But I'm quite the over-achiever kind of person, so I feel like a failure/slacker right now. Oh well. At least it's over. But last night I was freaking. I felt insomnia coming on as I was brushing my teeth.

As I was going to bed, I leaned on my hand to reach and grab my alarm clock so I could set the alarm. (It's hard to explain without seeing it, but I have to sit up in bed to reach my nightstand.) When I did this, my hand slipped and all of my weight slammed into the corner of the wall next to my bed--head first. It hurt. (It also looked really funny, I bet. But as usual, no one was around to see me do something hilarious.) I have a nice mark on my noggin from the corner and it's pretty swollen. I was afraid to fall asleep after that because I worried that I would pass out and die from a brain hemorrhage. I kept imagining the newspaper headlines: Woman, 27, found in bed, dead. Cause unknown. Awaiting autopsy reports. I worried about K finding me and freaking out that her roommate was dead for no apparent reason. I kept trying to remember details from the day just to reassure myself that I had no memory loss. So, between the paranoia of having a possible concussion and stressing about my potential half-baked presentation, I didn't sleep much last night. I even had a nightmare--one where you are caught unprepared for something and you are looking around and cannot find whatever it is you are looking for.

I almost called in sick to work since my head is killing me, but Advil is helping tremendously. Since it hurt so badly, I am paranoid that I have a walking concussion of sorts. I have a headache and nausea. According to what I've read, since I didn't pass out and I don't have any memory loss, I am fine. But it still hurts. I can't believe what a klutz I am!

Needless to say, I'm going to bed early tonight.