Thursday 13

Thirteen Reasons I'm Going to Hell

1. I honked at a little old man yesterday. Twice. Because he wouldn't turn right on red. I freaking hate old people.

2. I was slightly rude to the door-to-door financial planner that interrupted my watching of the Tyra Banks episode of Driven this morning. Why don't they hear me when I say, "Thanks, but I already have a 401(k)."? Don't they realize that if I were interested in their services, I probably would have contacted them myself?

3. I cuss. A lot. Constantly. If I'm not saying it out loud, I'm saying it in my head. And I never really make any attempt at cleaning up my act. Because I don't really care.

4. When I was six, I was in line at the grocery store. I wanted The Czarina to buy me this lollipop that doubled as a whistle, because I thought it was the coolest thing ever. She wouldn't get it for me, and I pitched a fit. So when she wasn't looking, I stole two of them--a grape one and a red one (strawberry, I think). When we got home, I hid under her bed and ate them as fast as I could so I wouldn't get busted. But you see, I'm stupid because the whole reason I wanted the lollipop was because it was a whistle. And since I was in hiding, I couldn't test out the whistle feature. Dumbass.

I have never told anyone that story before in my whole life!

5. I had this really annoying German teacher in high school. She used to talk to us like we were kindergarteners. So irritating. Anyway, she was kind of stupid about answer keys, and she would always leave them laying around. So we used to run up to the front of the room whenever she'd leave, and copy down all the answers. I cheated on several quizzes. [Note in my defense: I would have aced the quizzes anyway. I was a German whiz. I cheated because I wanted to get back at her for being so annoying. Which was dumb, because I really should have been cheating on my math quizzes, which I flunked repeatedly.]

6. Ok, this one is really hard to admit. And again, I've never told anyone this story before. I really am going to hell for this one, you guys. I've had more guilt over this than anything else I've ever done. When I was in high school, I was dating this guy. For Christmas, he got me two little birds. At the time, I loved them. But once he and I broke up, their constant chirping began to grate on my nerves. They were feathered reminders of a failed relationship. So I sorta.....kinda..."forgot" to feed them. You have no idea how terrible I feel about this to this day. That was just w-r-o-n-g. Feel free to beat my ass over this one.

7. I know all the lyrics to Li'l Kim's Hard Core album. Her lyrics would make a porn star blush. I sing the songs at the top of my lungs because I love them. When it comes to lyrics, the dirtier the better in my book.

8. I haven't been to church in......shit, a long ass time.

9. I cheated on this guy once. The Big Ex. I've talked about him a few times. He lives in Florida. Well...I kinda cheated. We hadn't officially had "The Talk" where you decide if you're going to be exclusive or not. So technically, I was still a free agent when my cute neighbor came along and hit on me. I was kind of annoyed at Big Ex for dragging his feet in the relationship, so in a way, I was getting back at him. (I'm noticing a revenge theme in this post...scary...) But he was really, really hurt when he found out. I learned a very important lesson: Communication is the key that makes relationships work. Also, guys have feelings, too. I was out of line, big time. I will never, ever do that again. It was a mess. I still feel terrible about that.

10. Did I mention that when he confronted me about it, I lied to him? Yeah, because what I did wasn't bad enough. I had to add lying to it. Not one of my proudest moments. Especially because I'm a terrible liar. I don't think I've lied to anyone since, actually.

11. When I was in college, I went to a party and met this really cute guy. Then I found out one of my friends, MD, liked him, too. So I never flirted with the guy. (I go by a policy of "dibs" when it comes to my friends and guys. He was off-limits in my book.) Then, I ran into him at a party. I was with a mutual friend and we went over to say hi to him. He asked where MD was, and my friend said, "Oh, you know MD! She's on a date with some guy." I thought that was kinda sudden, because MD was pretty crazy about this guy. But I had no reason not to believe what she said. So, I figured, the guy was fair game and I ended up hooking up with him that night. It was only after the fact that I learned my friend was kidding about what she said and MD was actually crazy about the guy...and she heard through the grapevine what I had done. Oops. She was pretty pissed at me.

12. When I was in high school, my family used to vacation every summer at The Outer Banks of North Carolina. We loved Duck. I highly recommend this as a family vacation spot. Anyway, one year I met this guy who was a good 7-8 years older than me. He was really hot. He was in college. He was every 14 year old girl's dream. I stayed out with him, making out all night long and didn't come home until 5am. My parents had no idea where I was and they were completely freaking out. They were about to call the cops! Those hickeys I had on my neck didn't help, either...I was grounded for a loooooong time for that one. I can't believe I did that to my wonderful, loving parents. I'm such an asshole!

13. Ok, I'm sure there's something that should go here. I just can't think of it right now.

So, anyone joining me in the land of fire and brimstone? Why are you going to hell?

Leftovers

Ok, so I am really surprised that my neurotic thoughts about loofahs would inspire such a popular post. Y'all are as crazy as I am. When I was home for Thanksgiving, I asked The Czarina what to do about it. Her recommendation? Soak it in rubbing alcohol for a few minutes before using it. Oh. Right. That would totally work. No risk of melting.

So that will be my solution for now. Apparently, I need to share more of my craziness with y'all. You eat it up. On that note, I have some unanswered questions from my "Ask Me Anything" post. Here goes.

rwa wants to know why I claim to have poor taste in music. I guess I say that because everyone tells me I do. I listen to a lot of rap and hip-hop. It constitutes about 70% of my CD collection. To some people, that is bad music. But I like it. I don't really care that they don't play instruments (like Fat Dog argues) or that they aren't actually singing. If it has a good beat and is fun to dance/sing to, I'll like it. I also listen to alternative rock, Motown, bluegrass, 80s, Big Band, Sinatra, Billie Holliday and Classic Rock. So I'm somewhat all over the map. I just lean a little.

Stephanie wants to know who would play me in a movie. I'm going to have to go with Renee Zellweger. I really like her and I think she's a good actress. She looks enough like me that I think it would work. If she's not available, I'm going to have to go with Reese Witherspoon. She's Type-A and seems smart and sassy to me. I like that. I can identify with that. Some people would disagree with both of these choices and say that Jewel needs to play me, because to a lot of people, I look like her. I don't see it all that much, but whatever.

Petra wants to know why I don't like socks. Maybe it's because I have freakishly long toes? I don't know. It really doesn't make sense because my feet are always cold. You'd think I'd be #1 fan of socks. But they feel...constricting. And if my feet get hot, then they really bug me. That's worse than cold feet. So wearing them to bed is just...ew. My feet like to be free, I guess. I'd wear flip-flops every day if I could. Sometimes, if I am truly freezing my ass off, I will wear them.

I am kind of surprised at the lack of nosiness, guys. I thought for sure someone would ask something juicy. But socks? And recipes? Wow, you let me off easy.

Ok, time for a shout-out to The Dummy and Modigli!!! They sent me a gift certificate as a house-warming gift. How freakin' cool are they??? I am not fishing for presents, y'all. Just wanted to give them a big thanks here on ye olde blog. They are too sweet.

Of course, if you are just dying to send me something, you can email me at...

Kidding.

Isn't that the coolest thing about blogs? You meet people you never meet in real life (well, ok, usually you never meet them) and they become friends, acquaintances, people you can confide in. I love it. It really is a supporting environment. I love you guys. *gush*

Topic change before I barf. My camera isn't here yet. I'm getting antsy. I will take lots of pics for y'all when it gets here. Hopefully, my house will be a little more squared away before it gets here. Wanna see what I've bought so far? Of course you do.

This will serve as a bedside table/file cabinet. Gotta love double-duty furniture you can grab from your local Hell-Mart. I didn't get this color, though. I got a dark wood finish, and for a much better price. For some reason it's not on their website. Anyway, I will be putting it together tonight, and probably cussing the whole time.

In my hometown is this super duper cute store. It is full of adorable things for your home. The Czarina, Aunt Awesome and I went there over the holiday. I got a mirror that looks like this one. It will go in my bedroom. I heart it.


Czarina bought me a decorative storage box. It looks a lot like these.



She got me a rug for my living room, which matches my pale blue and chocolate brown colors. There is no way to describe it, so you'll just have to wait for my camera to arrive. She also got me some fabric for a bedskirt she will make me. Again, you'll have to wait for my camera for pics. Czarina is awesome. And I got all my Christmas presents early! Woo-hoo!

After shopping, I got to dig around in the barn. At my mom's house, all the extra furniture and junk is stored in this barn she and WLF built. (We have a lot of extra furniture, it's a long story.) I found: another bedside table, a big, copper ham cooker which I will use as a planter on my porch, a large framed print to put above my couch, a set of decorative dishes to use for company, and my grandmother's old suitcase. I guess it's the one she took on her honeymoon, so it has sentimental value. I think I will store linens in it or something. Maybe I'll just let it be decorative...?

This is what the copper ham cooker looks like:

And the suitcase looks just like this one:


I'll have to take pictures of everything so you can really see it all. But first, I have to hang pictures and clean up the mess! My next major task is to install some of these over a desk:



Then I put down some shelves and voila! The end of all my office clutter. I still need a desk, though...oh well. I guess I'll get there eventually, right?

I have to buy Christmas presents first. Fungus is graduating college in a couple of weeks. So he gets two presents. You know that person in your family who is impossible to shop for? That's Fungus. Now I am doubly stumped. I have to come up with two genius gifts. Any ideas for a good graduation present/Christmas present? He's 23 and is going to D.C. for an internship right when he graduates. Czarina is getting him "real job" clothes. She recommended getting him a tie. Gee, how exciting. I am thinking some kind of guide to D.C.-- for the budget-conscious. Kinda like this. But that still leaves me one present short...

Cute Neighbor update: You know I have a friendly cute neigbor, right? I think I mentioned it. Anyway, I am thinking he might be off the market. Some girl (with a baby) came over to his house last night for dinner. She (and I am assuming the baby as well) left around 11pm. When I got up this morning, the Friendly Cute Neighbor's car was gone, too. Did he spend the night at her house? Could it be a baby mama? Or an ex? A fiancee who lives out of town and therefore cannot come over a lot? A single-mom girlfriend who works a lot? I am going to go with: It's his sister. It's possible, right? Maybe he had to go into work really, really early....ok. Maybe not. Maybe he has cute friends....dammit. In any case, she doesn't live there, so they can't be that close.

Ok, I have to go to lunch now. Hope everyone had wonderful Thanksgivings! I know I did. Anything concerning pumpkin pie and green bean casserole is good with me! I love Aunt Awesome. It was so good to see her. She brought all these yummy snacks and told us about her new, unique job working for this organization. Other than shopping and talking and lots of Trivial Pursuit, we all just ate and ate. So I had a great trip.

Am I a Freak?

I know you are all saying "yeah" or "duh" or "yeah you are, you nasty girl! I know you like it like that!" right now. Ha ha. Very funny. But while I'm waiting for your *ahem* questions (see last post if you don't know what I'm talking about), I will give you a glimpse into how weird I am.

I have a dilemma. And I'm worried that no one else in the universe worries about this. Hence the freakdom paranoia.

You know those bath sponge thingies? The ones you use for shower gel? The ones like this:


Well, you see, I am kind of a germ-o-phobe. My roommate would beg to differ, but really, in some ways, I am. And I have problems with the delivery system of shower loofahs in this country. They probably come in some big cardboard box, and are loaded into bins by the (what I imagine to be) dirty, dirty hands of the Big Box Store workers**. Not that I don't appreciate what they do. I do. But what do shoppers such as yourself do? You dig through the bin, grab the loofah that comes in your favorite color (which may or may not have been rolling around on the floor a few hours ago), put it somewhere in one of those grocery carts (you know, the ones that haven't been cleaned since you were in 3rd grade and are now covered in 17.6 billion germs, some of which came from the poopy diapers of toddlers). Then, it gets handled again by the cashier (who has been handling money all day and probably doesn't wash her hands very often**) after rolling on down the leaky-milk and bloody-ground-beef juice encrusted conveyer belt to her scanner. It is scanned and then put into a plastic bag. Then, you take it home and stick it in your shower so you can wash up with it the next morning, right?

Please tell me you don't. Because I'm getting grossed out just typing that paragraph. Please tell me you have some kind of ingenious method of avoiding all those germs. Do you sterilize your loofah?

My strategy (up until yesterday) was to go to Bed, Bath and Beyond because they sold their loofahs in enclosed packages. No one touched my loofahs other than me. Nothing disgusting leaked onto them because they were encased in a protective plastic tube of sterile joy. It made bathtime oh so fun. I could relax knowing that the only germs on my sponge were my own.

But yesterday my happy little germ-free world came crashing to the ground. BB&B has now joined the ranks of the other Big Box Stores, and now only sells the loofahs individually, out loose in the open. Like wild animals, they roam free. They are Free Range Loofahs. Free to be drooled on by grabbing toddlers when Mommy isn't looking*, free to be kicked under a shelving unit only to be found months later with dust bunnies all over it, free to be crawled on by any number of large hairy insects, free to fall on the floor, free to be handled by any number of strangers who have just picked their noses. Ugh.

So I didn't buy one yesterday, obviously. I was too grossed out. I will just use my current stranger-germ-free loofah until it falls apart. Then I will go back to washcloths. This is the only solution I've come up with.

Does anyone else think about this stuff? Or am I nuts? Can I sterilize the Free Range Loofahs somehow? Anyone know of a place where I can get un-germy loofahs?

Don't even get me started on the shampoo/conditioner/shaving cream bottles. I wipe them down with disinfectant spray when I get home. THEN I put them in the shower. Think about how many germs those things must have come into contact with. Think about it, folks. Gah, it keeps me up at night.

Somewhere, there is a treatment center for people like me....

** I am not implying anything about Big Box Store workers. I'm sure most of them lead normal and generally sanitary lifestyles and wash their hands all the time. It's just that I've never actually witnessed any of them doing anything I would describe as "sanitary behavior". I mean, come on, have you ever gotten to the front of the check-out line, only to hear the cashier say, "You know what? My hands are covered in any number of disgusting germs that may make you sick. I'm going to run to the sparkling clean public bathroom we have here at our store real quick so I can thoroughly wash my hands in hot, soapy water before I touch your stuff. K?"

* I am not implying anything about mothers in general, just the ones who aren't watching when Little Timmy grabs stuff and starts putting it into his mouth. Those Moms put the loofah right back where Timmy got it, covered in drool. Ew. I am not implying that these moms are bad mothers, just that they don't understand my germ-o-phobe mentality. Which is fine. I guess it's hard to stay germophobic when you're a mom. I'll understand one day, probably. But that day is not today.

Ok, back to waiting for your nosy questions...*taps foot impatiently*

A Big Yawn

To the bloggers whose blogs I read: I have been trying to read your blogs this weekend, but my computer is on the floor right now, which makes reading and typing very uncomfortable. Lying on my stomach gives me a headache and leaning on my elbows to type gives me rug burn on my elbows. (Do you see the sacrifices I make? Now that is love, people!) I will hopefully be getting an actual desk sometime soon. Then I will be doing a lot more blog reading from home.

The good news is, this week will be dead at work, so I will be doing a LOT of reading! Yay! So for Anne, Sam, Mo, Ster, Stephanie, Sassafras, NML, Vixen and anyone else I've forgotten--coming soon to a blog near you: my comments!

Guess what I bought? This. Woo-hoo! Can't wait until it gets here for the holidays. And I got a good deal on it-- $180 + shipping. This means I will have WAY more pics on my blog, too.

I did absolutely nothing this weekend. Yeah, I am officially boring. I didn't go out, I didn't see anyone other than my dog and my roommate. How exciting. I guess that's the end of my blog, right? Kidding. I have lots more bitching and craziness to share.

I haven't even told you the story of The Time My Brother Was Green yet.

Or the story of My Valentine's Day Revenge.

Or My Smallest Small-World Moment Ever.

Or about the other ex who found me on myspace.

Or The Craziest College Night I Ever Had.

See? I have so much more to share.

Unfortunately, that day is not today. It's too hard to type like this. Sorry, folks.

Wait, let me back up. One thing happened this weekend. My roommate did call me at 2am Saturday night to ask me to come and pick her up. It seems she was out with some buddies and they decided to take the truck they were riding in and do doughnuts in the parking lot of a car dealership. Because that's what mature 25 year-olds (and 31 year-olds) do, right? I guess that when they did this one doughnut, they hit the curb and managed to blow out the tire. And the spare had some kind of a lock on it. The owner didn't have the key with him, so they couldn't put the spare on. So I got to pick him, his buddy and my roommate up at 2am. The guys crashed on our couch and figured out what to do in the morning.

I really didn't mind picking them up all that much, because they were so embarrassed that it was just funny by the time I got there. They were really proud of themselves this morning, let me tell ya! I will be able to tease them for weeks about this. Of course, they were pretty hung over as well.

Aside from that, I shopped all weekend for house stuff. You know how it is when you move--things that stored fine at the old place suddenly have nowhere to go at the new place, so you have to get organizationally creative. So I wasn't buying very fun things. I actually spent Saturday night putting together a bathroom storage cabinet.

Ok, I have to stop right here, because this is the most boring post I think I've ever written EVER. To make it more interesting, how about this:

Go ahead. Ask me anything. This is your chance to ask me whatever--that little thing that you've wondered about me. This is your chance to ask. Think of it as a big "thank you!" for reading my blog. Now you get to be nosy. I love it when other bloggers do this, so I know you do, too. Oh, and before you ask, no, I won't put up a pic of what I look like. You'll just have to imagine that I look like...Charlize Theron. Or something.

Note: I reserve the right to ignore sick, perverted or otherwise inappropriate questions. Especially if they come from anonymous readers. Questions from lurkers are especially welcome, as I have no idea what y'all are thinking because you never comment! (Which is fine, btw! I'm just curious...)

Can't think of a question? Here are some ideas to get you started. I have a huge, eccentric family. I love to travel. I am boy crazy. I dislike socks. I am obsessed with my dog--so much that I ordered some address return labels with his picture on them.( Oh yes, I am that girl.) I have bad taste in music. I work in a library. I fear crickets. Uh...ok, that's all I've got right now.

Let the questions begin...go on. Ask. You know you want to. I'll try and answer them before I leave for Thanksgiving on Tuesday afternoon.

Cake Class Girl & The General

I posted a (late) Thursday 13 below, btw. Go read it. I'll wait....

So after our last cake decorating class, four of us went to grab some Mexican food. We had all sat near each other in class, so we had bummed powdered sugar and borrowed icing tips from each other. We gossiped and chatted each week while we frosted our cakes. We had complimented each others' cakes and laughed with each other when our icing clowns melted or when our roses withered. They were really nice, and they are one of the main reasons why I really had fun in the class.

We had fun talking and eating over Mexican, too. The adorable girl from my cake class (I'll call her Cake Class Girl) and I exchanged numbers, so we will hang out soon. Yay! Did I tell you that she's actually a professionally trained chef? As in, graduated from culinary school? Yeah. That is so cool. She is so nice. One of those incredibly nice people. There should be more people like that in the world.

I only have one hesitation: I think she may be a Bible-beater. Which is fine. I just hope she isn't one of the ones who cannot talk about anything else. Because that gets old. Don't get me wrong-- I go to church sometimes. I believe in God and Jesus. I pray, and I try to lead a Christian lifestyle. I'm not very good at it.....and this girl makes me feel like lightning will strike me at any minute....so we will see. She may have just come off like that because we did talk about what church we all go to as we were eating. It could have just been a conversation tangent.

I probably just pissed off some people just now....but oh well. It was bound to happen one day.

Oh. Before I forget. In the past few weeks, I have received news that two of my friends have gotten engaged. One is part of my group of friends I like to call "The Nurses", although, like me, she isn't a nurse. This is her 4th engagement. She has been dating the guy for a whopping 6 weeks. Place your bets now....I'm so mean, aren't I? I think she's a nice person. I really do. But the girl has some issues for your tissues. (I should start calling her that, actually!) She is beautiful, I will say that. She's definitely the prettiest one of all of us. It's really not very surprising that she's had 4 different rings on her hand. But she is apparently a runaway bride! And just between you and me, her fiancee gives me the creeps. He's just a little too friendly with her girlfriends, if you ask me....

What is with me today? I'm being a bitch.

Anyway, the other person is Kermit, the German Nurse's brother. He's getting married to a very pretty girl. I've met her once. She seems ok. I wasn't blown away by her or anything, but then again, I don't really know her. He seems happy and excited, so that's what matters. They are getting married around April.

Now for my story.

Time: Fall 1999 (?) -- I think...
Place: Indian University, Bloomington, IN
Note: This story took place before I became the sports fan I am today.

I was either a sophomore or junior in college. A few weeks previously, my sorority had gone to a nearby school to party with a fraternity for the weekend. Being sorority girls, we had tshirts made. We called the event Shack Attack. The back of the tshirt read: "I shacked with ______ " and you were supposed to fill in the name of some guy/girl, I guess. Of course, no one wanted to actually put a name there, so everyone left it blank.

Except me.

You see, I had no game, even then, and I ended up falling asleep, alone, on the couch in the front hall. In the morning, I was awakened by something warm and soft...and slobbery. It was the house dog, and he was licking my face. Yuck. I got up and asked one of the brothers what the dog's name was. He replied, "The General."

As a joke, I put that down as the person I "shacked" with. So the back of my t-shirt said, "I shacked with The General."

Flash forward 6 months. I am with some girlfriends and we make a late-night run to Denny's as an exam week study break. I'm wearing the t-shirt. I am sitting with my back to an empty table. As we are dining, a group of guys comes in and sits down at that table.

I was enjoying my meal, when I realized the guys were snickering at us. It kept getting louder and they seriously would not knock it off! Annoyed, I asked my girlfriend, "What is their problem?" and she replied, "VB, that's the entire Indiana men's basketball team. And your shirt says you shacked up with their coach."

"Oh."

Thursday 13

Thirteen Things I'm Happy About Right Now

1. I get to go home and see my family next week. I'm very homesick. And ready for my fam's delicious, homemade traditional meal. My fave? Greenbean casserole. Fat Dog and I fight over it every year.

2. While I am there, I get to see my Aunt Awesome (as opposed to my super-cool, yet frigid Aunt European). I heart her. She embodies all the warmth, silliness and laid-back attitude that Czarina lacks. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but sometimes she can be very....German.

3. Czarina is taking me furniture shopping, too. Woo-hoo! (I think she specifically used the word "rug" in our discussion. This is good.)

4. My dishwasher works now. Hooray for men who can fix stuff! Sometimes, a little plumber's crack is worth it. (Seriously, the plumber did indeed have plumber's crack.)

5. My cracked shower wall will also be fixed soon, and they don't have to take the tub unit out. The repair will take 5 minutes.

6. None of these repairs is costing me a dime.

7. I found a kick-ASS consignment store this week. I got a pair of Gap jeans, a virtually new pair of Ann Taylor Loft pants, a sweater from NY & Co. and a gorgeous, 3/4 sleeve tweed jacket from Arden B. for ....(drumroll, please)...$92. I love consignment shopping...

8. We have this awesome radio station here in town. It's called Steve-FM. It is the best. Check out what I was jamming to on the way to work yesterday:
White Wedding -- Billy Idol
Don't Stop til You Get Enough -- Michael Jackson
(This One Goes Out) To the One I Love -- R.E.M.
What You're Thinking -- Information Society*

Anyway, they don't have DJs, which I love, because talk radio annoys me. So it's just music and commercial breaks. They play....well, really whatever. If you want to listen to it on the Internet, go to their website. Try it. Maybe you'll like it.

9. Sammy has started sleeping up by my face as opposed to down by my feet. I can only take this as a sign of increased affection on his part.

10. I got my Christmas bonus check today!!! And it was very nice!!!! YESSSSS!!!

11. IU Basketball season has started!!!!

12. I think I have lost a teeny-tiny bit of weight.

13. I leave for Indianapolis in exactly one month.

* I provide a link to the lyrics in case you don't know what song I'm talking about. You'll recognize the "pure energy" echo in the background!

VB's 1st B-Day

Yay! Happy 1st Birthday to my blog! It was actually last Saturday, but I have been busy with moving and stuff. So to those of you who have been with me for a year (um...I think that is Dating Dummy...and that's about it!) I will say "thank you!" and to those of you who are newer readers, I say "thank you and welcome." But no matter if you just discovered me last week or last year, I am always surprised and glad to see that random people I (usually) don't even know come here, read and are interested enough to leave comments. I am feeling the love.

Let's see...where was I a year ago? What has changed now? I have a dog, a house, some new friends, some cake decorating skillz (see photo above*), some bad dates under my belt, another ex-boyfriend, a new driver's license and loads more life experience. I have learned a lot in the last year, and I hope you have enjoyed going along with me. I am grateful to have readers, and I have loved your comments and blogs, too.

Ok, enough cheesiness. How about a shot of my gorgeous basket-weaving skillz?

Check that out. I know you are hungry now, especially knowing that lurking beneath that white frosting is a deliciously moist chocolate cake. Yummm....

Looking at that now, I see that I have to work on my basketweave...but I digress...

I'm in a much better mood today. Thank you everyone for your kind and supportive comments. It's not like I feel I don't have any friends. Good grief, I never met a stranger in my life. I love my friends. I have just been feeling that need to have someone to lean on and vent to. Someone to help me do stuff. (And please, MJ & Stuckey, please don't think I am not grateful for all you do! You guys are a big help!) I am just ready for someone to share my life with--and I don't necessarily mean in a marriage-related way. I'm just tired of doing everything by myself! If I had a super-best girlfriend, I would have what I need. (Of course, a super-best boyfriend would also fit the bill, but they don't exactly fall from the sky, you know. Friends are a lot easier to find.)

I think I'm just bummed because I miss Lady Starfish very, very much. And I'm starting to get worried about her. I'm also really homesick. I think that all this, combined with the stress of moving has left me feeling kind of tired and sad.

It may have played a role in the fact that I called in sick yesterday. I felt like crap-- migraine and an upset tummy. Blech. The hardest part was laying on my couch, looking around at all the stuff I needed to do, and not feeling well enough to do it! Argh. I hate it when I'm not productive.

Instead, I watched an Indiana University basketball game I had recorded (thanks, DVR!). We beat Lafayette, but then last night we lost to Butler University, which, if you are from the Indy area, is kind of an insult. But it's a building year. We have a new coach, so it should be an exciting season, at the very least. Like The General, he has already managed to stir up some controversy. Maybe it's a school tradition!

Speaking of The General, did you hear about his latest controversy? You can read about it here.

I did get some good news today: At my closing, they overcharged me on my homeowner's insurance, so I am owed $85! Woo-hoo! The other good news is that the builder is coming over tomorrow to talk to me about replacing my cracked shower wall and my dishwasher. I tried to wash some dishes, but no water is coming out. (And before you ask, yes, I turned the valve under the sink.)

I had some more stuff to tell you...but I'm kinda tired now from cleaning up the old apartment. It will have to wait until tomorrow. I can't remember right now. Oh, I know. It was about the girl in my cake decorating class. I guess you'll just have to deal with some suspense today, folks.

Remind me to tell you the funny story about The General and a late-night run to Denny's.

*I have to admit, I did not make the roses. I suck at roses. So another girl in my class made them for me because she is awesome like that.

Me Against the World?

I've been feeling really lonely lately. I am not dating anyone. My best friend is MIA. My family is far away and busy with their own lives. My roommate and I aren't as close as we used to be. The same can be said for some other friends I have. My other friends are too busy, not very close to me or too "new" for me to burden them with my problems.

There are few people in your life you can call and whine to about being lonely! Especially when your mother has no sympathy for you. Because otherwise, she'd be first on my list. Normally, I can vent to her about anything. But she has no sympathy for the woe-is-me attitude. She'd just tell me to suck it up, quit whining and start making plans with my friends. I can hear her now: "The only cure for loneliness is to be around people." Which is right, but not what I want to hear right now. Besides, she's up to her eyeballs in work right now, so she wouldn't even have time to say that.

I'm not trying to whine or feel sorry for myself. Ok, maybe I am a little. But I was thinking about it this past weekend. After college, it's really hard to make friends. It's hard to meet people you really like and even harder to have prime bonding opportunities with them. It's easy in college--everyone you meet is close to your age, has a lot of the same goals, lives in the same town and there are umpteen chances to hang out: parties, study sessions, late-night food runs etc. Now, everyone gets married, has babies or moves away (that would be yours truly--not that I regret leaving Indy). It's hard to keep in touch without being in the same town or having similar day-to-day experiences. People grow apart. Which is fine-- it happens. I have tried to distance myself a few times, so it goes both ways. In any case, my circle of friends has shrunk these past few years. Not that I don't have friends. I have lots of friends. I think what is really missing right now is a best girlfriend. I am craving that close friendship intimacy which can only happen between two girls. (No, not like that, sicko!) A girl I talk to every day, who knows all my friends, who knows my day-to-day life, who hangs out with me on the weekends.

You'd think this would be a problem for someone who just moved to a new town, not someone who's lived here for 4 years!

Now that I'm on my own, it's really starting to hit me with how hard it can be to make new friends. I don't want to come off as over-eager, desperate or geeky. Although, secretly, when I meet someone I like, I could spend every day with them and never tire of it! So I usually hold back. And wait for it to develop naturally. It's hard, though, because as I get older, I find fewer and fewer people I actually like enough to talk to every day. So it's really exciting when it does happen!

So what is a good way to make a new friend? I don't want them to think I'm hitting on them or something-- "Wanna go out to dinner sometime?" can sound funny if not in the proper context. Ugh. Normally, I just hold my breath, bring up the idea of happy hour drinks and hope for the best. That's what I did with MJ. It worked out very well.

I don't know why I've been so self-conscious about it lately. I'm a pretty friendly and outgoing person. Most people I know like me. I think that maybe it's because of all this stress I've been under (hello, stomach cramps!) and I don't have much of a support network right now. Lady Starfish has gone completely AWOL on me. I haven't heard from her in weeks. Maybe she needs a break from all my venting! If so, I guess I can understand. Actually, I'm starting to get worried about her...but that's a different post. In any case, she has left big shoes to fill and a big black hole in my support network. I miss her!!!

Sometimes, I chicken out when it comes to making new friends. It can almost be as nerve-wracking as a date, really. (This must be how guys feel!) Tonight is the last session in my cake-decorating class. And there is a girl in there. I adore her. She is so sweet and always lets me bum powdered sugar from her. I think she is really cool. But I keep chickening out. I don't know what's wrong with me. I guess since the class gets out at 9pm, that's kind of late to be going out afterwards. But I think some of us are going out after class tonight, so maybe I can make plans to do something with her this weekend. [Ugh, this really must be how guys feel. Only I bet it's worse for them.]

I think that it just really hit me this weekend, as I was moving all of my personal belongings (minus my furniture) by myself. Alone. All weekend. By last night, I was exhausted, starving and stressed out about a lot of things. All I wanted was someone to talk to and someone to have made me dinner. That would have been the best thing ever! Last night, I was tired of doing everything all on my own and having no one to talk to, bond with or lean on. I had no help. Besides Sammy, I felt totally alone. And the people I could have called aren't close enough to me yet for me to randomly ring them up and spill my guts to. They'd be annoyed, and then I'd be minus another friend! Who wants whiners in their life?

I think what I really want is a best friend. A girl I can count on, who will listen to me when I'm upset or pissed off or who will come over when I need someone. Who I can share secrets with and who can get excited for me about stuff. I will do the same for her. I have a very high listening tolerance for venting! Who needs dates? I want a best friend! Priorities, you know? Dating isn't any fun if you don't have someone to share the date reviews with!

How did you meet your best friend? Have you been best friends since you were 4 or 24? Have you had a hard time meeting friends as a young adult? Do you think having a best friend is essential, or can you live without it? I truly feel the need to have that one person with whom you are extremely close. Has anyone else found this to be true? Or am I a freak/loser who can't form deep and lasting friendships with other women? Am I the only one who feels lonely and needs a best friend in their life?

Then again, I'm kind of hormonal right now, so this could all be tied in with that! I tend to feel very sorry for myself during certain...times. Watch, tomorrow I'll be writing, "Please ignore my post from yesterday! It was the estrogen talking!"

Ugh, I almost don't want to hit the "Publish" button. I hate it when I'm like this.

Random Friday

I'm going to pass on doing a Fun Friday post this week, and instead substitute a random report of interesting/strange things that have happened to me this week.

List #1-- Strange Spam Email Titles

1. nodding cap owlet moth
2. moubata bug oleo strut
3. do candy an candy
4. he cellular it cellular
5. nettling cell mutation stop
6. nimble jointed non-Saxon (this one made me laugh out loud)
7. faith belle and friend play with lotion (woo-hoo, sounds like a good time, right?)*

*this one was received on the communal work e-mail, so I think it's just a coincidence that it uses the word "belle".

List #2 --Strange Spam Email Sender Names

1. Denver Sheets
2. Jodie Ouellette (...and that is pronounced...???)
3. Octavio Hollingsworth
4. Valintin Myles
5. Squirrel Wetly (I am not making that up--it sounds like a Beatrix Potter character)
6. Robin July

Where was it that I read how someone wants to name their kids after the spam email names? How funny would that be?! At work, we were discussing these strange names the other day. We all agree: it's not that the names are impossible, but they are highly unlikely, and that is what makes them weird.

Have you gotten any interestingly strange spam emails this week? Please share, these things crack me up.

List #3 -- Paper Topics I've Heard this Week (I helped people find sources on these)

1. Coke vs. Pepsi survey results
2. Gambling in the horse racing industry
3. SC state court procedures (yeah, I wasn't much help on that one..)
4. The Evil Eye
5. Music as therapy
6. binge drinking on college campuses
7. father-daughter relationships
8. Philadelphia
9. Careers in optometry

We've been insanely busy this week, so most of these were back-to-back, which is kind of fun, because you can feel your brain stretching--going from gambling to optometry is one heck of a gear shift! So, that is a little glimpse into what it's like to be a librarian--you never know what people are going to ask you about.

Last Friday was kind of random, too. Let me tell you what happened:
1. I was at Outback with K, KT and MJ. My phone rang, but I didn't recognize the number. I answered anyway. How about it was a guy with whom I had exchanged a few emails with months and months ago, back when I was on Match.com? And to boot, it was a drunk dial. At 8:30pm. Who is drunk by 8:30? And no matter how drunk you are, why on Earth would you drunk dial someone who doesn't even remember who the hell you are??? I must have given him my number at some point, but that has to be approaching a year ago! Luckily, he lives several hours away. Whew! Definitely don't miss my online dating days.

2. On the way home from Outback, K and I were in her car. As we crossed a bridge, someone coming the opposite direction threw something out their window and it landed on K's windshield! It made a really loud noise as some cup or bucket of liquid splattered all over the driver's side of the car. We screamed and almost crashed. Which would have sucked, because we were on a bridge. We couldn't tell what it was, but it was liquid and sort of milky...so of course, me being me, I began to make jokes about it being....well, you know. (In all honesty, I think it was an iced coffee or something of that nature.) This left us in stitches as we imagined some pervert saving his fluids in a bucket, only to chuck them out his car window at unsuspecting single girls. Then we kinda stopped laughing and thought about how disgusting that would be. Ew. And how weird it was. And so we made a beeline to the car wash to get it off the car ASAP. Luckily, K's car is fine. The weird part is, out of curiosity, we went back over the bridge, looking for an empty cup or a bucket which would explain the nature of the liquid. There was nothing. No cups, no splash marks, no liquid on the bridge at all. It was as if it had never even happened. This freaked me out. So much that I refused to go out--there was a full moon, and it just seemed the universe was out to get us.

3. Something else strange happened that night, but I can't remember what it was...maybe MJ can jog my memory. Call me back, MJ!

4. I had another blast from my past on Friday: another ex-boyfriend from college found me on myspace. I don't know why they are all hunting me down. It's kinda weird. Anyway, this guy is a redhead who is really into rock climbing. Now, he owns his own rock climbing gym in Indy. And he's divorced. (Which surprised me--he never struck me as the marrying type. Then again, maybe that's why he's divorced.) I told him we can get together for a drink when I'm up there next month.

One final random bit: The other night, I had a dream I was dating an NFL quarterback. (Sorry, I don't think my brain picked out a specific team. But it sure did pick out a great guy--he was fun and cute and nice!)

Has anything weird happened to you this week? Share your randomness with me!

Thursday 13: Home Edition

This is going to be somewhat disorganized, so bear with. I managed to find two matching socks today, which I believe is enough accomplishment for today, considering I am not done moving yet. This is just a quick run-down of some home related news....

1. My living room is a pale blue (which should look good with the chocolate-brown slip covers I'm going to buy) and my bedroom is a willowy green color. I am going for a fern theme in my bedroom. And that's as far as my decorating plans have gone...

2. I have nothing to eat at my house. Fast food is getting old. My appliances are all clean and new. I can't find my shoes. But it's all mine. So, I'm in this wonderfully disorganized, happily disheveled state. I wake up thinking, "Look! It's my room! In my house! That's my ceiling! I own that ceiling!" and then reality sets in: "Crap. Where did I put my.....?"

3. My closing was (as Teahouse described) surreal. You just sign on the dotted line. Over and over. And then some more. And some more. But who cares about that. My lawyer was hot. That made closing a LOT more exciting. And I asked him a LOT of questions. And he had the most gorgeous eyes. Yeah, my lawyer was hot. *sigh*

4. He knows my address and phone number. Just in case, you know.

5. We found a crack in K's shower. So the whole all-in-one shower/tub combo thingie is going to have to come out and be replaced. Soon....hopefully....

6. Sunday night, I got some help painting the living room. Thanks to MJ, her man and her roommate, most of my living room was painted lickety split. The pizzas I ordered for them don't seem adequate payment, really. It would have taken me much longer to paint that on my own. They should start a business together. They seriously rocked out with the painting.

7. Tuesday night, K's friend, who owns a very large trailer and thoughtfully offered to help us move, called us: "I know I said I'd be moving you guys on Saturday, but I can't. I have to do it tonight."

This conversation took place at 7:30pm. And we had to work the next day. Oh boy. Not being in the habit of turning down offers to move ones' belongings for free, we said, "Uh...ok!" Around 12:30 in the morning, we finally finished moving all the furniture and heavy stuff to the new house.

8. So all our little, daily living stuff was actually at the apartment still. Everything was bass-ackwards. All week, I have been sleeping and bathing at the new house, but going to my old apartment for food, mail, makeup and clothing. Needless to say, it's getting old! But we should be squared away by the end of the weekend.

9. Until then, I am enjoying my internet access (I can blog from home now!!) and my DVR. (Seriously, if you don't have it, you are missing out. I am so stoked to use it!)

10. My Hot Neighbor got to see me in my painting outfit: bandana over dirty hair, old sweatshirt, old t-shirt and old cut-off pajama bottoms, which I had just cut off myself while wearing them. Awesome. I looked like a pirate. Do you realize that in 10 months of being my neighbor, he hasn't seen me looking nice ONCE??? He always catches me when I'm looking my worst. It figures....

11. It's ok, because I have a hot NEW neighbor. Yup. Met him today. He's very friendly. And cute.

12. Our dirty laundry is reaching crisis. K and I are running out of clean clothes. Problem? The vent that runs from the dryer to the wall won't fit. This is because the wall opening is oval-shaped and the vent is round. I have learned that dryer vents only come in one shape: round. So the dryer is causing a cramp in our style at the moment. I think I have a solution...it involves duct tape.

13. I will never underestimate the importance of having a flat yard again. My lot is all uphill, which sounds nice in theory, but parking your car on an incline is not fun. My trunk won't stay open and the doors always close on me. I have some arm bruises to prove it. My backyard is another story--it's one long, wide, skinny slope. What am I going to do with it??? (Have I shown you pictures of my backyard? I should show you pics to illustrate what I'm saying.)

But I figure, if that's my only complaint, I'm doing pretty well! Ok, off to go home for the evening. Thanks to my DVR, I have a new episode of Nip/Tuck waiting for me...

Total Insanity

I'm having one of those weeks where it's really good that my head is screwed on tightly. Between last-minute mortgage panics, walk-throughs, a busy week at work, an argument with my roommate, Czarina nagging me about decorating my living room, Brunette's dad passing away and puzzling policies on establishing water service to my new house, it's been nuts.

Tomorrow is the big day. I will sign my life away and get keys to my first home.

This means I am freaking out. Will I be ok? Will I have enough money? What if I change my mind in two weeks and want to sell it? What if I don't like owning? What if K moves out and I have to pay the mortgage all on my own? What kinds of unforeseen expenses am I going to have to deal with? Who really is helping me paint this weekend? Does K's friend know how to set up our washer and dryer, or is he just saying that? Is he bringing another guy friend to help us? Will it be easier to take my time and move gradually over the next 2 weeks or should I just suck it up and move it all in one big trip next weekend? How much will it cost me to replace my closet shelving, which is horrid? How do I install the chicken wire which is needed to prevent Sammy from digging under the fence and running away? What if my paint colors look terrible? What if I totally screw up the painting? Seriously, how am I not going to be house poor????

Aaaagh.

OMG I need to get a grip. Someone slap me. I need to remind myself of Czarina's mantra during stressful times: If it was that hard, no one would do it. Right. I can do this. It's just going to be a little expensive and overwhelming for a bit. But I'll be ok. I always panic before big decisions. I keep telling myself: Remember the Tax Breaks!!!

Luckily, word on the street is, here at work we are getting a phatty Christmas bonus this month. Cross your fingers. Baby needs a new house.

The good news for my readers is this: I just called to set up my appointment for getting Internet installed. This means I will have more blog-reading time, as of Tuesday! YAY!!! Soon I will be all caught up. Plus, I can get back to my online gambling addiction, which is frowned upon at work. Kidding.

In other news...how about I watched all 6 hours of Stephen King's Rose Red by myself on Halloween night? Go me. It was pretty good. Not the best I've ever seen, but it keeps your interest. I'm having a hard time trying to figure out if it's based on a true story or not. It seems so real, and yet...

Really, I just needed a break to get my mind off of all this stress.

After running some errands in the morning and early afternoon tomorrow, I will go to my signing at 3pm. And possibly celebrating afterwards. Then, Saturday will be painting day. And I was going to paint on Sunday, too, but I have to go to Brunette's dad's funeral, which is an hour away.* Which is fine--she needs to be with her friends and family right now. I can finish painting on Tuesday (I'm off). And next week will be moving and probably more painting.

So please bear with all my insanity and craziness coming up in the next week or so. And wish me luck! Oh, before I forget. I posted my mega-delicious pumpkin bread recipe on Virginia Cooks. It's perfect for fall baking.

*He's been sick for a long, long time. It has been hard on her family, but I know they will get through it--they're tough. I'm driving to her hometown for the day with some other nursing buddies.

Happy Non-Oween!

Normally, Halloween is my absolute favorite holiday of the whole year. It has always felt more like New Year's to me. I mean, think about it. You and your friends are totally different people that night. You can be whatever you want on Halloween: intimidating, sexy, strange, funny...and maybe you can carry that inspiration on into the rest of your life. You get to get drunk and be reminded of the sweet things in life while being scared about what lies ahead--around every corner could be a big monster or a ghost from the past. And isn't that a great summary of life? I'm telling you, Halloween should be the new New Year's.

But I digress.

Halloween is my favorite holiday because it combines three of my favorite things: candy, ghost stories and dressing up. So what's wrong this year? Why isn't it holding my rapt attention and making me giddy with excitement? Just a few reasons:

1. Very, very busy with house stuff. Schedule is not allowing for Halloweeny activities, thoughts or shopping.
2. Very, very broke because of house stuff. Bought a fridge this weekend for about $450. (Thank you, H.H. Gregg!) My Visa said, "Ouch!"--no budget room for costumes.
3. There aren't any kids in my neighborhood. The trick-or-treaters are what really get me going. Kids are so hilarious and cute when they knock on your door. Plus, I love to scare them by using my witchiest of voices and pretending like I will drag them into my house to put them into my oven, a la Hansel and Gretel. I'm sick like that, I guess.
4. I couldn't think of anything fun to dress up as this year.

I am so lame that I didn't even dress up on Saturday night when I went out with MJ and her roomie. They were 80s Prom Queens and they looked wicked awesome. We laughed about their cosutmes all night, especially when the really drunk people would try and guess what they were. (You'd think the giant bows and big hair would have been dead giveaways...)

Unlike most females out and about, MJ and KT didn't have those slutty, barely-there sex kitten costumes on. No offense to any of you sex kittens out there (hey, we all have our sex-kitten moments, so more power to ya, Momma--MEOW!) but we are kind of over the "Slutoween" trend. This was never more certain than when we saw a girl wearing fishnets, stilettos and a skin-tight, extremely short blue dress on. I think she was supposed to be a slutty race car driver or something. Anyway, we sat in a booth and just enjoyed the show! Every time she moved, her dress would ride up her butt. She was either too drunk or too trampy to care that there were several strangers taking pics of her rear every time it would start sliding up, exposing her cheeks. Wow.

I should have just put on my costume from last year--I was a girl from a Robert Palmer video. So I looked like this:



But I just didn't feel like it. I'm too stressed out. I needed some simple, fun relaxation time. That means, no costume. This year, I am leaving it to others.

Instead, I have decided to catch up on watching some classic horror flicks. I just need to lock the doors, pop some popcorn and snuggle up with Sammy. Much less stressful. Here is a list of movies I plan on watching, whether on TV or rented from Blockbuster. Believe it or not, I have never seen these! And I LOVE ghost stories and horror pics!

1. Halloween (I know, unbelievable I've never seen this)
2. Nightmare on Elm Street (ditto)
3. The Omen (the original one)
4. Gremlins (Although I never saw it, I was petrified of gremlins as a kid)
5. The Blair Witch Project
6.The Amityville Horror
7. Helter Skelter
8. Children of the Corn
9. Friday the 13th
10. The Haunting (I think it's from the 60s)
11. Frenzy (what can I say, I heart Hitchcock)
12. Carrie

Obviously, I won't be able to watch all of these. So I will need some recs from my readers. Advice? Please tell me which ones are gory. I hate gore. Did I miss any of your favorites? Nothing is too scary for me. I just don't like slasher/chainsaw stuff.

The thing was, we weren't usually allowed to watch horror movies as kids--Czarina didn't want to deal with nightmares. I can't say I blame her, what with my over-active imagination. But now, as an adult, I won't get nightmares. Unfortunately, this doesn't mean I'm willing to watch them by myself, either! And I have a hard time finding scary movie buds. So maybe I should just try to freak myself out this year! Sammy will have to protect me.

If you want to see a good scary movie, I can recommend these, in no order:

1. The Birds (You will never look at birds the same way!)
2. When a Stranger Calls (the original one, not the one that just came out)
3. The Shining (If you haven't seen this, it will freak you the hell out!)
4. The Grudge (I heard the original Japanese version is better, but I've only seen the one with Sarah Michelle Gellar in it.)
5. The Ring (Not the most terrifying thing I've ever seen, but it has its moments)
6. Rosemary's Baby (A classic)
7. Poltergeist (another classic)
8. Psycho (the original is best)
9. The Sixth Sense

What would I advise you to avoid? The Exorcist (the special effects are too antiquated by now--it just looked too fake to me. I know I am going to catch a lot of flack for saying that!) and House of 1,000 Corpses (that movie is just wrong and disgusting. It bothers me knowing that someone thought up that movie. It made me cry! A lot! I got really, really upset watching this movie. Entirely too gory and just...wrong. If you dislike gore as much as I do, avoid this at all costs.)

Ok, I have talked about this so much, I have to go to Blockbuster now!

The Blind Date

I had a blind date last night. A lady that used to work here set me up. Now, I never worked with her--she left before I came here. But I have heard all these great things about her. And I met her the other day when she came by to say hello to all her old coworkers. She is a hoot! I thought, "Gosh, she is so much fun. I should take her up on the offer--I bet the guy is fun, too."

So I did.

Boy, what a mistake that was. I went on a blind date with my DAD: he was old--he has gray hair and looks kinda like my Dad when he was younger. Ugh, it was just creepy weird. As if that wasn't bad enough, he apparently forgot to bring both his personality and his sense of humor. Ever meet someone without any spunk at all? The kind of person you can't ever joke around with? Those people who don't get any of your jokes? Yeah, it's not fun. It was so bad, that after one coke, I made a lame excuse and split, walking 2 blocks back to my car in the pouring rain--no umbrella. I didn't care about getting wet! I just had to get away from him! I went home and watched a movie. You know it's a bad date when it gets trumped by Dude, Where's My Car? (Which, by the way, has its funny parts--seriously, you might like it. Watch it. And then...and then...) -- inside joke for anyone who's seen it.

Oh, one other thing about this guy--he has a big birthmark in the dead center of his forehead. So it was really hard not to look at it. I felt sort of like Austin Powers with the Mole guy. Remember that scene from Goldmember?

I don't understand why people don't get these sorts of things removed. Big moles, large birthmarks, big warts, hairy chins (on women)....anyone have any stories about people like this? Am I the only one who wonders why people don't do something about these distracting things? I mean, come on, get that thing taken off your face!!!!

The worst part was, I was wearing my lucky purple shoes. I hope he didn't jinx them with his big purple birthmark! Or that the shoes didn't run out of luck!

Thursday 13

Thirteen Things Which are Frustrating Me

1. The instructor who will be conducting her classes in the library for the next 3 weeks. She might be the MOST annoying person in the universe. One of those people who thinks the rules don't apply to them. Who thinks that shoving free Mary Kay samples in my face will make me like her. Who thinks that I want to hear her life story--again. Who thinks she knows what she's doing in the library. Who cannot explain anything to her students at all and so they come to us for help, and we get to basically teach her class for her. Besides, her hair looks like it was cut with a Flowbee. Ugh, she irritates the piss out of all of us.

2. The fact that I've been trying to write this post since 5pm and it's now quarter to 8! Her students are all very needy because they have no idea what they are doing. I'm running out of patience.

3. I cannot decide what colors I want to paint my living room and dining room--they are joined, so they have to go together. I'm thinking a pale sandy-peach color like this on the walls. And then in the kitchen, a sort of teal color. As an accent in the living room, I'm thinking a burnt orange. I don't know. I've also toyed with having a gray living room, a green living room, a white living room, a chocolate living room, a butter yellow living room and even a sort of cantaloupe color with accents of brown and pink. Argh, I wish someone would just do it for me like on TV.

4. I keep chickening out on ending things with Cop 2. He's too nice! I can't do it! Maybe I should give Shannen Doherty a call....

5. People who cop an attitude with me when I tell them something they don't want to hear. A girl came up to the desk and asked, "Can you give me some change so I can get money for some coffee?" and since we have a strict policy against that (and since we are not a friggin bank), I replied, "I'm sorry, but I can't do that for you. We don't make change for the vending machines, only library purposes." Two minutes later, she came back over to the desk and informed me that she thought I was rude! And this coming from someone who blatantly interrupted another student to ask me that in the first place! Grrrr...I'm sorry, but I don't see how I was rude at all. She was interrupting, I provided the information she needed. She can bite me.

6. Only one of my umpteen friends in Indianapolis offered to put me up when I go up there to visit in December. I can't believe that. I guess they are all just assuming I'm staying with someone else. Or that I'm made of money and I am staying in a hotel. What really gets me is that my oldest friend in the world, J, didn't even offer. Then again, she hasn't been the best of friends to me lately. Remember my weekend in Charleston with the Assholes? But that's ok. I'm staying with College Boyfriend and his parents. That means homecooked food and a hot tub.

7. I can't find information about nose-picking in China. I did learn, however, that giving a clock as a gift is not a good idea in that country. Don't know why....just saw that it was not a good gift. Hmmm...can anyone explain that to me? And if so, can you also tell me if it is socially acceptable to pick your nose in public in China? Because that's what I heard.

8. Guys who don't plan dates. I have been set up on a blind date. Blind Date guy called me and wanted to take me out. And that's as far as he got. In order to avoid an awkward silence, I basically had to come up with all the details--when, where, etc: "Ok, so....when is good for you?" and so on. This is not my job! It's the guy's job! Always be the man with a plan, guys. Please. It makes the woman feel like an idiot. We want a man who is in charge. Do guys only go so far as thinking about the acceptance or denial, and then they stop?

9. Not having football tickets. Seriously, this is killing me. I haven't gone to a single USC game this year. I would like nothing better than to go to the game this Saturday. It would make my week. Maybe I will at least be able to tailgate...after I get off work on Saturday! (I am covering for someone--it's ok, I get comp time.)

10. Lack of time to get organized and get my head straight. I have so many things to do and organize before I move! I have been running around like a chicken with its head cut off for about 2 weeks now. I'm tired! But I am checking a few things off my to-do list. I got my hair done, my dentist appointment, the visit to the vet, the shoes repaired, the library books returned...I'm getting there.

11. Lady Starfish isn't coming to visit for a couple more weeks. I know it's not her fault that her trip was postponed. But I really miss her. At least now she will come when I'm in my new house. That's good.

12. Blonde Nurse is in Germany right now, visiting with German Nurse. I haven't even sent her a baby gift. The baby is about six months old now. I suck as a friend. But what can I send? I don't know what she has, what she needs, what ships easily....can you use American gift cards if you live on an American Army base in Germany? Will they work internationally on the internet? Any of my mom readers have any good ideas?

13. Money!!! I am so freaked out about having enough. Every time I talk to my mortgage guy, I swear he tells me $40 more each time--my mortgage started of "around $700" and yesterday he told me my monthly payments will be about $870!! Help! I have to buy a fridge! And decorate! And plant stuff in my front yard! Eeek! I'm going to be house poor, I just know it.

Ok, enough complaining. Now, I will make a super quick list of 13 Things that Make Me Happy right now:

1. My mortgage guy told me that in one year, the houses in my new neighborhood have increased in property value by $12k!
2. I am so freaking excited about going to Indy!
3. I actually enjoy painting rooms.
4. My coworker brought in lemon cake today. I heart her.
5. I get to go home in a half hour.
6. I love my friends. I have the best friends ever. They send me random text messages and I just love those. They offer to help me move. They give me dating advice.
7. Woo-hoo on my blind date! I guess I have broken my curse of being single for 6 months after every break-up. Fingers crossed this one isn't an asshole, loser, creep or nerd. And that he is funny, smart, ambitious and has some things in common with me. I can wish, right?
8. My Awesome Aunt is coming to Czarina's for Thanksgiving. I could just eat her up. She is the best aunt ever.
9. Tomorrow is Friday.
10. Professor Flowbee is leaving now.
11. I will be a homeowner in less than 10 days!! And I just found out that we have Election Day off, so that means I have an extra day off to move. Yessss!!!
12. I don't have anything planned for this weekend, so I should be able to catch up on some stuff I need to do. I am a dork because I love being productive.
13. Lowe's and Home Depot are offering a "6 or 12 months same as cash" deal right now on appliances. I am going to see what Sears offers, too, then make my fridge decision. Anyone have a preference between Lowe's and Home Depot? They seem to be the same to me.

Sorry for the rambling, guys....things are kinda crazy right now...I'm sure I'll have some crazy story about a guy after this weekend.

Cop 2 (Part 2) and The Rat Pack

I've been so busy lately, guys. You have no idea. The other day, I got up at 6:15 and didn't stop moving until 10:30pm.

But it's all good, because most of my busy-ness is fun stuff--partying, hobbies, looking at paint chips. For example, my cake decorating class is so much fun. Here is cake #2:



You can't really see in this picture (yes, I am aware that I need to buy a digital camera), but the top of it is covered with criss-crossing lattice work. That part was kinda hard.

The cake was 100% chocolate and smelled delicious because I made homemade frosting for it. However, I haven't had a slice. Why? I gave it to Cop 2 for his birthday. Now, before you start in with the "Oh, you're so sweet, VB!" and "Yes, how is that new, wonderful guy you're dating?", let me tell you something:

Cop 2's gotta go.

No, I'm not kidding. He is driving me insane. Yes, I know he's very sweet. Yes, it's nice to have someone who's all about me (for a change). But the thing is, guys, he's way too clingy. He usually sends me 2 messages on myspace every day AND calls me every day. He has called me every day since he met me.

Now, some girls are ok with this. They want a guy who is all over her from the get-go. I'm just not that needy, folks. Really, until the guy is officially VB's Boyfriend, I only need to hear from them every 3rd day. I mean, not that much can happen in 12 hours. (Oh yes, 12. He will drop me off at my house at 10:30 and be calling me at 9 or 10 am the next morning, one day.) How can I miss you if you don't go away? Doesn't he have better things to do? Girls like hard-to-get just as much as guys do. It's pretty much a universal rule.

Ok, let's say I haven't already won you over with my argument so far. Did I mention that we've been on two dates and he's already calling me "baby"? Yeah, not good. That's more of a two-months-in kind of thing. It just comes off as desperate. Who wants to date a doormat? Not me. (Oooh...that was one of the most hypocritical things I've ever written...)

Another dating rule that has been broken is Always Be the Man with the Plan. Men, I cannot stress this enough. You must have a plan for the date ahead of time. It shows effort. It implies you've been looking forward to seeing her and that you really want to make a good impression. Otherwise, you are making the girl feel like an after thought. Not good. And so far, Cop 2 has broken this rule every time. It makes me feel undervalued. I know everyone's busy. But you can at least pick a friggin restaurant as you are on your way to pick me up. Ok, I need to stop. There is a whole post in here I could get to. But not now.

Ok, let's say you still think I'm making a mistake by giving Cop 2 the boot. Chew on this for a second: he's a terrible, terrible kisser. Just awful.

Could I take the time to fix all this and work things out? Yeah, probably. Am I too damn old to do it? Yes. If you don't know what you are doing by the time you're 28, then I don't have much sympathy. I don't have time. I'm sorry if that's harsh. But there are plenty of other guys out there who know what they are doing. And I'm not getting any younger. Maybe there's some other girl out there who likes using napkins to wipe drool off her chin when you're done kissin' on her, but it ain't me.

God, I'm such a bitch today...sorry, it's been building up for about a week now.

The thing is, I haven't told him things are over because his birthday was Monday. So now, I'm sort of stalling and going M.I.A. on him until enough time has passed that I will feel a little more comfortable telling him I don't think this is going to work. You can't get dumped on your birthday, you know? And the day after your birthday isnt' much better. Even I know not to mess with karma like that.

Anyway, this post was supposed to be about my weekend with The Rat Pack. MJ's friends from New York. They all went to college with her, and decided to visit her this past weekend. And they are SO MUCH FUN! Seriously, best. weekend. ever. Here is a pic of these wonderful cutie pies:


Aren't they adorable? I tried to seduce them with my delicious homemade pumpkin bread (recipe posted shortly), but alas, it was not meant to be. I had to settle for being groped and flirting with them. I guess I got shy. Besides, how could I pick just one??? They are all so fun and cute! That's ok. We ladies are talking about going up to NYC to visit them in the spring. Yippee!!!

So my entire weekend was basically one long pub-crawl. (I can only think of two bars I haven't been to in the last week!) Oh, you want a list? Ok, for those of you who will know what I'm talking about: Liberty's, The Wild Hare, Flying Saucer, Group Therapy, Local's, Good Times, Uncle Louie's (w/the girls last week), Speakeasy, Doc Rocco's....um, I think that is it. And then on Saturday, we pretty much repeated it all. Holy cow, it's like I'm in college again. (I was so exhausted on Sunday morning! I was cranky to the max. I didn't get up until 1:30 in the afternoon. Wowza.)

Lots of laughing, drinking, singing and silliness. We made fun of their accents, they made fun of ours. We played Flippy Cup and had a cookout on Saturday afternoon. The Rat Pack macked on random bar girls all weekend. (And let me tell you what, those guys have some serious pick-up skills!) K and MJ got drunk. We took tons of pictures. We had some great talks and even some wrestling matches. But mostly, we just laughed our asses off the whole time. It was a great weekend--we all agreed. Gotta love weekends like that.*

Other than that...I've just been working out details on my house: paint colors, refrigerator purchasing options, getting the utilities all set up to turn on on November 3rd, figuring out how in the hell I'm going to have any money....but it will all be ok.

I got my "hair did". I'm now borderline brunette. It's just for the fall. So far, I've gotten a lot of compliments. Wanna see the inspiration for the new color? Ok.

So yeah. It looks like that. If only the rest of me did! *sigh*

And Lady Starfish won't be coming down here this week. [insert sad "Awwww!" here] Her trip was postponed, so she will be visiting about 2 weeks from now--which is kind of good, because I will probably be in my house and much more relaxed by then.

9 days and counting, guys. Woo-hoo!!!

*For a different account of Friday night, check out MJ's post. I'm assuming she is going to write a post about Saturday's cookout soon.

Fun Friday!

OMG, I haven't done this in so long! I have been too busy with house stuff.

Ok, here goes.

Actually, first I will share some of my most recent additions to my ever-expanding shoe collection:



The ones I got were more of a pewter color, rather than these bronze ones pictured here. I already wear them constantly.



I got the gold ones to go with a red dress I have. My earrings match perfectly.



I wore my old boots to death, so these are replacements. (Rawr!)

On to the links...

This one was actually recommended to me by the authors. They emailed me about their blog, called How Not to Be Dreadful. I love it! The best part is, they take questions you submit to them. If they like it, they will answer it. I have no idea how they found me. But I'm glad they did.

This one is courtesy of Stephanie at Pickleness. The first time I went here, I almost had a hernia I was laughing so hard. I completely ruined my eye makeup because of the tears running down my face. So check it out: Engrish.

My coworker sent me a link to this next one. It's sort of a myspace for readers--you can leave reviews, show others what you have read and see what other people are reading. I think it's free. So why not check it out?. Shelfari. I think I will. I bet you can put a link on your blog to your "shelf" of book reviews....cool.

You guys probably know all about these already. I am usually behind the trend tide!

This weekend I am hanging out with MJ and her houseguests. Tonight, we hit the bars to show her NY friends around town. Tomorrow is her housewarming par-tay/cookout. MJ and KT say that their NY guy pals are pretty cute. That is why I am planning on seducing them with homemade cookies at the cookout. Lol.

Then Sunday I am going out with Cop 2. He said he's surprising me. Woo-hoo! He said something about miniature golf...we will see. Sounds good to me!

Speaking of Cop 2, how about he offered to help me paint my bedroom and bathroom? Yeah. We were on the phone last night and I was telling him about how I am going to go buy some paint this weekend. He offered to help and then said, "Yeah, I will see if I can take some time off from work to help you. I have tons of vacation days anyway." Very sweet. Who does that??

This, of course, means that something is probably wrong with him...

I have saved the biggest news for last: Lady Starfish is coming for a visit next week!!! She got a new job and has to do some training here in Columbia for a few days. So I get to be Hostess VB and show her around and introduce her to everyone. Which is very exciting, as some of my friends doubt her existance. You see, she has not visited me in a long, long time. And now I have so many new friends and great restaurants to show her. Plus, she gets to meet Sammy and see my house. Can't wait!

Ok, I have to go update by sidebar now...have a great weekend!!!!

Thursday 13

Thirteen Reasons You Might Not Like Me
(I forget where I got this topic...Apologies to the originator!)

1. I am probably a good month behind in reading your blog. Please, do not take it personally. I am catching up slowly. Ask Anne and Stephanie. Also, I might just be lurking because I don't have anything to say. Trust me, I am on a guilt trip about it, Jennster and Modigli and....well, everyone else!

2. I don't like cats. I hate cats.

3. I don't like Disneyworld. Waste of time and money. Nothing fun for adults. No, I am not a "kid at heart". I actually enjoy being an adult.

4. I hate musicals, too. They make me want to barf. Yes, even Sound of Music.

5. I will correct your spelling and grammatical mistakes. (And in turn, please feel free to correct mine.) I will also correct your incorrect movie quotes. (Again, you have permission to correct me here, too.) Actually, if you let me run free, I'd probably correct a lot of the things you do and say.

6. My room is always a disaster. As in, you can't really see the floor. Dirty dishes, dust, shopping bags, shoes...it's all everywhere. To my credit, I'm not too bad in the rest of the house.

7. I like rap. A lot.

8. Old people get on my last nerve. Yes, even your sweet little old grandma. She's too slow, she's deaf as a post, she smells funny and she only talks about the stupidest topics. Yes, I realize I will be an old lady one day. But I won't be like that. I will be cool and sharp, like The Fruitcake Lady. I will say exactly what's on my mind, not drone on and on about taking the grandchildren to the park.

9. I don't like modern art, modern furniture or modern decor in general. I think it's simplistic and sterile. I'm sure it floats other peoples' boats, but I will never own a plastic dining room set with egg-shaped chairs.

10. I think Monty Python is hilarious. (I know Gypsy does too! We gotta stick together, girl!) I don't find Steve Martin or Rodney Dangerfield funny at all. Ever.

11. I get really cranky when I'm tired. I will take it out on you. I will realize I am taking it out on you, and I will continue to do it anyway. To boot, I usually get whiny and clingy when I'm tired. Yeah, I'm fun.

12. Playing board games with me is not fun at all. I am both a sore loser and a sore winner. Some people just won't play with me anymore. I get too competitive. This doesn't stop me from asking people to play board games with me all the time.

13. If you are in the car with me, and I'm driving, and you don't have your seatbelt on, I won't move the car until you put it on.

14. (Bonus) I don't drink. We will never share a crazy, drunken moment together. So I won't toast you on New Year's. I won't take shots with you on your birthday. I will take pictures of your drunk ass and show them to everyone. If you're a guy, you'll never be able to randomly hook up with me. On the plus side, I will drive you home, I'm a cheap date, I'll hold your hair when you barf and I will remember everything stupid that you did.

15. (Bonus Bonus) If you know me in real life, you know that I interrupt you a lot. Please tell me to shut the hell up. I am trying to work on this.

(Beef) Cake #1

Here is the first cake I decorated myself. It is also the first 2-layer cake I've ever made. You can't tell, but the top layer actually split in half and I had to "glue" it back with frosting to keep it together. Apparently, I didn't level out my layers. Oops. Anyway, it's just a box mix, so it isn't as tasty as next week's cake: a chocolate one!

Oh, and it's an umbrella because that's what the Cake Lady said to do. And I'm kind of scared of her. So I do what she says.We all made the same design, but we got to pick our colors. I was hoping for darker icing. This just looks like something you'd take to a baby shower.

Do you see all my mess? That is the best part--making the mess. You can't tell from the picture (seriously, I need a digital camera soon!!) but the umbrella panels are filled in with little icing stars. It took a while.

Ok, enough cake talk. Other news.

Went out to dinner last night with MJ, her roomie and my roomie. It was a surprise for MJ's birthday. We went to Nonnah's (a restaurant specializing in desserts) and coffees. We had a delicious meal-- crab-stuffed portobellos, crab quesadillas, chicken on croissants...mmmm. And then dessert. Sorry, I didn't take a picture of it. I was too involved in my white chocolate ginger cheesecake. (Actually, you can see a pic on their website.) We had so much fun catching up on girl time and talking about house stuff.

After dinner, we went to Uncle Louie's, a hole-in-the-wall bar that is very low-key. Then we went to The Flying Saucer, a place that has 150 different beers on tap. We met up with Stuckey, who is working on getting his golden platter (meaning, he would have tried all 150 of the beers--when he finishes, he gets a platter with his name on it, and they put it up on the wall in their "Ring of Honor").

By then, it was getting late, so K and I headed home to watch Nip/Tuck. *sigh* I think I'm in love with Julian McMahon. He pretty much tops my list now. Let's take a second to feast our eyes upon such a wonderful work of art, ladies, shall we? I mean, every day should have a Julian break in it....



...what was I talking about? Oh yeah. Maybe I should start having Julian Wednesdays....

I didn't really get a good opportunity to call Cop 2 back last night. I feel kind of bad. So, to make it up to him, I have offered to bake him a birthday cake (his birthday is Monday). I will try to decorate it using my fancy new skillz.

We might run into each other when we each go out with our friends on Friday night, but our next date is on Sunday. I'm hoping he wants to go to the fair...but I'm up for anything, really. He's sooooo relaxing. I really like talking to him. He makes me chill out.

Saturday is MJ's housewarming party. A bunch of her guy friends from NY are coming to it. She said they are pretty cute. I will seduce one of them with my freshly baked cookies. That's the current plan. We'll see how it goes.

House Update: I am going to forego the home inspection. Too many people who are familiar with the builder have told me not to worry. Besides, I have a 1 year warranty on everything in the house. I call, they fix. 'Nuff said. So other than getting some homeowner's insurance and having the walk-through with the realtors, I am all set for closing!!!

To keep our sanity, K and I have decided that we will paint everything the weekend of the closing, move little things the following week and then move the big stuff the next weekend. Too bad I still haven't decided on paint colors...oops.

Ok, I am off to take a nap before Sammy's doggie school. Tonight is his graduation. Gosh, this week has been nuts!!

Vanilla Umbrellas, Chocolate Fountains

I'm really busy. I'm so busy, that I have a to-do list that is broken down by day.

For some reason, I have nothing to post about. This makes no sense. Maybe it's because my brain is all out-o-wack.

Tonight is installment #2 of the Beginner's Cake Decorating class I'm taking. And let me tell ya what--the class was free (I'm an employee of the school) but I spent a small fortune on the supplies. I needed about 800 icing tips, 14 boxes of powdered sugar, 62 do-hickeys and a bunch of plastic bag thingies. And I haven't even bought everything yet!

So maybe I'm exaggerating a little.

But I'm approaching the $100 mark...yeah. But it's fun. I love to bake already, so now I will have skillz (yes, I said "skillz") I can use the rest of my life. Yo.

Can you tell I'm in a goofy mood today?

In order to be ready to decorate when class starts, you bake the cake before class. So last night I baked a cake and did the bottom layer of icing. This was my first attempt at making a layered cake, and it was kind of a lot of work. Did you know it takes almost 2 pounds of confectioner's sugar to frost one 2-layer cake? Yeah, had no idea. That's a lot.

It was all going smoothly until it was time to put the top layer on. I looked at the top layer and thought, "Hmmm...this might not sit properly because the cake is higher in the middle than on the sides...maybe I should even out the top with a knife..."

And then I thought, "Nah! It'll be fine." So I flipped the top layer onto the bottom layer.

The top layer proceeded to split directly down the middle into two halves. Genius, VB. You are baker extraordinaire...thank God for the wonders of cake icing. Now I know why it was invented--someone's top layer split into two and they needed a way to hold it all together.

I will frost it tonight and try and take pictures for y'all. Cake #1 will have an umbrella on it. Why? Why not! (I'm sure the teach has a reason...)

Mmmm...vanilla umbrellas....

Anyway, this weekend was super duper. I went out with MJ and her roommate on Friday--we had some delicious BBQ Chicken pizza at Mellow Mushroom. Then MJ and I went to a bar (restaurant?) to watch a bluegrass band.

Aha--betcha didn't know I like bluegrass, did ya? I do. I like it a lot, actually. Especially this band--they were jammin'. You can't help but tap your feet. I think they are called Loch Ness Joe. It was Loch Ness Something. Anyway, I am their newest groupie. I will follow them like a puppy.

Then Saturday I went to a wedding in Charleston. It was a really nice wedding to attend, because I adore the couple to pieces. Incredibly sweet people. The kind of people where you meet them and think, "Gosh, I'm really glad you exist. The world is a better place because of people like you." So I will refer to them as The Sweethearts.



They got married at Alhambra Hall, which is right across the Ravenel Bridge (this bridge is gorgeous, btw) from Charleston. I know the pics on the link are tiny (yes, I am aware that I suck because I never take photos), but you can get an idea of what Alhambra Hall looks like. Brunette and I were late as hell. We threw our stuff down in our hotel room, changed and made it just in time. Whew. We took our seats on the lawn. The weather was beautiful. The lawn backs up to a river, and the couple were married under the big live oak tree that is on the shore. So as you are watching the couple, they are under the tree and the river is in the background. Seriously, it was gorgeous.

Allow me a girly-girl moment here while I describe the decor (men, you might want to skip this paragraph). The bride's dress was strapless white satin and the top part was gathered in a downward swoop, held in place by long, dangling strands of crystals. Does that make sense? I don't know. But her dress was beautiful. The bridesmaids wore two-piece outfits in Tiffany blue. Complete with ivory sashes at their waists. To offset the blue, everyone carried hot pink roses. Can you say, "Beautiful wedding photos"? Charleston background? Check. Gorgeous bride? Check. Awesome bridesmaid dresses? Check. Perfectly punchy flowers? Check. Yeah. I felt like I was living a real-life version of an article from Modern Bride. Mrs. Sweetheart has the best taste.

The food was great--hello, fountain of melted liquid chocolate! Hello, delicious prime rib! Hello, raspberry-jam-filled cake! And there was karaoke after everyone was good n toasted. There were lots of tears, because the familes are so excited and so happy.

So yeah, great wedding.

The rest of my week is booked solid: a birthday, a house warming party, doggie school for Sammy, date #2 with Cop 2, work, house stuff, the gym, the state fair, cleaning the natural disaster that is my bedroom...aaaack.

Currently trying to decide on whether or not to get a home inspection. The house is new, so they have to build it to code, right? My house was not built by a major builder, but a local company with a good reputation. And I do have a 1 year warranty. But isn't it always a good idea??? I heard one horror story about a new house where the builder "forgot" to put insulation in the attic! My friends and family are split on this. Realtor says no, Czarina says no, everyone else says yes. I am inclined to say yes. I am on a time crunch, and (obviously) I don't want to spend money that I don't have to. Can anyone provide any advice???

Oh, and I want to change my hair. A lot. Maybe...red? And a little shorter--to my shoulders? Hmmm...I know all my guy friends who know what I look like will now comment with, "Nooooo!" LOL

That's it for now...